This is a work of fiction. All of the characters in this story are fictional, and any resemblance to anyone else living or dead is probably a coincidence. Please notify me if you are archiving this and the other chapters of the story on a web site. Permission specifically granted to Sapphire’s Place and Crystal’s Story Site to archive this. If you intend to publish this story in magazine or book (paper or electronic) format, please contact me for arrangements. Additional information on this story may be found at: http://www.ralabs.com/zapped/

 

Before My Time

by Bob Arnold

© 2003 by Robert Arnold - All Rights Reserved

 

Chapter 4

 

From chapter 3 -

I closed the doors and moved the bus over to the gas pumps. The attendant came over and asked what we needed. I told him to fill the tank and handed him a credit card. He took one look at the name on the card and jolted into action. He must have said something to the other guys at the filling area because soon there were three of them working on the bus. The windows were washed at least twice as the crew stood on the front bumper to get a look at me in the driver's seat. I patiently smiled and waved back.

The first service guy was back again in a few minutes with the credit card and slip for me to sign. Of course, Andrea and fished some handout pictures out of the cabinet and handed three of them to me to sign for the crew. I handed the pictures and signed credit slip to the guy as he smiled from ear to ear. They all waved as we pulled out of the rest area and headed toward Syracuse.

We stopped several times during the day at many of the places Toni always stopped on her way through the area. I was always warmly greeted and had loads of fun at each stop. Everyone always expressed the same concern for Bear's death. They always made a comment that they'd miss his kind of music too. A plan began to form and I scribbled some notes on a napkin to remind myself of several things I wanted to have Tyler do when I saw him again.

We wanted to enter the Syracuse area under the cover of darkness late at night to try to avoid people spotting the bus easily. It was well after midnight when we finally got off the Thruway at exit thirty-five and took a round-about route back to the house.

We pulled into the driveway around two AM and parked the bus next to the house. Minutes later we were inside and getting ready for bed. For the first time since the change, I felt like I was home. I was about to enter my old room when I realized that I should use Toni's room just down the hallway. I made a quick bathroom trip and took a very fast shower.

Unlike the previous days when I was just plain tired, what I felt today was a sort if 'happy' tired. The feeling was hard to explain but I felt very happy to be home again. Thoughts of the upcoming weekend activities started to make their way into my head but I shoved them aside in favor of thoughts of happier times with Toni over the last two years.

I dropped the towel I was wearing on the floor then got into the bed naked. Almost as soon as my head hit the pillow I was asleep.

>>>>>*****<<<<<

And now the conclusion of Before My Time -

The alarm clock buzzed on the stand beside the bed waking me from a sound and dreamless sleep. As I pried one eye open, the light streaming through the window lit up a mass of red hair that was blocking my vision. For a few moments, I was extremely confused thinking that I was back home and that Toni was cuddled up in the bed next to me again.

Reality quickly returned when I rolled over to turn off the alarm and smashed two mounds of flesh into the nightstand. What drove the point home that things were now drastically different was that I felt the pain as the breasts hit the sharp corner of the stand. The events of the past few days all came flooding back as I lay in the bed trying to make sense of where I was and what happened.

I managed to get both eyes open and brushed the unruly mane of hair out of the way. The sight that greeted me was Toni's room in my house in upstate New York. I pulled the sheet off and sat up on the edge of the bed gazing around the slightly unfamiliar room. I had been in here several times when Toni and I were both alive except that I never really paid attention to the contents of the room.

As I looked down, I realized that I was naked. I also discovered that I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. A few spots of red on the sheets where I sat and a cramped feeling told me that I was having my first period in Toni's body. I headed for the bathroom and started the water running in the bathtub. A bottle of bath oil sat on the counter so I added some to the water rushing into the tub. Bubbles started to form and, within a couple of minutes, the tub was full of them. The water felt great as I eased myself into the steaming tub.

The warmth eased the pain in my tummy somewhat as I gently cleaned myself. I noticed that my nipples were slightly sore as I used a soft sponge to clean them and the rest of my body. I spent longer than I should have enjoying the warm water and the fragrance from the bath oil. The water had started to chill by the time I decided that I had been in the tub long enough.

After placing a towel on the edge of the tub, I sat down to let some of the water drain off as the tub drained. I used another towel to pat my skin dry since it seemed especially sensitive to irritation this morning. I knew that Toni had problems with her periods but I had never fully known the extent. I did know that she, and now I, suffered greatly. I had cuddled her often enough over the past two years as the cramps and mood swings wracked her body and mind. This time though there would be no big soft teddy bear of a man to hug and tell me that it would be all right. Memories of Toni's experiences flooded my brain and I wept at what we both had lost. I wasn't certain if it was the mood swings or not and, at the moment, I didn't really care.

A gentle knocking on the door came as the tears were subsiding. "Are you ok in there, Toni?" Andrea's voice jolted me back to reality.

