BE FOREWARNED. The following story contains sexually explicit material not suited for those who have not yet achieved the age of maturity. If you should fall into this category, do not read further. Consult the laws of your community to clarify if you are eligible to read adult sexual material. The theme is transsexual. If this type of reading matter offends you, read no further. Go do something else.

 

Armed Forces                      by: Virginia Kane                          © 1996. All rights reserved

 

PART TWO

 

Chapter One. Getting acquainted.

Donna was the first employee at the hospital that seemed to show an interest in becoming a friend as well as a co-employee. Our trip to the coffee shop at her suggestion was a welcome surprise. I had wanted to establish some friendships at the hospital where I worked as a night attendant, without being too pushy. Up to this point, no one was offering to befriend me, no one, that is, until the day that I met Donna, a very pretty girl who worked in administration. She wasn’t a med-pro, but was one of many employees that fulfilled the varied clerical functions of the hospital. She was very attractive and a pleasure to meet.

As she poured me a cup of coffee, Donna looked at me with those big, beautiful eyes and said: "Tony, I noticed that you seem to be very upset about something.

I hope it isn’t something I said."

"No, not at all. I had a silly spat with my folks that I have to straighten out. That’s why I went to Dr. Sims for help."

She sat down across from me and leaned forward. I couldn’t help but notice her ample cleavage. She sensed my downward glance, but didn’t retreat. In fact, her lips responded with just a bit of an upward turn, to let me know without her saying anything that she wasn’t offended by my admiration of her tantalizing feminine assets. She whispered. "When I came to work here, you would be surprised at how different I was. I was headed for self-destruction, but Dr. Evers and Dr. Sims helped me put my life back together and with their help, I’ve become a much better person. I now have a career, great friends, and the support I need to get over what was once tearing me apart. I think you’ll learn that they are really two wonderful people; great at helping others resolve inner conflicts. I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. Most people aren’t fortunate enough to get help when they need it, like I did. They continue to wander through life full of anxiety and stress. Any time you’d like for someone to help you through a crisis let’s get together and talk. I like you, Tony."

Wow! I couldn’t help it, but my testosterone level was skyrocketing. Here sat this vision of loveliness, wanting to help me concur stress. I couldn’t speak. My mind seemed to be unable to function in a meaningful way. My eyes kept panning rapidly back and forth, from her gorgeous eyes to her full, firm breasts, and that caused an involuntary stirring in my loins. "I---I---I don’t know what to say, Donna. I---I sure would like to know you better," Whoops! There I go again, open mouth, insert foot. "What I mean to say is that I really appreciate you telling me you had stress problems, too." Damn it! What’s wrong with me! That was a dumb thing to say. "What I mean is----, well, I really don’t know what I mean." I kept stumbling over what to say to her for offering her help. It wasn’t expected.

Donna saw that I was flustered and reached a perfectly manicured and delicate hand forward, touching the back of my hand. My heart paced furiously as she replied. "I know. I’ve been there. I just want you to know I’ll help you discover the great group of people here at the hospital, and how they’ll do whatever they can to help you. We’re like an extended family. We all care about one another like that. Some of the girls don’t show it, because they’re busy with the patients, but by and large they all feel as I do. You’ll see.

Let’s talk about something else, Tony. You mentioned earlier that you admired the three-piece suits all the administrative staff wears. Only the women staff wears them, you know. The men don’t have a specific dress code. I like the smart look of this outfit, too. Did you know that the hospital also provides female employees with a clothing allowance to maintain these outfits, like they provide you with clean whites? However, our outfits aren’t so dull and plain."

I wondered why she bothered to tell me that. Could she know that I have more than a casual interest in women’s styles? I dismissed the thought. She couldn’t know. "No, Donna, I wasn’t aware of that. Doesn’t it get boring, wearing the same style outfit, ever day?"

"Well, somewhat, but when I first started here, I wore the standard dress whites of the medical staff, just like you’re wearing; so it was a pleasant change when I transferred to administration. It’s more comfortable than those long pants and my fitted blazer is less androgynous. A girl feels more like a girl, when she wears a skirt and a fitted jacket. Men don’t understand how women need to express how they feel in the clothes they wear. To men, clothes are just that. To a woman, the clothes we wear represent how we feel."

I hung on every word she shared with me. I was glad there was a table between us, because, even with my legs crossed, I couldn’t hide the massive bulge that was growing evident in the front of my white pants! She had me totally aroused by merely talking about her less than flattering three-piece blue suit. I had fancier stuff of my own at home, which didn’t excite me as much as she did. Could she be aware of how I was envisioning her in some of my things, and be trying to suggest that she would like to wear something more casual for my benefit?

