A truly moving story. We should all be a little nicer to each other.

Great, Beautiful and amazing story!
Kisses.
Silvia.

Truely an exceptional work of art. This is my first post after my third or fourth reading over the years, being one of those relatively rare 'males' who carry their emotions on their sleeves, I can without shame say that my tears begin within the first two paragraphs and continue through to the end. I decided to post this observation now as my age group reaches the end of the line in this endeavor that society deems to call life. I can easily relate to the hopelessness of existing in this world, I've suffered day to day for probably fifty of my fifty eight years. Through my journey to this point I've finally found peace and solice to accept that nothing can be done to really change the perception that society has of GLB or in my case T. I have finally gutted up and admitted to myself that Every belief in a hereafter is nothing more than wishful thinking, it took me a lifetime of being terrified when a stray 'thought' of doubt entered my mind, let alone voicing my doubts. I've accepted that this is all there is now...maybe without my T burden my outlook could have been different, don't know, do know that with my acceptance I sleep better and have no worries or concernes as to the future of humanity. What we work for all our lives is nothing more than sweat and tears. I lived my life within the confines of 'religon' followed the moral high road and the world is still screwed up, my teeth are still kicked in and my body is still worn out and broken. On a Really Good day, when my antidepressants are working a hundred percent, I can look out into the world and the best I can say is Life Su_S, just read the newspaper, watch the evening news, the futility is all there. As a co-worker of mine has repeadly reminded me for the last 26 years- "It don't get any better than this".

Thank you for this story; the only reason I wasn't fighting tears reading it was that I read quickly (once clocked at 4 pages per minute on reading like this). I have to say I'm here now in part due to my high school counselor who made the hell of high school borderline bearable by doing her best to understand my gender identity confusion.

May "Not in Vain" get more exposure than just here- it hits home hard, and needs to be read by *everybody*.

A very sad story,but I detected a glimmer of hope at the end.I wish people would just accept us.(Now I'm crying too.)

WOW    A MUST  READ ..I  CANNOT SAY MUCH .....JUST  WOW ....
IF ANY STORY WILL GET TO YOU THIS WILL.....A MUST READ...FOR SHURE..
SHOULD BE REQUIRED FOR TEACHERS AND SOCALLED PROFRESHIONALS ...

THANK YOU  RONE.......WOW

I just read your story, I was emotionally touched in the middle and was wiping tears away as i finished the story. Well writte and so very true.  Even though it is fiction it holds many truths about our society.  This is the kind of story that should be required reading for every person in high school and colleg and maybe it would begin to loosen teh ties that bind us from coming out. In tolerence of others hurts, and I am reminded by this writing of those around me that think it is about them and how I am ruining their lives by being inter-sexed.
I am not considered in their equations, to them I am a non entity out to destroy their  lives.  I am hurt each day, and it is a hurt that lingers. thank you for this poignant story

Whoops! I did it again! (Apologies to Britney Spears :))
Sorry for the multiple post. :(

This one had me almost in tears before I finished reading it--which is unusual for me, as I rarely become emotional (in *THAT* way, at least--like many other people, I suppose, I often become angry while watching the evening news, especially since the tragic events of September 11th, 2001) while reading *ANYTHING*, fiction or not.
I felt the angst/pain (a cliche', I know, but I *MEAN* it) of *ALL* of the characters, but most particular the two transgendered main characters, "John" and "Kelly". Not only do I share a name with each of them (my Christian Name is "John" and my middle name is "Kelly"; I *WON'T* tell you my last name :)), but I have struggled with transgendered feelings for most of my life (I'll be 39 in May). One reason I don't talk about it is my family--My brother is almost homicidally homophobic (after a male  friend was "propositioned" on the job by a Gay coworker, my brother has *REPEATEDLY* stated that he will "do [his] d***edest to KILL one of *THEM* if he tries the same thing with *ME* that he did with [his friend]."
Also, my Dad was reared in a typical Southern Baptist household--he has *VERY* little use--and little in the way of *POLITE* comments, shall I say--for anyone who isn't (1) WHITE (that is, Caucasian), (2) of Anglo-Saxon ancestry, (3) American, (4) Protestant (particularly Southern Baptist), (5) Conservative (particularly Conservative REPUBLICAN), and (6) Heterosexual. I'm not certain how he feels about Transgendered people but, given his track record with minorities and other religious groups, I'm not certain I *WANT* to know.
So you can see what I'm up against. I *KNOW* they love me, but if they ever found out that I'm really a (GASP! :)) Bisexual Female (that's how I *FEEL* anyway--I've *NEVER* actually been diagnosed (YET! :)) as a Transsexual (or even crossdressed)), I don't know *WHAT* would happen.
Sorry if I rambled. Guess I needed to get something off my chest. :) Thanks for reading this.                  

