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Scenes From a Kid's Life
by Jan S

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Comment by Jim  Karner on 08/31/16
   The writing style is too disjointed, it lacks flow.

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Comment by Jan S on 11/11/10
Jenny,
Thank you! There is nothing like finding a comment on an old story to brighten a day.
There are a few more scenes on Big Closet, but the story isn't really finished. Just a very stubborn muse, but I always hoped that these groups could each sort of stand on its own. I know I didn't really get to that point, but maybe it's close(?)

Comment by jenny on 09/28/10
please continue this story.it is real good.if there is other chapters on another site pleasecontact me with info.thanks good writing.

Comment by Abby on 01/24/09
Refreshing to read a story like this. Parents who don't push a child into something because they want a girl instead of a boy  or a boy instead of a girl. The family as a whole just accepted what's there. They allowed life to just happen. I enjoyed reading your story.

Comment by Teddi D.Aldoennetti on 08/09/08
Thus far I have read only part one, however I find it necessary to place a comment.

At first I found some difficulty with the characters but thoroughly enjoyed the method of narration which you employ within the story.

The method allows for a very enjoyable reading experience and although I found some difficulty with the gramatical usages I discovered (after the third or fourth reading) that some of them were apparently planned rather than unintentional and by doing so made for addtional depth within the story  (comments within comments).

Keep up the good work.

God Bless


Comment by D'isa Simmons on 06/26/08
This was a very special tale for me. Ally is so real and innocent, yet very sad too. to be so torn with who you are. the end of part 3 was so touching, the interaction with Jim. There was so much love expressed there. Please hury and find your place so you can finish.
PS. My daughter had an Addie doll with all the accessories. It was so much fun braiding her hair.

Comment by Jan S on 05/21/08
Hi, Carla; thank you for the nice words.

Ally and this story are special to me, and I don't think the story is finished at all. I just don't know when more will b done; I want them to be done right, and that means I have to be in the place to write them.

There are two more "Groups" at Fictionmania.com and at Bigclosetr.us/topshelf/ (some of my other things are there too.). It is nothing against Crystal and they will be sent to her someday too, but that takes a bit of reformatting.

I tried to respond to you directly but the link on this page isn't working. Please feel free to write me at jan-s-1@hotmail.com   ; I don't plan on leaving that address anytime soon.

Hugs and Joy,
Jan


Comment by Carla G on 05/14/08
I loved this story!  I can't believe I missed seeing it until now.  It's not an easy read, I must confess that some of the subtle humor embedded in the characters' repartee escaped me.  I enjoyed the way the narrator "paused the story" to tell her views and fill in the back story; in my mind I envisioned an author teaching a writers seminar and using her own story as an example.  Very cleverly done, enough so the few typos evident in the script are forgivable.  The complexity of the dialogue gives me a reason to reread it.

The characters in the story are very believable, and one can only admire the parents.  I especially admire Ally's dad, for recognizing that Ally isn't "broken", so there is nothing to fix.  Not many adult males, especially engineering types can understand this.

After reading the first page or two, I expected Ally's story to turn tragic, so I was pleasantly surprised to realize that Ally is basically a happy kid, due almost entirely to a very accepting family. How the parents became perceptive enough provide this environment for the child one can only guess. I love Ally's naivete.  Ally's problems to this point seem no worse than most unusual kids experience in their interactions with others, but I think Ally's self-esteem and caring attitude have a lot to do with it too.

The story of Ally, Ally's family and Ally's circle of friends and acquaintances has barely begun, and I look forward to hearing more about them all.  But this story appears to be complete in it's current form.  The last two sentences say it all.

Perhaps a sequel?

Jan, I do have a question for the "narrator" about the character of Ally, but this is not the place to ask.  And please don't be discouraged about the number of comments.  This story takes a bit of effort to read.


Comment by Briar on 06/21/07
Jan, I really liked your style - it was (please excuse the joke) very unique!  I think you should use a proof reader, but otherwise it was a nice, gentle, sentimental tale, delightfully told.  You really got the reader feeling as though they were there listening to and watching this family and friends group of people.

Comment by Lissi on 06/03/07
I have read all 4 parts of "Scenes from a Kid's life" and look forward to the 5th. Is it coming soon? I love slow progressing transformations that are viewed from the child. This one pays respect to the child and seems realistic.  As a non-english reader, I have some problems with the USA slang.  The narrator's comments can from time to time be difficult to distinguish from the rest of the text.  I miss Grace in the latter parts of the story.  She is an understanding mother who combs Ally's hair so nicely.

Comment by Kristina on 01/28/07
A 'typical' story this is not. Stylistically it is apart from most here and elsewhere. But does that make it not worth reading? No it surely does not. It is not an easy thing to show a realistic view from a childs perspective when childhood is long gone. But Jan does it beautifully. This is rich and textured and I for one will look forward to more. For any willing to think and just go with it at the same time I commend it to you.
Kristina

Comment by Jan S on 11/01/06
Twelve hundred hits and one comment?? (Plus 2 PMs)

I wasn't that chilling in my response, was I? I certainly didn't intend to be, but I did think that comment showed very little thought and feared it would turn away readers. Many people have thought differently of this story and group.

Anyway, more parts are coming. I hope many will enjoy them as well as this.

Find joy,
Jan


Comment by Jan S on 08/26/06
I'm sorry you didn't like this story, Julie. I think it is a bit unusual, and the development may be subtle and slow. I knew that it would not be to everyone's taste because of that.

I do think that this first part, especially, does what I wanted it to do quite well, however. (Although I confess, I rushed to get it posted, and it could have used a bit more proof reading. There are a couple of typos that still disturb my sleep. I apologize for those.)

Think you for taking the time to post your views. I will keep them in mind.

Jan


Comment by juliej on 08/26/06
a very dissapointing story needs more work to make it enjoyable moe still its a pleseent thought but i cannot understand the full effects on ally with this it seems very dull but worth more work &thought



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