DAqtjM Major thanks for the article post.Thanks Again. Awesome.

I'm sorry, but this isn't a good story!
He would never let his sister do what she did with him.
Really I didn't like your story, I'm sorry.
Silvia.

Ah, he was Is a boy? found with " partially porn and or all girl catalogues, you know the ones with the pretty models. "

And for looking at those he was grounded a whole summer dressed up as a girl and having to do all chores in the house?

Do you expect me to continue reading after this brilliant plots opening?

Cheers
Yoron.

final part to date have just read its not as hard hitting as previevious but still a good read well done

i have now read the whole story its a very good one amys revenge
certanly took the story all the way to the end it lokks like she went full out for revenge i liked the story so busy the pace was very fast more please

1st part very good what a punishment 2 guys made into gals what next it well done be good to read what happens next great start

Am I nuts?  Why is everybody ripping Lor in here?  I might be wrong, but it seems from the style that She's actually close in age to Brad Chad and Marci.  I hope I'm not being stupid about this.

OK, I admit that it's sometimes hard to follow, and the grammar, and the spelling errors are horrible, but there's something INCREDIBLY charming about this story, something so vague and spacey about our young heroines settling into these roles so easily, and it reveals to me, I believe, a very feminine mindset in our author.

Assuming that Lor is a younger writer, It's SAD that her prose is so graceless, but that will change as she writes and proofreads and grows up.  Well, if she doesn't QUIT WRITING because of harsh criticism.

What I like about the story is the simple stream-of-consciousness style.  As a TG woman, every trip to the store en femme is a g-damn nightmare of mental anxiety.  Reading about our heroes just gritting their teeth and getting on with life, it really just FEELS good.  Sure, it's not so realistic that Britney and Christie never actually get into trouble, but hey, Lor may not have any experience of that, so why does she have to write about it?  It's her story.

Fiction doesn't have to be realistic.  Reality is realistic.

Sorry if I offended anyone, escpecially since a lot of the 'negative' comments' are by people trying to help.  I hope to see more from Lor.  (Hey, that rhymes!)

Steph

(Yeah, I know this story is old and no one's gonna read this comment, but I just wanted to blab.  Forgive me!!!!)

Note to all" Friends of Lor"

Give it up darlings! Lor doesn't care what you write. Probably, she doesn't read what you write. She is a lazy person who probably doesn't care a hoot about the story. There may be some diabolical instinct in her to see who or how many people she can offend by her absolutley atrocious attempts at writing.

I am  having trouble following this story, because the spelling sometimes results in wrong words, punctuation is used when the author feels like putting some in, rather than for any logical reason, and the result is sheer confusion.  I notice others have commented on this too.  I think it would be sensible to take peoples' advice and get an editor / proof reader, before inflicting such juvenile twaddle on us, sorry.  I mean this for your own good.  I am sure that there is a story here, somewhere.  Please try again.

Skimmed through, or was that threw, parts five and six and there was no improvement to the story or the grammar/spelling/punctuation.  I asked Lor to continue with the story at one point because I thought maybe the story had potential and that the comments would be taken seriously.  Now I am asking Lor to please STOP writing this story

... ent over part 5, you even seemed to spell "heels" correctly more often than not (I didn't keep a tally). Still, you still made many mistakes ...


See? Even _I_ need a proofreader! I didn't notice the duplication of the word 'still' until I saw it on the comment board and it was too late to correct it. Take Jezzi's offer, for the sake of your story, if for no other reason. It is no sign of inadequacy - "real" (read this as one who put food on their tables with the revenue from writing) authors ALL have editors/proofers. Someone who can't anticipate what you typed is able to see your mistakes much easier tha you are. When we write, we often see what me _meant_, not what actually made it to the page.

Jezzi's comments about the bitch factor present in the natal female members of "Brad's" family are not the doom of this story. This could be a suspenseful facet of the plot development, although, we the readers really would like to find this out at SOME point in the story. In part 6, I see some improvement over part 5, you even seemed to spell "heels" correctly more often than not (I didn't keep a tally). Still, you still made many mistakes of grammar, syntax, punctuation - you are looking a gift horse in the mouth by not taking Jezzi up on her offer to proof/edit this stoty for you. There is a reason that this theme is trite and hackneyed as I reasoned in my prior post - and that is because there is a large market of readers who enjoy it. Market volume notwithstanding, your story can either disappear as a garden variety, mediocre, hardly worth mentioning "also ran", or it COULD be one that creates a legend for itself. DO you care enough for it's legacy to make it one for posterity, or do you just want to increase the amount of crap that exists? The choice is yours, and so are its consequences.

after part 6:  
The story is twice as long as it was when I originally asked a simple question:  Why is Amy being such a complete bitch to a brother who, according to part 1, has never been anything but nice to her?  why is mom being such a bitch?  Are Amy and mom in cahoots to feminize him for some reason?  Still no answers.  Also, PLEASE GET AN EDITOR OR PROOFREADER!!!!

Brad was even talking to Britney at one point in part 5.

Kinda like the pics though, pity there were none in the new part. Storyline could be fun, if accidentally damaging a computer he made for her and then repairing it for her were really a reason to fear the mothers wrath, and if we knew what the point of it all was, they seem to be randomly doing every day stuff, could even skip the crossdressing part for most of what I´ve seen without changing the story one bit.