The thought of my clothes at home reminded me that I had to mend the fences with my folks to spirit those things out of the house before they found them. With a profound wish that they hadn’t already discovered my cache of feminine attire, I lost my cool and began to shake in my boots. I had to get home soon!

Donna went on. "When I’m off duty, I really like to dress ‘to the nines’. I’m from out of town, Tony. When I arrived here, I didn’t have much in the way of clothes with me, so I probably spend way too much on clothes now, but I simply adore exciting clothes. My room here in the hospital dormitory doesn’t cost me much, so I’m free to satisfy my craving for lovely, delicate things. I guess it’s vain to be so self-indulgent, but I have some outfits that would drive guys absolutely crazy. Dr. Evers says that I should indulge myself. He feels such rewards are a good form of therapy. I wish I had someone I could dress up for and show off some of my latest purchases."

"Oh, I didn’t realize that you are still in therapy, Donna. Is it okay for you to talk about it? I would think that telling people that you are seeing a counselor isn’t a good idea. I’d be reluctant to let that kind of word spread. People get funny ideas if they know you consult those kind of doctors."

"Not here, Tony. Hospital work is very stressful for everyone. Keeping tabs on how you feel about seeing so many patients suffering doesn’t generate the same kind of negative comments as consulting with experts about stress would cause elsewhere. Dealing with the stress is part of the environment. It’s far better for us to acknowledge it and face it, than to try and hide from what everyone knows is commonplace. That would be more dangerous to our health.

Think about it. It’s difficult to sort out compassion for those who the limitations of medical science can’t cure. We have the unfortunate task of dealing with people like that every day. We’re on the front lines in the wars against disease the ill must wage. There’s bound to be ‘battle fatigue’, more so with us who support and guide them, than with patients. They only have to confront their own problem. We have to face all their woes. It gets to be a burden.

Dr. Evers and his staff encourage us to bring our feelings out into the open with members of our support groups, which, by the way, now includes you, Tony. You will be assigned to the group I’m in. That’s why I wanted to talk to you and get to know you better. Maybe we shouldn’t discuss some specific problems until they coach us and approve it, but I suppose what we’re talking about now is okay. They are so good at coaching us when it comes to matters such as being in touch with your feelings, that you automatically know when you can discuss an issue, even your deepest secrets, with the other members of your support group without being embarrassed or embarrassing others."

"Did you say you’ve been staying at a hospital dormitory since you arrived here?"

"Yes, since I was from out of town, they arranged it for me. It’s very nice and very reasonable. I understand it is funded by a research endowment."

"I’m surprised that I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you sooner. My new job enables me to stay in one of the residence rooms reserved for on-duty medical staff and students in work-study programs. It didn’t dawn on me that women must have their own similar section apart from the male orderlies. May I stop by and see you when we’re both off duty?" I was hoping she’d let me see her wearing a pretty casual outfit and needed some diversity in my daily schedule. All I’d been doing since I started working was to get acquainted with the hospital’s layout.

"You’re welcome to stop by and see me when we’re both off duty, but my dorm room is in a separate building across the street, and I’m afraid we will have to discuss it with Dr. Evers, first. He may not approve, ---yet. If it’s okay with him, I’d love to have you stop by and see this new dress I bought last week. I think it is very flattering, but I’d like to know if you agree, Tony. I’m meeting with Auntie Em right after dinner this evening. I’ll ask her and see what she thinks. If it’s okay with her and uncle Em, I’ll give you a call. I know where you live and work, so you don’t have to give me your number, I’ll find it. Tee-hee."

"That would be great, Donna. If it’s not okay, see if we can meet again for some coffee, lunch, or something like that. Please. You’re so nice to talk with, and I’ve not made many friends here yet. I feel like you’ve helped me calm down some, and gave me an idea of how to go about mending fences at home, too."

"Wonderful, Tony! You really should straighten out any differences you have with your parents. If you are anything like them, they must be very nice people.

 

 

Chapter Two. The reunion.

Ring…Ring… "Hello?" "Hi, mom? It’s Tony." ------- "Darling, where are you? Your father and I have been worried sick."… "I’ve got this great job at the hospital as an orderly, Mom. It even provides room and board. I’ve been busy in training, and… oh, Mom! I feel so bad about the way I left home… Please forgive me!"

