Pil2LJ I truly appreciate this article. Really Cool.

Wonderful story! Anyone know what happened to Jena Corso's other stories? There was one called Short and Sassy, then another one about a guy who loses a bet to his girlfriend and he ends up at work dressed as a woman with his coworkers thinking he has "come out." LOVED both stories! would love to see both again, or more of Jena's work!

great stoery needs  bit more excitment welll done more please

Well i expected something at the ending but you really took a 180 and im a bit floored at your finish or is it the finish? Maybe Carla should keep the jewelry (lol) and maybe Mona could use a job at that strip club..

umm ok wow hope u don't mind me saying this but that was a really bad ending if the irony was suposed to be funny then you have a cruel sence of humor. Also why did Troy run off i mean his mom loved
carla so wouldn't she be pissed off at her son i would suggest you writing a alternitive ending or something

I dont think this story could ever wind up the way it did. Carl is not shown as weak (..exp on the football team, that also brings popularity no mater if he's the star or second string player so people would be looking for him.) In any event the mentality shown would indicate suicide in the near future.. or a blind rage against those who asisted in his transformation, with violent retribution most likely.

On another note it is sad the number of stories like this in which the characters get away with their actions. This is most unlikely of the whole story..one way or another people who do harm like the girls and the doctor tend to 99.9% be caught and punished. At least in Canada..but even the overloaded American criiminal system these people especially the doctor wouls of been caught. The author gives the impresion that the doctor has done such eligal procedures.

Oh and the papers he signed before he was put out for his gender change would not stand up in any court of law in North America or Europe. So Carl could destroy the doctor with a legal civil and criminal case.

I love the story can't wait for the next chapter, what happens next and why hasn't he run away yet?

JB...

I am truely sorry for what you just told me, and yes I've known people in your situation too mew...

I wasn't trying to bash you mew, I was only trying to say give the author/authoress the benefit of the doubt. To write is to express ones soul and heart on paper mew, and only the author/authoress knows the truth about what is going on with Carl/Carla.

Also, I totally agree with you about the sorority girls, honestly I'd like to dip them in acid, but I won't hate the author because of that mew.

And are you sure there's nothing you can do? Not calling the police? Not anything mew? Forced enslavement is illegal in the US, but if you aren't in the US hmmm... There has to be SOMETHING that someone can do!? No no no no no not again NOT FUCKING again, things like this CANT go on mew, I've seen this too much too much ;_;

Dito brandi in spite of my grumblings I am enjoying the story.

JB

Thank you Chelsea for your input, I wasn’t trying to be arrogant but rather expressing my fears. I’ve lived the last four years a breath away from taking my own life because of the actions of a bitch who fits Sapphire to a T. She continues to torment my life and there is nothing I can do to escape it. Some days are better than others but some are really bad. Thankfully those are fewer in number now.

Now while you speak of people who found this type of treatment to put them over the top to find they wanted this life style. Ok. I watched a documentary on the discovery channel about a boy who was selected before he had a memory and treated as a girl from birth his organ reshaped and given hormones to assist in his transformation. When he discovered the truth in his late teens he was overwhelmed. He had been having difficulty making the transition and now knew why. A few years later unable to cope he/she took his life in his early twenties, the end of an experiment that never worked. The lad never wanted to be female but felt trapped there by the fact that his body had been irreversibly changed to look like a woman.  Unable to work or hold a job because of his depression.

Maybe you’ll get lucky and my posts will end because my Sapphire witch will push me over the edge past my coping abilities.

Mew?

Anyway it is the better story teller who offers details that help the reader reach the same or near same conclusions that the teller has delivered.

In the end I as the reader have to buy into why a macho football player in love with a girl accepts and falls in love with a boy instead of destroying him for the deception. I also have to buy into Carla accepting and wanting to be a girl when he continues to protest everything whether he voices it to girls or lies to them that he’s happy about it. Should the author choose to end the story in this way.  Troy may be smart enough to not pound the crap out of Carl should his emotions be held in check. So I am waiting to see if the author can do that or give us a different result. And while the author doesn’t have to explain the antagonists in this tale it is distracting not to know or understand their motivation. The majority of us will never physically maim another person directly or indirectly so why are these seven or so girls so inclined?

