Hr03vR I really like and appreciate your article.

5YRpCq Thanks a lot for the post.Much thanks again.

If you go to Big Closet yo will find a revised version of this story, perhaps more to your liking.
Jill Micayla

The story reads more like a sketch that needs to be fleshed out. Michael does not like noise and did find a solution, but we never really find out why he wants to be a woman. There is a hint about something that happened in a hospital, but that plot line is not pursued. Just what happened? It might have been worthwhile to pursue and explore.

I kept wanting to get more dialogue from the characters, but instead, found mostly first person narrative. There isn't anything wrong with doing a story this way, but I personally find it limiting. For example, I would have liked to hear a more in depth conversation take place between the Wizard and Michael. I would have preferred the Wizard be a bit more mysterious and even playful. Also, when they do talk with one another it almost sounds like the same personality. A little bit of tweaking could've distinguished them without much effort.

How about creating a scene with Michael and his upstairs neighbor? He could be shown trying to reason with her and she could be in the middle of a very noisy party upstairs. This could have provided the motivation to leave the building and stumble into Spells R' Us. I know the narrative does supply the motivation and he does end up at the shop, but actually having a scene would've have been more dynamic.

Another thing that might have been cute would've been to have Michael not believing in the magical stories about men turning into women. While in the shop he could take a vile and joke with the Wizard saying, "So this stuff is really supposed to turn men into women?"

The wizard gave a wide grin, "Buy the record player and I'll throw that in for free, then find out for yourself if it is indeed real."

After that you could either talk about Michael's desire to become a woman and explain the hospital bit, or just have him do the typical non-believer thing. I'd expound on his desires just because very few stories tend to have men wanting to become women.

I do like the fact that Michael didn't want to seek revenge. I liked the notion that the Wizard would take a break and have a chat with him over a period of time.

Over all I thought the story needed more tension. There was not enough conflict. Michael is just a nice guy who became a nice girl. We do not find out anything about the noisy neighbor other than she's noisy. The characters are nice, the story is nice, but that's about it. I felt it could have been much more than it turned out to be.

Kim.

Just got a chance to read your story.  It is very good. I came to it from "The Office Hunt" because I liked it so much.  You have well written and enjoyable stories that end happily.  Your characters though thin, are adequate for the tales they are in. your plots have been carefully considerd and worked out.
I hope you will enjoy writing as much as I enjoyed reading your essays so that I might be able to enjoy more of them.  
Thank you for sharing with us.

A lovely story with a real moral as those who wish ill of others always come unstuck I look forward to your next story

sweet story dear

This is a really cute story.I thought the tale thoroughly delightful!! I hope to see more of your work.