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I Want What I Want (School)
by Jane Hudson

Latest comments are shown at top of page.

Comment by Royal CBD on 02/22/21

LLIGZM This is a set of words, not an essay. you are incompetent

Comment by matzcrorkz on 08/04/14

w8pTAQ Very good post.Much thanks again. Awesome.

Comment by crorkz on 08/03/14

TJOTmj Awesome article post.Thanks Again. Awesome.

Comment by only for 5 dollars on 09/12/13

KgDt4J Very neat post.Really thank you! Will read on...

Comment by Paula on 03/21/04

a truely dream story

Comment by Eric on 02/05/04

I can put up with the sentence structure and punctuation, though I certainly wouldn't mind if it improved. (It DOES make the story harder to read and understand.)

Two things did bother me. One was the very disorderly presentation: background material coming up twice or three times (I think a couple of items even showed up four times), as though you'd forgotten that you'd already mentioned them earlier in the story. It's one of a few things that suggests that you're posting these stories without ever reading them carefully. I think you owe your readers that much.

The other was an inconsistency in the plot. Dawn doesn't use the students' lavatories, so it's not logical for her to be the one who discovers the suicide attempt. (Or more to the point, since from a plot standpoint Dawn SHOULD be the one who discovers it, you should have had the attempt take place somewhere else where Dawn could have made the discovery.)

Still, a good effort; an unusual background where the girls are better fighters than the guys and Dawn has to improve her martial arts ability to fit in with her new gender. If you keep the stories coming, I'll probably keep reading.

Best, Eric

Comment by rhonda on 01/27/04

A good concept, bad presentation. Sentence structure needs to be improved to make it readable, and followable.

Comment by Jimmy on 01/22/04

Jane, your story is hard to read because of punctuation problems and some syntax errors as well. A little work on grammar and you could have a really good story. You can't paint a picture without using the proper tools.

Comment by Ashley on 01/22/04

Potential for a great story line... much like your other stories could have been! But I am sorry to say I gave up half way through because of the lack of editing - I couldn't get into it to stay with it!

Comment by Mardee Louise Prynne on 01/22/04

Wonderfully alluring character. Jane's style is evolving into a unique blend of description and understated hints at the eroticism intinsic in cros dressing and in teh situations to which CDing may lead.
Cordially,
Mardee

Comment by Adrilee on 01/21/04

I like this story but I also found it very hard to follow in places. Could you do some more editing and you can probably fix the rough spots.

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