what a lot of rubbish - - - - no  more comments required.

I really think that is one of the worst stories I ever read!
You really know how to write bad stories Ann!
Silvia.

this is a good story based on the devious ways of women but the set up was intresting it shows people will do almost anything for money good story

Actually, I thought this version was a great improvement.  You took care of  Most of the problems I noted in my original e-mail.

The only loose end that I still see is Evelyn, Don, and Judy.  There's still no background for why his mom would want to  force femme him and force him to violate/impregnate Judy.  There's no background to indicate past CDing that would make his ready acceptance of his lot believable.  There is, for that matter, no evidence of any real blackmail hold Evelyn and Milly have on Don and Judy; there's no reason given why they can't just leave after the physical force is gone.

Slightly better.  Definately less confusing in the beginning, but it still begins to get chaotic towards the end.  

The dialog still doesn't seem natural.  "Oh well, too late to be mad about it now!" is a good example.  I just don't see that being uttered after such a humliating and harrowing experience, at least not without some insight into the motivation behind the statement (like maybe she is just a heartless bitch, which doesn't appear to be the case here).

When I said the story needed some work, I really meant that you should consult with an editor.  The mechanics of your writing are perfect, but the story and characters needs development.  That is most easily done by getting input from others, because an author usually doesn't see what a reader sees.

Anyway, I'm probably beating a dead horse.  I expect that your next offering will be better.  I know you have it in you.

-Ami

Sorry, I can't see that much difference between the original and the revised. I can follow it but it is slightly confusing and not enough background information is given. And I can easily agree with most of the comments about the previous version.

I agree with most of the other comments. By the way, who would be blackmailing whom here? I think the genetic males would have the upper hand. Kidnapping, criminal confinement, extortion, various sex crimes- anybody who  was involved in forcing the sex, and who later released the tapes, could expect to spend a large chunk of the rest of their lives behind bars. The tapes would be Exhibit A in the criminal charges against them.

Whew...kinda confusing.  The characters needed to be developed better to begin with.  I found myself constantly referring back to the beginning just to figure out who these events were happening to.  Along the same lines as Jezzi Belle's complaints, I also couldn't follow the motivations.  The story had too many logic errors.

On a positive note, I very much enjoyed the bedroom scene.  The descriptions of the bondage were enjoyable for me.  I would have liked even more details there.

You are a prolific author whom I generally respect, so I hope you continue writing (especially in the bondage/authoritarian genre), but this story needs some work.

Hugs,
-Ami

I'm sorry Annie, but this story made no sense to me and seemed full of contradictions:

1)  This is not written as a dysfunctional family, but a caring one.,  It is written that Don "feared for his mother's safety".  It is written that she is crying about what's happening to her "beloved", her husband, and she is "resolved to just get through" what is going to happen to her and "blank it out".  But then we learned that she helped plan all this.  If she's a power hungry bitch enough to want to take over howard's company in this deliberately cruel manner, I would think she'd be laughing at his humiliation.   And there is absolutely no motivation given for her wanting to heap such cruel humiliation on her caring son - or that he deserved such.

2.)  Granted that charles is forced to become gay, he is at least allowed to remain a man.  How come Howard, who wasn't the one who cheated on Milly, given the worse punishment of being forced to turn gay and becoming a she-male?  If he was his wife's "beloved" why would she do this to him, turn him over to Charles and Rachel, and then get it on with George?

3) The Numbers absolutely refuse to consider Howard's offer of more money, because they "have a reputation to uphold"  yet they double-crossed Charles because Milly offered them more money.

Enjoyable but a bit sloppy. Some of the players were not completely explained and it was hard to keep track. It also had the look of being rushed which for Annie is extremely rare.  

This was just too wild to swallow...very unrealistic in nature...it would have been much simpler to have "hidden" cameras and then have the men and Don "tricked" into sex with some woman they didn't know...someone they had met either at work or school...but as it went here...not good...and I agree, it was hard to keep track of who was doing what and the twists and turns were too many...not one of your better works Annie...

Barbara Lynn Terry

Pleasant enough litle romp, but a little difficult to keep track of all the players.  All in all, though, still quite enjoyable.

Read better stories from the writer. It was well written and all just the story concept itself didn't appeal to me much.

UM what happened to howard? i didn't really like this  story sorry annie. i thought it was a waste of annies talent.

Very enjoyable and with some clever twists.  By assistant, by the way, do you mean "secretary?" or something else...just wondered.  Thanks for a great job Annie.