I really like the basic form and format of the (Count of Monte Cristo style) way in which you wrote your story. However, i believe that you need an editor. I like your style, though i feel that the previous character in my life that wore this head and the testosterones that bombarded my body before I got my REAL body (I am a postop TS) would have liked it better. i knew i was a female from the age of three, but i still had "that other problem". I am obviously not a writer. I am now in a long term lesbian relationship (six years) with another woman who is a better writer than I am, and is typing this now.

Thank you so much for this story and please keep them coming.

your fan Sabrina Stephanie Wolfe

I have very mixed feelings regarding this story.  On the one hand, it is fairly readable, has an interesting take, and could be considered a response to the stroke, femdom, etc. stories which seem to be so common in the TG realm.

On the other hand, the characterization seems off.  From a be yourse;f championing story, it seems to be a "join the girl's club" as almost everyone ens up feminized in some way.  Furthermore, your lead characters commit the very crimes against which they are so impassioned.

Lastly, there seems to be a sense of "story's over, let's wrap up" towards the end... it feels somewhat rushed.

All in all, a healthy and interesting one, but not a rave.

I enjoyed the story up to a point.  While I am all in favor of victims who refuse to be victimized who manage to turn the tables on their captors, the revenge in this story goes a little too far.  Lana was traumatized, true, and justice needed to be dealt.  The justice handed out in this case was way over the top.  There is, however, a certain visceral satisfaction to be derived from seeing the perpetrators hoist on their own petard.
The construction of the story suffered a bit from a technical standpoint.  Try breaking up your paragraphs and sentances.  I can see that there is a passion in your writing, and that this was a passionate reaction to "Lana Becomes a Girl."  Don't let your passion get in the way of the basics.  Solid sentance and paragraph construction will complement your storytelling talents.
You are a talented writer.  Thank you for sharing this talent.

Nice story pf revenge that I agree should be read only after reading Jennifer White's story.  Thanks for writing it.

SS

Hi Danielle.  I took your advice and re-read "Lana Becomes A Girl" before reading your story.  I basically liked your story, as I approve of the bad girls and guys  getting their cumuppance (misspelling pun intended).  However you neglected the bad girl who started the actual changes, Lana herself.  you write ...

<<  I promised her that I would do whatever I could to save her brother who was just another victim of their Mother. ... He opted to leave as he didn't think he could stand to see his parents going through the same as they had put him through.  >>

In jennifer's story Matt was not a victim of his mother (at least not in regard to the original changes).  Knowing what the discs were supposed to do, Lana gave them to Matt without a qualm.  From Jennifer's story:

<<  I thought for a moment. If it was a real video, then I would really want to see it. But if it did what dad had said, then I wanted no part of it. So why not test it out on a lab rat first? ... He grabbed it and ran off to his room to start watching. I needed to be up early, so I turned off the light, jumped into bed, and went right to sleep, unconcerned about what I had just done.  >>

To me, Lana was as bad as her mom amd dad and Amy's mom. perhaps worse, as she had no reason except curiosity to do what she did to her brother - even stating earlier in the story that she and he were "pretty good friends"

You end your story with Amy and Lana as lovers.  Amy better watch her back!

.