JB

I hope you continue this story, I really enjoy it.

Not necessarily JB, there are rules in this universe, however since we are not the author, we don't know them mew. Don't assume that a story just has to go one certain direction, I've known people in real life like Carl/Carla, where they never once thought they were transsexual, but the minute something happened they found they were and it just clicked into place mew. Even some memories they had locked away showed up, but that doesn't necessarily have to be the case mew.

Instead of jumping to conclusions, we should give the authoress or author the benefit of the doubt mew. If you don't like the story that's fine, but don't be so arrogant as to say that you fully understands the workings of the authors soul, heart and mind mew, for that's what stories really are, an extension of ourselves. No matter the content mew, you can find the author in them ^^

The thing i dont get is why no one notices Carl is gone i mean maybe he doesnt have family but doesnt the frat notice there pledge is gone or his friends in that time in real life police would be lookin 4 him by now

Yet another stupid guy, being tortured, and transformed by evil women for no apparent reason.

We have a doctor that should have her medical license stripped. A group of women that should be arrested for assault, false imprisonment, rape, fraud, and probably a bunch of other crimes. (I only got to ch 5)

Why doesn't he while they are out, yell for help? Leave? Call for a cop? Why doesn't he do anything but just go along?

Part of what makes a fantasy enjoyable is when it conforms to the laws of it’s’ environment. i.e. wizards can change a person’s sex if the parameters are put in place. Like when a vampire has to hide from daylight. In this story we are bound by the laws we know because the author has not told us otherwise therefore Carl is all male with no desire to be female other than the confusion put in his head by the girls. Look at it this way, flip the story if you were born female and a bunch of guys made you think you wanted to be male would you wake up after all the changes married to some woman wanting to stay that way after the guys left? Why do you think Carl would be any different? Some readers are placing their desires on a character who has not exhibited their state of mind. It would be different if Carl wasn’t questioning the changes being made to him.

Even now if the author clams that Carl is a flaming gay he would be breaking the rules since Carl has fought this change every inch of the way he didn’t enjoy giving oral sex at the fraternity party, he didn’t like manning the kissing booth. Just like the author can’t have a fire breathing dragon appear and turn everyone to cinders, Carl can’t suddenly be gay because it hasn’t been set up as a premise in the first pages or chapters of the story. If the author ends this with Carl excepting a sex change then Carl can’t be left living happily ever after. For one he still doubts he is gay. For another Troy and his mother are most likely expecting children. Next they can’t get married because there is no birth certificate to declare Carla born anything other than Male. i.e. there is no way that Carla can keep his original sex hidden from Troy and his family.

It makes no sense to me, why out of the blue Carl would suddenly start wanting to be a transgender and become a female? Why would he suddenly stop wanting to be masculine and start being feminine except to hide his identity? There is nothing in this story to give us joy over Carl’s transformation since we know he is resisting it so hard.

The story is well written but as you can see by the comments of others they are looking for Carl to escape not succumb to desires of the sorority sisters. Mona’s correct the relationship must end but not the way she suggests but rather by Carl explaining to the Martins what has happened to him during the last two weeks. Ether he gets their support or rejection but at least he’ll know where he stands with them. He should definitely do it before the dance is over or Sapphire is most likely going to take him to Dr Joanne and have his sex changed for him without his consent. Carl should know he can’t live a lie for long even with a sex change since he can’t marry Troy without divulging the fact he was born male and/or can’t bear children.

