Been there and will probably ultimately finish there. I'm soon to be 57, divorced, just reach 25 years at my job, live alone with my two dogs, am the primary gofer for my 78 year old mother, 2 sisters live way out of state, 1 brother mostly out of state, all siblings younger than me. WITH my antid-depressants, LIFE S_ _K S, when I run short, darkness abounds. Since I FINALLY woke up and realized that my years of religious indoctrination were folly, I can honestly say I sleep better and am at peace with myself, I can deal with it! No more am I concerned with the "after-life" THERE IS NONE! What you see is ALL THERE IS! There's no "GRAND PLAN" for mankind, WE ARE and THAT'S ALL THERE IS, S _ _ T HAPPENS! We are born, we live, we die, nuff said, NO GOD, NO SATIN, NO HEAVEN, NO HELL. Going to be an AWFULLY LOT of folks let down when the end comes and that's all there is! I won't be one of them! Bring it on! NO FEAR!

Wow, some of this is like how I feel but there are differences as always. I would wish you the best of luck and this was a nice way to relieve the depression you must have had.

If there is a need for help there are so many of us that can help and we gain a little help as well in return just by talking of such things.

Hope to see you write something else and give us a longer tale to read.

Diane

Joanne; This quote from "Hamlet" has always worked for me:

"This above all, to thy ownself be true,
and it must follow,as night does to day,
Thou canst then be false to any man."

I'm in my sixties and I sincerely believe that those who love me, love me, and those that don't, have to accept my love for them even if they are too uptight to accept it. It's their Cross to bear.

Lean back, put your feet up and say to yourself, "I'm Me, love me or not, I'm still here. Deal with it, World."

Wishing you all the best, I'll sign off with my favorite Christmas
Greeting, "Bah, Humbug!"

That was one piece not to be read for pleasure.  I know your pain and hope you understand that things do get better when you take control.  If you need to be female, you will eventually find a way.  You are a strong woman, Joanne.  Stay strong until you are ready to be who you really are.  I have every bit of faith in you, Hon.

I think it's wonderful that you've made such great friends who understand what you're going through. The importance of friendship cannot be underestimated. Keep going to the meetings, as it's a place where you can be and feel who you are. I hope that this December things may be a little better.

Hi Joanne,

I know it's tough when the people you love can't accept you as you need to be.  When I told my Mom all she said was do you want to see a doctor as in shrink, all I said was no thanks and that was the last we spoke of it.  

Stay with the GLBT and make other friends in the community who will accept you and love you as you are.  Love your parents and know it's not easy on them either.
Hope your Christmas is Brighter this year : )
Love,
Michelle

It gets tough.  I never had the courage to tell my parents, and whatever might have come out of it, I regret not having told them.  I'm sorry if you've had a less-than-good reaction from your family, but at least you've been able to face them with your real self.  It's a long (and sometimes slow) process, but keep up the effort and you'll wind up as the person you've always felt you are.

Dear Joanne,
I came out four years ago.. and to my parents last year.. They listened patiently.. and quietly.. after I was done my mom says.. "we love you you will always be out child.. BUT. dont do anything permanent.. "... heheh.

Three weeks later their "son" recieved his 53nd birthday card.. Life shits.. you wipe it up.. and go on with it..