"We were very upset with you, Tony. You could have at least called. Fortunately, we talked to Louise and she told us how embarrassed you were for your silliness. She also told us about your new job, and your Dad and I were so relieved to find out… She’s such a sweet girl… Of course we forgive you son. We love you. We didn’t realize how strongly you felt about not staying in school. We should have been more considerate. We wanted to encourage you to do what we felt was right. When can you come home? We do want to see you. Have you been eating well? I don’t think living without home cooking is very smart.

"I’m fine, Mom, really. The food here is great." Darn, that wasn’t a smart thing to say. I did it again. "Of course, it isn’t like your cooking, but the cafeteria meals are prepared by the cooks under a nutritionist’s direction, very healthy mom, and I’m… Never mind the food. I called to admit that what I did was a very dumb thing to do. You were right. It was a silly kid thing, very immature. I saw a counselor here at the hospital about it. She wants to talk to me some more and needs your permission, ‘cause I’m not eighteen yet."…"Is that a Dr. Sims, son?"…"Yes, mom."…She already called son." That’s right. She did say she would.

"At first, your father was suspicious, but after talking with her, he went to see her at the hospital, to satisfy his reservations. He called a while back and told me he signed a release form for them to counsel you. I understand it’s a normal hospital procedure, a formality. We really feel bad that you thought we were pressuring you to do something you thought was wrong, about college. We want what you want, son. We agreed to provide the consent, because she said you wanted her to provide you with counseling. Do you Son?"

"Yeah, Mom, I do. Working in a hospital with so many people with serious health problems can get you down, Mom. Everyone goes to the counselors regularly to keep things in perspective. It’s not what you think, Mom. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m fine. They want your approval since I’m under age. At least I will be for another few weeks. They want to start right away with the counseling. Maybe they have a lower dropout rate if they don’t wait too long. I dunno."

"When will you be able to stop by?"

"I go on duty at Eleven O’clock tonight. I can come over now, if you’d like; but I have to be back here by Eleven. Can I drop by to see you? I miss you so much. I can be there in less than an hour by bus."

"Oh, Tony. You’re dad was just there. He could have brought you. Darn, he didn’t take his cell phone with him, or I’d try to reach him to see if he’s too far away to go back and get you. If you had only called an hour ago, you could have caught him. He’s probably stuck in traffic. I expected him home by now."

"No matter, mom. I don’t know if that would be a good idea, anyway. He’d only be upset. You know how he drives when he’s upset. If I get a lecture from him, I’d be better off if you were on hand, Mom."

"I don’t know. Your Dad was down on himself over your leaving. I don’t think he will lecture you this time. He feels it was his fault that you left home. You gave us both such a scare. Tony, we can work this out. Please come home to us right now. I know your father will be pleased."

"Great, Mom. I’m on my way. I’ve got so much to say that I’m sorry about."

 An hour later, Tony felt the warm embrace of his mother’s arms. Then it was his dad’s turn. Tony got that same warm feeling as his father gently touched his right arm above the elbow. He seemed to notice Tony’s reaction, but his father made no outward sign that he knew what was going on in Tony’s mind. Why did people in authority all seem to know exactly what to do to get Tony to succumb to their will? Why didn’t it work for his dad when he rebelled against going straight to college after his high school graduation?

After Tony answered all of their countless questions, none of which touched on the contents of the large gym bag at the back of the closet up in his room, Tony began to feel somewhat relieved. They seemed none the wiser about his female clothing and cache of magazines and stories from the Internet he kept it hidden away.

They quickly accepted his job and career plans. It was a bit of a shock, but he felt grateful. He expected resistance to his independent efforts. He had no idea his new job was all set up by Dr. Evers, who went to college with his father, many years ago, and was instrumental in helping his parents adopt Tony, soon after his birth. He didn’t even know that he was an adopted child. His father and Dr. Evers had remained casual friends over the years, and Tony finally recognized where he had heard the name before, never considering that his dad’s old school chum and the head of the stress management program at the hospital were one and the same.

Tony had never met Dr. Evers, but that wasn’t unusual, as his dad had so many business and personal friends whom he never met. He didn’t know that his initial "spontaneous" phone call to his mother was skillfully engineered by a very savvy Donna and Dr. Sims, who carefully persuaded him to make the call to start him on a path of mending the fences at home.

He didn’t catch on when his mom slipped and said that "Auntie Em" had already called her in regard to the consent forms. In the excitement from hearing from Tony, she forgot that Tony didn’t know his parents knew Dr. Evers and Dr. Sims, and how everyone called them Uncle and Auntie Em.

They planned it all and were aware of his stash of clothing. They were following the prescription of Dr. Evers to allow Tony to seek out stress management and (unknown to Tony) gender identity counseling. Even Louise was in on it. That’s why she arranged to find Tony a job at the hospital.

