It is sad that there sick adults like that they should be severely punished ! I hope you are ok                                                                                                                                                              

I too have unforgotten memories.  I was invited to sleep over with a 14 year old neighbor when I was 11 years old.  Soon after going to bed he started pumping his penis into the crack of my behind.  I didn't resist as I didn't know what was going on and I was somewhat afraid of him.  It was a cold, sloppy unpleasant experience and I later carried a 30-40 Krag rifle hoping to arrange an accident for him.  A Methodist minister and PFLAG president, convinced me later that it wasn't worth it.  However, I did get revenge in a way by telling another Appalachian relative that their local preacher was a pedophile and letting him spread the word.

Hi Katie.
Most of the people feel ashamed of the transgenders,even though they want simply to live their lives.
But these monsters that you described in your story, have many people who suport them, even though THEY MUST BE DEAD.
All I can say is, I'm very sorry for you!
Kisses and hugs.
Silvia.

Hmm, not really happy about stumbling across this. I can appriciate this may help people who may of experienced this sort of thing as kids, but it is really twisted and i really had to stop reading it perhaps may be better not to be in print and so freely available. As i could imagine that as much as it may help victims come to terms with abuse it may also encourage it too.

how...twisted. As a child who went through abuse I can understand a very small fraction of what happened to you.

however...what happened to you is so terrible. So awful. You're a strong perseon sugar, and I pray that I can learn from your strength.

Your story evoked a variety of emotions and brought me to tears.  I think the tears were as much for myself and the destruction I underwent from the age of eight till the age of nearly fifteen as they were for you and your tormented youth.

I was physically and mentally abused by my step father.  My mother offered no help.  For nearly two years I was sexually abused by teenagers only a few years older than myself.  I had no friends and could only take comfort in the company of  my older and two younger sisters.  I think in some ways they were glad that I was the "chosen one" and not them.

I was finally thrown out of the house when my step father was in one of his drunken rages and found solace fifteen-hundred miles away with two very kind and generous ladies who became my guardians and benefactors for no other reason than they saw all children as blessings (what a novel notion).

Knowing that almost all abusers were themselves abused brought me little comfort.  I once believed that it was my physical abnormality, which had caused my sexual ambiguity, that had created my situation back home; i.e. It was my fault that I couldn't catch a ball or throw an effective punch to defend myself.

What I finally realized is that all of us, the abused as well as the abusers, are responsible for our actions, or lack of action, once a certain point is passed and very often a third party is the one who helps us reach that point (though we may be dragged to it kicking and screaming).

I am truly sorry if this sounds like a rant.  That is not my intent.  What I would hope for this that you continue to write your story for yourself, and for the rest of us who need to constantly seek reassurance that we are not the only ones and it is not our fault.

May you always be blessed,

Kelly Blake

P.S.  You write quite well.  :)

I am so very sorry....

You have got my heartfelt thanks for writing about such a poorly understood issue.  The happy well-adjusted child is all too vulnerable.  Still, the predator seems to know when children are dealing with problems of a sexual nature, gender identity, oedipal complexes, etc. and is only too eager to take advantage.  It  happened to me.          

All I can say is that i'm very sorry.

i must admit i did not like this story at his father was very weid no i do not like this story

i dont know if you are still out to read this, but i can imagine this is a real situation for you to be in and being 8 years old you dont know any better.  i personally try to let all little boys and girls that it is wrong for anyone to touch them down there except cleaning up and it should not take very long to do that, if anyone does that to let someone in athourity know as soon as possible because its not right for them to do that.  i am trully sorry it happened to you and like some said writing it down helps to bring those memories out and purge them so you can get on with your life.  whatever you are accused of doing you should tell the court you were coeresed into admitting guilt just to keep from being abused by the athourities.  i would like to know how your court case comes out.

hugs
julie larue

I am so sorry, Little Katie, for what those two predators did to you and the two other children.  And that was compounded by what your hard-hearted, debased mother did - and didn't do - as well.  It is so easy for us to idealize the feminine as nurturing and caring and wholesome, when in reality there are plenty of women like your mother who turn their backs on their own innocent flesh and blood.  Is there any chance your sister was rescued from such a depraved environment?

Even if you don't post memories like this on the Web, keep writing them out as they come back to you.  Doing so will (A) help you get a handle on the specific events so that you can better see them for exactly what they are and (B) enable you to better distance yourself from their poisoning effect - placing them on paper is a vital step in being able to see that they were historic events, not part of who you are.

Since this read so much like something that would appear on "Jerry Springer" (even worse actually), I'll end these comments with his all-too-ironic closing phrase - "Take care of yourselves - and each other."

