QC5bLM I really liked your post.Really looking forward to read more.

IaQS48 say it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it smart.

   Basically a good story spoilt by discontinuity and lousy spelling making reading difficult at times. Needs revision and professional editing.

well done enjoyed it  peace  R

D9qSG2 Thank you ever so for you article post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

Good story.

 Sounds like there is some experience involved here with the healing stage ... good story .. I thing it is biographgraphical
in nature  ... some truth there ?  

good story you go girl ...
                   xoxoxoxo Lynne

I have enjoyed this story very much  ..  wish you would add some more chapters and keep it going  thank you John

Dear Rone,
I am the author of "A Boy Called Gillian" and I want to contact you and thank you for your kind words but the email address that Bobby Bookworm gave me does not work. Please send me an email to the above address so that I can reply to you.
best wishes
Gillian

Yes, you definitely need a editor.
Your writing style seems very intense and 'to the point'mostly.
But it's also 'unlocalized' and difficult to follow at times.

don't see this as me saying that your story is bad.
Don't think it is.
You just need to clean up on your writing somewhat :)
It is good even like this, but it could be really good with some tips from a editor.

Cheers
Yoron

Please,  PLease,  PLEase,  PLEAse,  PLEASe,  PLEASE  find an EDITOR.  It could have been, and still could be, SO MUCH FUN doing it for you.

i just wanted to say that i loved your story and that i hope you will maybe add to this story some more in the future, i could'nt stop reading ,  you have a gift for writing these kind of stories, i just want to say thanks and keep up the good work

from jenny

keep going you have left me sitting here wontting more and if any one has any thing to say that is not about the story but to pick on the spelling keep them to your self it is not esey macking a story for us to read

thank you
harry

 I  want to thank you all for the comments  ....  I have MS and I travel to a clinic and while there I read stories to the kids that cannot travel without a wheelchair or other conveyince I only have one hand and that is shakey so I trip on the keys and nake bistakes
I wrote ronda as a project with the kids and they want to see what they could do... this is to thank the authors and editors that have brought so much enjoyment to these kids .. many only can dream they will never walk or some may never even go to the bathroom buy themselves ... some are young as seven some are in thier twentys . they all have diffculty with life that some people never experince
I hope that they never do  ....  
The last part is a story about the harris school for girls this will finish our project ... maybe we will try again in a couple of years.
Peace to you all .. thank you for writting the kids loved it ...

Does anyone else think it is funny that someone suggesting an editor and a spell check would themselves have misspelled words and poor grammer in their critique?

Please, Please, Please go and read a book. Any Book with narrative will do and see how dialogue is written( Dickens is an excellent example). The idea behing this story is ok but it takes an awful lot of effort to read.
Then
Get a sympathetic editor (As well as a spell chacker)

I could not FORCE myself past:
Ronnie, a boy with a medical problem, is fourced to move to a new town when his dad is killed.
When the blurb has a mis-spelling I bypass the whole shebang.

*sigh*  I always hesitate before a critique.

First of all your spelling leaves much to be desired.  Next did you set out to tell a story or just a series of diary entries.  If its the latter you did a wonderful job.

If its former, then you have a beginning that keeps on beginning...but no middle or ending.  Its like listening to a record as it skips.

You obviously have a story in there somewhere I'm sure in bunch more chapters it may find you, but I think you would benefit from building a basic map of where you want to go so while the chapters may wander where they will you still follow the compass you created before you started writing.

Dear Rone: I do hope Ronda gets to go back that school and participate in the cheer squad!
          Besides that...
          Are you planning to continue the adventures of Ronda, Danielle, their family and friends? there's a lot of potential here-- many interesting characters.
          The descriptions of both the cheerleading and hospital focused episodes feel very authentic-- any autobio influences/flavorings there?
          I know someone who was born female, but had an unusual medical situation. The only "cure" was masculinization. Do you know of  any situations in the "real world" where "feminization" was the only cure for a genetic male suffering from some kind of rare medical condition?
          There are a fair amount of typos but that sort of thing is easily corrected.
          I look forward to reading more of your work.
          Peace-- hippie cheerleader
             

 Well what is next ?   we cant stop here ..
good story keep writing we need to know what happens ..

thanks  J Panty

I really like your story.  But you are like me with some stupid fingers(typo's).  But please keep writing.

I was bored so i read this. Story was ok, could have done with a little more plot and character development, but otherwise was alright for what it is. The biggest problem for me was the written english aspects. granted, i'm not an expert by any shake of a stick, however i do think spending some time to learn correct gramma usage would help in your story telling no end.

As a pointer, all spoken words should be encapsulated in speach marks " ", and if a new person is speaking it should be on a new line

so a conversation might go like this
"Hi John."
"Alright mate" Added Jason as he and Frank caught up with their friend. "Up for the game later?"
"Hi Guys, yeah sounds like fun."

Anyway, keep trying, i would be interested in seeing where you take this. especially if i can enjoy it without strugglingt o figure who is saying what and to who.

My dearest Rone I must thank you for this heart wrenching ,sweet ,kind, cute,love story ,,even though I cryed at poor Ronda's pain and suffering  .Ronda has so many who have nothing but pure love to give her . Her (twin Patty ha ha ) her two older sister to love and help her . her cousin Amy pure of soul who will also help her be all the girl she can be . then we have Sue who  would kill those who would harm her princess( a love interest maybe  ?) Debbie who will try to help Ronda get back to be the cheerleader she should be?and Ronda's knight in shinning armour  Jason  (her hero,knight,friend,lover ? )Does Ronda love girls ? I hope so.  With the help of hormone therapy will she perfer men ?  or will she take one of each a husban and a wife ??  Please keep the story going and finish it
lovingly yours
Christi

I liked your story.  Family sticking together, there will be sad times and good times, but they will be making the journey together and that's what counts.  Please continue to write about her further adventures.  Maybe, she would be able to use growth hormones to increase her height to five feet.

FUNNY!! CUTE!! SAD!! This is very often true about people who don't understand that others are different. I really really liked the story. My hats off to the author, and the $64.00 dollar question is--- WILL THERE BE ANY MORE?

I'm not going to be critical of your work like the others. This is an "at a gril". Very good. Don't stop now keep going and the sharp tongs will stop. Huggels and kisses.

Not sure what to think of this.  Most of part one -- Ron's ability as a mechanic, the gospel singing, Jason's job as bodyguard (his part four cameo notwithstanding), the cheerleading, college-level math, just about everything else -- gets thrown out the figurative window in part two when someone named Doug, who didn't even appear in the story before then, decides to murder the kid and apparently damage nearly every bone and organ in Ron's already-defective body in the process.

As for the rest, let's just say that I'm not nearly as optimistic about Ronda's future as she is.  Maybe I'd see her side of things if the story were more coherent, but the way I read it, the only positive is her identifying as female with a body that's developing in that direction.  Physically, she's even worse off than before, and mentally, she can't decide whether to act her age or let people treat her like the little sister she currently resembles, having gotten even smaller after the surgery.  (Even the nurse, who presumably knows her condition, won't let her wear eye makeup when she leaves the hospital, with no complaint from Ronda.)

Eric

This is a good story, I like the concept and the delivery is done fairly well. "BUT" Someone, please edit it.

this is fun to read try another chapter please...

The big problem is Ron's never going to be any bigger.  Being a girl will help in the immediate future, but in long term 4'2" will be a problem no matter whether a boy or a girl.  I like the mechanic part.