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Story Comments by Readers

Playtime
by Susan Smith

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Comment by crorkz on 08/04/14
2oZCKk Major thanks for the article. Awesome.
Comment by jillateen on 11/15/05
very well exprest . Iwill look for part 2
              THANK YOU
Comment by nonymous on 11/15/05
It was good, but feels like there was a missing paragraph or two between the doll talking to Peter and Peter showing up at the dinner table.
Comment by Jezzi Stewart on 11/14/05
After part 1:
Peter is supposed to be the bad guy of the story, but by making :
what the women are doing so much worse than what he had done, they, or more accurately, Emily, becomes the bad guy and peter a sympathetic victim... UNLESS at least part of the motivation of Emily and/or mum and/or Amy is to rehabilitate Peter, not just punish him.  Hopefully that would be the motivation for at least mum, who while not currently liking her son much, still should love him.  If this is the case, either mum or Emily should explain to "Susan" what lessons she, and by extension Peter,  needs to learn ( and what rules need to be followed in learning them ) and what benefits will come to him/her from learning them.
Comment by Anon on 11/14/05
Looking forward to part 2!
Comment by Betty Sue C  ompton on 11/13/05
Your story concept is okay. However; grammatics and spelling tend to make thisd story hard to follow.  Ask some one to proof read for you and do some reading on line in fiction writers websites.  You'll do well once you use an editor /proof reader.


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