Tony still wasn’t aware of Louise’s close connection with Dr. Evers or why she became a "candy striper" at the hospital, which was to cover her own sessions over the past five years with Dr. Evers for a completely different purpose.

 

Chapter Three. Instilling the "Touch".

Tony was worried about Louise finding out about his crossdressing and how she might react if she knew. All the while, Dr. Evers was counseling her for gender identity acceptance, as she was born a true hermaphrodite and Dr. Evers convinced her parents that she should not be surgically altered to eliminate her dual sexuality. She never let Tony know, and fended off his advances to keep him from discovering the nature of her anomaly. In time, he would soon learn, but not until long after the beginning of his own journey into the androgynous realm between the sexes.

Unaware that he too was being groomed since his birth, he truly loved Louise, and she likewise loved him. They were carefully guided together onto that path. His parents held Louise in high regard. She and her parents were careful to have her appear to them as a great potential daughter-in-law, and they’d do whatever they could that would further Louise’s and Tony’s mutual proceeding down the aisle toward the altar. Tony’s parents didn’t know of her unique genetic disorder, but of course, Louise’s parents did.

Tony was adopted, whereas Louise was her parents’ natural child. Soon after she was born, they volunteered to enroll in a national medical research program to study genetic anomalies of this nature and follow the Louise’s development as she matured. The relocation of the two families to be close to the research center was no accident. All was planned out thoroughly and efficiently by the research foundation to provide valuable verifiable data for genetic manipulation.

During the weekly counseling meetings, Dr. Evers recommended Tony’s parents let him help direct Tony into a medical career, promising them that Tony would benefit immensely from the vast experience and education Tony would surely gradually obtain under his personal guidance. He would regularly inform them of Tony’s progress and the depth of Tony’s involvement in the fetish that had his parents concerned. He felt it would be unwise to inhibit Tony from pursuing it. He also suggested that showing disdain or punishing Tony for his unusual behavior would only result in further curt attitude and rebellion.

He had assured them during their weekly meetings that he could devise a sure and suitable plan to allow Tony to expose his fetish to them without any guilt or embarrassment. His long acquaintance with Tony’s dad and his instrumentality in Tony’s adoption had established their trust in him. Dr. Evers wished to have their continued full cooperation and acceptance, as well. They agreed to let Dr. Evers guide Tony, as they knew they weren’t qualified to deal with it, whereas Dr. Evers was.

He felt he could solve Tony’s rebellious attitude and reunite them, if he were granted permission to set Dr. Sims up as Tony’s primary guidance counselor for career development, as well. Tony had rebelled from their attempts at career persuasion and with his expert professional skills; he’d be able to ensure Tony’s selection of a career in medicine, just as they had hoped, with a counselor Tony already accepted in the stress management program: Dr. Sims.

Of course, he didn’t mention that the program would provide him with a willing subject for a new aspect of "Program T". He stated that he was familiar with the treatment to gender dysphorics, and he’d use Tony’s crossdressing in a clinical approach to modify his "rash behavior" unless it would d more harm than good.

He further advised them not to be surprised by some results that may surface in Tony’s deportment to desire further feminine development. Their previous association with Dr. Evers was such that they knew he used various techniques involving enhancement of depth in a problem to "purge" a subject’s guilt. Total immersion often led to the elimination of the desire to continue erratic behavior. When it did not, it was because the subject was not willing to stop under any circumstances. He insisted that excessive inhibition might result in devastating consequences for such an individual. He assured them it required professional skill that he possessed to properly diagnose and prescribe Tony’s appropriate behavior modification.

Tony’s father studied Psychology in college. He knew that those who are deeply entrenched in the practice of a fetish would never be able to quit, regardless of the extent of external influence. After many hours of discussion, Tony parents decided that the degree to which his fetish affected his total personality could only be answered by an in-depth study by a professional in the field, such as Dr. Evers. They were willing to offer Dr. Evers the requested opportunity to proceed, considering it would reunite the family and direct Tony to a medical career.

At this time, Dr. Evers didn’t tell them he planned to develop a new personality for Tony as well, one that would transform him into a suitable spouse for Louise. So, unwittingly, they too would become participants in "Program T" as Dr. Evers planned to study the effects on parents of changed subjects as an adjunct to his long-term, in-depth research. Of that purpose, only he and his colleagues in the research foundation, Louise, and her parents knew.

