this really was a nicely done 2 parter. Now didn't that work out just nicely for all concerned?

nice one

I agree 100% with jezzi Belle on 08/14/10.
Very bad story.
Silvia.

I just re-read this after 7 years and I stand by my 2003 comments. Without any kind of answer to the WHY? question, the women are just amoral sadistic bitches.

Ok Iguess

I can't say it was a good one or that it was a bad one for you see this was a bit confussing in where everything was going!  I know that Carla would had to have the pictures if she knew about Judy yet They should have been brought in well talking to Tom just to prove that they were real instead you do leave it quite open to the readers to think it was still a bluff instead of real even if this is Fiction!

Yes, my first comment was a mistake; it is for "A Living Doll".  Perhaps, though, it's a good thing it is posted here, because my reaction to this story is almost exactly the opposite.

I'm sorry Annie, but this story reminded me of the the movie "War of the Roses":  I got the impression that you couldn't decide whether you were writing another sweet story like "A Living Doll" or an evil bitch femdom humiliation story.  If the former, I really think you failed badly.  At times Dana and Carla act nice, but it comes across as a sadistic/sarcastic niceness given the whole premise of blackmail and humiliation. And, of course, they finally abandon their "nice" disguise and go for overt humiliation with the disgusting "Carla or Dana's Toy" panties sequence. Carla had to know how Tom really felt about wearing those, but she pretends he should be happy:  <<  She called to Marti, "Show the pretty panties to mommy."  >>  

I had trouble taking the character of Paul seriously.  I can't imagine Paul even thinking about asking his son to do what Dana wanted Tom to do - particularly since Tom had never shown any inclination to join in his father's lifestyle. Rather, I would expect him to bite the bullet and just to tell Dana, "No."  Good parents, and Paul was written as a good parent, sacrifice for their kids; they don't ask their kids to sacrifice for them. Also, as Paul was not written as being particularly submissive, I could not believe his "enjoy it" advice to his son when Tom said about the "Toy" panties, <<  "Dad, I . . ., I feel so . . . so dirty." >>  I would have expected him to resolve to make good on his promise to make The women's lives a living hell.    

I think a detailed description of Tom's first ever transformation, including how he felt as the process unfolded would have added a lot to the story.

Finally the happy ending just didn't ring true given how they were blackmailed into doing what they did.  Given that these two men were not written as sissies, how could they come to accept and love two women who would do the "Toy Panties" thing and the rest of the humiliation to them?  I really expected to read that The two men really did find some way to make life a living hell for the two women.

The major deficiency, though, I think, is that no motivation was ever given for WHY the ladies did what they did.  No explanation was given for how Carla and Dana knew all about Paul or reason given for why they picked them.  Without any explanation, the reader almost has to conclude that they were just sadistic bitches who enjoyed inflicting humiliation on random men.

This was really a roller coaster going from the delight I experienced reading "A Living Doll" to the disappointment I experienced reading this story - both because of what was in it and what was not.  I have to agree with Frilliette; this is not up to your usual standards.

Seeing now that there are only two parts, this story would have been better if published as a single piece. It could have been much better overall if the ending was not so rushed.

It's hard discussing this without making this review a 'spoiler'. The way the finished story comes out, it feels awkward, contrived, and basically unbelieveable. Insufficient attention was given to the feminization of 'Marti'and his reactions to both the process and the result. This results in his apprently having no motivation at all for arriving at the end result of your story.

You had a neat gimmick of relationships that you wanted to arrive at as the conclusion of your story. It's obvious that the whole story was written to arrive at that end. It could have been much more convincing, and have had a much better overall 'feel' if there were a statement somewhere of Dana and Carla's original motivations in contriving this, and if the relationships and Marti's feminization were all allowed to mature more slowly. There's no explanation at all of why 'mother/daughter' relationships were desired, and they don't really make sense in terms of the actual end results.

I'm sorry to say that this is probably the most disappointing of all of your stories that I've read. The idea had promise, the execution didn't live up to the concept.

Frilliette

A different conclusion than what one might think from the first part. Different in a good sort of way. Thanks Ann

a wonderful sweet story and I love the choosen character names.

A good beginning, but left me totally confused. I appreciate the use of cliffhangers to keep the readers coming back, but there are way too many loose ends. Nothing is explained, and the plot structure is lacking. Hope this will be corrected, starting with the next episode. Also, the meeting betwen Paul and Carla was too contrived and awkwardly handled. Concerning Frilliette's comment, I believe that Jezzi Belle accidentally posted a review to this story of Ann's last story, "A Loving Doll."

I'm not sure what story Jezzi read and is commenting on, but it's certainly not the one I just read, unless she's had a sneak preview of future parts of this story.

What I originally intended to say is that this is a very nice beginning of a story, but there's not enough development of the plot to justify cutting it off at this point. You have not resolved anything at this point, except for the fact that it *appears* this is not an antagonistic relationship you are starting. All the reader is left with at this point is a large number of unanswered questions.

I can understand that novice writers may want some feedback at an early stage of a story, but, Annie, you are well enough established and respected as a quality writer that it's really high time you consider abandoning the serial format for some longer stories. I'm sensing that this is one that would be better enjoyed, and have more impact on the reader, if it was taken in one large dose. I'll be interested in seeing more, but I'm tempted to wait until you finish the piece completely before reading any more.

Frilliette

What a wonderful sweet story, so different from what I feared, having read some doll horror stories, and you did it all without one single sexual scene, word, or image.  BRAVO, Annie!  The doll as a catalyst for redeaming a wasted life and setting free "her" imprisoned femininity, WOW!  I loved the image at the end of the two beautiful brides - and their children.  One of the nicest stories I've read.

I've come to the conclusion that you are UTTERLY INCAPABLE of writing a bad story.

A very nice beginning to an intriquing story. Where is it going? I'm sure Ann will show us as she unfolds the plot.