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Jeremy's Women
by Justincbenedict

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Comment by Donna on 03/24/05

  My critiscism is that you mixed up the character names at the start.  With Jeremy married to Heather and Sylvia at the same time it's no wonder the poor sod didn't know who to obey   For all that I did like the story

Comment by deborah-slave729m on 12/28/04
I got bored

Comment by Ami Lamida on 11/30/04
I had a very hard time deciphering your writing.  You did very well with grammer, punctuation, and spelling...but you lost it with mixed verb tenses, run-on sentences, and haphazard dialog and plot.  You could really improve your writing if you would begin by outlining your plot and characters to keep things on track. Then when it is finished, edit it or get someone else to edit it.  There are some lovely volunteer editors on Storysite.

I really don't mean to be harsh.  I wanted and expected to to enjoy your story based on the categories, but it was impossible to read.  I do hope you continue writing because I see potential but you need a little more discipline.

-Ami



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