when you use your spell checker, remember that if you use a hominym it detracts from the reading experience.  In fact, any group of letters that represent any word, will be accepted.  otherwise a good start for you. Continue!  Always check the checker, unless you can afford an editor.

I'm not sure yet whether this highly amusing story is being deliberately made even more amusing by obvious mistakes "in spel in ore pink station, ore watt" or whether the author is so overconfident that they have written something before learning the language properly.   I must say that the image of someone drying themselves on a tile really made me giggle.  Notwithstanding, I will try to read on and see if it continues to amuse me.  

The idea of the "punishment"'has merit.

There are so many good, free spell check programmes available, even from Microsoft Windows now, that not using them ought to be a crime punishable by  - having to dress as a boring boy all summer long!

Love,

Briar

I'm sorry again, but this is a bad story!
Why his mother did this to him?
I agree with Jezzi: I can't think to much worse a mom could do to her teen son.
His mother simply destroyed his mental health.
Silvia.

I just reread parts 1 & 2 after 6 years. This story had so much potential, but, poor grammar aside, it just didn't make any sense that he would not even think of either rebelling, running away, or, particularly after having his mom expose his genitals in a public place, going to the DCFS (in Illinois, Department of Children and Family Services, deals with child abuse - every state has a similar agency)) I could possibly suspend disbelief to cover him not DOING any of them, but to not even THINK  about doing them???  So sad.

Ah, he was Is a boy? found with " partially porn and or all girl catalogues, you know the ones with the pretty models. "

And for looking at those he was grounded a whole summer dressed up as a girl and having to do all chores in the house?

Do you expect me to continue reading after this brilliant plots opening?

Cheers
Yoron.

sorry to say although i enjoyed the first story inthe series where the abuse of minors is concerned by the people who are supposed to care for them i do not agree

strike three please this is getting better all the time

this is a god story and i like it but please write in strike 3 this will be very interesting well done

the new part was very good but i am waiting for erin to get strike 3 that will be well worth the read as well great story please write more soon

an intresting story but very fast going intresting details by his mother and the 3 strikes punishment it could get heavy with the 3 strike how about writing it in

A good but strange story.For example I didn't get how the boy wears tampon.

I think the comments are starting to be more entertaining that the story.

Go take an English course (or two) and learn how to write coherently.  Your otherwise interesting story is a difficult read with all the grammatical, syntax, and spelling errors.  Do you know WHERE to WEAR that pretty dress?  Year, Your, or You're?  Heels are shoes or a part of the foot.  Heal is what a wound does when it gets better.

This is a nice summer romp.

But I think Lor's critics may care more about Erin's experiences than Lor does. DO listen to some of them. Do take them up on their offers of assistance. Those critics LIKE what you are trying, Lor! It is just painful to them (and me, obviously) that you're not paying more attention to more of the niceties of our wonderful English language.

Honest, we are not trying to savage your work. We would like your labor to pay off even better. (And, yeah, we may be just a bit jealous about your ability to write interesting and off-the-wall dialog. It's not easy, and not just anyone can do that!)

     Best,            leah

Ok so it has turned into a comedy written by a third grader with the help of his older sister who is into RAVE. Giggle, giggle.

The mother is a psycho psychiatrist working on getting herself arrested and playing let us change everyone into sluts and perverted child molester changers like the lady and the kid in the store.

Then she wants to make her daughter into a dominatrix using her son as the subject to be subjugated.

I bet she wants to be standing there and watching as she makes her son get it up the butt by Bryan. "Oh Bryan, he has been a bad girl today so leave the tampon in and just do it hard and fast with no lube".

There is no hope for this story now and Lor has shown her contempt by not heeding the well intentioned advice from almost all who posted here so far.

Well Lor, you have succeeded in having your name crossed of my authors to read list.

Good luck
Angel

I have nothing new to add. Angel, Jimmy, and After Part 3 have said all that I care to comment on. You will not hear from me again. Hopefully, hopefully you will take seriously all the comments about grammar, spelling and punctuation and reenroll in third grade remedial English as it didn't take the first time. This is a shame as there is a glimmer of promise in this story.

