Author's Note: I've been an avid reader of TG fiction for quite a long time. I especially enjoy stories that are sweet and sentimental or those in which the character is punished with love and compassion (if you want to know what that means, read any of the Aunt Jane stories by Tigger). Anyways, this is my first attempt at a story and I hope you enjoy it.

All the usual copyright and "viewing if you're legal" rules apply. There is no sex in this story, the character is far too young, but there is implied violence. It is a work of fiction and all the characters are fictional, any similarities to the living are chance.

Second Note: This story was significantly influenced by a story called How Life Can Change by Little Katie. In Little Katie's story, her main character is irretrievably injured through circumstances beyond her control and her parents also had to make difficult decisions. This story had an impact on me, much more than I originally expected and that influenced more of this story than I had realized until it was brought to my attention. The main influence of Little Katie's story was to inspire me to explore a different direction to such a situation because it is one that I, and I suspect many of my transgendered sisters, have sometimes wished for. It evokes powerful emotions and that can be a wonderful thing for us to experience and explore.

So, I want to say thanks to Little Katie for inspiring me to finally pursue writing beyond more than a few conceptual chapters. Without that the story of Audra may have gone the way of many of my previous attempts and I would be lessened for it. I am grateful.

I also want to say thanks to Jezzi Belle Stewart for bringing my subconscious to the conscious. Since it was never my intention to simply reiterate another's story, her commentary has helped to shape the direction that I intend to take Audra.

 

Audra: A New Life

by Joanne Foxcourt

 

Chapter 14: Home Again

After a couple of days in the hospital and many sessions with Sheila, Audra was pronounced fit to return home. Marie, the day nurse, entered Audra's room to the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. "Hey cupcake, are you almost ready?" Marie called out.

"I'm coming!" Audra called back as she turned off the shower. She wrapped a towel around her hair as Marie had showed her and dried herself off. Tucking the towel under her arms, she walked into the main room.

"All clean?" Marie smiled.

Audra sniffed under her arm, "I think so."

"Okay scamp, let's get you dressed." Marie laughed.

Audra grimaced at the denim skirt that was laid out on the bed. "None of that missy," Marie told her. "You remember what Sheila said."

Audra sighed, "I know, I have to become more comfortable being a girl."

"That's right. It's important Audra. We all love you dearly, but we'd rather that your visits to the hospital were for good reasons."

Audra stepped into the panties as she nodded at Marie. "No pad?"

"The doctor thinks that you've healed enough not to need it anymore."

"They're more comfy without the pad," Audra noted.

"I know, but pads are part of the joys of womanhood."

"Even for me?"

"Well, not in the future since you won't face periods, but at least you have had the experience and that is something."

Audra sighed with relief. Susie had started her periods before the summer and was often cranky. Audra didn't want to have to go through that and knowing that she wouldn't have periods made Audra feel much better about the whole girl thing. While she knew she couldn't have babies, she hadn't made that connection with periods.

Audra put on the skirt and top. "Aren't you forgetting something?" Marie asked.

"What?"

"Your bra. You're just starting, but you need to get used to it."

"Oh." Audra took off her top and struggled into the training bra before putting the top back on.

"Better." Marie smiled.

Just as Audra was doing up her sandals, Marianne and Susie entered the room. "Oh good, you're all dressed." Marianne noted.

"Hi mommy, hi Susie."

"Ready to go home?" Marianne asked.

"Born ready!"

As Marie wheeled Audra down the hall, Susie told her that she looked nice.

"Thanks. Sheila wants me to wear skirts and dresses though."

"What's wrong with that?" Susie asked.

"Nothing, I guess, it's just…"

"You look good in skirts Audra. You have great legs."

"Susie!" Audra exclaimed.

"Well, you do!"

"I'm only eleven."

"Yeah, but by the time you're my age, the boys will be falling all over themselves to date you."

"I don't want to think about that."

***

"You have to help with keeping an eye on her Ken," James was explaining.

"I thought Sheila said she was past the suicide bid," Ken commented.

