Yes hiring a proof reader would a good thing but there is nothing amiss with your spinning a tale. I aggree with earlier comments that this would make a wonderful movie. I'd go to see it and buy a dvd to watch  again and again. You got talent lady. Thank you so much for sharing your creation with us.  *.*

BRAVO!!!...every bit as good as the mummy stories that became movies.  I wish that you would write one like the indy jones fables.

Kim, wonderful story, I like it when I read and can visualize the characters, it makes easier reading for me. I could imagine this story being a movie. You write well, you tell your reader what they will be reading and you give it to them and you keepon track doing it, a real plus. the side bars tie into the main story, I like htat. Keep writing. give us more

Same as the comment I left at Fictionmania:

Elizabeth Peterson ?? I like Elizabeth peters' Egyptologist stories; now I like your work, too :-)

I agree with C-Monster Ms. producer/director Kim - I had a sense of dejavu reading this and then realized it was a remake of "Abbot and Costello Meet the Mummy". I think a good twist at the end, though, would have been to have Elizabeth become a Stanley agaiin, though young, while Ryan became Rhonda as a result of the final confrontation, thus keeping the Abbot/Ryan/Rhonda and Costello/Bluto/Hillary team same sexed.

Why did Hillary pretty much remain Bluto mentally (a nice "road less traveled" touch BTW) while Elizabeth became all girly?

Congratulations Kim. This is a story that comes straight off the adventure movies of yore. The same ones that Spielberg and Lucas watched. You are the mistress of the myth (and the mythter).

Your story could have used one more edit. e.g. thrown instead of throne -- in a few spots. But it is a marvelous read and a great tale.

Jill