"I'm fine, Andrea, just finishing my bath. I'll be out in about fifteen minutes."

"Ok, Toni. I'm fixing breakfast now. Want me to wait a bit?"

"No, go ahead. I'll be right out." I grabbed a hand full of tissues as I heard her steps fade down the hallway. The mirror showed two red, puffy eyes with little rivers running down her…my face. I dried the tears as best as I could then finished drying off. I left the towels on the rim of the tub to dry before I tossed them in the hamper on my next trip into the bathroom. I opened the door to the small cabinet under the sink and took out a box of tampons. It seemed that my body was on auto-pilot since I watched my hands skillfully remove one from the box, prepare it then insert it into my tender vagina. The feeling of something being in there was strange but not altogether uncomfortable.

After grabbing the robe on the back of the bathroom door, I walked back into the bedroom. I found a bra in the drawer and put it on running on auto-pilot again. I was going to grab a pair of satin panties until the notion that the plain cotton panties were better when I was in this condition. The panties went on, snuggling up against my slightly sore plumbing. A pair of fuzzy slippers went on next followed by the bathrobe.

I sat down at the makeup table and gazed into the mirror. I decided that around the house that I wouldn't need makeup but my unruly mane of hair had to be dealt with. Using a comb and brush, I worked out all of the snarls and my hair glistened when I was finished with it. A final touch was the addition of a scrunchie to pull it all back into a ponytail to keep it out of the way.

Leaving the bedroom, I shuffled down the hallway passing through the living room on my way to the kitchen. The aroma of waffles and sausage grew stronger with each step I took. I smiled at Andrea as I sat down at the table.

"So I guess you like what you smell then?"

"I sure do, Andrea. When will it be ready?"

"A few more minutes. There's OJ and toast on the table already. Dig in!"

The plate in front of me on the table had two slices of buttered toast with orange marmalade spread thickly on it. A glass of orange juice sat next to it, beads of condensation running down the side of the glass. I started in on the toast and finished it by the time Andrea put another plate with a waffle and three sausages in front of me. As I poured real maple syrup on the waffle, Misty wandered into the kitchen.

"Morning, Misty. What would you like to eat?"

She tentatively sniffed the air. "That smells pretty good, Toni. I think I'll have what you're having." She plopped down at the table as Andrea brought over another glass full of OJ and two slices of toast with marmalade.

"Get started on those. I'll have a waffle and some sausage ready in a few minutes, Misty."

"Thanks, Andrea. So what's the plan now, Toni?"

"The general plan is that you'll pose as me and leave shortly after Bear's service on a private plane. I want you to be seen getting off the plane in Chicago too. That will distract everyone for a while and let me have a little peace and quiet. You can come back here minus the disguise on a normal flight a few days later. There's been some discussion of a public memorial service for Bear at the Dome as part of my first show after the ah… accident."

"Are you going to go through with it?"

"I suppose I have to. His fans are expecting something. I know Bear would have wanted just to fade away in the background. His fame never really did sit all that well with him. I'm too close to the situation though so someone else is going to have to figure out what to do for him."

Misty munched on the toast then took a drink of the orange juice. "Maybe Tyler can help there, Toni."

Andrea brought over a plate for Misty then sat down at the table to eat her own breakfast. "That reminds me, Toni. I called Tyler this morning. He'll be flying in later today. He'll get a rental car at the airport and meet us here."

"He's supposed to help with the final plans for Bear's service then work on setting up the memorial at the Dome. I'm glad he'll be handling everything. I don't think I can do this right now. I have all I can handle just with Bear's arrangements." Tears started to drip from my cheeks as I remembered what truly happened. I wept for the loss of my beloved Toni and the fact that the rest of the world would never know what really happened. It took a few minutes but I managed to collect myself again. I looked at Andrea and Misty to see that they, too, had been crying. "Sorry, I kinda lost it there."

"Everyone's been keeping it bottled up inside, Toni. It's all right."

"Thanks, Misty. You too, Andrea. Let's get the breakfast dishes out of the way. We have a lot to do today."

We made very short work of the dishes then each returned to our rooms to get dressed for the day's events. Much to my distaste, I knew I would have to go to the cemetery to approve my final resting-place. I had written it into my will that Toni had complete control of my affairs after my passing, little did I know at the time what would happen to place me in this extremely awkward situation.

I stood in front of the mirror deciding how I wanted to dress. Most of the area already knew I was here and that I would be handling Bear's arrangements. I decided that simple understatement was needed and dressed in black jeans and a soft dark blue blouse. I put a pair of tennis shoes on my feet and left my hair pulled back into the loose ponytail. I decided to forget the makeup for the day too.