I'm nor qualified to comment on story, as I just DL'ed it; but, in a story, the writer assumes complete control over the characters, and, in that way, has control over a situation where there was no control. I feel it is a reason for a lot of cathartic writing!
  If you ever feel the need to purge something, try getting rid of those bad memories -- enjoy the hobby, don't dwell on the past: You can't change it!
 

It is people like Notbuyingit (who refuses to use a real name) that makes telling the truth about any situation difficult.  It did really happen and I didn't write it in a way to get the reader engaged but simply to inform and to rant and rave a little bit.  The fact that you have no clue to who I am or what I am about should give you a reason to keep your mouth shut (or in this case keyboard).  You also know nothing about my pending case or the facts behind it <like the fact that when they said the images were sent i was in college at the time.>  So if you don't like hearing about the truth, that is fine.  But keep it to yourself.

This story - if true - is sad and depressing. If this is true, I'm sorry for you. However, if writing about this is some sort of catharsis for you, you should at least write it in a style that's more factual (matter of fact tone) rather than writing it in a milding and apparently attempted titillating style. And in doing so, there are many other places where you can get the release you need to unburden your pent up angst and emotion rather than a site that largely deals with erotic fiction. Child molestation is a sick twisted perversion among many in the world and is not sexy or "nice" and even the remotest allusion to it should be tempered very carefully, which you didn't do here. I fear that the way you have written this is to engage the reader, not dump your problems. The fact that you are trying to engage the reader kind of makes it look like you're facilitating and indirectly supporting this behavior under the guise of "oh dear me, it's just a story to help anybody else out there going through the same things I went through". Sorry, it doesn't wash. It's sick crap and should be removed. The fact that you admit you're going to prison because of photos on your computer related to this issue and "it was all a misunderstanding" (isn't that what they all say?) is proof enough.

Sorry to re-post, but I can't let misinformation go unchallenged, especially when it has to do with me.  I am referring to the following comment by Gaven:

>>Now unlike Ami, I do not find any reason for an adult to do anything like that with a child.<<

I never justified the adult in this story.  I merely pointed out that there is only a singular difference between victim and participant - that of willingness.  By law, any sexual acts between adult and minor is a crime, but what makes this story a real moral crime is an adult preyed upon a child's innocence.  I was NEVER that innocent.

While I never had any terrible trauma in my life (other than being caught several times bound "en-femme"), I wish I could help others come to terms with their past like I have.  Life is so much better when you accept who you are and realize you aren't alone.

-Ami

Daddy isn't in any jail and he never was.  I didn't tell because of oh so many reasons.  He died a few years ago of throat cancer and I was extremely happy about it.  

Now as for how adjusted I am as an adult... I don't know.  I do have problems and many stem from the abuse.  It is a sad state of mind to be in.  And like Ami, I sometimes fantasize about being put back into that frame of mind.  I don't know why and I don't like it though, it completely sickens me.  But, sometimes I find myself mentaly reverting back to that stage and it usually goes on for a few weeks before I get back to normal.  

Another unfortunate thing is that soon I will be in prison for something I didn't do but had to confess to.  It is somewhat related to the story <no I didn't do something similar to someone else, but certain images appeared on my computer.>  So it seems that justice is not only blind but not without her sense of irony.  Take care.

A riveting story. I suspect that things like this go on more often
than we think. I have just one question: in which jail is Daddy now
languishing?  (I've read only Part 1 so far; perhaps I'll find the
answer in Part 2.)
.
--Pervy

Like Ami I find the acts very disturbing. I do understand your need to get it out. Now unlike Ami, I do not find any reason for an adult to do anything like that with a child. I feel bad for you knowing that it will forever haunt you. I have family members that have had similer acts done to them. While they are well adjusted adults I know that it will forever eat at them. I have no children but if I found out anything like that happened to my neice I would have a avery good temporary insanity case. It was well written with great discription. I could tell that you were telling true events that happened to you even without you stating it. As a couple of times you truly reverted in age.

Disturbing.  Truly.  Yet I know things like this go on every day in the world.  The most disturbing thing is wondering how your life might have been different without that experience.  Perhaps you would have had TG feelings anyway (God knows, I have no excuse and I started at five or perhaps earlier), but you weren't really given the chance to decide without any outside influence.

I find myself torn, and that disturbs me even more.  When I was that age, I would have BEGGED to be treated like a little girl, and would have willingly been a slut for men.  So I find myself aroused despite knowing that these men committed criminal acts.  I wonder sometimes if the fine line a criminal and a consenting partner is simply the choice of victim.

I mean, think about it - if a murderer and a suicidal person get together and the suicidal person is killed, is it murder, suicide, or simply a consentual act?  Likewise, being forced to do something that you come to enjoy isn't right, but then again, you probably had to be forced to eat your vegetables, and we don't lock parents away for that.  Anyway, I ramble...

Good story.  I might correct a few things, but overall very thought-provoking.  Keep up the good work.

-Ami