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I like the changes that you did make I thought this was really just going to be the actual book.  My problem is that you have the parts a bit to short.  You got spelling and gramar problems and you repeat a few paragraphs hopefully just by mistake then to really lengthen the story parts.  The adding of Paine even if it's with the speeling of Final Fantasy X2.  You left an author's note with out some sign that it was just that and it looked as part of the story.  But other wise this was a good story and your changes are something that can be easily seen  in this world.  Though the PS 3 as you mention still hasn't been release at all so you should probably change that system in the story when you send the revised versions.  Though Kim does has a point and one that should be looked into as well before continueing with the story!

I very rarely talk about spelling errors and bad grammar, mainly because I have been known to have accidentally left a few in my own stories. Having said that, I find that this story really needs to be re-worked, perhaps if you found an editor.

Re-telling Goblet of Fire with minor variations seems like a bit of a waste. Goblet has already been told, why do it again? Why not just tell a new story that has twists and turns that have yet to be explored?

Body swapping has not been covered in any of the Harry Potter books, but that does not mean it is not possible. The fact that you are willing to swerve the original plot with Wormtail is interesting. I do not see the advantage this would have over using the Imperius curse, but it is still worth looking into. Did Wormy have problems adjusting to life as a witch? Did she gain new powers and abilities of the previous owner? Will Wormy decide that she is far better off as a witch with a decent job, friends, and family? Or will she miss looking like a rat? A lot of potential that was sadly missing.


Paine Dumbledore? A 17 year old American that seems to be replacing the main lead character in Goblet? Creating a new character is fine; making her a relation to Dumbledore is fine, making her out to be the center of the lime light can be a dangerous thing. You risk making Harry and his friends become nonessential players. Paine seems to have no weakness, no flaws, nothing that people can relate to. Add a few chinks in her armor, make her a bit more vulnerable, and then watch as she becomes more interesting as a result. I can see many different elements of book four and six interwoven in this story. All pretty much from the point of view of Paine. Everyone, including Dumbledore it seems, is letting her take the lead.

The over all story needs to be fleshed out some more. It feels very much like I'm reading a first draft instead of the final version. Giving Paine the ability to see possible events in the future is alright, but you are making it too easy for her. She already knows the ending to your story. How is that going to be a tension filled story when there is no suspense? Harry is given everything, the whole mystery solved, as it were, from the very beginning. I don't know, at this point, if I were Voldemort, I would turn my attention on Paine Dumbledore instead of Harry. She seems to be much more of a threat.