A cramp almost doubled me over as I was heading for the bathroom. Determined that this miserable affliction wouldn't force me away from my business, I looked in the medicine cabinet and found a bottle of over the counter medication intended for the problem. I read the directions and took two of the large capsules then tucked the bottle into a small bag I found under the sink. The bag contained several items including some tampons and pads and a couple of extra pairs of plain cotton panties. I recognized the bag from seeing Toni use it many times before on her bad days. I finished up in the bathroom and joined Andrea and Misty in the kitchen.

"Andrea, can you handle the Tank today? I don't think I want to try driving with my little monthly visitor kicking me in the gut all day long."

Andrea's face took on a look of shock then concern. "Are you sure you want to go through with this today? I can call and arrange it for tomorrow if you need to rest."

"No, I need to do this and it must be today. Bear deserves it."

"At least let me pull the Tank up to the front door."

"No, Andrea. I'll walk out. I need the fresh air and a bit of exercise right now. The walk to the garage will be fine." We locked the door to the house and made the short walk to the garage. The cool morning air under the shade of the huge trees dwarfing the log home did wonders for my disposition and overall health. It seemed almost a shame to have to climb into the Tank for the thirty-mile trip to my hometown to take care of the arrangements.

Misty and I watched while Andrea backed the beast out of the garage. The steps popped out from under the huge truck and we both climbed on board. The trip lasted a bit more than forty-five minutes and we rode in silence all the way. The cramp medication had started to take effect by the time we arrived so I was in better condition to deal with what I found.

We pulled up in front of the Halpern Funeral Home. A man in a black suit greeted me. "Miss Baker, thanks for coming to approve the arrangements. I hope they are acceptable since they have been done in accordance with Mister Thompson's final request."

"Thank you mister…?"

"Halpern, John Halpern. Sorry, Miss Baker. We don't normally have big stars like you here in our little town."

"Thank you, Mister Halpern. I'm sure that you've done a good job."

"Let's go inside and I'll show you what we've done. Would you like to view him?"

My heart froze for what seemed like an eternity then started beating again. "I remember Bear quite vividly as he was when he was alive, Mister Halpern. I want to keep my memories of him as they are now. Perhaps my companions would like to instead?" I looked over at Andrea and Misty. Both were shaking their heads no to my question. "Well, thanks anyway, but it looks like all three of us are in agreement."

He simple nodded his understanding them motioned for us to follow him into his office.

An hour later we walked out into the bright sunshine. The arrangements were indeed as I had specified in the will. The space I had purchased next to my mother and father was being prepared and, despite some protests from Andrea and Misty, I had purchased two additional plots next to Bear, one for me when my time in Toni's body was to end and one for Katie. I was certain of doing this since Katie and I had talked about it the night before my leaving Chicago to come here.

It seemed fitting somehow that we all came together when our lives came to a close.

I asked Andrea to drive to the cemetery. We pulled into the main gate and I asked that they remain in the Tank while I made my way to the graves near the back of the grounds on a small hill.

A single headstone marked the graves of my parents. I looked at four stakes driven into the ground to the side of my mother’s final resting-place. I knew that in another day the site would be prepared to receive the shell I once occupied. I dropped to my knees in front of their graves.

"Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. I'm sorry it's been a while since I visited you. I've been busy but then by now you're met Toni so you know why I've been away for so long. Bet you think the whole thing is kinda strange don't ya? Try it from my viewpoint. I'm having feelings and urgings I never had before. I've gone from a 6 foot plus tall nasty looking biker dude to a petite rock star in the space of a heartbeat or two. I still don't believe it myself. It all seems like a bad dream at times."

"In a couple of days they're going to put my old body next to you. I'll have to be here to say goodbye to Bear because that's what the public expects. It feels so weird to think that my spirit exists in Toni's body and her spirit isn't here any more. I wish I knew what the great plan was for both of us. Why did we have to swap places and why did she have to die in the first place? She had a career that was the envy of nearly every teenager in the world and a future brighter than the sun. Why did she have to die, WHY?"

I buried my head in my hands as the feelings and doubts overcame me. The tears started and just wouldn't stop. I collapsed on the ground sobbing, losing track of time, as I lay curled up in a little ball until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Bear? Are you ok? You've been here over half an hour."

I looked up to find Andrea looking down at me. I glanced around looking for Misty. "No, Bear, Misty isn't here. I asked her to stay in the Tank. Are you all right?" Andrea sat down on the ground beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"NO, I'm NOT all right. I DIED, Andrea. I should be gone and Toni should be here not me. Why did this happen? What's the purpose of all this?"

"Bear, if I had the answers to that I'd gladly tell you. I have even less of an idea than you do. All you or I or anyone else can do is to go on with the lives we have now. Can you really do anything else? Are there any other options?"