"She is, for now, but the events that triggered it are going to happen again."

"Not unless they enjoy being pretzels!"

"It's life Ken, she'll get hurt sometimes. Just try to help her past that."

"Right."

"Sounds like they're home." James noted as the two hurried to front door.

"Daddy!" Audra cried as she entered the house.

James swept her into a bear hug. "Welcome back slugger."

***

"Susie, it's a beautiful day, why don't you and Audra go down to the park?" Marianne suggested.

"Okay. Let's go Audra," Susie agreed.

"Um…" Audra hedged.

"You need some sun Audra, you've been cooped up in hospital rooms almost all summer and you're looking pale. Summer is almost over and you should enjoy what's left of it while you can," Marianne told her.

"Okay," Audra replied reluctantly as Susie led her out the door.

***

"Relax Audra, you look like you're coming apart at the seams," Susie instructed as they walked to the park.

"I'm nervous. What if Bobby Grant is there?" Audra asked.

"He won't do anything, he's afraid of Ken. Any boy with sense is afraid of Ken."

"Ken isn't here."

"Doesn't matter, Bobby would have a lot of running to do to get away."

Audra looked a bit more reassured. When they got to the park, there was already a large group of kids playing on the equipment and a couple of Susie's friends hanging out on the nearby grass chatting. "Hey, there's Dana and Julie, let's go hang out," Susie suggested. Not having any better ideas, Audra followed her sister over to the two.

"Hey Susie, who's the new girl?" Dana Clarke asked as the two newcomers plopped down into the grass.

"You know her Dana; this is Audra, my sister."

"Sister! I thought you had two brothers," Julie, Dana's twin sister, questioned.

"You didn't hear?" Susie asked as Audra looked uncomfortable.

"Hear what?" Julie asked.

"I heard Bobby Grant mouthing off about Aaron…" Dana trailed off looking at Audra closely. "Aaron?"

Audra shook her head, "not any more, it's Audra now."

"I don't get it," Julie confessed.

"Bobby said that Mike had claimed that Aaron was really badly hurt and the doctors made him into a girl. Bobby didn't believe it, he figured Aaron was just a sissy and using it as an excuse," Dana explained.

"So, are you a girl?" Julie asked.

"She is," Susie confirmed before Audra could answer. Susie could see that Audra was becoming upset at the direction of the conversation.

"What happened?" Dana asked.

Audra sighed and nodded at Susie to tell the story.

***

The Clarke twins stared at Audra with astonishment and sympathy as Susie finished the tale. For herself, Audra was struggling with the inner demons that arose every time she thought about what had happened and why.

"Oh my God," Julie exclaimed, "that's terrible!"

Audra started crying as the three girls gathered her up. "Hey, don't cry Audra," Dana soothed, "we can help you."

"Help me?" Audra sniffled as she looked at the girls.

"Sure, we'll form a club!"

Susie looked at Dana, not really surprised because Dana was famous for starting clubs, she wanted clubs for everything. Susie figured it was because Dana liked the whole "secret society" idea of them. "What kind of club?" Susie asked.

 

Chapter 15: The Girls Club

"So, here's the deal," Dana explained. "Audra is new to this whole girl thing and so she has a lot to learn. We have years of experience being girls, so we can teach her."

"Why do we need a club?" Audra asked.

Dana and Julie looked at Audra like she had grown a second head. "Silly, a club makes it more formal," Julie explained as if that answered the question.

Audra looked confused by the answer, but shrugged. "Okay, but what do I have to learn?"

"Lot's of stuff, you'll see. Being a girl is a lot different than being a boy," Dana assured her.

Audra didn't think so, other than the sitting down to pee thing, but she wisely kept that to herself. Not only that, she was sure that she really didn't have the experience to make that judgment call herself. So, Audra nodded.

"What's first?" Susie asked.

"Shopping!" Dana and Julie chorused at the same time.

"Gee guys, let's hit the biggest stereotype first why don't we," Susie teased.

Dana shrugged, "Shopping's fun. Do you think Ken'll take us?"

