You really need to finish this story

You may find it very hard to write but that is no excuse for not taking the effort to make your stories easy to read, professional editing would help. You should appreciate constructive criticism, it is made to help you. 'Where' and 'were' are correctly spelled but have different meanings, this also applies to 'gate' and 'gait', 'defiant' and 'definite', 'to', 'too' and 'two', 'then' and 'than', 'stare' and 'stair' etc. When you continue to write I suggest that you use a spell checker and a dictionary. Never use your own judgement to decide that a story is ready for publication, use a properly qualified editor.

t9TTnO This is one awesome article post.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.

dM6Rhl Really enjoyed this article post.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.

r5dqVN Say, you got a nice article post.Thanks Again. Really Great.

Hi, I just hope you finish your story.
It's an interesting story, and I want to read the end of this.
Hugs and kisses!
Silvia.

Good News/Bad news: Comment for the author – Lady hawk

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing.

Your story has a very good spine and your characters, for a first story attempt, are interesting and well developed.  More importantly you have made your protagonist interesting.  Remember the better the story, the more readers want to identify (in some way) with your protagonist.

Constructive suggestions:
1) Writing stories for the Internet formats differently than for paper in terms of ease of reading.  When you get into action sequences or descriptive sequences, try for paragraph length entries.  This will force more body and substance into your writing.  You are the reader’s eyes and you need to tell them what’s around them. Be especially liberal in describing the players and their mannerisms, looks, annoying habits and/or eccentricities, though not all in one big swoop.  Dole it out so the surprising and interesting tidbits continue occurring. These tend to make the story more believable (think of how the interplay in Starwars between R2D2 and his companion robot defined them and enriched the story).
2) Besides using a space between paragraphs, Internet only, you might consider using indentation to differentiate between the paragraphs in 1) above and the verbal interaction of your characters.  
3) Think in terms of scenes when you write. Each scene should only be told from one POV (point of view – which character’s eyes the scene is being view through).  Never hurts to use another crewmember’s POV to show things like how the developing femininity of the protagonist’s body is affecting other members of the crew. Example: a friend who liked the protagonist before but now finds that his buddy’s blossoming femininity keeps giving him erections. This becomes even funnier if female crewmembers are aware of that interaction and find it quite humorous - and tease the buddy about it.  Perhaps they even start calling the protagonist Miss Erector (think of a cute and funny nickname for the effect here) behind his back. This isn’t part of the thriller spine of your story but it makes a delicious problem, especially if the protagonist eventually becomes aware he is erecting everyone and he doesn’t know how to stop doing it.  And what if he starts erecting the one person he really respects – the Captain? Wouldn’t that confuse everybody?  Developing other characters where you can use their POV to help develop and tell the story can be very enriching to your readers.

Last – an arrogant critic herein decried the ‘deux machina’ of your plot development, i.e., your use of DNA to set up the major premise critical to your storyline.  Had that critic been mature instead of just childish, he or she, would have offered an alternative.