Those simple questions made me think for several minutes. "The only other thing I can think of is to end it here and take my own life but that isn't an answer either. For some reason none of us know or understand I've been given a second chance at life even though it's in another body. The only thing I can do is to go on and wait for an answer to the questions I have. I may never have an answer until I die in this body. You're right, Andrea, all I can do is to go on with this life and make the best of it." As I spoke I uncurled from the little ball and lay on my back looking up at the clouds in the deep blue sky.

"Come on then. Let's get out of here. I think you're done with this for the day." She pulled at my arm to get me to stand up and follow her.

Misty looked real worried as I got back into the Tank. "Are you ok, Toni?"

"Thanks to Andrea I am, Misty. I'll be fine. Things sorta came crashing down on me all at once. With friends like you and Andrea I think I can make it through the next few weeks."

Misty was smiling now. "Well, since you're feeling better how about getting something to eat on the way back? It's nearly noontime and I'm hungry."

"Sure and I think I know just the place to go." I whispered in Andrea's ear and a big smile appeared on her face.

"Great idea, Toni. I could go for some of that myself. It's been a while since the last time."

"Then let's go, Andrea. You know the way as well as I do."

"Say, what have you two got cooked up? Where are we going, Toni?"

"You'll find out soon enough, Misty." I smiled at the look on her face as the Tank pulled out of the cemetery gate headed back toward Syracuse.

The conversation on the ride back consisted of small talk about the plans for the service on the weekend and a small gathering of people at the house after the service.

Andrea smiled at me as she squeezed the Tank into the crowed parking lot on the side of the restaurant. Misty's jaw dropped a bit as she saw the sign on the side of the building.

"Dinosaur Barbecue… so this is where you got the stuff for that party at Bear's place a couple of years ago!"

"Yes, Misty. This was one of Bear's favorite places. I wanted to have lunch here then I need to make arrangements for some catering. Coming in, Misty?"

"I'd be crazy not to! Every time you and Bear had them out to the house while I was there the food was heavenly."

We walked into the crowded dining area to see bikers mixed in with business types in suits. It was a strange mix of people to be certain. The common thing about all the people there was a great love of the food the place served. We had to wait in line for several minutes until a table opened up then we were escorted to our seats and given a menu to look over. Toni had come with me quite often to eat here during her stay at my house so she, and now I, was treated as a regular by the staff.

Jerri, a tall redhead, came over to take our order. "Hi, Toni! What'll you have today?"

"I'll have the usual, Jerri." I looked at Andrea and Misty. "What are you two going to have?" They both agreed on the barbecue assortment and soda to drink.

"Sorry about Bear's passing, Toni. How are you holding up these days?"

"I'm doing ok, Jerri. I miss him so much though." I decided to take the conversation in another direction. "How's your boyfriend doing?" I remembered that Jerri had gotten serious about a guy and was curious how things were going for her.

"We split, Toni. I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend." She frowned a bit then a small tear dripped from the corner of one eye.

"Sorry to hear that, Jerri. If there's anything I can do let me know. Ok? I'm living at Bear's place now. You've got the number on file here." A sharp whistle from the kitchen got her attention.

"I gotta go, Toni. There's an order up on the counter that I have to take care of. Thanks and I'll talk to you later." I watched her disappear into the crowd toward the kitchen entrance. A few minutes later someone else returned with our orders. We greedily devoured the meal. I had Misty and Andrea go back to the Tank to wait for me as I paid the bill and left a tip on the table. A few minutes of chatting with one of the owners and I had set up the catering for the wake after Bear's services.

Since there was little to do until the services on the weekend, we headed back to the house. Misty, Andrea and I spent the time sorting through Bear's possessions. I kept several things that meant a lot to me but most of the stuff was geared for bear's huge body and wouldn't fit the body I was in now. I had very few family pictures and saved those. I had more pictures of Toni and I than I had ever had of my family.

We neared the end of the mountain of stuff that someone accumulates over a lifetime on the day before the services were scheduled. Memories of my life as Bear came flooding back as I rummaged through box after box of Bear's possessions. By the time I was finished sorting them all, I was an emotional basket case. I threw myself face down on the bed in Toni's room and let the emotional tidal wave play itself out. Tears streamed down my face for what seemed like forever. By the time the crying stopped, darkness had come and Andrea had fixed supper.

I joined Andrea and Misty at the kitchen table and ate quietly. Misty noticed my mood.

"Are you ok, Toni? You look so sad." Misty put her fork down on the table and reached out to take my hand.

"I think I'm ok, Misty. It's been such a task going through all of Bear's things. Memories came back of the time we had together. I just wish he didn't have to die." I dropped the fork on the table and put my head in my hands as the tears started again. Misty moved her chair beside mine and hugged me fiercely. The hug felt good and I just let myself go in her arms.

"Thanks, Misty. I needed that." I looked up at the clock and realized that despite the fact it was still early, I was very tired. "I think I'm going to go to bed early tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day and I want to get as much rest tonight as I can. Andrea, can you clean up all right?"

