I am tlotaly wowed and prepared to take the next step now.

It's not ended! Why?
Silvia.

keep going wot happines next.
when will part 2 coming out

Lovely story Ashley it is awonderful story love to see it continue soon.  Editing would be nice and getting a hold of first or third person instead of back and forth from you would be nice.  There a lot you could do to carry on with the story the back story like some one else mention of Boy freind and mother and there also a back story to the first time when Jesse put on clothing other then being sized up before they leave.  Maybe Having them keep in touch with there neighbor as the freinds you made them out to be.  The sotry into arressting the Boyfreind.  The Neglect from the mother in how she really just cared about money and sex!  Just some idea's for this wonderful story that you wrote.  And I do mean wonderful!

a nice easy read, easy to understand story line. first and third person need to be substantiated into one or the other.  More detail on the transformation, for the second part make Jessica become more at ease as a girl. the little sister part is okay as most people will be looking for a boy and a girl not two girls. CPS is under a directive to immediately persue the case, No stone left unturned. then the mother could have been out for retribution for taking away her boyfriend.  You can do a back story in part two, that will put the boyfriend away and the mother under investigation when the boyfriend tells the whole story on how she was involved and then she would be incarcerated also.  Then the hunt for the children and with them not knowing that they are being looked for because it is safe to be home.

Just read your wonderful story.  I hope you do not delay the second chapter very long, because you have skillfully put me into suspense. You have made a great setup for the adventures of Jessica and Kayla. I can already see them exiting the bus before it gets to New York, as he finds on his laptop, that there will be a reception party waiting for them to arrive.  This looks like exciting fun.  Thank you for sharing with us.

hi there ashley just read this story for the first time as im currently reading you new one spencer girls as for the other comments like someone else posted its your story so you should write it anyway you can ive wrote 1 story myself and that was hard enough so to write multiple stories takes some doing
just keep up the good work as ill be reading hopefully many more of your stories

first, no "angst" by Jesse in wearing drag, it just "happens".  oh jesse just wears women's clothes for the 2nd time in his life, ho hum.

second, i agree with pervette about needing editing and especially more character development of 2ndary characters.  they seem extra 2 dimentional.

third, jesse does seem rather casual about the mental commitment thing, idly riding horses for several days, when speed is of urgency.

Ashley, please do not give up on this story.  True you can make some adjustments to the first part and then can take the story off in any direction that you desire.  You and your fans need to remember that this is your story and you can do with it as you will.  Technical nit-picking by others about CDS is pointless, because those assholes fail in their duties quite often.  There are fans out here who would be delighted to assist you with your work as far as editing, or suggestions, or to just provide feedback.  That being said, I like your stories, and deeply appreciate what you are attempting to do by entertaining us.  It would do well for others to remember that giving birth to stories is a terrible process, especially at the beginning, and criticism without encourage is not only silly and stupid, but also cruel.  Hang-in there girl--Sharlee  

Comments Yes editing should have been done but very good story I want the second part to be posted soon please.  I hate to see unfinished stories on the site!  I may not be the best writier but if you would like for someone to carry on With the story I'm sure there will be plenty of people willing to if you can no longer come up with anything.  I'm just trying to help and not trying to be rude to you about this at all!

I agree with Jezzi about the switching between first & third
person. The story in general needs considerable editing. Heather
appears suddenly with no background or description of how Jesse
took her into his confidence or why she believes him when nobody
else does. Also, for someone who's in danger of being committed,
Jesse seems awfully dilatory about making his getaway.
.
You've got the beginning of a terrific story here, with plenty of
tension and scope for adventure, but you're going to have to take
more care in holding it together & making it plausible.
.
--Pervy

The setup is a little weak. Under the law, child protective services don't have an option in investigating reported cases of child molesting- they MUST conduct a complete investigation.  In the real world, once the molesting was reported, CPS would have immediately taken  rape kit samples from Jenny, and could have gotten a court order(if necessary) to obtain samples from the stepfather. A positive DNA (or other) match would result in  major felony charges being filed against the stepfather.

A very interesting tale. I like the idea that this young man is protective of his sister. It seems as though his sister still has her real mother, so maybe, it would be a good idea if something happened to her, so that there is no direct family ties to anyone. Or maybe the mother could also run away from the step father and eventually join them.

Lots of possibilities and I agree with the other suggestions that the little girl be disguised as a little boy. It would be very fitting. That way she can also forget about her incestuous rape.

Can't wait for the next part. Keep them coming. There are so few very good stories these days.

Good start.  I agree with the other comment about possibly making the little girl a little boy.  

Good start, but more detail on the transformation would have been nice.  Also the back and forth from first person to third person was confusing.  It seemed as though the third person parts were your notes for when you actually wrote the parts in the first person.  A thought:  While Jesse as Jessica will be hard to find, Jenny still looks the same; why not disguise her as a little boy ?