If you want to read this. there is a better version on Fictionmania that I edited. It could do with yet more editing but the version that's posted took me a week of effort so take your choice :)

Not much into forced type of storyline reading to my taste. The story in itself was well done and getting right to the point with well done characters.  If I was more into force type of stories myself I'd of enjoyed it a little more than I did.  Like me I'm sure you're experimenting with the different type of stories that appeal to the different tastes here at Crystals.

I would be doing you no favor if I said that this was a fantastic story. It could be but you like another regular here refuse to let anyone help you with your work.  Your ideas are good but I'm sorry to say your writing is awful, your narrative utterly disorganized.   I know there are people here who will cry "foul!" at that, but this is a page for criticism.

If you allowed people who know HOW to fix these stories in the areas of grammar, spelling, plot and logic work on your submissions, they could be very good.  But you won't. So the stories are just what they are. I'll never read another. Can't imagine why anyone would.