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Hard Hal
by Pamela

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Comment by Silvia. on 01/14/12
This story is ridiculous!
How can you write this?

Comment by DEE on 09/30/07
GREAT STORY OF ANOTHER CRASY PERSON ON WHO FEMINENITY HAS BEEN
WASTED.

Comment by A Reader on 06/03/04
An excellent story, which I found entirely believable.
I am 6 inches taller than my wife and we have teenage children.  I could never hit her and she knows this.  If she hit me (which she does not!) and made me wear clothes I had bought for her under threat of violence, I guess I probably would.
The reaction of the son is a reaction is exactly what I would expect from one of children.  They love both their parents and would speak out against whichever parent was being unreasonable.

Comment by Sheryl S. on 11/20/03
Memorably haunting and quite realistiic in many ways.  You did a superb job of depicting the wife's self-righteous psychosis and the terror of the situation.  I think this is so good that you should consider buillding upon it more instead of rushing to a resolution.  People alter and re-submit stories all the time here and you couldn't choose a better environment for development.  Don't rush.  Take it more slowly.  One potential variation on the theme: Hal could try to get his wife to go with him to therapy, and when turned down, go on his own to explore why he enjoys humiliation and why he associates that with shame and femininity.  This is rich soil for growth.  I'd love to read more.

Huggz & Love

Comment by Jill on 11/17/03
By the way. I'm the same Jill that commented on Pirates and Maidens. I still think you have a natural sweetness that comes through in your stories. I love the way the dad thought first of his son, rather than about his own humiliation. Bravo.

Jill

Comment by Jill on 11/17/03
Congratulations on a good story.

I found the entire plot to be believable, especially the ending. I wonder if those who had trouble with this have experenced a bad menopause.

Then woman was psychotic. You captured her emotions quite well. The man could have stood up to her if he was willing to match her evil. He was not. Obviously some of the other readers have no idea how many men are raped, how many husbands are abused. Size isn't always the deciding factor.

Many readers on this site want their stories to follow a well-defined pattern. Actually that is fairly common in every genre.

You have chosen, with this story, to tell a story that doesn't fit the mold. That is your right as an author.

You might want to take a closer look at your tense. As a story teller you should normally be in past tense unless you are in dialogue or in a thought the narrator is expressing. I have a great deal of problem with this myself. Try reading your story aloud to yourself. If you're telling a story to your friends about fishing you'd use past tense. Pretend you're telling your written story to your friends. This might also help you see the need to cut out a few four letter words.

You also could use half words and sounds to express fury. The repetitive use of foul language loses it's impact quite rapidly. You wanted to show her anger. She could have smashed things, shrieked, ripped the curtains . . ..

In this story, his terror was the fear his son would be damaged. You could have played upon that even more. (He obviously thought leaving her would be bad for his son.)

Think about how Hitchcock built terror in "The Birds." You saw those birds so many times you knew they had to be horrible.

You might have had him think more clearly about the consequences to his son. You might have had him recall wonderful tims with his wife and how she'd changed over the years.

You might have taken soo have your hero think through the consequences of leaving her. Most abused spouses feel helpless to remove themselves from what everyone else can see is a fruitless marriage.

All in all, I'm writing to express to you that your story is your story . . . the readers on this site made an implied contract with you as an amatuer author to cut you slack in return for a free read. Sometimes they do . . . sometimes they don't.

Jill

Comment by Annie O on 11/16/03
The point of the woman going to go find a "Real Man" seems to be an all too common theme in stories.
  If this is based on a real incident, the remark would seem to ring true. I do have a hard time with him being six foot, and she about five foot six -- and she beats him?
  If she's looking for a real man, what does she expect -- the guy to beat her, toss her around? Then again, the story was good at the start.

Comment by Mina on 11/15/03
This story starts a lot better than it ends. You build up to something and instead of drawing it out, so she can humiliate him in front of his son and maybe even get to the point of role reversal, she leaves and he enjoys his corselette.  Very good idea, very well introduced and very poorly ended.  You can do better than this. The first half proved it.



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