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I was originally going to comment on another story by this author, but this one has pretty much all the same problems.

This story, as was the other story by Heather, was very hard to read. Proper punctuation goes a long way in making a story readable. There really is a difference between "there", "their", and "they're".  Most of the sentences are run-on and seem to go in several different directions at once.

I'm not trying to sound mean, but is English a second language for the author?  You might want to get a dictionary and invest in a word processor with a spelling and grammer checker.  Everyone has typos and forget to type a word they "see" in their head.  But if you re-read your work a few times, those incidents should be few.

As mentioned by Eric, there really isn't any real TG elements to the story.  If guys wearing dresses is the norm in the universe of the story and nobody notices, then it isn't really TG.  A guy wearing a shirt and pants apparently would attract attention here.

The vampires are real wusses.  The heroine doesn't even get her hair mussed.  There's no drama and I don't care about anybody in the story.

My two cents.

Melanie

Probably not as bad, as a whole, as the rest of this review would make one believe, but this is a submission with a whole lot of serious problems.

What we have here isn't a story as much as it's an action sequence that seems to be PART of a vampire hunter story, with just enough background to see where it would fit into that full story, if it existed.  The narrator is trying to find a particular nest of vampires for personal revenge/justice.  On the way, by coincidence, she happens to encounter some other vampires, who are attacking innocent bystanders, and uses her weaponry to singlehandedly destroy them.  As the story ends, she resumes her journey and mission.

It's set in a gender role-reversed world, but I can't see where the gender reversal has any impact whatsoever on the story.  Our author seems to think that using the word "wife" instead of "husband" and "waiter" instead of "waitress" is all that one needs to create a TG story.  In a literal sense, I suppose she's right, but what's the point?

The editing/proofreading seems nonexistent: the word "there" appears in each of the first three sentences and is wrong twice (should be "their"); "dinner" is used several times where "diner" is intended; "women" should be "woman"; etc. ad nauseam.  A few sentences come out totally opposite to their apparent intended meaning: "usual" for "unusual".  We suddenly shift from the past to the present tense for three sentences in the middle of a key action sequence.  Commas, semicolons and periods seem to be missing more often than they're present; clarity becomes a serious casualty.

On the positive side, the story does move at a decent pace; the insertion of the back story comes reasonably quickly and doesn't unduly slow the narrative.  Readers who enjoy seeing vampires get blown into dust should find enough action here to satisfy them.  And Good certainly triumphs over Evil, though it's clear that what we're seeing isn't the Main Event.  It wasn't enough for me, but your mileage may vary.

Eric