Louise’s parents were thrilled with the idea. They didn’t know precisely the kind of personality Dr, Evers had in mind, only that Tony would be the perfect spouse for their daughter, and that was a thought they cherished. After nearly two long decades of fear and doubt about Louise’s future, they were ecstatic over being told that arduous training and tedious efforts to employ suggestive touching had been effective. Tony was gradually conditioned to subservience by a particular type of physical contact to his right arm above the elbow. The years of their daughter’s step-by-step clandestined training were finally paying off.

They often questioned Dr. Ever’s approach, but now were confident that his slow, deliberate technique achieved the intended purpose, when he advised them how Dr. Sims and another associate were both able to replicate the striking effect on Tony during recent interviews to entice him to do their bidding, without question or hesitation. The potential for the use of the technique by others would enable their daughter to direct her attentions to her own educational objectives now.

They no longer doubted the years of training Dr. Evers had devoted to Louise. They didn’t know that the he trained her to slowly and carefully plant several key suggestions in Tony’s mind while the two were growing up to coerce him into his being addicted to the feel of delicate, feminine fabrics, especially while on his own conditioned body. They only knew he would be "dedicated" to Louise.

They often wondered whether or not Tony was responding to Louise’s efforts, as there were no outward signs to confirm his indoctrination. To them, Tony seemed almost platonic in his relationship with Louise, never exhibiting any aggressive nor assertive dominant tendencies, but he never showed any sign of the slightest outward interest in women’s clothing, either. They didn’t notice how he gradually let his hair grow long to enhance his secret mental self-image.

Dr. Evers’ careful counseling interviews with Louise enabled him to confirm that Tony was responding according to plan. Dr. Evers would not get directly involved until the time was right, or certain primary objectives might not be achieved. He carefully trained Louise to observe and report each measurable effect of the hundreds of intricate suggestions she had made, over and over, one by one, with extreme care not to have Tony become aware of her manipulations to his mind. Dr. Evers knew it might take a few years to totally addict Tony to the fetish, but in the end, the result would be worth the persistent patience.

Dr. Evers plans for Louise’s future depended on her successfully acquiring all of the skills he taught her privately over the years. He intended to groom Louise into a skilled sex therapist in the field of sexual orientation therapy.

As Tony was approaching his own destiny, Louise, a mite older than Tony, was beginning a new phase of her own training. She was keen on becoming a subtle dominatrix, perfection in the art of detecting the effect of each word she would use to draw a prey into submission. Tony never knew that, for years, he was her first and foremost subject; for good reason, as Tony was to be her personal mate and a "mother" for her children someday.

Dr. Evers schooled her diligently. He wanted her to eventually become the best sex therapist for sexual dysfunction that the world had ever known If she could succeed with her first subject, Tony, she would have the spouse of her dreams as well.

He convinced her she had a destiny to fulfill due to her unique anatomy and he promised he would make her very affluent as well as famous in medical research if she but heeded his advise and followed his training. He encouraged her to study hard and practice her skills on Tony, never rushing a subject into adapting into the roles she implanted over time, saying that the world needed for her to be a "special" person that she was, and she was born this way for that purpose.

When she began to mature, he confided that he often included her in his sexual fantasies, and he often dreamed about the day he would begin her adult training, when she became of age. Under his tutelage, her unique attributes could be developed to help countless people with severe sexual dysfunctions. She was able to apply skills that few if any were capable of using. All she had to do was to study the skills he would teach her. With his professional persuasive guidance, he cultured her to become a very ardent advocate to his plans. He described her potential contributions to medical science in glowing terms of profound and elegant prestige, an honorable vocation.

She accepted Dr. Evers’ offer without hesitation. She was well conditioned by her parents to hide her dual sexuality, as society would not understand. They told her society would treat her as an error of nature, a mistake, but her condition was not her fault, and she should do her best to make the most of her life. Instead, under Dr Evers’ tutelage, she could become a research marvel, a unique and beautiful specimen to advance science. To Dr. Evers, she was special and a fortunate girl, to have been born as she was.

He convinced her that she had a solemn duty to procreate with a proper partner, a person that could enhance the chances of replicating her "special" condition, someone like her darling Tony, who with his help, he was sure that she could. Previous attempts had failed due to a lack of medical advances and proper clinical dedication. He would provide all that was needed to assure her success, so that her condition could be repeated and scientific breakthroughs achieved.

