gbfb9G There is evidently a bundle to realize about this.  I consider you made various good points in features also.

bBqfNa Your style is unique in comparison to other people I ave

DpPNFP Major thankies for the article. Will read on

NjEImT Major thankies for the post.Thanks Again. Fantastic.

2H8XBg This is one awesome article post.Thanks Again. Will read on...

YLUk9j Thanks again for the article. Cool.

Next..........................

Too short, too sparse, too incredibly unbelievable.  But at least now the boys can BE girls in sexy short uniform skirts instead of just SEEING them.  Which is better, SEEING a girl, or BEING a girl?

Well, it was a bit abrupt.  It seemed to be written in a hurry.  If you take that as your story outline, and fill it out, as others here suggest, it will work better.  Please whatever you do, do not stop.  If we did not think it was promising, none of us would have passed any comment.  Your plot really is promising.  Good luck with it.

This story has promise.  If you did the work to flesh out your characters and let your characters tell you what happened this story could turn out nice.  Take the time to create a mastepiece and you will get praise.

Shelly aka shalimar

I'm sorry, but this is so simplistic a plot that it's stupid.. sorry, but I won't be reading the rest of it.

I agree with Melanie,

This story lacks the personal touches. I mean the people themselves react contrary to how you would expect someone in their position.
The whole story line is over so fast that you have little time to react or even bond to the characters..

You could for example, introduced Heath and Alex and the types of people they were. slowly introduced the other elements and then culminating in the transformation.. that would have been a good part 1.. then part 2 could have been how they deal with it before going home.. etc

also you tell us that heath is now the child his mom/mum always wanted. This ruins a major plot element which you could have introduced later on with small clues etc instead of dropping the clanger so early on.

All in All, a Good idea.. But very poor implementation in my opinion. I would be happy to re-read if it gets updated though.

Nobody's reactions in this story were any where near believable.  Nobody in the class would notice a chemical cloud engulfing two students or even be concerned for their own safety?  And then just leave without even noticing such a major change?  And the teacher's attitude about the  whole thing is quite bizarre.  Instead of calling an ambulance and a hazmat team, she just escorts them to the office to fill out new paper work?  And the matter-of-fact attitude of the parents isn't believable either.  The basic idea is kinda fun, but story really misses the mark.

Melanie

I feel sorry for Alex she didn't want to be a girl. It was all heathers fault for not paying attention in class. All Alex wanted was to fallow dad into the family business she never wanted to be daddys little girl. Heathers mom is happy to have a daughter now. I can't wait to read what happens next.