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Enemy Inside
by Shmuel Yacobi

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Comment by Reader on 11/25/04
What can I say, this reads like an outline of a story. Or a story for preschoolers. I lost interest after the sanitarium part. It was just too annoying to read. The plot doesn't feel very complete either, the characters don't seem real, or even really characters.

English is probably not your first language, you shouldn't start every sentance the same way, it was especially bad for while. "She hated white people. She convinced Lynn he had a psychological disorder. She had him admitted" What sort of writing is this?

You need an editor, badly. I'm not saying you should stop writing, only that you should give your storyline more thought, you characters more thought, and try to make it read like an actual story, not a list of things that happen.












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