He trained her to remain physically platonic with Tony. Instead, she was to make suggestions that would accumulate and direct him to seek gratification from his wearing the type of clothing she wore. Over time, Tony would develop a deep desire to enjoy the exquisite sensations of delicate silks and satins against his maturing body. By continuing to reinforce his association of sexual pleasure with delicate fabrics, over a period of four years, he was irreversibly addicted to his fetish. Meanwhile, Louise was growing impatient, as her tutor was inspiring her to become quite a vixen. She desired to have sexual relations, but not with just anyone, only her darling Tony. Dr. Evers begged her to be a little more patient, as the reward would be worth the wait. Soon, Tony would be ready for her. Soon, he would be her "perfect" mate. To insure her compliance, he suggested she limit her contact with Tony until Dr. Evers felt he was ready for her.

Dr. Evers methods were so subtle, only he and Louise knew when Tony had become totally sensitized to the particular touch of the right arm. Tony didn’t realize that his conscious mind would not perceive the suggestions that followed. As soon as Louise would touch him that certain way, he would become docile and obedient. He would carry out her suggestions as soon as he returned home, donning ladies undies and fantasizing being a pretty girl, like Louise.

Once Tony exhibited that her touch held him transfixed, to do her bidding without question, she began to make further suggestions as prescribed by Dr. Evers. The first of these was to provide him with the clothes he would need t practice his newly acquired fetish. She purposely had Tony over to study up in her room and upon their arrival, whisked some carelessly discarded panties off the bed and let him see her place them into her hamper.

After her first directive, before Tony left Louise’s house, he rummaged through the hamper beneath her vanity and extracted a piece of her clothing that seemed to be begging him to be taken. He snatched it up and hid it in his school bag, thinking she would never miss one pair of her panties. The next time, he took a bra, then a slip, and then a blouse.

She had so many pretty things. As she never mentioned anything was missing, he felt confident she wasn’t aware of his penchant for taking a few of her things that she had once worn to caress the flesh of his own body in the privacy of his bedroom, while he masturbated, dreaming of Louise. As he slowly progressed, he dreamed of being like Louise, a pretty girl that made the boys stare and get aroused by her beauty and curvaceous body.

As he progressed further, he went out and bought more frilly things under the guise of purchasing gifts for his sisters, his mom, or his girlfriend. In time he had accumulated a complete feminine wardrobe. To hide his growing stash, he removed his old sports equipment from the oversized gym bag in the back of his closet and used it to store his finery. He stored the discarded sporting goods in the back of the attic, where the family seldom ventured.

He had no idea that the bookstore he walked into one day, absentmindedly, was the result of one of Louise’s suggestions. The extra spending money that he was supposed to spend on arcade games and after-school entertainment of Louise was soon used to acquire the sexiest deviant magazines about men that enjoyed wearing things only girls were supposed to wear and he discovered the inventory of the most provocative silky nightclothes suitable only for tarts and professional call girls at that store. The clerk didn’t care or hesitate when the underage Tony nervously purchased item after item to expand his collection of girls’ undies. Tony wasn’t even remotely aware he was gradually introduced to his delightful fetish. All he knew was he relished the sensations of the texture and beauty of the vision he saw in the mirror when he wore the clothes and read the stories in the porn magazines.

Dr. Evers methods were so subtle. Initially, only he and Louise knew how Tony had been sensitized to the arm touch. Dr. Evers insisted that methodically slow advances were absolutely necessary. If they became too obvious, all the effort to make the suggestions seemingly self-inspired rather than induced might have backfired. Of course, it didn’t.

Once the autosuggestion technique was firmly reliable, Louise’s parents were told that Tony was induced to obey Louise by her touching him in that certain way, and Louise taught them how to manipulate Tony further. Her mother was too nervous to attempt the technique, but her father used it to reinforce Tony’s love and respect for his daughter and instill a hands-off policy on Tony.

He wouldn’t have to worry that Tony would accidentally discover Louise’s sexual "difference" prematurely. They told Dr. Evers that he could name his price for teaching Louise the technique. He only requested their complete confidence and exclusive rights to publish the results of his research, confidentialities respected.

Their awareness stopped there. Dr. Evers didn’t completely advise them of his intense grooming of Louise for sex therapy, nor his plans for her professional future that he added to her therapy sessions. He used his keen persuasive abilities to convince them that she should pursue a career with him in behavior psychiatry in a way that they felt it was their idea, rather than a notion he planted in their receptive minds by the same technique.

 

 

Chapter Four. Sound Advice.

Tony was pleased that his reunion with his parents went so well. His mom and dad were both enthused over his job at the hospital and they agreed that it would be better for him to stay at the hospital during the week rather than him commute back and forth on a daily basis. They suggested he could come home weekends, and keep them posted on his job and college plans. He tried to explain that the shifts were designed in a way that he would have to work some weekends, and got irritated that they felt he should still report in like a little kid. Then he recalled his promise to Dr. Sims about not becoming angry or spouting off to his folks, so he let it pass. He was afraid to argue, or a direct confrontation might give them second thoughts about his keeping the job, and he wanted to keep it.