I do not deny that this story is well written but my fear is that the author will just let Carl except a sex change and marry Troy and go off happily ever after and that would be a great tragedy for such a well written story. If the author ends it with Troy breaking off from Carla or Carl/Carla dropping into despair or Troy’s family coming to Carl’s aide would be a far better ending than Carl believing that he is a transgender or transvestite. Since Carl would not be where he is without pressure from Sapphire and the sorority sisters there is nothing to make the reader believe that he should be happy as a transgender/transvestite/gay or a woman when they are gone. Doesn’t Carl have it in him to think of how he would feel if he was dating a guy he thought was a girl? What about the trust that must be in a relationship in order for it to survive? Any relationship with Troy is on a fast course to disaster. Even if it survives a short period of time it can’t last if it goes much farther under the deception.

I as one reader know I will be greatly disappointed if Carl accepts that he is gay or transgender. Gays are not wimps and wimps are not gay.

Why do these sorority girls hate Carl, because he is a wimp? Also why do they equally hate Troy, because he is so masculine? The premise is understood (why set Troy up with a male transvestite) but not explained. Unless the sorority girls are transgender and hate the images they were or were not. (Note the author twice refers to Jeanine as a he twice in chapter 12) I just can’t understand why the author has not had one of the girls generate any empathy for Carl. He has been nothing but considerate of them, open in his feelings about what’s happening to him and try to submit to their demands. But still they want to force him to be that that he does not want to be.

The girls are still referring to Carl in negative as “Bitch”. They did force his relationship with Troy; at the kissing booth, at the bar, on the double date, with the texting, pushing him on the date, keeping him off balance at every step. Isn’t it obvious he enjoys having sex with the girls and yet they’ve turned that around on him keeping him off balance? I can’t believe the crap Jeanine fed Carl (or that he/she believes it) he/she’s just hoping to keep Carl duped.

I would love to see a spot where Mona or Sapphire say what they really feel to Carl and reveal why they want to emasculate him. I’d accept them even discussing it between themselves. Further it would be great to hear if the other girls had different reasons and lastly why is the doctor willing to risk her career performing surgery on unwilling subject.

Carl is so off balance that he keeps compounding his mistakes with more the worst, is allowing the girls rhetoric to keep him confused. If this were a real situation in our society then in the very near future we’d be reading about a transvestite beaten to death or near death. Then after a while, if he lived, we would read of the suicide of a confused young man (woman if the sex operation takes place). Carl has no psychiatrist to help him make informed decisions or prepare him for the actions he’s letting happen to him. People experiencing this kind of stress often end up hurting themselves.

Good so far but realy the guy played football so hes not a wimp and he was jioning a popular faternity so hes probably not a nerd

Sometimes fantasy is just fantasy, no prelude for reality. So just enjoy, this awesome story !
Jenna , you are the best !

I love the story, and it is extremely well written, however why doesn't he run away when he is not with the other girls. Keep up the great writing.

Ok now I am confused. Are the hormones that Carl is taking really causing this gender confusion in his head? Prior to the girls administering these hormones Carl was a fully functioning male with no tendency toward transgender or transsexual activities or thoughts. Now he’s accepted his new major and is ready to go to bed with Troy, get married and have his kids. All this happening in less than ten days! (he was asleep for three)

The Author gave us two weeks for orientation before school starts and uses three days for pledging the fraternity before Carl gets caught on the evening of the third day. So from the evening of day three, when Carl gets nabbed in the sorority, Carl spends the next ten days at the Sorority house being fed hormones and feminized. We are supposed to accept that these hormones have altered Carl’s masculinity to become feminine physically and mentally.

Given the time table set by the Author classes are going to start tomorrow (or the next if I made an error) and Carl/Carla has accepted her new major as she announced it to Troy’s mom and Troy as his/her boyfriend, which is a complete reversal of human nature.

