Frankly, I liked both stories. Hey Joanne - you promised us more of the life & times of Audra. I'm waiting.... :-)

Excellent story, extremely well written, good character development and credible social content.

One of the better thought out stories I have read so far. I give it a good 9 out of 10. The spelling is a little poor in various places (like ‘of’ instead of ‘off’) and the grammar is very bad in many instances. Some parts of sentences are written 'back to front' and have to be carefully re-read to obtain the intended meaning as opposed to an incorrect meaning. There is no need for the continued course language from one of the main characters as it does nothing the endear one to the story, but the violence is acceptable. It has been written from a male perspective, which I like for a change. A proof reading with the necessary alterations would make this into a story that could not be bettered.  

Joanne,
Just read your re-write about Audra and family. Very well done as it did "flesh out" the story even more for me. Please continue to do the story and if for some reason you decide to leave Chrystal's site, please let me know so that I can follow your further works.
Hugs, J-Lynn

"Wow" is right. I didn't read the first "draft"-- I just wanted a good story, and the introductory comments about the rewrite sounded promising. It was a good guess. :) This is a powerful, compelling, well crafted and entirely credible work. Fair warning-- keep a box of tissues handy. Ditto what others said about character development, except that perhaps we do not really need to know why Robert Grant degenerates from a loving groom into an alcoholic rage-oholic misogynist.

Writing drafts, submitting them to peers for critique, and then rewriting them is how writers learn their craft at writers' workshops and roundtables. I don't think I'm exagerating if I say that there is career potential here.

hi Joanne  :)

Emma hit it on the head. This is a moving story. Thank you, Hugs, Fran

Wow! I couldn't stop reading it. I think you show great insight into the feelings and turmoil of Audra and the gradual acceptance of her new state. I like the way that she is accepted by  the wider group and the contrast between the way in which the two main families function as a unit. I am really looking forward to the next instalment.

Keep on writing!

Emma.

good story. can't wait for more

good Storie hope to hear more. can't wait to see what happen next

i love your story keep it comeing. i cant wait to see what happen to audra and bobby and amy and the girls club

i think it vary good stroy better then the frist and hope to haer more
about Audra and the others i cant wait for the next one :)

I thought the first version was very good, but this is even better.  You are one of the few who doesn't show all tgs as wanting to change; it's a courageous position and, undoubtedly, an accurate one.  The characters are well drawn and multi-dimensional, except, perhaps, for Mr. Grant.  His apparently abrupt change of personality could use a little more explication.  But that makes the story A+ instead of A++.  I'm really looking forward to the next chapters.