As the evening wore on, he began to worry if he’d be able to spirit his fem clothes and dirty magazines out of the house. He had to get rid of them before they were found. His mom was sure fussing over him, making it difficult for him to go up to his room to get them. Finally, he simply told him he wanted to take some of his clothes back to the hospital, almost panicking when his mom offered to help.

Fortunately, his promise to Dr. Sims reminded him to stay calm. He bit his tongue and said: "Gee, mom. That’s awfully sweet of you, but I’m almost eighteen. I can do it. I’ll just take a few things for now and pick up things as I need them when I can come home on weekends."

He went to his room and stuffed a few shirts, pants, socks and shorts on top of his duffle bag to conceal his "goodies" and zipped it closed. He put it by the front door closet saying: "Don’t let me forget these." He shuddered to think what would happen if his mom tired to go through them and see what he selected to take. The feeling he got when neither of them gave it a thought was like "Whew!" He could scarcely hide his relief.

Let us now re-enter Tony’s mind as he leaves home on much better terms with his parents then his last departure.

About 10:00 PM, I asked dad if he’d give me a ride back to the hospital, as my work shift was to start at Eleven O’clock and the bus ride would be slower. His lift to the hospital would allow us more time together. He agreed, but mom aid she’d stay behind to allow dad and I some "male bonding" time. I felt there was more to his being alone with me than they were saying.

In the car, dad was sullen, and didn’t say a word as he drove slowly toward the hospital. Finally, I said: "Gee dad, I hope you aren’t too angry with me about not going to college right away and getting a job for a while. I appreciate that you and mom want to make sure I get a good education, but I also feel it’s too important to make a mistake about a career choice and wasting a lot of money on a wrong curriculum."

He took a deep breath, sighed and paused, and said nothing. Five more minutes passed without a single word between us. I couldn’t stand the tension between us. All I could think of was Dr. Sims’ warning, "Don’t panic. Don’t blurt out any rash comments." I was afraid to say something wrong that would give dad an excuse to make a parental ultimatum about going straight to college.

As we approached the hospital, he pulled over and shut off the engine. Staring out the windshield, he reached into his shirt pocket and withdrew a stick of chewing gum, unwrapped it, and stuck it into his mouth. He would usually offer me one first, but he didn’t this time. I knew he was mad as hell.

"So, this is what you want, eh?"

"Dad. ---I don’t know what I want yet. That’s the problem. If I did, I would have told you and mom, straightaway. Gee, this is so hard. You don’t know what I’ve been going through. The first six weeks away from home were a living hell. All I know is that I have to do. I can’t be depending on you and mom forever.

This is about my finding out what I will be doing for the rest of my life, not about how you and mom feel I’m acting at the moment. In my mind, I have to be sure it won’t be something I’ll regret later and feel like I wasted years going in the wrong direction." I knew I was going at this the wrong way, and my temper would soon flare up, but I couldn’t help myself. "Please, dad. Let me resolve this my way!"

"Tony? Do you think you’re the only person that ever went through this kind of turmoil? Don’t you realize everyone faces adulthood the same way, with doubts and fears? Yes, they make mistakes; but believe me; you’re making a bigger mistake by cutting your mom and me out of your decision. We’d both be willing to do whatever you’d want son, if you would only talk to us about it first. You aren’t ready to be on your own. You need help. Apparently, you don’t trust us to be wise enough to help you. Where did we go wrong?"

Dad blamed himself. I couldn’t help it. I burst into tears. "I’m sorry, dad. I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me."

Silence.

"I was all mixed up inside. All I know about making serious decisions I learned by listening to you and mom, and of course, from Louise. What they taught us in school about career selection wasn’t much help. Now that I spent some time on my own, I realize how important your input is, but I still would like to try to work at the hospital. I think I’m on the right track, but I’ve got to be sure. I can’t see how you and mom can help me to find out if this is what I’m cut out for in life."

"Son, you have a lot to learn. We’ve tried to make things easy for you, but must have missed some important parts of teaching you to know we weren’t going to force you into something you didn’t want. Maybe you do need to independently think for yourself for a while. Then, perhaps you’ll see that we had your interests at heart. If it isn’t always so easy for you, maybe you’ll put a greater value on our efforts to help you grow up. This hospital job could be just the ticket. I didn’t like the idea at first, and I’m still not sure that I do, but I’m willing to let you make that choice.