My point is, stop confusing characters, and make them do something, get into some kind of situation, or have guys(or girls) hit on them for more than 2 seconds.

Incredibly hard to follow - incidental text incorrectly in quotation marks - character names frequently confused - technical jargon problems. Generally, it is a very poorly conceived and written attempt at a trite and hackneyed theme. IMHO, either do a better job than you are doing, or simply stop trying to do that which has already been done.

And with respect to the "degreed" expert in "computer information technology", the last time I checked (I will freely admit that my education in "digital and microprocessor technology" was received prehistorically [in the mid 80's]), a "CPU" was a 'central processing unit', not a 'computer processor unit'. The "box" [or "boxen" =)] is still sometimes called the processor or CPU, mainly because long ago, in a land far far away, the CPU used to take up a whole box. It is an atavistic throwback, and technically not correct. However, as common as such misnomers are(Xerox copies from Canon, Kleenex tissues from Scott paper, Icebox for electric refridgerators, etc.), history would seem to indicate that such jargon will likely continue.

Who the heck is who in this story?  Brad, Chad, Amy is constantly changing.  My head is spinning so fast.  Oh why did I ask Lor to keep writing this story?  Just shoot me and put me out of my misery.

I am so loving the weekly installments of this tale. I'd agree with the other commentators about the technical aspects of this story. Just can't wait for the next marvelous interlude and, of course, the reaction of Brittany's mom when she returns.

Lor, I hope you don't get frustrated over the CPU rants and quit writing the story.  Hey folks, this isn't a story about CPUs.  Granted, when there is time, one should do a little background work on the props.  I would like to see a little more of the motivation of the sister, so I can understand her a little better.

I haven't read the story, but I have read the comments, and I had to say this... many highly competent PC techs refer to the "computerbox", as it has been called here, as the "CPU", and to the actual CPU as the "processor".  To call it the "tower" is just as invalid, because not all PCs are towers, and is less common amongst the tech community.  When confusion starts, we generally refer to it as the "box".  If we're talking to an end user, we often refer to it as "that flashy thing with all the wires hanging out of it and the retractable coffee-cup holder in front".

Hugs,
Ashley

Ok Just so you know I have an actual Degree in computer information Technology and I am going to point out once again sense you have not payed attetion to your reader's remarks a C P U as you keep miss using is a Computer Processor Unit which means it is the brains of the computer one of the smallest parts in the computer.  To keep refferring to the actual computerbox, otherwise know as a tower to many who taken the time to learn even the basic tech langue Would chew you out for it worse then this!  If you are not going to be using the proper terms for the computer parts then you really shouldn't be using them at all! And they happen to be the biggest area where you keep making mistakes in this story!

Geez, Brad's mom is a real bitch, and brad is a pussy for putting up with that crap.

The story is fairly good and interesting. But the writing is far from it. Misuse of homonymns and some plainly incorrect words and the worst sin, calling one person by the wrong name. Please rewrite and GET AN EDITOR. It will make it much more enjoyable for your readers.

After part 3, general comments/questions:

Could we please have some explanation of why his sister is being such a bitch to Brad after he has, according to part 1, been nothing but nice to her?  Is there some other motivation?  Is mom behind it?  Or is she really just an amoral superbitch?

You fooled me.  I thought sure Amy had made out the cheerleader application for Britney.

Why did Amy not want them to speak in a feminine voice?

You really do need an editor/proofreader

How about getting the two "girls" into a salon for a real wax/hair/makeup/nails makeover?

Not too shabby.  Will be interesting to see how events turn out.

Again, there are a lot of mistakes.  I would be willing to proofread your story before you post to the site.

Looking forward to more installments.

a lovely story and love how you did the images

Nice job you seem to fool people into thinking you understand computers better then what you truly do!  But you can put a hard drive in to a CPU be cause a cpu is only a processorand is a chip with a spread of pins that do not match the pin design of ribon that plugs into an IDE Controller on a mother board of a computer!

Loved the story, and the images were great. I'm hope yo will continue the story.

Love the pictures! Very cute! I hope you do more of these.

I liked your story. The bad sister theme always works for me. I like your images and would like to see more of them, possibly the boys getting a full makeover and some feminine hair styles, maybe even some hair color changes. I hope you expand on this story and look forward to your nicely produced images. I agree, it is nice to see stories with images, GREAT STORY!!

Good story so far with the exceptions already noted.  I mean this in a nice way, but you need to get someone to proofread your story.  It is hard for one to proofread one's own story.  One tends to ignore one's errors.  Anyway there were a few mistakes, ie: bye instead of by and heals instead of heels.  The last one was repeated several times.  Your readers will quickly catch these errors.  Spell checkers will not catch these errors for you as the words are correctly spelled.

Look forward to more parts coming soon.

Wow, what a bitch of a sister, and after Brad was/has been so nice to her.  (How could mom be fooled by her?!)  I hope He, Chad, and Marci are able to turn the tables on Bitch Sis and her friends!

i loved your story and its nice to see people using images again.  i hope that you keep writing and add to this story.

Nice first effort. Graphics and everything. One thing about graphics, try not using the same ones over and over ok?

I like the story so far, but the dialogue is confusing at times. I know you will get better after each chapter.

Try reading a few more stories on how teen boys get forced into transitions. Your teen boys were a little to easy and did not rebel much, even with the breast forms. At least they weren't glued on! Giggle
Huggles
Angel