Jennifer -

Your story carries the keys to this mystery, but they're buried.

When Jen's father comes down the stairs and sees the little boy in a pink party dress, he reacts very adversely. Why? Could it be he is a misogynist who later abuses Jen? Could it be that Jen would do anything to take her life back to a time before her world caved in because of her father's abuse? She didn't tell Adam why she found him. Wasn't she a bit of a stalker?

Adam is much too pliable. He should refuse at least something. In Adam's high heels I would have walked out when the other girls arrived. I would have lost my trust for Jen.

You need to let us know what he's thinking all the way a long. He must be more conflicted than what you've shown us.

Single quotation marks are used around quotations within a quotation. I realize formatting is limited with Storysite, but your use of single quotations is confusing. Better to use double quotations or nothing at all.

Jen should explain things to Adam and should always be honest with him.

What happened to the tea party?

Wouldn't Adam run from the apartment in fright when he saw the tiny table and chairs? Sounds psycho.

Sentences that start out "He was . . .." or "She was . . .." should be avoided. Those sentences usually tell and don't show. The reader wants to be part of the fun.

Was Adam thirty-five or thirty? The story contradicts itself.

Note to JIMMY -- Not every male body has an adam's apple. Mine doesn't, even though I'm the "father" of four.

Jill

I agree with the other comments especially that there was no reason to rate it X and that Jan's motivations were confused if she didn't want a lesbian relationship but she wanted to change Adam into a women.

Again as in some of her other stories it was hard to believe that the guy passed so easily the very first time he was fully dressed.  Something that wouldn't be necessary if Jennifer wrote longer stories and took the time to let the dressing progress naturally until Adam was more accomplished in the role of Missy.

Even though Jan took advantage of Adam's feelings for her to compel him to change, I nevertheless got a warm feeling from this story as there appeared to be real affection between the characters.

Despitw ny complaints, this was a well written story by a gifted writer who should be encouraged to keep writing.

SS  

I have to agree that having Jan start the date stating that it wasn't a test and then stating that it was is not right!  I respect women who want someone that will not control them! Though you mention that was her motive behind all this you never really showed us that it truly happen to her.  I know if I was put on the spot like adam was I would be willing to do the same type of thing for the one I loved but lets say they find out that it not meant to be, and he been taking all that stuff to the point of no return that shows that she has control everything and I don't agree with that!  A realtionship in my eyes should try to be very close to a full 50/50 equaled realtionship where no one is controling the other!

The ending was to wrong.  Jan says she prefers a man's body over Wendy's female one, but here she is changing Adam to a girl.

Not good at all!

Now, can Jan pass the "fidelity test?"

Why would Adam even need to be put to a test?  It was Jan that approached Adam, not the other way around.

Jan had no idea what was going to happen when her friends came over.  Or what would have happened at the party.  Most likely, Adam would have been read and then could have been a subject of ridicule by those around him.  Jan stepped over the line for a first date with Adam.  When I started reading the story, I had a very different idea of how the story was going to end.  In the end, I found myself not liking Jan very much to say the least.

Jennifer,

  I don't know why you rated this as "X", but ...


  THANK YOU!!

  Thank you for writing a story where the guy actually *passes* the "fidelity test".  

  Not that it bought him much.  He's going to get feminized anyway.  But at least it's "consensual", sort of.  Jan played rather hard-ball with him, with that take-it-all-or-leave-it-now ultimatum.  I would have preferred to see her ease him in a little more gently.

  Still, it's a definite "keeper".

Huggs,
Deni

What did Jan give up for this relationship?  And if she didn't want a woman for a partner, why did she in the end of the story want to make Adam a girl?  And BTW: did not one of the girls notice Adam's adam's apple?