"Sure, Toni. Just go and get some sleep. Misty and I will be here if you need us. No go take a good hot bubble bath and get to bed." Andrea leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I responded by hugging the stuffing out of her like Toni had done to me so many times.

"Nite you two, Thanks for being such good friends. I don’t think I would have been able to deal with this without you." I got up and put my plate and silverware in the kitchen sink before I walked back to the bedroom.

I went immediately into the bathroom to start the tub filling with water adding a big handful of bath beads to the bubbling water and left to collect a towel and the tub filled. I stripped off my clothes depositing them into the hampers and stood in front of the mirror looking at the body I now inhabited. Full breasts above a very trim waist with wide, curvy hips left no doubt that I was now fully female. The long red hair hung down almost to my rounded butt looked a bit scraggly from a couple of days without proper care. That little voice in my head chided me for being so sloppy with its care. I promised myself that I would never again be so careless about taking proper care of this body. Toni had struggled to get it looking this way. The best way to honor her memory was to keep her body looking as good as I possibly could. I ran my hands down my hips and smooth legs in wonder of the sensations that the smooth skin was sending to my nearly overloaded brain.

A strange feeling started to invade my tummy and a hot wetness developed quickly between my legs. I remembered the special modification that Toni had made to the tub in this room and eased myself into the warm inviting water. I played with the buttons for the water jet system and found the special button that Toni had programmed. As the jets re-adjusted to hit specific parts of my new anatomy wave after wave of pleasure assaulted my now totally overloaded brain. The waves washed over me in quick succession until the final wave broke over me like a tidal wave sending me into a state of ecstasy I had never felt before. As I drifted back to reality after the glow started to fade, I realized that the jets were still doing their devious work. The waves built up again to another tidal wave of pleasure. The process repeated at least twice more before the timer on the pump turned off the flow of water from the jets.

The tub was the center of my universe for another twenty minutes while my body slowly recovered from the incredible experience. My legs felt like rubber as I steadied myself stepping out of the tub. I felt sort of numb from head to toe so I barely felt the towel on my skin as I dried off. I left the towel on the side of the tub and almost staggered back into the bedroom. I barely got the bed after turning off the light in the room and slid between the satin sheets. I was sleeping soundly when my head hit the pillow.

Light streaming in the window fell across my eyes revealing the same locks of red hair I had gotten used to seeing each morning. I hoped for a few fleeting seconds that I was back in my old body and Toni was lying in the bed beside me again. Feeling next to me in the bed with both hands quickly destroyed that notion as reality jarred me completely awake. I began to wonder if I was ever going to get used to my new situation and stop the feeling that I was getting every morning that it was all a bad dream

Reluctantly I got up then completed the morning ritual in the bathroom. A soft satin robe snuggled close to my skin as I walked out to the kitchen. The smell of waffles and sausage was overwhelming. Remembering my promise to Toni last night I decided against the waffles and sausage and instead got out a box of cereal and a bottle of one-percent milk from the refrigerator. I found a bowl I in cupboard then plunked down at the kitchen table to the wide-eyed looks of Misty, Andrea and Katie.

"Morning, Mom. How was the trip in from Chicago last night?" I poured some cereal into the bowel and added some milk.

Katie’s jaw snapped shut. "Since when did you go back to the sensible diet?"

"Since last night. I got a good look at myself in the mirror. I noticed I was gaining some weight." I patted my tummy a bit then stuffed another spoonful of cereal into my mouth.

"I was wondering when you were going to notice that."

"That bad, huh, Mom?" Katie nodded her head in agreement. "So how was the trip?"

"All right I guess, sweetie. The usual hassles at the airport but that’s expected these days. How are you holding up?"

"There are times I’m not doing so well but it’s getting better, Mom. I miss Bear so much it hurts inside."

"I know, Toni. I miss him too." Katie’s face changed from a wistful look of remembrance into a large scowl. "Honey, there’s no easy way to tell you this so I’m just going to get it out now. I have some news about your father."

I dropped my spoon in the bowl then hid my face in my hands. "So what has that bastard done now?"

"TONI! Such language!"

"Well it’s the TRUTH isn’t it? He KILLED my brother and beat us both to almost with an inch of our lives! What am I SUPPOSED to think about him?" I wanted to say more but Misty didn't know the truth about me.

"Be that as it may, young ladies shouldn’t use such language as that, Toni. I, on the other hand, am too old to be bound by that restriction. That BASTARD, as you put it, put out a contract on you for a hundred thousand dollars. The police say that they uncovered that he was embezzling from the last company he worked for and hid the money. Since he’s in prison for life he’ll never be able to get to it and spend it so he arranged to have you killed. The police don’t know who is holding the money or how to call off the contract. The last I heard just before I left Chicago is that at least ten different people are on the lookout for you. The one that kills you gets the money if they survive the attempt."

