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     With no previous history of CD or TG, having riled Pat with Tom and Mike it is unbelievable that Pat would accept domination by Judy. The loser of the bet was to act as a maid to the winner, not to become Mike's girlfriend or another person's maid. I had expected some appropriate retribution against Judy such as Pat telling Tom and Mike before their first date that Judy had arranged this interlude because she thought it would be amusing to see a man flirting with another man without Mike knowing Patti's real sex.  

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It always comes down to this. The difference between peoples definition of love. He was NOT important to her. It seemed she couldn't have gotten out of her marriage fast enough and this through no fault of his own. It should never be made easy. All her blathery about how she hoped they could still be friends. The wimpiest guy is not going to be congenial to someone who does to them what she did to him. The only way she could get away with it without antipathy from him is if he had some type of mental illness or retardation.

Wow Sue, i think that the Wrestling Match is a good one my Darling. Thinking about wearing all of the sexy clothes, panties and day sheer pantyhose, Sue, you can sure come up with the good thoughts. Take care Sue, Kris

This is a well written story, but the problem is that neither of the main characters is at all likable.  She's a bitch and he's a spineless wimp.  

What a wonderful first effort.

You have the basic tools, which is a leg up on most other Storysite authors. Your grammar is quite readable and your spelling is good. This should not be overlooked or underappreciated.

The reader owes you more than a a little willingness to set aside their normal disbelief. But, you in turn have a duty not to tread heavily on their good nature.

You failed in the beginning of this story to establish a premise that we could agree to believe. Because of that failure your strained throughout the story to cover over your story's flaw. For the most part your story was simply not believable in that Judy couldn't possibly continue to overcome his fear by intimidation. Not unless he wanted her to, and you gave us nothing to say that was the case.

There just was no way that Pat would go along with the humiliation and the possibility of losing his job -- because of moral terpitude.

You came so close. Let's start the story again.

They're staying at their friends' cabin, just the two of them. They're both teachers. He's an English teacher and she's a physical education teacher. She wants to do things; water-ski, climb rocks, and other vigorous physical activities. As a physical education teacher she places a high value on physical fitness. He does not.

This hadn't seemed like such a problem in college, when they met and fell in love. But as time went on Judy became frustrated with Pat. She lifted weights;he painted landscapes. She is constantly doing the things a male does in most relationships and he does the female things. She hates this. She wants to be the wife and wants a husband. She doesn't know how to tell him.

(Part of the problem you have with this story is that you should have told it from a first person point of view. That person should have been Judy. We hate Judy and we shouldn't. Pat is not all that likable. A reader needs someone to like. Pat should be doing all of this to Pat out of love. The way you wrote it we have no idea why she did it.)

The third day at the cabin they have an argument much like you showed. They have the same wrestling match, similar bet, and same outcome. But, Pat only goes along with the bet because they're at a secluded cabin and then he only goes along slightly. He will wear Judy's shorts and a blouse and do the maid work, but no dresses, make-up or women's underwear. The only difference in the bet is that the duration will be a week.

Judy is disappointed in him that he will even do that. No man should let his wife make a fool of him like that in her eyes. Over the next two days she notices how feminine he is acting. He is just reacting naturally to his true gender.  This makes her feel very uncomfortable, but she still wants to salvage their marriage. She can't stand the sight of him. He looks too much like a girl. Maybe even more of a girl than her.

The first wrestling match had been fairly close, so she decides to wrestle him again and let him win. She bets him double or nothing in such a way so that he can't turn him done. While they're wrestling he sprains a wrist and says he can't continue. It isn't a bad sprain and his "wussing out" angers her.

She now is really starting to lose respect for him. She demands that he fulfill the full spirit of the bet. He feels sheepish about the way he lost again and agrees to do whatever she tells him. Deep down he likes what he's doing and wants to experiment a little. You show this by having him go beyond what she demands. She can't believe her eyes and ears and keeps raising the bar trying to find a point where he will stand up for himself. Of course he doesn't.

She has had it. He's ruined their vacation in her eyes and their relationship is damaged. She finds it "too weird" to sleep with him smelling of perfume and wearing a nightie. The last two days she takes her normal "on vacation" photos. At first Pat doesn't want pictures, but she convinces him that he isn't being fair as he never stopped her from taking pictures during their other vacations.

When it comes time to leave the cabin, Pat finds that all of his male clothes are missing. She tells "Patti" that "she" didn't do a good enough job of being the maid. She tells Patti that if she doesn't agree to being a true maid for the rest of the summer to really pay off on the bet -- that she will show the pictures to their Principal. He will fire Pat.

Pat counters saying that Judy would be fired as well, but she doesn't care as she doesn't much like teaching and thinks she could do better in business. She now is free to be unreasonable as the reader knows that she is still trying to test him. She wants to find her old "Pat" by pushing him to a point where he will react in a masculine rage. Patti is fresh out of masculine rage.

Things go along pretty much like your story. However, now it makes sense that Patti is sleeping down the hall and going along with everything. Also, there is no reason for Judy to hit Patti, something that was horrible in your story.

Judy doesn't hate Patti, in fact Judy is still somewhat in love with Patti. Judy decides to give Patti a big test to see if they can possibly make it as a married couple. She wants Patti to stand up to her and to refuse to be humiliated. She sets up the double date. Two things happen. Judy sees that Patti is indeed happy as a woman and Judy falls in love with Tom. Tom is everything Pat isn't.

