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Beer and Daisies and Lollypops
by Enny Viar

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Comment by Chas on 09/11/03
I have just read your paper and found it very interesting.
I am a male and I am married in all but name and church service to a TS.
I divorced a GG woman who was my wife to be with my partner.

A couple of thoughts for you.
Firstly, when love strikes it happens, and if you are a person who believes in looking behind the surface to the real person then love happens irrespective of sex or gender.
For me, I am not gay and would never fall in love with another man.

I met my partner without knowing she was (at that point) a TV in the process of transitioning.
It didn't take me long to find out !! But by then I had got to know her and quite honestly I didn't care, I felt (and I still do feel this way after 4 years together) I had found my real soul mate.

Secondly, I feel that for a male a good relationship with a TS can be better than with a genetic woman.
I find that in so many areas my partner and I are simply on the same wavelength. We don't argue and we work well as a team.

Each gives the other plenty of space to be themselves, and neither of
us try to tell the other what to do or how to do it.
Because there are no real expectations of how the other ought to behave, we are free to be who we want to be, and the nature of our relationship is such that we recognise that if we try to change the other then we could destroy that which holds us together.

My personal experience and what I have seen by observing other GG women is that the competitiveness between the sexes is all too often destructive.
Furthermore, many women treat their men as baby producers and economic units. They expect to be put on a pedestal and worshipped as mothers, but then from their lofty position they gradually ignore, belittle and try to dominate/change their partner.

The best sign of a woman who has lost the plot like this is the woman who realises the children are leaving home and then wonders what she is going to do with her life. By this time the partner has usually left - and no wonder !

Thirdly, sex !!
I have a lot more fun with my partner than I did with my GG ex-wife.
I suspect it is genetic but male sexuality is very different to female sexuality.
It seems to me that many women have lots of hang-ups about sex, probably more than men.
My partner is very imaginative, very caring, and very knowledgable about the male body and what it likes. She likes playing the submissive, and likes me playing the dominant.

My final comment.
There are as wide a range of tranny chasers out there as there are Tvs or Ts's. Some are simply perverts with no manners and worse personal hygiene, and others are simply inadequate at dealing with relationships with anybody, and then there are the fetishists, fantasists, and exploiters -  I know cos I have seen them !

Somewhere in there are the people like me who just carry on with their life, respecting any body who gives respect back, and who you can bump into at any time and probably when you least expect it !

Wish you all the best

Comment by Annie O on 09/11/03
Well, I agree with Tara completely! GGs just do not want to associate with CD/TVs.
  First, Gender Benders would be the ones wearing a skirt with a man's shoes and socks.
  Second, A crossdresser and a transvestite are the same thing. Drag Kings/Queens are usually Gay.
  Third, I'm a crossdresser, and I love beautiful women and being close to them!!! I have absolutely no interest in any man.
  Last, it's Female Impersonators (FI) who dress as a female (Julian Eltinge comes to mind) to make a living -- some are Gay, but mpst are just doing it to make a living.
  One of the really big problems I have is "If you are a man in a dress, and want to make out with a man, you are a 'homosexual'." I wish they would just own up to that fact.
  And NO! I don't have any against Gays.
   

Comment by Owlglass on 09/10/03
When you mentioned Jerry Springer and the 'Oops, I'm really a man' shows, one of my recurring wonders popped up: If they were too embarrassed to tell their partner before, why did they choose a Public Forum, which DEMANDS a negative, almost traumatic, reaction? But then, that's my reaction for the vast majority of the Jerry Springer programs.

Comment by tara on 09/10/03
An interesting perspective.  Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

From my (very limited) experience, it seems to me that those of us who are exclusively attracted to women have an even rougher time.  From the crowds of women watching "gay cabaret" shows in big cities, it's obvious that most genetic women find transgendered people intriguing, but completely dismiss the possibility of getting involved with one.

The few women I've met who have an interest in tg's and cd's are women with strong BDSM fetishes.  They're not really looking for an equal partner, they are looking for a playmate to dominate, humiliate, and possibly torture (withing the safe confines of bondage culture, obviously).  When I chat with such women in greater depth, it seems that most of them like dominating "sissies" because they have very strong feelings of antipathy for typical masculine males, and like the feeling of empowerment that comes from their conquest... at least, that's usually part of the reason.

While I don't mind a little bondage play (tieing each other up can be a lot of fun), I'm one of those crossdressers who lives as a man 99% of the time and likes it that way.  I play sports; I watch football; I drink beer; I drive a big car.  I'm very masculine in a lot of ways... most of the time.  I just have this other kink, that I like wearing pretty, feminine clothing, and wish I could find a woman who would enjoy sharing that with me, and perhaps introduce me to the skeletons in her closet as well.

I've all but given up hope on that ever happening, though.  I'm single at the moment, and privately crossdress, but if I want to enter a relationship I will probably either have to give up crossdressing.  I don't doubt that some of you who are reading this are facing the same inner conflict.

And before any of you tranny-chasing men or tg's send me e-mails asking me if I'm "sure" that I don't want to explore being with a man or a "girl with that something extra," don't bother.  I'm sure.  I'm sure, and I'm usually a little offended when people who would never tollerate somebody saying, "oh, lesbians just need a good deep-dicking," turn right around and are essentially saying the same thing about me.  Just because I like wearing pink doesn't mean I'm interested in your penis.

I hear about cd men who land in relationships where their crossdressing is tollerated, and others who are with women that enjoy the D/S aspect of having their boyfriend take on a "feminine" role, but I have no interest in becoming a "sissy slave", or even pretending to be one as the only sexual connection in the relationship.  If some of you have positive stories to tell about relationships with genetic women, I would very much like to hear them.

[desperate plea]
And also, obviously, in the far outside chance that any genetic girls are reading this and wish to discuss it with me, feel free to contact me.
[/desperate plea]



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