"Damn. Andrea, Mom, can you follow me to the recording studio please? Misty, please forgive us for a bit. I need to talk to them alone." Misty was scowling as she went back to her room and we headed for the soundproofed studio in the basement. I slammed the door to the studio close behind me and locked it. Now that we were alone I could really say what I thought since Katie and Andrea knew what really happened to Toni and I.

"This is great, just fucking great! Here I’M the one that gets killed and shifted into Toni’s body only to be told that I’ll probably get killed AGAIN! Stop the world and let me OUT of this insanity!" I dropped into a chair at the mixing console and buried my head in my hands as huge sobs took over my body. Moments later I felt an arm snake around my shoulders and pull me close to a warm body. I looked up to see Katie hugging me.

"Go ahead and let it out, Bear. It’s all right." The crying lasted for another twenty minutes or so as I took my frustrations out on the desktop of the console smashing it as hard as I could with my tiny fists. Finally my emotions subsided and the hurt I had inflicted on my hands took over.

"Are you ok, Bear?" I looked up at Andrea standing beside me with the first aid kit I kept in the room for accidents with tools and soldering irons. I looked down at my hands to see streaks of my own blood on both of them. I opened my fists to find that I had clenched them so tightly that my fingernails had cut into the palms of my hands.

"I guess I blew it, didn’t I?"

"You could say that, sweetie." Katie just hugged me closer as Andrea administered to the cuts on my hands. "Actually you took it better than we thought, Bear."

"Better? BETTER? I was on the edge of trashing this place and all you can say is that I took it better than you thought?"

"You didn’t wreck it did you?"

"No, I fought the urge to do that."

"Then you took it better than we thought. We were almost ready to tie you to the bed when you found out."

"I don’t understand, Katie."

"Bear, Toni’s temper was legendary among the crew and the band. She was doing better in the last couple of years since she met you. You gave her a sense of hope and internal peace and for that we’re forever grateful to you. You’ve inherited so much of her that we were afraid that her temper came with the package. We hoped that Bear’s gentle nature would win out over her darker side. We’re glad to know that it did."

"So am I, Katie." I felt a stinging sensation in the palms of my hands and looked down to see that Andrea was spraying on some antiseptic on the cuts. She then applied a gauze wrap to both hands over the palms.

"There, that should take care of things for the moment, Bear."

"But, Andrea, how am I supposed to out looking like this?" I help up my bandaged hands in front of my face.

Andrea smiled back at me. "We have some black gloves you’ll be wearing this afternoon. This should take a few days to heal then you’ll be fine."

I shrugged then turned to Katie. "So what do we do now? I can’t hide here forever. I HAVE to go to the services today."

"Well, the police here have been alerted and they promise extra security. We got word this morning that almost a thousand people are at the cemetery right now waiting for the service there to start."

"But it’s almost six hours before anything is supposed to happen there! A THOUSAND people are waiting there now, Katie?"

"Yup. It seems that Bear was very well liked and the people are waiting to see Toni too."

"But what if something happens?"

"It's NOT your problem, Bear. Let the police handle it."

Not knowing what else to do I shrugged then lay my head down on the countertop. I felt a pair of hands working on the tense muscles in my shoulders. The kneading motion felt so great that I was sound asleep in moments.

A hand shaking my shoulder woke me up. I opened my eyes to find that I was on the couch at the back of the studio control room. Katie was standing over me.

"Time to get ready, sweetie. You've been sleeping almost three hours. Feel better now?"

"I think I do. Are you sure we shouldn't postpone this, Katie?"

"I don't see how you can. The crowd is even larger now than it was a few hours ago. Nearly every media outlet has at least one reporter or TV crew out there. With all those people around the possibility of something happening drops quite a bit. I think we're all safe."

"I don't like it but it looks like there's no other choice. I'll get ready. Is Andrea available to help?" I held up my still-bandaged hands and looked at Katie.

"She's waiting for you now in your room. Go get changed." Katie hugged me tightly and I really didn't want her to let go. She did let go and shooed me out of the studio.

Andrea helped me get dressed in a knee-length black dress, black pantyhose and black shoes with low, wide heels. As we left my bedroom, she carried a box with a black hat and veil in it. Eventually we worked our way out to the Tank and took off for the service.

The ride itself was quiet but, as we neared the cemetery, the crowds started growing. There must have been close to three thousand people waiting for the service to start. As Bear I really hadn't wanted anything like the media circus this service would become. Any hope of having that went out the window when I started performing with Toni. The crowd would be ten times the size if the world knew what really happened. I shivered as the Tank passed through the path cleared through the crowd toward the final resting-place of my old body.

