Well, what did happen to the sisters ? Interesting story, pity that it wasn't edited, it certainly needed it.

zEAJsu Im obliged for the article.Really thank you! Keep writing.

Jane marie, Reading what I wrote four years later, I dont think it is that good. It does pretty much suck. But it wasnt a waist of my time and effort to write. That is how we learn to write better. by writing story's that suck. I think all of the best writers, at first wrote crappy story's until they learned the trade.

Suddenly the idea of forcibly feminizing someone has lost some of it's appeal hasn't it? I loved how this ended. Hate can sustain you, through years of abuse and ridicule, hate grows stronger and festers until it changes the victim. Changes them into something much darker, into a twisted parody of who they could have been.

Michelle could have been a wonderful person, but instead she's been reduced to a cruel creature that will be torturing her tormentor's for the rest of their existance.

Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing a sequal.

Oh and Pansy...sissification can be cute and sexy. If it's totally consensual on both sides. Sissy's are beautiful by nature, that's what makes them special. A brutalize, tortured and humiliated sissy is a tragic thing. They aren't emotional, mental or physical punching bags.

a brilliant storythe way it was constucted nothing boring about a few spelling mistakes but a brilliant story well done

Pure garbage from start to finish. Waste of writers time and effort. No need for further episodes.

I have finally read the last part of this story its brilliant well written and described it kept me on my toes well done geat story more please

I have read on Fictionmaina part 4 and Rise to power as well.Oh boy darker and darker it gets .This is TG storys with real bite like a TG great white. More about this 21 century TG well girls wait and see it worth it unless you read them on fictionmania already. Go for it this is different come to the darkside of TG Luke!!

a vicous circle with sister rulling the roost the story is very hard hitting story of their treatment i was enthralled with the first 2 parts and look foreward to reading the next in due course what can i say but brilliant very well written and explained there is great scope for this story the revenge on the driver/security and the court appearance well done i am on tender hooks until i read the other parts and the conclusion brilliant writing next parts asap please wonderfull marks out of 100 i would say 150 plus brilliant so far please write the rest asap thankyou again a great story well done

Pansy dear what would happen is that one of the girls would end up being knived or something you have to sleep you know and hate can carry you a long way.I was bullied at first at school then when the hate kicked in no one could beat me because I always came back at them in the end no one messed with me.I was hated at school but left alone force may not be right but it sure works I know! wish it did not have to be like that.  This story is very dark but some time life is dark .When I was at sea I saw some horrid things.That why cockroaches will be the owners of the world a 100 years from now if we dont wise up which we wont because man is a being who write on the pages of history in blood. I think this story is going to go to very dark and deep places will the reader be able to walk that dark road with the writer we shall see!

Mixed up confusion.   If this is from a 12 yr old's  perspective, it certainly isn't written that way.  If this kid is such a fighter, why is he manipulated to the extent he is.  Also, the main character is no better than the other characters.  Someone has to be likable in this story. I would ask you to stop while you are ahead; however!!!

Kay

A martial arts expert would probably take down the first sister with a blow to the laranyx.she cant cry out....next sister broken knee and take her down so she can be delt with later..slowly...third(biggest) sister, butcher knife, table leg, othe sharp or blunt instrument to the neck or head...if your lucky she would be ready for fun and games later...The state department didnt question him in europe without a passport? the school authorities dont question one student assaulted and paralyzed while another dissapears? can a judge dismiss with predjudice a criminal complaint? They can a civil suit, but criminal?

I found this hard work.  It must have been even harder work to write.
I also found the plot and characters so hateful I could not finish it.  

(after the revision)

Why is a martial artist so knowledgeable and proud of military things so terrified of fighting back that when someone almost begs to help him he  he runs to his abusers in a precursor to the Stockholm syndrome?  Are they drugging him?
 