However, ---if you ever change your mind, or have any serious doubts about this, come straight home! Don’t hesitate! We’ll be there for you no matter what you decide. Mom and I will always love you and stand behind you, no matter what! When you walked out on us, we felt we failed you. We felt you hated us for not understanding how you felt. We feared losing you altogether. It’s a very empty feeling to lose someone you love.

Please don’t hurt us like that again! I don’t think your mother could stand it. She cried every night for weeks. I don’t want to see her go through that again! You’re all we have. You have no idea how much you hurt your mom by leaving.

We don’t mind if you want a year or two to find yourself! You’re everything to us, son. If you choose to become a gravedigger or a street cleaner, we’ll back you all the way, even if we feel you’re cutting yourself short, not trying to achieve what you are capable of becoming.

All we want is for you to let us help you. If we screwed up and sounded like we’d force you to go to college against your will, we made a serious mistake. We’re not perfect, you know. We can make mistakes once in a while, too! But by going away without, at least talking to us first, was far worse a thing to do than I feel we deserved. I didn’t expect that of you. I always felt we succeeded in raising you to be a much better person than that. I was mistaken. Understand me?"

"Son, --- look at me, boy!" I turned my lowered head to face him. "I’m an industrial psychologist, a human resource engineer. My job is to help people make career decisions. How do you think I feel when my own son won’t let me assist him to choose a career? Answer me that, will you???"

Oh, God. I hurt him, so. The lump in my throat kept me from saying a word. What could I possibly say to undo the wrong I had done?

We sat in silence. He wanted an answer, but I was too mortified to speak, afraid that I would only make matters worse if I tried to make excuses for my stupidity.

"Dad. I have to go. It’s almost eleven, and I have to change."

"TO HELL WITH YOUR TEMPORARY JOB! THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT!"

Dr. Sims, Dr. Sims, Dr. Sims! What do I do or say, now??? I don’t want to screw up and say something to hurt him more! "Dad, dad, Please hold me! I need you more than ever before! Don’t be angry with me! I’ll never be so thoughtless and inconsiderate again!"

His arms totally surrounded me. My face sunk into his chest and I wept bitterly. I can’t recall how long we silently sat there together, with me in his arms. To me, it seemed like hours, and yet, I couldn’t stir. I wouldn’t leave him. I needed him so.

His hand rose and I felt his tender touch upon my head. His soft strokes were so soothing. I need that. I needed him to hold me in his arms, like he did long ago, when I was a small, helpless child. I felt as helpless as I did back then.

"Son," he whispered, "Your stress over a career selection has gotten the best of us all. Sometimes, you can’t see the forest through the trees. If you needed help, mom and I have always tried to provide it. As a professional counselor, I should know that you can’t be a part of the solution, if you are part of the problem. It’s seems funny, that I didn’t think it was so true, until just now.

"You’re right! You need an independent, third party to advise you, someone that can be totally objective. I think you have found someone here that will be of help. Let’s leave things as they are for the present. If worse come to worse, I can call on one of my associates to review the situation, but I doubt it will be necessary.

I heard the stress clinic her at the hospital helps medical students out a lot. An old school chum of mine heads it. See what they say. Your mom and I will try to support you in whatever you decide. I’ll tell mom not to worry."

It was dad that worried me. Mom seemed to be in control more than him. Women must be able to handle stress better than men. I’ll see what Dr. Sims has to say about that and how to deal with the dad is acting.

"I’ve got to go, dad. I’m late."

"Let me walk to the door with you, son."

Okay, dad." With that, he started the engine, drove the last block and pulled into the parking lot.

We got out of the car, with me carrying the large duffel bag that carried my secret treasure. It struck me as funny that my fear over my parents discovering its contents is what sped up our reunion.

As we came around the back of the car, and proceeded toward the employees’ entrance, dad’s hand touched my right elbow. Al my problems seemed to vanish. His hand remained on my arm all the way to the entrance of the building. It was so reassuring. Then, it was gone.

At the door, he hugged me tightly. I sensed it would be for the last time. Dad was letting go of his little boy. The invisible umbilical chord between dad and I was vanishing forever, and things would never be the same, again.

I felt as if I was passing through a gate from adolescence to maturity. A gate that would lead me --- I don’t know where, but yet, I knew I could depend on my parents for advise, without fear of their dominance over me, ever again.

"Mom and I will always stand behind you, no matter what." His words rang in my ear.

It was up to me now.

 

To be continued.

 

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