Crystal's Story Site
· Return to Story Index Page · Add your Comments ·

Story Comments by Readers

Clicks-R-Us: An SRU Story
by Dakro

Latest comments are shown at top of page.


Comment by washington dc cbd on 03/02/21
OThBCW Thanks again for the article.Much thanks again. Want more.

Comment by seo service on 09/07/13
Hb9UK3 Very informative article post. Great.

Comment by Silvia. on 09/01/11
Very bad story.

Comment by Brenda Brennan on 11/02/10
NOT INTERESTED IN CHILD PORN, WHETHER IT BE FICTION OR FACT.

Comment by eric on 06/27/10
i think you did a good job on this keep up the good work

Comment by JAS on 01/22/09
Eric, Ryan received his just desserts by doing what everyone on the SRU universe forgets to do, read the fine print.  Ryan accepted the EULA without ever reading it.

By the way Darko, what was the EULA?

JAS


Comment by (AJ) Eric on 05/12/07
The writing's good and the story's straightforward.  As a stand-alone story, it's a solid job, if not exactly one where virtue triumphs.  (Our protagonist, after all, is turned into a girl for no reason of his own, and then his (male) consciousness is wiped out when he registers his disappointment.  Further, he's misled into sealing his own doom with the Latin spell.  Still, identity death's fairly standard for an SRU story, except for the betrayal part here -- the Wizard usually alters the mind to begin with in a case like this where it wouldn't be comfortable in the new scheme of things.)

But I think that trying to put this in the SRU worldline was a mistake.  I don't find the Wizard's behavior consistent with the format.

- The Wizard doesn't impose on potential clients like that.  The people he helps or victimizes all have to initiate the action by stepping into his store (or by extension here, visiting his website).  What he does in this tale seems more like barricading the shopping mall so that his prospect has nowhere else he can go, or walking out in front of his shop and dragging someone in with a cane.

- The Wizard prefers to have the client transform himself, often unwittingly, using an artifact or device purchased in the shop.  On the other hand, the Wizard is powerful enough to effect the transformation or universe-shift himself with nothing more than the wave of his hand, if that.  Either way, Latin incantations don't seem to fit his style; they're more like the stage magic he despises.

- To the Wizard, his client's wish is more important than anyone else's.  But the impression I got from this story was that the Wizard considered Ryan's mother's wish more significant or more valid, because she's an adult, than Ryan's own.  And that struck me as contrary to the SRU premise.

None of this invalidates the story.  But since we're already taking the Wizard out of his normal domain, to so speak, why use him at all?

Eric


Comment by shalimar on 05/08/07
I had two problems with the story.  First, it was just a transformation story.  The story was not much more than that.  

Second I disagree with Jennifer Campbell about the idenity death.  Once a friend asked me if I could live my life over would I change anything.

"Knowing what I know now, yes," I replied.  "But if I didn't know what I know now I would probably do the same things again."

You may say that I did write idenity death stories.  It is true, but even in idenity death there was some logic to it.

Excellent first story.

hugs

Shelly aka shalimar


Comment by Jennifer Campbell on 05/08/07
I really liked your story and I didn't think your phrase was cheesy. I think all of us who think of ourselves as girls wish there was spell that would turn us into girls. The second phrase made sense because if Ryanne couldm't be a boy, then it would make sense that she knew on a subconscious level that she was a girl and had always been.The poor thing would have been livimg a nightmare of Gender identity disorder if the wizard hadn't done that. Nice job! I am an author myself, but I haven't posted anything yet.

       Warmest Regards,

      Jennifer Danielle




Add your Comments

      The importance of reader feedback cannot be overstated.   Authors rely on it to improve their future works, and it gives them the incentive to write more stories if they know that their hard work has been appreciated.  I am not saying that comments must all be lauditory.  Authors often appreciate honest, constructive criticism over simple remarks like 'Great story', although simple praise is appreciated also.  There is no limit on how much you can enter in the 'comments' box.   Sentences will automatically word wrap at the end of the line so please do not use your carriage return/enter key except at the end of your paragraphs.

      It is not necessary to use your real name here, and, email addresses are optional.  Posting your email address will allow the author to thank you for taking the time to post your comments, and/or discuss critiques and address possible concerns. 

      Be forewarned that abusive remarks and language will be removed, and the posters may be banned from this AND other areas of StorySite.



Name :
E-Mail : (Optional & Confidential)
Comments :
 
  

Please report any problems to Crystal