The police seemed to have the security aspect of this three-ring circus under control. I counted nearly fifty people in uniforms. I had no idea of how many more might be in the crowd and scattered around the grounds in plain clothes. I felt a bit better about being out in the open and relaxed considerably as we waited inside the Tank for the last of the preparations for the service.

We waited nearly fifteen minutes more when the signal came that all was ready. Katie, Andrea, Misty and I stepped out of the Tank and walked the last hundred yards or so to the site on the hillside. The roar of helicopters was present in the background as several hovered around the area. I recognized at least two of them as belonging to the police while the others seemed to have television cameras mounted on them.

The graveside service finished quietly and I stooped to take a handful of dirt and drop it onto the casket after it had been lowered into its final resting-place. Katie, Misty and Andrea were doing the same thing when one of the helicopters zoomed closer to us until it was almost overhead. I looked up to see a man standing in the open doorway holding some kind of gun pointed directly at us. We all looked around for somewhere to run but there simply was no place to go.

"Everyone get down NOW!" I started yelling at the top of my lungs but got drowned out by the incredible drone of the helicopter now hovering just a few feet above us.

I saw several flashes from the muzzle and instantly felt a crushing pain in my chest. It grew into an intense burning sensation as I crumpled into the open grave before me. As I fell, I saw Katie, Andrea and Misty had also been hit and were lying on the ground. I heard the terrified screams of the crowd and the advancing wail of sirens. The thought that this was how it was finally going to end raced through my head as the sides of the grave collapsed in on me then the world faded away.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The sound of banging on a door rattled my nerves as I finally woke up. A woman's voice shouted through the door.

"You'd better get up NOW! You know what your schedule looks like today. Why does it always take forever to get you out of bed?"

The haze in my head still hadn't cleared so I meekly responded "All right, I'm up!" The sound of my voice confused me.

I slowly sat up on the edge of the bed realizing that I was drenched in sweat and that the pillow was a soggy mess of tears and drool. Scraggly red hair drooped down in front of my eyes partially blocking my vision. A more pressing signal from my bladder cut off any other thoughts as I stumbled into the bathroom. I lifted the seat and tried to find the thing between my legs to pee into the toilet bowl standing up. Realizing that what I was looking for wasn't where I thought it should be I felt a smooth crotch with vertical slit and an opening in it. I realized that if I was going to pee it would have to be sitting down. I barely got the seat back in position before the floodgate opened.

The mirror above the sink reflected the image of a young girl of around eighteen years old with matted red hair and a confused look on her face. As the cobwebs cleared even more from my mind, I recognized the image was that of Toni Baker. Was I really Toni Baker? Is this my image now? How did this happen?

I finished up in the bathroom and washed my hands and face. The cold water brought me fully awake. I walked back into the bedroom looking for clues as I went along. The walls were covered in posters of boy bands and male singers, typical for a girl's room. Several posters on the wall looked like me dressed in stage clothes with what looked like my signature under them. Several awards hung on the wall too. One was a gold colored CD for a best selling album. Others were certificates from high school activities. All of them said Toni Baker on them.

I slumped back onto the bed wondering what happened and why I was so confused. The radio beside the bed snapped on and the alarm sounded in a now useless effort to wake me up. I reached over to tap the off button on the alarm deciding to leave the radio on. As the music ended, the announcer came on.

"Well, it's time to give away another pair of tickets to the Toni Baker concert at the arena tonight. By the way, Toni was spotted out on the town last night with friends. Seems she just turned eighteen and decided to have a few drinks to celebrate. Well, here's hoping that she recovers from the experience before her visit to our studio later this morning. Come on, Chicago! Now's the time to call…"

I turned the radio off and lay down again on the only dry spot left on the bed. I dimly remembered spending a few hours with friends celebrating my birthday. That damned dream seemed so real though. I had experienced living as a man, my own death and rebirth as a woman. Then I went through dying again and getting buried in a grave with my old male body. I tried to remember more of the details of the dream but they seemed to be fading fast. What I thought was two years had taken place in just a few hours or maybe just a few minutes. I stayed still on the bed for a few minutes trying to sort it all out in my mind. I jumped as I heard more banging on the door.

"TONI! GET MOVING!" I finally placed the voice as that of my mother. I was in our house in Chicago! The door swung open as Mom stepped into the room. She looked at me and her eyes shot wide open.

"Toni, you look terrible. Are you feeling all right?"

"No. Do I LOOK all right to you?"

"Well you're the one that came in a little bit drunk last night. I told you you'd regret it later."

I shrugged. "I regret it now, Mom. I've got a hangover that would light up the stage at the arena tonight. That was my first and LAST attempt at drinking. If you feel this bad the morning after I don't want ANY part of it ever again."

"I was hoping to hear you say that. I went through what you did too, honey, when I tried drinking the first time. I knew that you'd have to find out for yourself though. Now go take a bath. You've got about two hours before you have to be at the radio station for the interview. I'll go fix you breakfast and a little something to help that headache of yours."

