I enjoyed this relaxed and gentle story very much.  I was surprised at the amount of criticism of it.  An erudite and older gentleman working in academe might conceivably express himself in proper english and in a more verbose style than a kid on the street, ya know !

I tend personally to find myself more attracted to longer stories than to the ones that sometimes seem to be shorter than the explanation on the title page - IMHO there are rather too many of those "Wham bang thank you Ma'am" type stories.

So may I think you for writing and then editing this very gentle and entertaining tale?

Briar

This is a highly literate and very focused story.

But I found myself a little disappointed here, partly because the story moved so slowly, but mostly because of the most stilted conversational language I've seen outside of a parody.

Lines like "What a contrast my now confident demeanor is!" can't possibly ring true, even with an erudite man in his mid-sixties doing the talking.

And I just can't see Belinda using "How cute that would look on you, Cyndi" and "How beautiful these clothes make us" instead of the straightforward "This would look cute on you" and "These clothes make us look beautiful," unless this story were taking place circa 1935 instead of 2000.  (It's so old-fashioned that one almost expects a "doth" before "make us" in the second sentence.)

On the story length question, I realize that some of the people who read and write these kinds of stories find clothing descriptions very important.  But this story comes perilously close to listing every item that Cy/Cyndi wore -- underwear, accessories and all -- over a period of more than a year, in excruciating detail.  I appreciate that Cy's transition is being handled here in a probably unprecedented number of subtle steps, creating an extraordinarily nuanced progression.  But it's way too much for a reader like me who's searching for a plot amid all those fashions.

(I see that Jill MI suggested in a previous comment that the original shorter version of the story was around 35% too long.  I don't believe I'm the only reader who'd place this version in the morbidly obese category in terms of its amount over its figurative fighting weight.)

It also seems curious, in a story dealing so intensely with the lead character's mental state, that he'd make no effort at all to seek advice from either a physician or a psychologist, even to the point of self-medicating (quasi-legally at best) via the Internet rather than accepting live supervision.  Or that, having chosen this route, he wouldn't at least explain his qualms about doing this in the conventional manner once it reaches the point of permanent physical change, instead of totally ignoring the issue.  Does he have issues with doctors over his wife's death, or with psychiatry or psychology from past negative experience?  Neither is implausible, but IMO this would be a better story if it were explained.

Hope this is helpful.

Eric

good story although it does have some unlikely ideas in it. rewrite slow it down a little and rework the return to work and you will have a classic story that others will imitate. thje senior citizen era is very good indeed. few stories are in this catagory.

You've written a very unique story.

You're smart to seek out Jenny Walker's help, as she's one of the best.

Overall I think you had a wonderful plot. I also think that most of your mechanics were well done.

However, the story drags and should be much shorter. You could easily tell this story with 25 - 35% less length. Have mercy on the reader. We want tension and change.

I love your main character, but the other characters were all cookie cutter.

You constantly tell us and only rarely show us.

All of your stories are written in the third person. This is a very personal story. There would be a much stronger sense of immediacy if written in the first person.

Wouldn't it be more believable to have his friends Joe and Karen be from the psychology department? They could help him from a more professional standpoint.

Three months to go from point A to point 38B is much too fast. A one year sabbatical would be more appropriate to the story line. That way you could combine much of what occurred after he went back to his job with what occurred over the summer. Your story falls apart when he returns to college because it's too implausible. You could avoid this. The college could ask him to do strictly grant writing when he came back. Why should he have to quit?

Writing times of day is so hard. At one point you said 4PM in the afternoon. How about four in the afternoon?

Numbers should be written out if the number can be expressed in two words or less.

The floor boards in his attice must have been awfully deep. In a normal house there is no way he would have room for everything you mention under floor boards. Although it is important to show the extent of his cross-dressing as you have. You just need a more plausible place for his stash. You also need another word for his stash as this word became annoying with its frequent use.

He is an extremely well-liked person. I found it hard to believe that people weren't all over his house with food and visits to help him thorugh his initial grief.

Life in a small town is such that he would have been running into people all over the place that he knew, while on his frequent trips enfemme.

The initial conversation between Joe and Karen was very stilted. They should be talking about how different people grieve. They should be talking about his needs and his need not to suffer further trauma.

Cyndi probably knows that couples often die within months of each other. My mother died ten days after my father even though she was in seemingly good health. This would be additional encouragement for him to solve his tension problem.

Would his wife's panties be too small?

Would've he bought breast enhancing pads as deep in the closet as he had been? Perhaps you need to rethink the part about not using the net to buy things prior to his wife's death. A separate credit card?

At one point you say he needs to buy something the very next day. It would be much more real to say "Tomorrow you need to . . .."

By lengthening your timeline you will have solved the implausible fast-acting hormones.

I don't agree that his inner thoughts are too simplistic. I think that is how he would think being the way he was.

I hope you rewrite this. It could be a very good story.

Good luck to you and say Hi! to Jenny for me.

Jill M I

The premis of the story is OK.  I think he moved a bit too fast after his wife died.  My only real complaint is the way the character expressed himself, both in his thoughts and verbally.  He expressed himself at a nursery rhyme level it seemed to me

Kathy

The premis of the story is OK.  I think he moved a bit too fast after his wife died.  My only real complaint is the way the character expressed himself, both in his thoughts and verbally.  He expressed himself at a nursery rhyme leve it seemed to me

Kathy