<< ... we are talking about a horrible sexual violation and of coarse he will be upset. You shouldn't have told him our plan ...  >>

So they admit at the end that they are turning him into a sissy leading up to having him raped.  Since he has seemingly done nothing to deserve this, has even been nice to the sisters (or, at least, he says he has)  they really must be Feminazi sociopaths.  If not, WHY are they doing this?  If the title "Triumph of MY Will" is true, I am assuming he will turn the tables on the evil bitches.  As it is Leni Reifenstahl is probably trying to negotiate the film rights to this story from the beyond the grave.  Although I am revolted so far, the Nazi/military setting is so unusual and intiguing that I'm at least willing to wait and read part 2 for hopefully more answers.

I find the title intriguing.  The parallels you are drawing to the third reich have some interesting potential.
It is a good start, it could use more depth of set up as to the sister's motivation or the boys passivity, but sometimes the victim just cannot fathom the motivations of his torturers.
I would like to see this played out consistent with the title. Either the sisters act out the Nazi role, or the boy uses his oppression to justify him becoming one.
If I wanted to make a serial killer of women, this would be the instruction manual.
I would recommend you follow Angel's advice on an editor or a review author. You exhibit talent and should work to improve it.

I've been thinking some more about this story. How could it be turned around? Michael doesn't seem to have enough spunk to take action himself; he's too terrified by the girls. The hairdresser is a possibility, though; she obviously smells a rat, & she just might go to the authorities & ask them to investigate. Michael could still be intimidated into telling the social workers he's willing, but in real life social workers have been known to take a feminized boy away even when he really *is* willing.
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The main problem is the title: "Triumph of My Will." Since it's my will & not our will, that pretty much obliges Michael to solve his own problems. But an author should have no difficulty in finding a way to light a fire under him.
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I might add that I agree with Angel that the sisters' hostility is not sufficiently motivated. I've known people in real life who were given to gratuitous hostility, but for a story you need something more plausible.
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The description said the story was complete. I hope not.
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Pervette

Have I told you lately I love you, Jezzi? :-) I hadn't thought of
bullets; blunt instruments were more in my mind. But actually,
I had hoped that this would be the first part of a longer story
in which Michael prevails non-violently but decisively. His main
problem so far is ignorance. Fear, yes, but ignorance, because he
doesn't know how intrusive and aggressive social workers can be
once they scent blood. He doesn't realize yet what would happen if
he walked into a police station all bedizened by his sisters. I
wish he could find out....
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Pervy

This looks to be a story one either likes or dislikes.  I, for one, enjoy what you have started, Jasmine.  I encourage you to keep it going.  

Well, this attempt at a story is atracting the people you intended isn't it? I mean, did you really intend to write this so people like 'Pansy' can get off on it?

Or, was it more in line to be a dramatic story set to a hopeless scenario as things get worse and worse for this youngster?

If you want to make this a more dramatic story and less of a 'get off on this fantasy' piece I suggest you seek out an editor or at least some help from another author.

This could be a great story, but left as it is, it will only attract those wishing to 'get off' on the humiliation of a boy child.

You need better reasons for his siters to be doing this than they were spwns of hell, or they want another sister. Do they blame him for their mother's death? That would be a pretty heavy reason for hating their little brother.

Someone skilled in the art of self defense at the level he is would have no problem taking care of two females. There has to be a plausible reason for his reluctance to hurt them and hurt them severely.

Contact me by e-mail if you would like to turn this story around and make it the way I think you intended. As it stands now, this is yet one more of those 'this is my fantasy story that gets me off every night'. I can picture Pansy right now can't you? His hand holding something while thinking of your story. If that is what you want, forget about e-mailing me.

Angel

Wow do they have him psyched, but how will the sick little sadistic bitches feel when they're bleeding to death from the gunshot wounds when he finally goes postal.  I really hope that beautician calls the police or social services, and they lock those feminazi sisters away for child abuse.  So much for women being the morally superior sex.

Oh, please continue. I'd love to see him made into the prettiest swishiest little sissy ever. I hope he hates it. I'd love to see him crying intensely. Sissies are prettiest when they're crying. Especially when being used sexually. I love the idea that other kids are afraid of him, that he could bully them if he chose, but his sisters can bully him. It's a fascinating twist. A boy who's feminized and humiliated against his will despite the fact that he's big and  strong. It shows there is NO defense against determined dominant females.