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Jack's Misadventures
by MichelleCD

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Comment by leelee on 06/30/08
Oh darn   it ended too quickly  and meandered too much    where is the meat that will bring us back to the fun parts?   More please and hurry!!!!!!!    thanks for  the tease anyway

Comment by Lori Michelle on 07/05/04
Sorry for the errors am working on the end of Part One.  Trying to use the active tense instead of the Third person.  Found and corrected a large number of mistakes.  This is my first exploration of fiction and Jack is part of an extended story.   Thank you for your constructive comments

TG Hugs
LoriMichelle

Comment by Annabel on 06/30/04
I enjoyed the story - it is a very promising start.
There are so many little errors though, which detract from the enjoyment of reading.

Comment by Jezzi Stewart on 06/30/04
Great story start, but I was really distracted by the bouncing at times between first and third person and also between past and present tense.

I also think for Adrienne to be passable the first time Jack ever creates her  and the lack of any kind of anxiety about going out in public for the first time are both a stretch even with suspension of disbelief.  

Sandy seems quite willing, even eagar, to cheat on Jack.  Hmmmm ....

Looking forward to part 2



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