I very much enjoyed the writing style as well as the story line. I did, however, notice just a few grammar problems, or word usage issues.

One: Calvary is a hill in Israel. Cavalry is the Army on horseback.
Two: The word "Hearth" was used instead of "heart"

This is such a minor issue but it has been something that has bothered me for years; when people use words incorrectly. "then" instead of "than" .... that sort of thing.

I really liked the story. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Leslie W

I have to agree with the previous critiques on grammar and paragraph structure, however, I did read the story all the way through and found it to be great!  Your imagination and characters have great potential!  I hope that you continue to write great stories like this in the future and look forward to seeing you fully develop your writing style :)  

I'm very sorry, but these tremendously long unstructured paragraphs, with dialogue and description all muddled together, are so hard to read that I'm afraid I gave up half way through. I'm sure there's a good story lurking there, and I'm missing out on it, but...

Danielle, I know it seems all I do is find fault with your stories, but I do find them interesting and enjoyable enough to read them through and think  your work has great potential.  I mean my comments as constructive criticism.  I do think you could use the help of a good proofreader and editor.

In regard to "A Relationship Killer", you write:

<<   I would guess that there are only two things that hurt me the most; one: My wife used this as an excuse to finally come out with her new boyfriend, of several months before she found my site, and was able to rationalize her infidelity. Two: That she was able to do so much to me before I even caught on to what was going on. Even with reading the stories and such that I had I never would have believed that my wife of six years would betray me in such a twisted and sick way. Let this be a lesson to my readers, always password your journeys, or if that is not possible make sure that you can tell if someone other than yourself has been to your sites. Unless of course you WANT to be found out! Well I am kind of getting the cart before the horse here so I guess I should tell you my sordid little tale of love lost and ultimate betrayal. Please excuse the tear stains as this happened just a few month's ago and much is still very sharp and causes many crying jags. >>

How does this the title and this introduction go with the happy happy ending you write where Danielle and Alice are all lovey dovey?  At the end, far from being killed, you write their relationship as being stronger than ever.  (Unless the title refers to Alice and Bruce's or Nadine and Bruce's relationships)  And how come all the blame for wrecking Nadine's marriage falls on Bruce while Alice gets off scott free.  It takes two for infidelity.

I'm sure that this story really wonderful, however please learn more of the rules of grammar, especially those regarding paragraphs. These little beauties are not just something that our 3rd grade teachers made us create, they serve a wonderful purpose. A paragraph, at its most basic function, makes a writing more readable to the eye. I gives a page rhythm as it gives the mind a way to package a thought or an event. It packages those things in a way that the human mind packages them and makes a work far more accessible.

Because of this lack, I am unable to read very far into your work.