Here is the timeline by chapters
Chapter 1       Day Three of Orientation/Day One Captured By the Sorority Girls
Chapter 2       Day Two the Makeover
Chapter 3       Day Two a Visit to the Beauty Salon
Chapter 4       Day Two a Stroll, Dinner and Dancing
Chapter 5       Day Three A Tattoo, Puffy Lips and A Visit to the Administration Office
Chapter 6       Day Three Shopping and the Fraternity Party
Chapter 7       Day Four the Kissing Booth and Carla Meets Troy
Chapter 8       Day Four to the Bar for Pool and a Wild Night at the Sorority/Day Five
Chapter 9       Day Five Carla Visits Dr Joanne/Carla Sleeps For Three Days
Chapter 10       Day Eight Double Date with Troy (fudging a day here so the timeline fits)
Chapter 11       Day Nine Carla Performs At the Club/Carla Has a Date with Troy
Chapter 12       Day Nine Carla Meets Troy’s Parents/Day Ten Carla and Troy’s Mom Go Shopping

One last item; these girls must really hate Troy since they have set up a Star Masculine Football player with an emasculated male dressed as a femalely as possible. I expect them to expose Carl/Carla on a date with Troy so that they can watch him pound the crap out of Carl and get thrown off the team. It’s either that or give Carl a sex change then expose him so both boys lose out big time in the end. All this just so they can destroy two young men one a jock the other a nerd. The girls must be rolling with mirth over their deception and expected exposure.

Sorry I still see the Sorority girls as the Devil Incarnate here, they have no redeeming qualities among them. The author has given no reason to like any of them. Even their moments of apparent kindness are a means to further feminize and humiliate Carl or to set him up for future humiliation. I just don’t see where the girls have been anything but selfish and self serving.

I doubt it CAD. I think that by the end of this story Carla is going to be surgically altered to be a girl. Then given the attitude of the girls ether abandoned at his fraternity or with Troy. They certainly won’t want him as a member of the sorority except maybe as a slave that they can dominate and given the way Carl has accepted everything so far I’m guessing he’ll just continue to do their bidding. Somehow the Author is going to let us know that Carl has really always wanted to be dominated by women and that this perfectly acceptable to him that is why he hasn’t tried to get away.

I still do not understand why he did not run. he had a chance to go to the authorities and turn the sorority in. Is Carl going to be freed?

I agree with evry1 else awesom storie keep writing

I just read part 11 and was wondering, “What if Carla had finished the strip tease all the way to being naked on stage? How would have the audience reacted? Suspect they would be in shock. Those idiots at table eight might run out of the club. How would have the management reacted? I’m guessing they would ban Carl from the club after they hustled him back stage then throw him out the back door. How would have the girls reacted? I guessing they would be in shock followed by anger if the club banned them from returning. After all Carl had, had a couple of shots to dull his senses and give him courage. The girls have turned him into a slut performing on stage so what’s stopping him from being the slut.

Big mistake telling the girls he’s going steady with Troy (he may as well have said that because that’s where the girls are going to take it) now they will feel justified doing the sex change operation so that he can have sex with Troy. Carl is going to lose his appendage real soon and get a slit for making whoopee.

Carl is reeling from the one two punch of the permanent physical changes and the brainwashing and is exhibiting Stockholm syndrome.  Evil, evil women!  Femininity perverted - these females are acting like the stereotype men they claim to despise. I still think he should come clean to Troy and see if Troy will help him.

i cannot wait for part 11.I still want to know why he does not try to run away and go to the college president or the police.

this is one of the best stories ever

I do love this little tale. I love the tension and suspense built up about what the girls have planned for "Carla." I love the cruel lack of mercy they show for her.

Look - this is fantasy. Sure, there are unrealistic elements to it. It doesn't matter. Many of us certainly love to imagine ourselves in just such an untenable position, weakly and ineffectually protesting our ongoing predicament, but overwhelmed by the powerful influence of the girls who have us at their mercy. I love it! More. More.

Seriously. More!!!

I wrote another long response (2 pages worth) to Chapter 9 but decided not to post it. The reason at first was because it repeated a little of what I said before also this reading is a little intense for me which I explained in my writing. However the strongest reason is the author has already written several more chapters which I don’t think they are going to be rewriting anytime soon. The final reason is I only see short responses here so I felt that I would comply with that scenario unless encouraged to post more lengthy responses.

