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I liked this story very much.  Sounds like an awesome relationship. I know its a relationship I would love to have.

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GLQLMQ Sent the first post, but it wasn't published. I am writing the second. It's me, the African tourist..

Lovely story, I wish I could be like Tammy.  And I wish for Tammy that this was not her only day as a maid, i.e she had the opportunity of being a maid quite regularly, and I would like to readthe next chapter of her story .
Hugs, Laura, Norway

A lovely story. Tammy appears to be quite a good maid. Like Tammy's Mistress, Mistress Meredith is quite good to me, EXCEPT when I displease her. Then I am punished severely with strict bondage and corporal punishment. Of course, I always try to please Mistress and am, for the most part, treated very well. I am happy for Tammy.

this story was greatr well written &worded and with tom being the sport it was a lot better and his wife did not take advantaGE OF IT GREAT STORY WELLDONE

Lovely story Tammy. I only wish that I had the same adventure with my wife. Love & Kisses  Carolyn Renee

While a lot of what Jill wrote is correct, I certainly do not endorse her tone.  Instead, Tammy should focus on what Kristi, Karen and Jezzi wrote. This was a great first posting that told a nice story of fun and games between a loving couple.  The only thing that rang untrue to me is that a true Wolverine would never marry a Buckeye  

Keep on writing.

SS

You did so many things right for a first time author. In many ways it was a beautiful story. Congratulations!

When you write a story you create an implied contract with the reader. The reader agrees to do her best to suspend her disbelief, while you agree to make the story as plausible as possible.

The story would work better if you took the time to establish why Tom is going along with Danielle. A reasonable man would slop on an apron, melt some Velveeta over Triscuits, serve them with warm beer, and call it done.

The first problem occurs when you state,

> She had me stand in the bathtub while she covered every inch of my body except my head and my crotch with a foul-smelling cream. "What are you doing?" <

Does it seem plausible to you that he would stand naked in the bathtub and allow his wife to cover him in foul-smelling cream before asking, "What are you doing?"?

You needed to make this story more believable. One way you could have done it is for Tom to immediately welsh on his bet in front of his friends and their wives.

His buddies could tell him that he's being a jerk for not abiding by the bet to the very essence of what his wife would have done. He could say that it would be impossible for anyone to say what she would've done. His wife could've stoked the fires by saying, "Tom, you mean to say you would be a sexy maid, if that's what I would do."

He would answer "Of course!" As that is what a macho male would do.

She would then spring her trap by saying, "Great, I'll wait on your friends next week and you can wait on my friends the week after."

Tom would then sense a trap and try to weasel out. Danielle would propose a penalty if Tom doesn't do his maidship exactly as she did hers. That penalty would be that he would have to not only wait on her friends, but (if he didn't do it right) he would have to wait on his buddies the following week and every week thereafter for the entire football season.

Everyone, but Tom, would agree that what Danielle had proposed was eminently fair.

One of Tom's friends could come up with the name, Tammy. Giving Tom a firm indication of how he will be treated by his friends.

Danielle would then become the sexiest maid anyone has evr seen, creating carte blanche for her transformation of Tom to Tammy.

It doesn't have to be perfect. The TG reader will bend over to meet you halfway.

The bet was serving lunch, yet you extend it to a day of doing all sorts of things. Why would Tom agree to that? You have asked the reader to meet your story on shaky grounds.

You have Tom curtsey (sic). How would Tom know how to curtsy?

Your dialogue is stilted and does little to move the story along.

In my opinion, you didn't spend much time getting to know your characters before you started writing. What is it about Danille that made her want to do all of this to her husband? Was this the first time Tom dressed? Why would his friends persuade him to do this? Is one of his friends a little suspect in his exuality? Is Tome worried what that friends might say or do if he has to wait on him? Would all of Danielle's friends act courteously to Tammy? Wouldn't at least one of them find his transformation disconcerting? Where is the conflict in most of your story?

If you know your characters it will become easier to write dialogue that they would actually say.

There is much more right with your story than there is wrong. Your mechanics are sound and your grammar is excellent.

Just a jump to the left and you'll be one of the best authors on Storysite.

Jill

     A good first contribution to Story Site. The storyline was a vast improvement from the usual tired "wife gets hubby into panties and he immediately starts having sex with other men" plot. The story captured what it's REALLY like- the incredibly erotic rush of being dressed up by your SO- followed by a fantastic romp in the sack. Please keep it up!

This is a story that should definitely be classified "sweet and sentimental".  I really liked the fact that Tom was a good sport and got into the spirit of fun, and that Linda knew when to quit - such as not including the husbands.  A man introduced to crossdressing in this manner would be much more likely to view femininity as a wonderful gift and enjoy it without feeling humiliated or ashamed.  Congrats, Tammy.

ALTHOUGH it would have been interesting to find that each wife, unbeknownst to Tom, had found some way to get her husband to meet Danielle's criteria for inclusion.  Then there could have been three spin off stories for those three husbands.

A fun little story and a nice read.
Tammy's writing is free from the grammatical errors that plague most writers.
I'd have liked to have seen greater details and a greater depth of the emotions and thoughts that the maid had as she worked, but that may be me.
I encourage Tammy to write more.

Ta-ra, fer a bits,
Karen Anne

Dear Tammy:

  A fun cute and thoroughly enjoyable story and noone is hurt in the process. The enthusiasm you have shines through easily and your story flows quickly to it's conclusion. You have made a good start and please write some more stories as they would be appreciated very much. Thanks.

Hugs,

Kristi