I agree, I don't think Lor is reading our comments, so why should we bother?  I have offered to help proofread as well as Jezzi.  But still the grammar continues to suffer. Someone thought that maybe english was a second language for Lor.  But I am not so sure.  Lor will use the wrong form of a word in one place and the correct form in another place.  For example, "to the Gym wear the lessons took place."  Wear and where sound similar.  Lor used the correct form later in the story, "Erin who knew where he was going."  Hey, I know that I tend to murder the english language as well as anyone, but if I was posting stories, I would try to have someone help me.

I also agree that the story line is deteriorating and has too many of the same old elements that appear in way too many stories.  I found myself just skimming the story as I read.

After part 3
I think this is it for me on this story.  It's sad, because this story has a lot of potential - the talking conscience is a great device - but the poor grammar makes it so hard to understand.  As far as the story itself, I can only conclude that Aaron wants what is happening to him to happen.  The author certainly gives us no other explanation for his mentally and physically passive acceptance of his feminization - so far, anyway, and it's too hard to wade through this to wait around.

You don't listen (read) suggestions do you Lor? This reads like a kid in grade school wrote it.  (Even though one reader feels all teenagers write this way.)

How the hell did she get him not only to buy tampons, but then to stick it up his butt and where? GEEZ!

Fifteen years old and his mother just destroyed him for sure! Exposing his penis to the lady in the shop was bad enough, but then telling everybody he likes to dress up and is wearing a tampon? God, this kid must be dying inside.

Then we come to the movies! Geez, even I would have punched my sister out and took her money. I would have done just what Jezzi described, 'Bought some boys clothes and split'. Why not? He sure can't live in this town anymore. Think about it. He goes to high school and gets his ass kicked if not killed. Every day he will have to deal with being humiliated and it isn't even time for school yet.

The summer for him so far is hell and the rest looks like it will be worse yet. Soon she will be selling his butt so he can experience what it feels like for woment to get raped right? Well, maybe he can get to keep the money her earns. Giggle, giggle.

Fiction is fiction and go with it girl! Write it just as you feel it should be written. One thing though, TAKE JEZZI UP ON HER OFFER! If you don't you will lose a chance many writers are begging for!
Huggles
Angel

You don't listen (read) suggestion do you Lor? This reads like a kid in grade school wrote it.  

How the hell did she get him not only to buy tampons, but then to stick it up his butt and where?

Fifteen years old and his mother just destroyed him for sure! Exposing his penis to the lady in the shop was bad enough, but then telling everybody he likes to dress up on purpose?

Then we come to the movies! Geez, even I would have punched my sister out and took her money. I would have done just what Jezzi described. Bought some boys clothes and split.Why not? I sure can live in this town anymore.

How long before word gets to all his friends? A nano-second!

Fiction is fiction and go with it girl! Write it just as you feel it should be written. One thing though, TAKE JEZZI UP ON HER OFFER! If you don't you are a fool.
Huggles
Angel

For all its error proneness, there is a certain realism to this story's writing style. This story is being told by an American teenager. Well let's face it, this is how American teenagers write these days. So as distracting as these errors are, they make the story look more like it was written by its narrator.
And now Erin's mother is turning out to be a psychiatrist. The plot is thickening.Lots of obvious possibilities here. But we still need to know why Mom is risking her license and her livelihood to do what she's doing to Erin. And from that point of view, what Jezzi says is true. The outing in Cap. 1 was the most risky thing that Mrs. Niles did and could well have led to Erin turning Mom in to DFCS. Why didn't Erin do so?