A few things are left to happen. Carl gets a vagina so he can copulate with Troy and Saphire gets him to suck all the cocks in the fraternity. It really doesn’t need to be mentioned but he’ll get it up the butt with a real cock instead of a plastic one. Those are my predictions.

When the girls are done with Carl is the author through or is he going to tell us how Carl recovers. I think Carl should sue Dr Joanne she’ll be paying him millions just to keep from going to jail or losing her license for malpractice.

JB

Sorry, but this is reading pretty much like all the other mild forced femme stories; the guy just takes the abuse thinking something like, "Oh, I'd be so embarrassed if anyone found out that I'll just go along."  Why not have him run, or freak out and try to cut out his implants or go comatose (at least cut off all his own hair), or find a gun and start shooting.  They are wrecking his life!  Or, better, let him have the guts to actually tell Troy the truth about what they have done and are doing to him - risk getting beat up to maybe get some help.

I second HDOLL ! Or if he try ; he must be punished. It's just fiction !!

Luv the story. And if Carl/Carla did run away—then the story would be over, so running away is not a good idea for the readers.

I love the story, however i still do not understand why you do not have him run away when he is out, they can be arrested for what they did against his will. Again I love the story, and keep up the great writing. Can't wait for part ten.

I love part eight, I cannot wait for nine. I still think he should run to the college president, or the police. Great story, Keep up the great writing. I WISH YOU PEACE AND HAPPINESS.

Cannot wait for part nine, what is going to happen i wonder, i still think you should have him run to the college president, or the P'S. It is a great story keep up the great writing, I WISH YOU PEACE AND HAPPINESS.

Why doesn't he run when he is out? wouldn't that be the normal reaction? Don't you think they went too far? GREAT STORY.

Won't his hair fall out or something with all the chemical treatments so close together?

Looks like the girls are trying to so emerse him in womanhood that he eventually likes being a girl in spite of himself, brainwashed or Stockholm syndrome - sort of like in the story, "Prom Princess." They are not doing it because they like him or want to help him, they are just doing it to see if they can.  Evil women!  The punishment certainly is much more than the crime already.  

I'm assuming the girls have a plan if he tries to run, but do they have contingency plans if he really gets away and goes to the cops or the college authorities or if he freaks out and either hurts himself or tries to hurt one or more of them?

Part 2 link has been fixed

Thanks for everyone's feedback - positive or negative

Story has many more parts - so enjoy!!

Don't be afraid to email me directly - I will email you back because I do appreciate your feedback and your valuable time.

And Yes - I realize I am a horrible editor - lol

I loved part six i cannot wait for seven, but why didn't you have Carl runaway at the party he did have a chance he could of gone to the bathroom or one of the guys room and took some clothes and walked out. however it is a great story.

One more time the link to Chapter 2 has not been corrected

My point is Denise Em' has opted not to follow the story line any longer and why would they.

Alanna - Carl is not happy with the changes happening to him and will not extricate himself and the sorority sisters aren’t happy at what they’re doing or what is happening. Who enjoys dishing out continual debasement, permanent physical scaring and destruction/derailment of a person’s goals? The sorority sisters are exhibiting middle school or junior high school pack mentality as you so eloquently put it they are being assholes though, bitches fits just as well. The only ones having fun are the frat boys and they seem oblivious to what’s going on as well as being a tiny minor side bar to the story.

You say relax, I will if you can tell me of one viable redeeming quality of any of the main or secondary characters excluding the fact that Carl has refrained from putting his fist into Saphire’s face and breaking her nose and jaw or at this point scratching her face with his new nails. I hate that character with a passion that begs physical retaliation like gross fat lips.

Jenna – your writing style is great I have been moved to extreme levels of hatred and anger reading your material. The only thing I am asking is. Am I supposed to hate all the characters in this story? If so you’ve succeeded, I can’t find a reason to like any of them and I now dislike Carl even more after chapters 5 and 6. The idiot is getting what he deserves if he can’t realize he has the power to walk away once outside and away from the sorority. I still don’t see that the sorority girls treatment of him was ever justified to the extreme level they have taken it, hence my total and unequivocal hatred of them.