"I don't know, we can ask…" Susie hedged.

"Cool, let's go!"

Audra followed the girls with a sinking feeling that control of her life was slipping out of her grasp. Still, the enthusiasm from the Clarke twins and the fact that Audra really needed some new friends helped her decide to go along.

***

Ken looked up from the book he was reading poolside as several shadows darkened him. Staring up at four girls, Ken figured that the only possible thing that they could want was for him to take them to the mall. Sighing, Ken asked, "What's up?"

"How would you like to help our new club?" Dana asked him.

"In what way?"

"Well, we're trying to teach Audra about being a girl," Susie started to explain.

"And what better way to start than at the mall!" Julie filled in.

Ah ha, Ken thought to himself, I knew it. "What does the mall have to do with that?" He asked.

"It's a girl thing," Dana assured him.

Ken rolled his eyes as he thought about it. "Okay, but you two have to ask your parents first," he agreed.

"Oh, thank you! We already did," Dana smiled at him.

Ken thought that Audra didn't look especially thrilled with the idea of shopping, but he figured that she needed to get out and about with girls close to his age and begin learning. Getting up from the lounge chair, he smiled at his new sister and gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Alright, meet me at the car; I have to get changed first."

***

Ken dropped the girls off at the entrance. "I'm going to park the car and hang out at the video games store or the book store. Come find me when you're ready to go."

"Okay," Susie told him, "we'll see you later. Let's go!"

"Where to first?" Julie asked.

***

Audra trailed the other three girls around the department store as they began digging through the huge racks of clothing. It was just like any other shopping experience, Audra decided, boring, boring, and more boring.

"Hey Audra, why aren't you looking?" Dana asked.

"I dunno…"

"Well, get a grip girl, this is a part of your training!"

"Umm, okay." Audra began casually browsing through the racks of clothing, without really seeing anything that would even begin to interest her.

Susie poked her head up from a rack. "Did you find anything?" She asked Audra.

Audra grabbed the first thing her hand came in contact with and pulled it out. It was a skirt with black and red vertical stripes.

"You can't wear that!" Julie told her as the other three looked at her selection.

"Why not?"

Julie sighed, "You're too thin and the stripes will make you look like a pipe cleaner."

"I don't get it."

"Stripes are tricky," Julie explained. "Vertical stripes make you look slimmer and horizontal stripes make you look wider."

"I thought it was good to look slim."

"It is, when you need the help, and you don't need the help."

"What should I be looking for then? I don't know anything about girl's clothes."

Dana put her arm around Audra's shoulders. "Well, my dear, solids are what you need. Let me show you…"

***

"Come on Audra, let us see!" Susie called into the change room.

"It's too short!"

"It's supposed to be short, it's a mini-skirt! That's why they call it mini!"

"I still think it's too short."

"Just come out and let us see," Susie instructed.

Reluctantly, Audra came out of the change room trying to tug the red skirt lower. It must have been at least four inches above her knee and she felt completely exposed wearing it. She blushed at the sudden wolf whistles from the three other girls.

"Wow, that's hot!" Dana declared.

"I'm only eleven; I'm not supposed to be hot."

"Nonsense," Dana decided. "You won't be eleven forever. It fits perfect."

"Well, mom would kill me if I let her buy it," Susie noted. Audra sighed in relief and hurried back into the change room.

"Spoilsport," Dana told Susie with a grin.

"Shopping is making me hungry," Julie commented. "Let's go to the food court when Audra comes out." The other girls nodded in agreement.

***

The four girls found a table to eat their lunch. Susie had convinced Audra to go a bit lighter than her usual up-sized burger and fries combination. "Trust me Audra; girls have to watch their weight. If you keep eating that stuff you'll balloon right up. Nobody treats big girls nicely." Reluctantly, Audra got a chicken salad and diet pop, if only to shut Susie up.

"You know what we need to do?" Dana asked in general.

"What?" Susie prompted.

"We need to have a sleepover!"

"That's perfect! Let me ask my mom, but we have to have it my place," Susie told her.