I must admit that I also found that particular leap in your storyline weak so I offer an alternative in hopes of helping improve an already good work.  One easy fix would be: they beamed out just barely ahead (think nanoseconds) of the immense energy wave coming at the ship from the old station’s destruction. You’ve already made the energy of the explosion big and violent enough to take the ships systems down. If your protagonist were closer to the ship than Amy, yes only in yards and feet, then his beam pattern would reach the ship’s transporter nanoseconds before Amy’s pattern reached the ship.  Assumption: Both the transporter beam and the explosion energy wave are moving at the speed of light.  Another reasonable assumption is that there is some time involved for the beam pattern of the individual going through space to get into the transporter to materialize (downloading software lag affect).  The explosion energy hits at exactly the worst moment (Murphy’s law) and instead of retrieving two patterns, they (the ship’s transporter crew) only retrieves one pattern, and that one is a mess – both patterns overlaid.  It’s also reasonable to assume that the brain might be the first thing to download, and that the transporter has emergency protocols to deal with life form transporter problems to keep any human life form being transported alive in a failure situation, i.e., blood vessels, nerves, and bones all continuous and connecting.  The ship got one body back, pattern badly damaged and since her pattern came last, it destroyed enough of his Y chromosome that he can’t be put back to male.  He is a combination of his X chromosome, Amy’s X chromosome, her Michondrial (sp?) DNA, and the emergency DNA pattern adjustment sequencer of the Transporter that just barely kept him alive. Ship doesn’t know who the survivor was until the patient wakes up.  After that they find, in sickbay, they can’t make him male again and to save his life and make him functional – in small steps they have to slowly bring him to fully female status.  Complex medical procedure that must be done in small steps. His brain is just consistent enough that they don’t mess with it.  They sense the structure of the duality of his mind but not what it does or what it means and they are afraid to treat his brain in case pushing him forcibly to his new female DNA pattern there would cause his personality to be irrevocably lost – a real conundrum.  Such a mixed pattern, would explain breasts larger than Amy’s as well as other appealing sexual characteristics - long gorgeous legs.  Perhaps large breasted women are not normally allowed in deep space – physical reasons? Sex appeal reasons?  This would give you all sorts of things to play with – wide open story development line.  This could explain his growing to be a real sex goddess, something he has no interest in becoming.  How does he deal with being the focus of so much attention?  The rest of any rewrite of Ch 1 would follow easily from this and shouldn’t take much effort.  You could keep Amy in his head, part of her entity also survived, but she could never be the dominate pattern as his brain pattern was nearly set in the transporter before her pattern was swamped by the immense energy wave.  Would make another interesting puzzle for the ship and crew trying to figure out exactly what happened.  If you went this way, this entire scene would be best told from someone else’s POV, say the Captains. This is just one idea! You can probably think of dozens of better scenarios with a little thought.  
Good luck and may you be blessed to find a great editor/critic.  A good one is simply golden                    

Bad news: Comment on Nist’s critique:

When you right (did you mean “left”, dearie?) Fanfiction (Wow, you made up your own little word and it’s a proper noun too!)  note it in the description. (The accepted convention on this site is that all stories are assumed fiction unless specified otherwise.  Nist, are you masturbating again?) When you write Crap (Crap a proper noun? Tsk, tsk, Nist.) fanfiction (What your own word is no longer a proper noun?) . (A period? Nist you idiot, you don’t have a complete sentence.)  Delete it without sharing. (The absolute nadir of your disgusting demagoguery. If it doesn’t suit “NIST”, it shouldn’t be published. Heil Hitler and up yours Nist!)

I could go on. Unfortunately, instead of slaying a dragon, I’d just be kicking a literary pig.

And if this critic critique offends anyone other than Nist, I profusely and sincerely apologize.

I thank you all for your comments.  I have been taking a break and working on my main story.  Star Light was my first attempt at writing a story.  I admit I am no english major and the fact that my gramar and speeling aren't that great shows.  But I feel I am conveying the the story in the best way I can.  And Nist, your opinion is welcomed.  But remember: I am a first time writer, I chose this genra because I love the ST univers.  If you can't stand the fact that I am trying, then I suggest you BITE ME!  It's people like you who make it very hard for me to write.  If any one is interested in hearing about my main story you can email me.  kenshinjade@gmail.com.  but please no spam.  

Nist:

I have never encountered a person as hostile as you are on any of the web pages I frequent. Are you trans or are you simply a man in a dress, acting like a red neck.

What you said to Lady Hawk is inexcusable.

Gwen Brown

I cannot agree with Nist, whose comments I find distasteful.

Though some of the timing seems shall we say, cockeyed, this could be the start of an interesting story.

I felt like rewriting it to improve the spelling but that didn't stop me getting up in the middle of the night to finish the chapter.

Don't leave us in suspense too long, Lady Hawk, before giving us another chapter.

Thanks.

Really enjoyed your story!!!
BTW, I was so worried that Amy had died forever. I'm very grateful for the way Amy & Jocelyn can share their lives. Trying to imagine how two minds would share one body..Phew! Amy seems to have a role like Jocelyn's subconscious at times ... bringing things to light that Joycelyn already knows at some level, but can't admit to HER/him-self.
Looking forward to your next installment. Congradulations on a really lovely story.
   -K

When you right Fanfiction note it in the description. When you write Crap fanfiction. Delete it without sharing. This is crap fanfiction, if you don't know how something works keep it as vague as possible. The premise was bad to begin with and your use of dna was totally cringeworthy. The only way you oculd hav epossibly made this story worse was if you actually had the main character save the federation ... sigh.