If the frat party was tied to the frat Carl was pledging I missed the connection since I didn’t see him recognize anyone there or the frat house. i.e. the possible pledge hazing connection between the frat and sorority.  Seems like the fraternity was deliberately trying downsize its’ pledge class.

Jenna - OMG - awesome!!

JB - what an asshole you are - relax

Looks like Carl/Carla could take the sorority sisters and house to court for rape, assault, physical scaring, kidnapping and the tampering with legal documents. I suspect that the sorority girls would turn on the fraternity in a heartbeat as coconspirators. What I do not understand is why Carl isn’t running as soon as he is free of the sorority house. The kid doesn’t have much brain power since there is nothing holding him to the girls. The charges of assault, kidnapping, rape, permanent physical scaring and altering of his legal school documents are more serious than his trespassing charges.

On the extreme (realizing the girls hate him) he could attempt suicide by breaking glass and cutting his wrists. Understanding while they have a doctor on call they don’t have a surgeon to save his life. That would require they call for medical services or let him die. Either way what they have done to him now can’t be reversed exposing them to the law.

You’ve left out of this story why these girls, especially the pledges, have such a hatred for men and are taking it out on this poor fellow Carl. So far they’ve been shown to have no compassion for what they’re putting him through, which is far worse than the panty raid he started on. You never established any reason for them to hate this fellow. He’s not macho, he hasn’t been derogatory toward them, and he certainly hasn’t been abusive. The only fault they have against him is the panty raid and the complaints he’s registered about what they’ve done to him. There is/are no valid reason(s) for the sorority to have such outlandish, overboard reactions to Carl.

It is really hard to understand what is motivating or justifying these girls mistreatment of Carl or to make any physical changes that may not be reversible and/or very costly to make if they can be. Things like dressing him in cross gender clothing, makeup, hair color, plucking the eyebrows and even modifying his school documents are all reversible pranks that could be forgiven or laughed off, but long term kidnapping, raping him with dildos, giving him a permanent tattoo, body piercing, modifying his lips and injecting him with hormones are unforgivable acts of violence. Making it easy to develop a hatred toward the sorority girls as they are just pure evil.

One more thing, you never gave a satisfactory explanation as to why Carl felt compelled to participate in the initiation rituals at the frat house (in chapter 6) all he had to do was walk out of the frat house or expose his penis for the rainbow ring. After the girls made irreversible modifications to his body and messed up his school documents he has no reason to continue the charade since the girls activities have only gotten more vicious and alarmingly more radical to Carl’s sensibility and comfort.

At this point every one of the Sorority Girls and the Frat Brothers are villains involved in a hazing ritual gone bad. Even Carl’s inability to (or try to) extricate himself makes him a victim for whom the reader has difficulty getting attached to (empathizing with). You have dropped every character in this story to a place where the reader can no longer easily identify with anyone to root for. A pathetic main character, vicious, hateful women doing hateful undignified acts and a fraternity that abandoned their pledge without rallying an attempt to find and rescue their new recruit. You haven’t tied the party fraternity that they have been visiting to Carl’s fraternity yet so I assume that they are unaware of Carl’s predicament but still they have no redeeming qualities.  Who do I root for?

Give me a reason to root for the victim or the villains, maybe even the fraternity brothers. Right now I hate the villains since they have no redeeming qualities. I am disgusted with the victim since the little backbone he shows is only when he can do nothing and is too fickle. If the girls murdered Carl accidently or on purpose right now, there is no reason to morn his loss. And the way the sorority girls are acting they wouldn’t have any remorse either. We already have come to realize that the fraternity members don’t care.

I realize this critique might be a bit harsh but to get to chapter 6 without developing these things is turning your readers off as one of them has already stated in his comment.

