I simply loved this story.
I love you! Kisses.
Silvia.

i just loved this story the way it is i head no truble in reading it at all

i think there is to be a Queen of the Diamond 2 and why did her mum & dad move back for ??????

than you

This was an imaginative and potentially interesting story.  It had a lot of nice elements.  But I'm afraid I have to compare it to a beautifully designed house which the architect, devoid of any knowledge of carpentry, decides to build himself.  Despite the nice design, the execution is so bad, no one can live in it:  The floor slants, the doors are uneven, the windows won't close and the roof leaks.  All of these are strictly mechanical faults, but mechanics are what we depend on to make things hold together.

If you want to truly be a well-rounded writer, you MUST learn the fundamentals of how to manipulate the language and the words that are your boards and building blocks.  "Mourning" is not the same thing as "morning," for example.  Other commentators have mentioned other specifics, but you get the idea.  

You must also learn how to format your text for dialogue, so we readers clearly know which character is speaking, and when he or she starts and stops talking.

If you want to write -- to create -- but you are unsure of your grammar and/or spelling skills, then it may help you to seek the help of an editor who can do these things for you.  There are many very helpful volunteer editors who subscribe to the various TG fiction lists and who may relish the challenge of reformatting a story like this one.

I do not mean to seem harsh. The fact that you have expended the creative energy to try to write a story like this one speaks well of your potential.  Fortunately, the things that are wrong with this piece are all things that can be easily learned, if you are so inclined.  As it stands now, however, you are asking your readers to do a lot of work to try to follow you without the roadmap that a writer must provide:  consistent use of the language.  Please keep trying, and good luck to you.
......Tamara Rand.

I'm only about a third of the way through, so I may change my mind,
but so far I LOVE this story. Another & apparently quite different
girls'-only club! My only problem is the really weird misspellings.
Deiced sounds like scraping the windshield on a winter morning;
you want "decided."  Minuets are 18th-century dances; you want
"minutes."  Remanded means sent back to prison; you want "remained."
Sounds like an over-zealous spelling checker.  Such software is not
to be trusted.  Aside from that, a cheering & delightful story, & I
couldn't care less if it reminds some people of Janet Stickney.
(Doesn't remind me.)
.
--Pervy

Good, well written, but too much along the Janet Stickney theme which is overused.