"Why?"

"Well, Audra has some medical stuff to do at night and it's easier for her at home."

"Oh."

A shadow fell over the table. "Well, well, if it isn't the sissy-boy."

"What do you want, Bobby?" Susie snarled at him.

"Oh, nothing much. Me and my pals are hanging out and decided to have some fun."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, we have a little sissy here and it's fun to pick on sissies."

"Audra isn't a sissy!" Dana exclaimed.

"My sister doesn't need your crap Bobby," Susie told him.

Bobby laughed at them. "Little boy playing at being a girl. Maybe we should teach him how to be a girl, huh guys?" The four other boys clustered behind Bobby laughed.

"Maybe if you run now, Ken won't rip your head off," Susie warned.

Bobby snapped Audra's bra. "Look, the little sissy is wearing a bra too! Skirts, panties, bra, you're a real something there Wilson."

"Leave me alone Bobby, I haven't done anything to you!" Audra cried.

"Aw, poor little sissy-boy," Bobby mocked. "I ain't afraid of Ken."

"Really?" Ken asked as he lifted Bobby by the scruff of his neck. Ken had wandered down to the food court because he'd gotten thirsty and had spotted the girls being harassed by the five boys. "You're not very smart are you Grant?"

"Let me go, we weren't doing anything!" The other boys started to back away.

"Bullshit! Let me explain something to you little assholes: if I even catch word of you picking on my sisters I'll make you look like a pretzel. And just so it's really clear to you, Audra is my sister through no fault of her own. She has more guts than you little cowards could ever hope to have and you had better make it a policy to stay away from her. Get it?"

"Yes," Bobby squeaked out.

Ken dropped him. "Now get lost before I change my mind and feed you to the garbage can." The five took off, but not before Bobby Grant flashed Audra a dark look full of hate, a look only Audra and Dana, who sat beside her, saw.

***

"Why is Bobby Grant so hard on her?" Marianne asked.

"He's just a bully," Ken stated.

"He's like his father. His father is a bigot and a bully and he's teaching his son to be like that," James told them both.

"Why? He's well educated and carries a respected position in the community."

"I don't know Mari; education doesn't always change someone's basic nature."

"Well, the girls want to have a sleepover tonight and I think it would be a great idea," Mari informed James in a complete non sequitur.

"Oh no, four teen or pre-teen girls? Here?" Ken exclaimed.

James laughed at him, "You're too big for them to do anything mean too."

"It's the noise…"

"Oh, stuff it you two!" Mari exclaimed, shaking her head in amusement.

 

Chapter 16: I thought this was a sleepover!

Dana and Julie had rushed home and grabbed their overnight stuff in record time. They had both figured that this was going to be a novel experience for the two of them, given the changes Audra had gone through, and they were excited. After all, it's not often that newly minted teenage girls get a chance to be the wise teachers of womanly arts!

After the twins had returned, the four girls had gathered in Susie's room to plan the evening out.

"Okay, because Audra is new to all of this, we need a plan for her education," Dana explained.

"A plan?" Audra asked, a little nervous.

"Sure! I mean, you aren't going to learn everything in one night, but we can have a crash course in some of the basic things."

"Like what?"

"Well, there's makeup, clothes, how to walk, boys…"

"Boys?!?" Audra practically shouted.

"Yes, boys!" Susie chimed in. "You need to start learning about boys."

"I already know all about boys."

"No you don't!" Came the response, in unison, from the three girls.

"Look Audra," Susie explained, "you only know boys from one side of the fence, but you are on the other side now. I know you're only eleven, but you're pretty and will get prettier as you get older. Boys are going to hit on you; it's just the way they're wired."

"They won't hit on me," Audra insisted. "I'm not really a girl."

"Hah, have you looked in a mirror lately?" Julie asked.

"Looking like one and being one are different. I can't have babies you know."

"Do you think that's all there is to being a woman, Audra?" Marianne asked from the doorway.

