GArEWC Not bad post, leave it at my bookmarks!...

Such a true story and should be a must read for any girl considering transition. Life is so different than we can imagine unless we live it in the other's shoes or pumps as the case may be.

I suppose, 2 years later, I should address the critics?

To SSP.  You're either Rick M or Jeff C, not sure which.  more likely Rick, since it would be something you'd do.  There's no falseness in the story.  I was a crappy sysadmin when I started, as a matter of fact, had never even used linux until maybe 2 weeks before I started the job.  Due to poor training (despite promises of certs, classes, etc, I instead got ted scribbling notes on a whiteboard at 90 mph for about 20 minutes once or twice a week for the first month - then nothing), I had to stumble around for the first year or so on the job, learning by trial and error.  Also, you're thinking of Ted - I did very little that would cause system failure while CPT was still part of calltech.  As far as working over, I usually worked 10-11 hour days, and was frequently at the NOC at midnight to do installs, upgrades, etc.  So yeah, you're wrong on that one, too.  If you're talking about the on-call rotation, then I wouldn't bitch too hard, since I was rarely on it.  I didnt have access to anything that was calltech specific, so it would have been a waste of time to put me on calltech's rotation, whereas everyone had access to destroy my stuff (see above re mad scientist ted).  As for the Quake tournament comment - well, that's called metaphor.  There was one that I was not invited to, yes, but what that means is I wasn't invited to after work get-togethers, lunches, I wasn't grouping or playing with any calltech folks when everyone was on their everquest kick, I got the cold shoulder from former friends, etc etc.  So while your perspective was that I didn't do a good job prior to transition, you have to realize that I got the job because calltech didn't want to lose me as an employee at the time, not because of my mad Linux skillz.

To susan - yes, the story is 100% true and accurate, despite SSP's whining about how bad of a sysadmin I was.  It was a long time ago, almost 5 years now, and today I'm post-op and happier than ever.  Oh and my boobs are real now, not bags of cracked corn.  And yes, people still stare at them.

Bethaney - you are biased.  How could you not.  You've made your disdain for transsexuals and other gender variant folks quite apparent practically since I met you, and it was done to keep me in check for all those years, unless of course you truly feel that elitist about a situation (being a bornie) that came to you completely by accident of birth.  IIRC, once upon a time, you called our intersexed friend Rachel "He" over and over again, never once correcting yourself.  If you have that much disrespect for those who aren't even given the slightest choice in the matter about being gender variant, then truly you have no idea of what any other trans person goes through.

To all the rest, thanks for the comments.  You'll likely not see another story from me, unless I start to publish my memoirs in about 20 years.  :) My RLT is over, I had srs about 8 months ago, and I'm enjoying my new life as the woman I was born to be.

Now if only I could get rid of my real name on here.  It's too easy to google.  Damn work gossip.

Well, that certainly was an interesting story. Having worked with you though, I would like to shed some light on a few of your issues. For one, we had no respect for your linux administration abilities before your change. Because of you, the rest of us had to fix all of the problems you created since you did not work off hours. Also, we only had one quake tournoment ever. So, I appologize you did not get invited to more of than. I hope you get your operation and everything works out for you, but you readers should know that many of your comments are quite false.

Hi! being a boy to me is yuky that is why i want to be a girl here is the problem i am a biological boy. I prayed long and hard that i want to a woman because it's hard for me to come up with a money to pay for the sex reasignment surgery it i even wanted to die because i did not want to be a boy so in the mean time i dress up as a woman and i am sooo comfortable that . I have took the transgender test just before came on here the question (1) what if my penis and testicles were destroyed in an accident or injury my answer is that i wish it did happen (2) would you dress as a full time female my answer is yes (3) would you like to be remembered as woman my answer is yes etc. My answer is 100% that i want to be woman case closed.

Hi! being a boy to me is yuky that is why i want to be a girl here is the problem i am a biological boy. I prayed long and hard that i want to a woman because hard for me to come up with a money to pay for it i even wanted to die because i did not want to be a boy so in the mean time i dress up as a woman and i am sooo comfortable that . I have took the transgender test just before came on here the question (1) what if my penis and testicles were destroyed in an accident or injury my answer is that i wish it did happen (2) would you dress as a full time female my answer is yes (3) would you like to be remembered as woman my answer is yes etc. My answer is 100% that i want to be woman case closed.

Dear Erin,

I read with interest, the tale that related. Is this, perhaps, a narration of your recent life rather than a work of fiction?

You write very well. you create very, nice word-pictures. If you compose again or have time to relate more of the events that have shaped your life, you shall have one more reader to add to your list.

I'd, "love," to read about the new events that have or might occur in either your or your character's life.

Too bad that newspapers don't have a transgendered column. You could write an article a day about your or your character's events.

Good luck to you,

Susan

I would like to comment on this in particular since I am a genetic girl and the "real woman" of the story.  Unfortunately, you've missed the point of what I told you.  It wasn't degrading to me, it was degrading to the guy who stared at my breasts.  He was so caught up in my physical appearance that he turned himself into a fool.  Plus, there's no way you can know what Brad thought.  Especially since he had known you for years as a man.  Of course he's going to stare.  So would I and I don't even have any sexual interest in women.  Yes, you write well, but I am amazed at the way the transgendered folks misinterpret what they experience.  The transgendered girlfriend site is full of that.  Your experiences are filtered through your previous gender into your chosen one.  That doesn't mean you know how I feel as a woman, anymore than I can know what you feel as a transgendered one.  You may choose to discount my comments due to what you perceive as my bias.  I would encourage you to more closely analyze what you experience.  Plus, many people will know you are transgendered and thus will subject you to more attention than a "real woman."  But hey, it's a good story even if you took a fair amount of poetic license.  

Its often the simple things that mean the most. I wonder if you have ever spoken to him and thanked him for being a jerk. When even those who dont like you, unconciously affirm your decision, possibly especialy in such a degrading manner, then it must give you a sense of inner rightness. "This is who I am and was always meant to be. This is just a small part of the price I pay"

Wishing you inner peace and happiness.

Philosopher

DEAR ERIN: THANK YOU FOR YOUR INSIGHTFUL WINDOW INTO AN EXPERIENCE I FIND VERY REVEALING, IN AN AREA I CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE. YOU WRITE VERY CLEARLY AND WITH EXPERTISE. I INTEND TO LOOK FOR MORE WRITING FROM YOU ON THIS SUBJECT OR OTHERS. IT IS AMAZING HOW GOOD INTELLIGENT WRITING CAN BE WHEN BASED ON PERSONAL EXPIRIENCE.
THANKS ANOTHER BRIAN

Dear Erin,
    Well, there you have it, you recieved the Jerk seal of approval.  Lets hope that the rest of your RLT goes well.  Nice writing please continue there as well.
Rose2

------- A dose of reality on a (primarily) fiction site! Out of the million details of your life you chose just the right ones to tell the story, and you told it well. If you feel the urge to write more I'll be among your first readers. It sounds like you have a good handle on reality and I wish you the best.

Thanks.
RJMcD

An interesting tale.  You should write more.  I usually don't see such a well-written story right out of the gate.  I'm sure you've had more experiences to tell about.

Anyway, thanks for writing!  The more I hear about it, the more I know I will NEVER want to transition. :)

-Ami