And here we see a shining example of why 2nd person voice (what the author calls "the suggestive 'you' mode) is so seldom used in writing fiction: when the reader is the subject of the communication, the purpose is usually to *instruct* (or "suggest") the reader to do or think something, not to narrate a history of what happened or an account of what is happening. On her writer's workshop web page, Tara Harper writes:Second-person is the least-used form in novels, mainly because it usually reads more awkwardly. Second person is the "you" point of view, the imperative (command) form, the way this web site is written. For example: "If you're looking for an agent, consider reading the info in the agent's file. Then check out the agents information and cautions on the following sites..."
Like the website, 2nd person mode is usually reserved for guides and user manuals that instruct the reader in how to do something. The closest thing to fiction I can think of that uses 2nd person is a particular form of meditation known as *guided* (there's that word, again) imagery; in that case, the implicit directive begins with "Imagine that you..." That, of course, is the same directive implicit in this story.
It is noteworthy that guided imagery exercises are usually limited to sensations. This is because, of the three modes, 2nd person lends itself least well to the sort of contextual information that the story teller might want the listener/reader to know -- it is a bit like 1st person, but even more restrictive because of the constant presence of the implied "Imagine that you..." directive. It may be possible to overcome this limitation by using or adapting some of the devices that are used to overcome the limits of 1st person narrative. I don't have much experience with the mechanics of story telling, but one possible device might be to write the segueways between flashbacks of a story told "in medias res" in 2nd person voice, and the flashbacks themselves in 3rd person "omniscient" mode. Done creatively, with 2nd person used only as a seasoning or condiment, a very unusual story could be developed. Done exclusively in 2nd person, it is like trying to eat a shaker full of salt for lunch.
Far from helping me slip into the main character's consciousness, it builds a wall that keeps me out (my response is more like that of [Ty] Slothrop's than that of the Aardvark). In assertiveness training, counselors advise the use of " 'I' statements" like "I feel..." and "I want..." rather than " 'you' statements" that put the focus (and usually the accusation, as well) on your listener, and tend to put hir on the defensive. Seeing "you" this and "YOU" that so much in a story has much the same effect on me: rather than inviting me and drawing me into the main character's experience, it almost feels like I am at the wrong end of a pointing finger.
No one else mentioned in their comments the use of a common typographical symbol (which, for some reason unknown to me, appears on the earliest typewriters and, consequently, on computer keyboards) to substitute for a common preposition. If the total use of the 2nd person was awkward, this was very distracting, and the two together were very annoying. I kept thinking of the Unix geek's insider bit of humor, "$HOME is where you hang your @."
As for the immortal living (in disguise) in a world of mortals, and has lived long enough to have seen hir great-grandchildren grow old and die and/or has outlived generations of friends, mates, and so forth, this is the first time I have seen this concept used in a TG story. I would argue, however, that this is NOT a TG story, except in name. The author tells us in passing that the main character was once a man, and is now biologically female. Then we are told that this story is NOT about the transformation, and then directed to the other stories found on this site for that background. Instead, the focus is on adapting to immortality, not to the transformation.
In order to evaluate this story, it is necessary to compare it to other immortality stories, rather than to TG stories. I can think of three, offhand, and it suffers against all of them. Specifically, I am thinking of 'She' by Henry Rider Haggard, 'My First Two Thousand Years' (based upon the legend of Cartaphilus, the "Wandering Jew") by George Sylvester Viereck and Paul Eldridge, and an episode from Rod Serling's 'Twilight Zone' about a professor who has found the secret of immortality, only to be shot dead by his aging third wife after she declares that he will never make another woman endure the spectacle of his agelessness while she grows old and decrepit.
In summary, the author tries to do too many things at once, within one story, with the result that none of it works very well.