"Um…"

"Let me help you a bit sweetheart, I don't think you understand what being a woman means. I think it's time we had this discussion. Come with me for a little bit. I promise, girls, that I'll bring her right back."

"Um, okay mommy."

Marianne led Audra to her bedroom and sat her on the bed. "Many women, Audra, go through life unable to bear children. Sometimes it is an injury, sometimes it is just an accident of nature, and sometimes it's deliberate. However it happens, it happens. Not all men can father children either and for the same reasons. Being unable to bear children doesn't make a woman less a woman anymore than being unable to father children makes a man less a man. Being a woman is a state of being, it is both conscious and subconscious, and is defined by much more than a womb."

Audra nodded silently, but her mind was beginning to trace a path through this explanation.

Marianne continued, "Part of being a woman is caring and loving, nurturing the life around them. You have a lot of that in you already."

"Why was I made into a girl mommy, when being able to father children doesn't make you a man? I don't understand."

Marianne sighed, she had dreaded this question and her sharp-minded child had seen the implication quickly. "One of the great treasures of life, Audra, is the ability to meet someone and become intimate with them. You're a little young to understand what that means, but as you grow older it will become clearer."

"You're right mommy, I don't understand."

"Audra, the options that the doctor gave us left us with three choices. Two of those choices would have taken away the ability of you to experience the intimacy that adults in love experience. The third option, the one we chose, gave you a chance to have that. Knowing what we know, we couldn't take that chance away."

"But I wasn't meant to be a girl."

"Perhaps, but can you be sure? Maybe this is the direction that God has chosen for you. You are beautiful and loving. You possess the abilities within you to be a wonderful woman. This doesn't make Aaron less of man than he might have become, don't ever believe that, but Audra is as much a woman as Aaron was a man and that makes you very special."

Audra hugged her mother. "Thank you mommy."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Now why don't you run along back to the sleepover?"

"Okay," Audra smiled.

***

"Hey, I thought this was a sleepover!" Julie grumped.

"I'm sorry," Audra apologized.

Dana waved it away. "No big deal. Where were we? Oh yeah, boys!"

Audra groaned.

"No, really, you've got to learn about boys."

"Okay," Audra sighed, "What's the big deal about boys?"

"Well, right now they're kind of dirty and smelly, but that changes," Julie inserted.

"Huh?"

Susie smacked Julie on the head. "Don't listen to her, not all boys are dirty and smelly. Anyways, at some point, boys start to become interesting to girls and girls start to become interesting to boys."

"Yeah, Mike is hot!" Dana inserted, blushing.

"What?!?" Audra asked, surprised.

"Well, he is!" Dana asserted defensively.

"He's too young for you," Susie noted.

"Hah! He's only a year younger than me."

Audra started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Dana demanded.

"He doesn't like girls."

"That'll change," Dana said confidently.

"Oh?"

"Yep. That's what we're trying to tell you. The boys in my class make themselves silly trying to impress us girls, but the year before you would have thought that we carried a disease."

"Um…" Audra blushed, "Well, I guess that's true. I mean that's how us guys thought anyways. You know, cooties and all."

"Well girl, you've got 'em now!" Julie laughed as the others giggled.

"So, why do I have to worry about boys? They'll all know what happened."

"Because, silly, you'll be too cute for them to remember," said Susie.

"Huh?"

"She's a little slow, you know," Julie said in a stage whisper to Dana, winking at Audra.

"Boy's don't think with their brains when they get to that age," Susie explained further.

"I don't get it."

The three other girls gave dramatic sighs at the same time. "They think with their willy," Dana added.

"How would they do that?" Audra asked innocently, sending the others off into peals of laughter. "Well? I don't know what that means!"

"Um…" Susie paused, realizing that she really didn't get it either. "It means that they only think of sex."

"Really?"

"I think so." Susie didn't sound entirely convinced.

"Didn't Audra get new clothes?" Julie asked, distracting everyone.

Audra nodded.

"Fashion show! Fashion show!"

  

 

 

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© 2003 by Joanne Foxcourt. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, and compilation design) may be printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.