This one had me almost in tears before I finished reading it--which is unusual for me, as I rarely become emotional (in *THAT* way, at least--like many other people, I suppose, I often become angry while watching the evening news, especially since the tragic events of September 11th, 2001) while reading *ANYTHING*, fiction or not.
I felt the angst/pain (a cliche', I know, but I *MEAN* it) of *ALL* of the characters, but most particular the two transgendered main characters, "John" and "Kelly". Not only do I share a name with each of them (my Christian Name is "John" and my middle name is "Kelly"; I *WON'T* tell you my last name :)), but I have struggled with transgendered feelings for most of my life (I'll be 39 in May). One reason I don't talk about it is my family--My brother is almost homicidally homophobic (after a male  friend was "propositioned" on the job by a Gay coworker, my brother has *REPEATEDLY* stated that he will "do [his] d***edest to KILL one of *THEM* if he tries the same thing with *ME* that he did with [his friend]."
Also, my Dad was reared in a typical Southern Baptist household--he has *VERY* little use--and little in the way of *POLITE* comments, shall I say--for anyone who isn't (1) WHITE (that is, Caucasian), (2) of Anglo-Saxon ancestry, (3) American, (4) Protestant (particularly Southern Baptist), (5) Conservative (particularly Conservative REPUBLICAN), and (6) Heterosexual. I'm not certain how he feels about Transgendered people but, given his track record with minorities and other religious groups, I'm not certai I *WANT* to know.
So you can see what I'm up against. I *KNOW* they love me, but if they ever found out that I'm really a (GASP! :)) Bisexual Female (that's how I *FEEL* anyway--I've *NEVER* actually been diagnosed (YET! :)) as a Transsexual (or even crossdressed)), I don't know *WHAT* would happen.
Sorry if I rambled. Guess I needed to get something off my chest. :) Thanks for reading this.                  

This one had me almost in tears before I finished reading it--which is unusual for me, as I rarely become emotional (in *THAT* way, at least--like many other people, I suppose, I often become angry while watching the evening news, especially since the tragic events of September 11th, 2001) while reading *ANYTHING*, fiction or not.
I felt the angst/pain (a cliche', I know, but I *MEAN* it) of *ALL* of the characters, but most particular the two transgendered main characters, "John" and "Kelly". Not only do I share a name with each of them (my Christian Name is "John" and my middle name is "Kelly"; I *WON'T* tell you my last name :)), but I have struggled with transgendered feelings for most of my life (I'll be 39 in May). One reason I don't talk about it is my family--My brother is almost homicidally homophobic (after a male  friend was "propositioned" on the job by a Gay coworker, my brother has *REPEATEDLY* stated that he will "do [his] d***edest to KILL one of *THEM* if he tries the same thing with *ME* that he did with [his friend]."
Also, my Dad was reared in a typical Southern Baptist household--he has *VERY* little use--and little in the way of *POLITE* comments, shall I say--for anyone who isn't (1) WHITE (that is, Caucasian), (2) of Anglo-Saxon ancestry, (3) American, (4) Protestant (particularly Southern Baptist), (5) Conservative (particularly Conservative REPUBLICAN), and (6) Heterosexual. I'm not certain how he feels about Transgendered people but, given his track record with minorities and other religious groups, I'm not certai I *WANT* to know.
So you can see what I'm up against. I *KNOW* they love me, but if they ever found out that I'm really a (GASP! :)) Bisexual Female (that's how I *FEEL* anyway--I've *NEVER* actually been diagnosed (YET! :)) as a Transsexual (or even crossdressed)), I don't know *WHAT* would happen.
Sorry if I rambled. Guess I needed to get something off my chest. :)Thanks for reading this.                  

I reread this story and it brought a tear to my eyes, not because I fit into any group mentioned but because people can be so hateful and hurtful. They make remarks and take stands because someone is slightly different. I pray that things may change but sadly know deep down that it won't any time soon.

I read your story about a month ago and was remiss to not write a comment about it.  This story touched a raw nerve in me as I can specifically identify with some of the characters.  It kind of took my breath away how it transported me back in time.  This was personally a powerful story.

Dear Samantha,
    I just reread "Not In Vain", as of 4:21 EST 21Jan01 it has been accessed 614 times.  It is painful to read I know it must have been painful to write.  But it is a story that had to be told.  May God forgive us who don't learn from the tragedies of the past.