Rr2gde Useful information. Fortunate me I found your website by accident, and I'm shocked why this accident didn't took place in advance! I bookmarked it.

nGQuL5 Looking forward to reading more. Great post.Thanks Again. Will read on...

eGxOdh Thanks-a-mundo for the post.Much thanks again. Keep writing.

XMqrUt Hey, thanks for the post. Keep writing.

Dark and yet I liked it. It flew in the face of what is considered the normal, johnny x angers jane x and ends up janet x and is okay about it, stories that litter this site. It's nice to read something..darker and more in the favour of the victim.

Although, Iw ould've loved to know what went through his mother's mind when she found him gone.

their are a lot of spellig mistakes in this story the basics of the story are fine but it needs a lot more work to bring it up to a good standard i would sugest using a word check system to correct spelling mistakes before putting for others to read

I was not amused by your story. It is apparent that you got bored writing it.  The story wiht tom and his mom in hte shop and the girl who wanted to dress like a boy could have been the total gist of the story. A person who wishes to take anothers life because of subjugating circumstances would have been caught. In these times murder is not a walk away deal. I see your story as a culmination of three seperate issues to be dealt with. when one goes out of the way to write about killinng their parents there are real issues pending. In all seriousness, the one flaw was the love tom had for his moma dn then to suddenly have him kill both parents. think your stories out before you write them. do some free thinking and then write.

an interesting story well written,a hard lesson learned by tom but especially by bill i feel that this can go very far hopefully more parts to this story will be added many thanks

i read all of the other comments and came to the conclusion that some of these people dont live in the real world.  i understand the motivations just fine.  I truly hope that the bitterness isnt auto-biographical, though.  If it is, girl, u definitely have issues to deal with.  but, dont be afraid to write something that is out of the mainstream.  There are too many "happy" stories on this site as it is.

Just like the others - I loved the first part and couldn't wait to find out what would happen with Jen and Bill - BUT... you ruined it when the character went nuts at the end.  "... and never looked back!" WHY NOT????

This could have been a great story. Two cross-dressers that happen to meet. There are a lot of typos and spelling errors but this is your first story. I see no reason for killing to be rewarded. So many possibilities not used. How would Tammy and Jen be treated in school? I'd like to see another story by you but think it through first.

Good writing,

Susan

I liked nothing about the story, at first, and through most of the story, the main character seems to be willing to make sacrifices to help his moms business, then suddenly he thinks he should kill her, whats with that? What she did was bad, but in no way did she deserve to die because of it. Also, she could have easily killed someone elsem since she didn't have any breaks. And why on earth kill the father? He may be a bastard for running off, but lots of people do that, it may be selfish, but nowhere nere bad enough to kill him over it.

Bills humiliation seems totally out of context with the story, unless the mother was some kind of pervert just waiting for an excuse to humiliate her son, who by the way would never have broken down crying over such a thing unless he had a mental instability of somesort.

Sorry about the rant, but you really need to work on character motivations, realism (or better explain your unrealism), and please make some sort of plan for the story before starting it, so that you know where you are going while you write it, you seemed to change your mind a few times at least while you were at it.

For a very first effort this is an ok story. Just ok because of all the typos and misdirection your story took.

You should always and I mean always proof your story before posting it. You write it, you read it and by doing that you will pick up most of the glaring mistakes.

Your story started out real well, but then it got sidetracked. It reads like you started out all ready to write and by the time you got to 1/2 to 3/4 done, you just said screw it and killed off his parents.

Try this again and make it a multi-part story. PROOF it and then post it. You have talent and I really did like the beginning of this story! It flopped right when you dropped the girl character he was to help look like a boy and when, well off in the twilight zone you went with the rest of the story. Giggle.

Take your time, don't rush yourself and never force an ending. Giggle

KEEP WRITING and I look forward to see your next effort.

Huggles
Angel

Don't trust spellcheck! There are two glaring misspellings in the last paragraph alone-- at least, I *think* you didn't mean to say that Tom went of to "collage" after he "loved with his parents" for a few years.

What an awful story

Like the story until the guy goes crazy. The title did tell it all but still I didn't like that unhappy ending. I don't read TG fiction for pain and sorrow but to get my "not a donut" hard.
Spelling!!!

But it was basicly a good story.

Seemed to be written by several people.

Pretty grim. It's as if the story turned into a different story
about 3/4 of the way through. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
It's so rare that the worm turns in these stories that it's
refreshing to see it happen, but somehow I felt the reader should
have been better prepared. I agree with those who thought murder
was a bit extreme. Poor Bill was left hanging as a loose end. And
I agree with Annie that the relation with Jen deserved further
exploration. I don't know...the story didn't quite hang together,
which is a shame, because there were some really good ideas in it.
.
--Pervy

Hi Cindi
I'm sorry, but I didn't care for the direction that your story took in the end. But the start is excellent. hmmmmm.....(quite a few typo's)
Hugs, Fran
P.S. Please keep writing, I think you have potential.  :)

Sorry to disappoint.
 First, story seems rushed. Second, could use a reading before posting -- too many easy errors. Also, why was the mother killed? Not necessary -- I do think she had a modicum of love -- she did take care of "Billie."
 Finally, a development of interest between Jen and Tammy should be explored -- maybe he tells her of his plans, she talks him out of it, the father gets ruined or falls into the hands of a Dom Mistress.
 You had a lot of ways to go, but it seemed to me you took the easiest.

Hi,
Great start, but I would like to have seen Tom/Tammy's relationship develope with Jen.  I believe that would have been most interesting to see where the relationship would or could go.

Hi,
Great start, but I would like to have seen Tom/Tammy's relationship develope with Jen.  I believe that would have been most interesting.

Wow!  Standard story up through chapter 7, then makes a 180o
and the kid goes postal.  definitely the road less traveled, and I applaud you for that.  I do however think the mom didn't deserve being killed.  She was only trying to keep things together, and she took care of Bill for what he did.  I guess what Bill did just drove him insane.

I agree it started off fine and then seemed rushed. Please be more careful next time the many typos made it hard to read and took the edge off for me

You know, normally I like stories where the guys are convinced to go along happily and voluntarily feminine.  That said, I REALLY like this change of pace! People complain on TG fiction sites that too often the guy is forced, meekly goes along and doesn't put up a fight.  While I think it would have been nice to explore his relations with the girl he met a bit more, this desperate breakout from the forced-fem role is very effectively handled.  It's the kind of departure I wish there were more of.  A feminized male who dreams of a boyfriend, etc. is not often realistic.  That someone could be pushed over the edge this way is not out of the realm of possibility.  This is a terrific story. Keep breaking the stereotypes and coming up with new, novel ideas!