The rest of your story goes along as written. Except, Judy keeps prodding Patti to call Mike. Patti is afraid to go toward Mike and Judy decides it is inevitable. All of the forcing Patti to do things, like cleaning up after Judy and Tom's love-making are designed to force Patti into Mike's arms.

Judy is truly in love with Tom. She has a tearful discussion with Patti and confesses what she has done and why. They together decide that Pat is better as Patti. Patti makes the decision to take hormones. (I hate it when hormones are surreptiously given. That is soooo rape.)

Judy tells Tom about Patti. Tom tells Mike about Patti. This is not something people would keep a secret for too long. The night of the wedding Mike becomes amorous with Patti. It happens all the time at weddings between members of the wedding party. Patti is about to tell him they can't be together (although she really, really wants to) when Mike tells Patti he already knows and has known for weeks. He apologizes for not coming to her immediately. He says he had to reconcile things in his mind, but that he loves her. They decide not to have sex until after she has the operation, Patti's choice.

After Mike leaves, a drunken Harold comes to Patti's room and claims the "right" of the master/servant relationship. But, Patti will have none of that and flips him with a martial arts move. She has a black belt that she never told anyone about. She could have easily beaten Judy in those wrestling matches. She quits her job at Harold's house but is immediately hired by a couple who had been served by her at Harold's party at much more money and benefits. The new couple have children Patti is to nurture.

She tries it for a while and decides that what she really liked about teaching was the kids. She decides being a nanny with some maid duties would be perfect for her.

That would be the way I would tell this story.

Much love to you. I hope you continue to grow as a writer.

Jill

hi,

i dunno. i really don't. It was a great effort, and some really good writing as well...But here's my thoughts, if you don't mind...
i felt as though you were a bit hasty on this, with a smack happy ending, even though it wasn't.
i understand, how,when you have a thought in mind, you just have to purge it, by writing it. As least that's how it works for me.
On your next effort, should you decide to do so, take your time, multiple chapters, even short ones, are ok, if they are good. i think yours would be. You have pace.
We will still complain about something though. But that's because it's good enough to talk about. If it was bad, you wouldn't get any reviews.

sincerely

latexslut

There's another problem to this story.  Patty can sit and dream about being married and being a wife.  But where is the SRS here?  Is her boyfriend gay?  Or doesn't he KNOW Patty's a he? You really ducked this part of the story and undermined its believability and some of the other criticisms here are also legitimate.  It was way too easy for Judy to femme him.

The dialogue, characterizations, etc. are very good but this cutting corners happens a bit too often.

I honestly believe that after keeping up his part of the bargain and then she does that too him, I think he would have done something for revenge. Personally I would have loved to have seen Maybe Harold, after finding out the WHOLE truth would have come to Pat's aid, maybe a "conact" where she starts getting massive doses of testosterone, How would Tom love a lady who can grow a beard better than him, how would SHE like being forceably changed?

I think some of the believability issues raised by others regarding a sudden preference for men are legitimate, suejrz, and I hope you consider them seriously but don't take them as a slam on your work overall.  

For a first effort here, you have a ton of great potential for other even better work.  I was impressed with your pacing, your dialogue, narrative, etc.

I love stories where an educated man winds up working in some female job perceived as "lesser," like a maid. But you don't have to be bound by the maid scenario. Putting an executive in a secretary position, maybe losing a turnabout bet with his office staff, would be the same sort of thing and you could do it well.

You might want to try setting a story in the workplace.

So, after months and months of being a miserable, force-femmed cuckold, he just suddenly decided that this is the life that he wants and he hopes to meet a "man of his own someday"!?  I don't get it at all.  Frankly, I was waiting for him to poison her coffee or something right from the moment he found Tom's empty condom wrappers.  It's not like taking a few estrogen pills can "give you the gay", you know.  

I personally hate it when crossdressing stories have the main character discover in his late 30's that he actually likes men.  We are constantly hearing that it's a bigotted point of view to think gay people could every become straight, so if sexual preferences are something you are born with, how is it possible for a straight person's sexuality to change so radically?

Most surveys of human sexuality indicate that the majority of crossdressers are not attracted to men, yet it seems that a disproportionately high percentage of erotic crossdressing fiction involve some other guy's genatals as an essential part of "become a real woman", or "getting the whole experience."  I wish there were more stories that catered to the hetero crossdresser.  This is not intended as a criticism of you personally, just a general lament about the current state of crossdressing fiction on the net.

It also doens't make sense that she's still feminizing him after she's fallen in love with somebody else.  Why would she even bother?

Part 1 of this story was pretty good, but in the end I was kind of disappointed.

On the whole, still a good first effort, though.

I thought toward the last couple sentence it sounded a bit too similar to a Janet Stickney story, but up till that time the acceptance and all was extremely well done.

Wow, part two is even better than part one. Am I being greedy to hope that part three tops both???

Love the story - it's a great story line.
I am really looking forward to part two - and will Patti get a boyfriend?

The pace is a bit fast.  It sounds like the vacation house is right next door to their home.  The trials of the trip could be interesting and helpful in developing Patti.

A nasty little story that I'm sure most people here will love. It didn't start out bad but changed near the end of this, the first part. Apparently she had fallen out of love with him earlier and is using this way to get him out of the picture so she can find "a real man". I may check back to see if it changes but doubt it, especially since the hormones have been started.

Loved the first chapter.  Hope we get to hear about the rest of Patti's summer!  Sounds like she's in for some real fun! Great work!!

This is a FANTASTIC part one! I eagerly await part 2.  One wonders if he'll be teaching home ec when this is all over...if she's even still teaching! Go for it! More! More!

can't wait for chapter two!