Heels
HeEls
Shoes have HEELS, for gosh sakes

I'm enjoying this story. I like it. But I wonder whether you like
it. Because if you liked it, wouldn't you take more care over
things like spelling & punctuation? If a man crafts a piece of
furniture & decides it was worth the effort, he finishes it
lovingly, applying varnish of some sort, rubbing it down, polishing
it. You're crafting a story here. If you feel it's worth the
effort, shouldn't you polish it with the same loving care? And
don't you want your readers to take just as much pleasure as
possible in reading it?
.
Have a look at Stephen King's little book, _On Writing_. Thackeray
he's not. Dostoyevsky he's not. But even so, he takes care of all
those details of grammar & sentence construction, even while he's
scaring us half to death.
.
--Pervy

I still don't think this is realistic; Aaron is 15, not 12 or so.  I would think the minute they publicly outed him in the store all love/trust would be destroyed; I can't think of too much worse a mom could do to her teen son.  At that point, I would think he would think foster care a viable alternative; one phone call to DCFS.
 OR
Is Stephanie bigger/stronger than him?  If not, I would have thought as soon as they were alone, he would have popped Stephanie one, taken her purse and money and bought some guy clothes, changed, and taken off.  

I didn't get the part about the boys calling Dr. Niles.  Did Arron's mom set the whole boy thing up?

Dear Lor,

Once again you have turned a promising story into an English nightmare. Your poor grammar and spelling are making this nearly impossible to decipher. Please clean you your act and get help immediately. Jezzi has offered to help. Take her up on it!!

Dear Lor:
This story has real potential. I would echo the comments of some of the other authros on editing.You will make this story far more realistic if you address this question. What is it about Erin having a stash of porno that makes his mother willing to go to the mat on this issue? What is it that makes her willing to risk prison to turn her son around--even if it means turning her son into her daughter?
That collection of porno sitting atop the refrigerator with the pages gummed together may just provide the answer to that quewtion.
As for Aaron being too compliant, consider the three alternatives he has: Becoming Aaron, going to boot camp (mentioning a specific WWASP camp--they are easily found on the NET would be a good touch) or foster care while Mom goes off to jail for child abuse. Most young people will put up with almost anything from parents rather than be responsible for sending them to jail.  But it would improve the story if the choices were presented in more stark terms.

Dear Lor,  In line with Angel's comments, I would be happy to edit/proofread for you if you so desire.  I also write TG fiction, and it is  here at Crystal's site.

I'd really like to really love this story. Impediments tho include prior comments about editing and a much too compliant Aaron, unless mom is a real Domme. The thought is really good. Love to see how Erin endures the summer.

I like the story and the concept, but Jezzi is right. Also this reads like English might be a second language for you.

I suggest you send your story to Jezzi and ask her for some proofing and editing help. Giggle, giggle.

You see, Jezzi is the most prolific critic on any of the TG Fiction sites and I believe she should help you.

She was very kind to you and she has even given me a positive review! I have downloaded and printed it out and I have it mounted right next to my computer. Giggle, giggle.

Well, keep at it and learn from the suggestions and comments you get. You will get better I promise you.

Huggles
Angel

Did mom and sis drug him or do subliminal preparation?  He's much too compliant .  I could see him being physically compliant for the moment while plotting what to do, but there is not even any mental protest.  This is not normal for a 15 year old boy for whom there were no hints given of any TG tendencies.  It's not punishment if he's not upset about it; c'mon Arron, FIGHT BACK or comply sullenly or plot escape or revenge, or something other than just blah acceptance.  I look forward hopefully to part 2; I'd like him to eventually enjoy being a girl, but it's no fun if he accepts it right away with no struggles, trials, or tribulations.

Love it. When erin gets to the mall he should be taken to the girls department of a department store. a place a boy would rather die then enter.have him pick out his own panty and bra sets.
looking forward to the res of the story
 

The story is fairly good and the concept is fine. But it needs a very good editing. The misused words detract greatly from this story and make it a jerky read as try to navigate it.

loved the story, although the subconscience is a little weird.  can't wait for more of the story to unfold though.  definitely keep them coming.

loved it!! personally i wouldn't have thought it was punishment- the conscience talking was a little hard to follow, but i got used to it.  haven't read the other story but am about to.

Oh how I love this.  Please post more of this story soon.  This is even better then your other story.  Great Job! :)  I really can't wait to read more of Erin.  I hope you continue to describe the clothes and have Erin hanging with her sister.