Last note; the attachment to (part (chapter) two) is incorrect and needs to be fixed.

Chapter 6 pegged my squick-meter.  I'm done reading this story.

I hope you finish the story it is great, keep up the great writing.

Thanks for showing us all an in depth look at pledging a sorority.  I love what you have done with the characters and can't wait for part 06.  Changing her major to Fashion Design was brilliant.  Having trouble viewing part 2.  Could you please check into this?

Hugs,
Cyndy

I CANNOT WAIT FOR PART SIX, KEEP UP THE GREAT WRITING IT HAS BEEN A YEAR OR SO BETWEEN PARTS

I JUST READ CHAPTER FOUR IT IS GREAT.

Love the story and hope you continue adding more parts with humiliations soon!

Nice story. Love hair stories. Please send "her" to the ladies room to be jacked off by a stylist when "she" is shown her new look.

I am anxious for the next installment.Would you consider doing the future installments

Great story!  Can't wait for the fourth installment!

Loved the detail you went into during the makeover/transformation.  I believe Carl/Carla is going to have a great time as a new sorority sister. I can't wait for the details in upcoming chapters.

gmctruckgal

what a brilliant story please continue this is getting better all the time i wish it was mein that predicerment brilliant more please

what a rilliant story please continue this is getting better all the time i wish it was mein that predicerment brilliant more please

Lovely word pictures... how cruel of you to stop before describing the full beauty of their creation on him/soon-to-be her!  Urgently... finish the story!... perleeeease!  LOL WbG xx

Loved it!!!  What a great story.  I hope you will keep adding more.

Argh !! The end of 3th part is too crual for the reader !
The waiting will be very hard !!

more please great story if only it happened in real life

It's to hard to wait :'(
Jenna you rox :)

great waiting for the next chapter.

One of the best I´ve read! Great elements, excelent writting/! Thanks for posting it, and hoping to see more great art from you!

Second time I have commented. Great start,I am anxious for the next installment.Would you consider doing the future installments with SWIs (Stories with Images, that is with brief pictures or graphics depicting what is happening to the characters in the story )?
I have seen some excellent examples on Fictionmania with "Joe Six-Pack "and Jezzilbelle Stewart's stories. I like reading text stories do not get me wrong ; I also like looking at graphics too.
Just a random thought and suggestion. For what it's worth.
Ftygrl

This story has some great potential.  Keep up the good work.

SS

Great story sweetie, can't wait for more chapters.  Thank you for sharing.

this is great love. email me when the rest is done

You should pick a narrative style and stick with it. Jumping back and forth between first person and third person is quite distracting.

You might try first person, which is much like telling a friend a story. "I went into the coffee shop and saw Mary." rather than third person which is a more detached narrative. "Ted went into the coffe shop where he saw Mary."

Good luck.

Jill

Superb ! I can't wait to see the new look of Carl(a) !!!

Love the story so far.  Please hurry up with the rest.

I love this story!! I especially love the detailed explanation of each stage of his feminization. You are an excellent writer and storyteller- I can't wait for the make-up details!! Thank you for a great contibution.
Kisses,
Sissy Jennifer

MORE PLEASE

love this story it is fantastic need more soon love fiona

great story so far please keep it going

Loved it, one of the best yet. Please keep going.

Great start and am wondering about school and records and all that but they probably have connections.  Glad you wanted to contribute.

Kristi

Hi Jena,
    Great first part which I enjoyed very much. Carl/Carla is going to have a wondeful time. I am sooo envious.
  Please continue and I cannot wait for the next part.

Luv Rose.

Love your story line so far and can't wait to see the next addition.

Shayla

Sounds like Carl/Carla is in for some serious humiliation and suffering. Just last year, my Mistress arranged for me to pledge her old sorority as punishment for disobedience. You cannot imagine the horrors and humiliation the Sorority Sisters put me through. Then again, I am hoping you can. More please.

Brightly painted.
    Fun to read!

A very good start.  I look forward to seeing more.