Great story! Very, very good story!!!

Nice story.Maybe part 4 coming?

This is a nice story, well told. I am glad I got to read the whole thing. You have a nice writing style and you seem to have had a solid plot before you started into the action.  Overall, a good job!

Really enjoy your story, sort of back to the roots of a basic CD story that is about enjoying everything feminine with lots of the transformation details. It is cute and quite uncomplicated but I enjoy those kinds of stories very much in the general mix.  Mom is cool, she is on the same page and has already intuited that she has a daughter not a son, I think.  At least she is amazingly accepting, maybe she has had enough time to process the idea of losing a son.  Many Mom's would be absolutely heartbroken.  Maybe you could address some of the heart issues and show us more of the inside stuff? The struggles that must be going on somewhere? As it is though you are doing well and thank you so much for the loving and caring people that populate your story.  

  I hope you take Jerrie much farther.  We are all wondering what will happen at the end of the summer.  Acceptance? Problems? Free ride?  Please continue.

Hugs,

Kristi

Not a bad little story.  I agree with some of the other comments on the mechanics.  How about a rewrite?  You could improve on the small mistakes and expand the characters and situations.  I think this story has some good ideas but a lot were not use to their full potential.

I can't wait to read about Jerre sljping on his first pair of sheer nylons.

I liked your story, the ending is still vague enough if you wish to you could continue this tale with another segment about the deepening relationship between Mr. Lou & mother or Dawn & Jerrie.

Some what rough, but overall, a very nice storyline.

Nice start. There are some things that might help your writing.

Try reading your story out loud as you edit it. Had you read your story out loud to yourself, or someone else (which works even better) you would have noted that Jerry and Jerrie are pronounced the same. It makes no sense to have someone say in dialgoue, "Should I call you Jerry or Jerrie?" It would make sense to say, "We'll call you Jerrie, with an i - e."

Your dialogue sounds stilted. A big problem is the lack of contractions. People use contractions almost exclusively when they speak.

It is not good form to say - said mom. As a practice it should always be - mom said.

Never put more than one person's dialogue in a paragraph. When the speaker changes you should have a new paragraph.

Don't skip a space between paragraphs, unless you're showing a time change or a location change.

Numbers should be written out in full unless they are three words. Style books differ on the handling of numbers, but most agree on this much.

Take your time. Tell us more about each character. We want to get to now these people. What religion are they? What books do they read? What are their favorite songs? Why would a girl still be into disco? Why doesn't Jerry have a job? What influence does the father have on the family? Think about trying to understand why your neighbor does what he does, and add those kind of things to your characterizations.

You have a nice way of telling a story. Keep at it. And, above all, understand that there are many, many succesful published authors who do all the things I told you not to do.

Jill  

I think the boy will have fun going out shopping,how about going on a trip dressed as a girl for a fun vacation,or take up square danceing,I would like to model for a dress shop to earn money for collage,maybe be a car hop,get out there and strut that stuff,make some money with what you learned,Good story, rhonda  

Fantastic start of a (hopefully continuing) story.  The story line has a ring of realism to it and I would hope that you will be continuing it very soon

I liked it. Short but sweet, a pleasant handling of one of my
personal favorite genres. I thought the ending perhaps a bit
abrupt; on the other hand, you got the boy where we all wanted him,
& there's no need for every such story to expand into an epic.
.
--Pervy

loved your story - hope this is just part one. Too few stories out there exploring the the special bond created by, and the erotic undertones of, a mother feminizing her son.

This story could be fun, but it is not finished. Still it is starting out good. Thanks, Sally.

This story was marked as complete, yet it ends before anything really happens, and there are no salon hair or makeover scenes.  I certainly hope the "complete" was a mistake and this is only part 1.  While the start is good, I think it would have been more interesting if our hero(ine) had never had any TG thoughts or dressed and agreed to be his mom's hair/makeover model reluctantly, sloooooowly coming to like it