I smiled at her then hugger her tight. She kissed me on my forehead then left me alone in the room. Damn, that dream was real. I wish I could remember more about it now. There's something more to it than just a dream though. I wish I could remember.

I let the tub fill then stripped out of the soggy nightie I was wearing. The hot water did wonders for my slightly sore body. All the fuzz left behind in my brain by the alcohol melted away. By the time the bath water had cooled slightly, I felt rejuvenated. Reluctantly, I pulled the stopper with my toes and let the water drain away. A big fluffy towel helped dry me off nicely. I chucked the towel in the hamper then got dressed.

My usual "going to the radio station" outfit was a hot link halter-top and short shorts. The shoes were strappy pink four-inch heels. I did my hair up in a ponytail and headed for the kitchen. Mom was siting at the table munching some toast and jam.

"I feel better now, Mom. What's for breakfast?"

"I made you some toast and got out the cereal. Till your tummy settles down a bit more you shouldn't eat anything too heavy or greasy. Here's a glass of my own hangover remedy. Don't even ask what's in it, just drink it all down."

I picked up the shot glass and sniffed it. It smelled like old gym socks and looked a little like some were ground up in there too. I held my nose and gulped down the vile stuff as quickly as possible. The aftertaste left in my mouth made me choke a bit and I gasped for air then grabbed for a glass of orange juice on the table. A few gulps of the OJ actually tasted sweet in comparison to the brew I had just downed. "That was horrible stuff. If I had to take that remedy every time I got drunk I'd never start in the first place."

Mom smiled an evil smile back at me. "Just remember you said that!" I could tell from the tone in her voice that she really meant it.

"I'll remember. As disgusting as that stuff was, my tummy does feel better. Where's that toast and jam?"

"Here you go, Toni. Just eat slowly. You'll feel better in a little while and the headache will start to fade too. By the time we get you to the station you'll feel fine."

For the second time today I hugged her tightly and smiled as she kissed my forehead. My tummy complained a bit as I ate breakfast but I managed to eat the cereal that was in the bowl and go back for a little bit more. I was just putting the plate and silverware in the washer when Tyler came into the kitchen.

"Hi, Tyler! How are you today?"

"Looks like you recovered from your wild night out."

"Just barely, Tyler. I'll be ok to go to the radio station then to the arena to get ready."

"You know of course that your little party last night is all over town this morning. I've even gotten calls from the national press about it. They're all trying to color you as a drunk or something."

"I know, Tyler. I'll straighten all that out in the live interview on the station. Just tell the press to listen in. Can you have a single pool camera crew there in the studio to get some video?"

"I'll arrange it, Toni. What are you planning?"

"If I told you that it wouldn't be a surprise would it?" I gave him a small hug and a kiss on the cheek as I left to get the rest of my things from the bedroom. I kissed Mom goodbye since I'd be leaving from the arena for upstate New York to do concerts in Syracuse.

Andrea pulled the bus up to the house a few minutes later. Tyler and I got on board then Andrea closed the door and took off for the radio station. Twenty minutes later Andrea navigated the huge bus into the station parking lot. The crowd was huge and created quite a roar when the bus pulled into the driveway.

We pulled up next to the main entrance of the station as some security people blocked off a path for us to the door. Tyler followed me into the station while Andrea stayed with the bus for some additional security.

The station staff hustled me into the studio and I got comfortable during a commercial break. The on-air guy's name was Don Maxwell and we shook hands just before we went live.

"Hello, Toni Baker! You're looking great this morning! All set for your concerts this afternoon and again this evening?"

"I'm looking forward to them, Don. You know Chicago is one of my favorite places to play. Besides, it's my hometown. The fans here are always great!"

The banter between us lasted for another twenty minutes until he asked the question I was expecting.

"So, Toni, the news is that you were out on the town last night and everyone saw you drinking. What do you have to say about that?"

"Yes, Don. It's true. I turned eighteen yesterday and I decided to go out with my friends. Some other friends cautioned me about drinking but I decided not to pay attention to them. Being a teenager, I thought that I knew better. Well, I DIDN'T know better and I paid the price for it this morning with a whopper of a hangover. Thanks to an old family remedy that was almost as bad as the hangover, I'm feeling better. All I can say to my fans is that I made a very bad mistake and I paid the price for it. That was the first and the LAST time I'll ever drink alcoholic beverages."

"WOW! Thanks for being honest about it, Toni. You heard it here first folks. Now let's make some listeners very happy and take a few phone calls and give away a few more free tickets for the concerts. Call…"

The rest of the hour went by quickly as I answered a bunch of calls from fans and gave away around twenty more pairs of tickets. As we left the studio, I stopped long enough to do a drawing for the crowd outside of another twenty pairs of tickets. The security folks cleared a path to the bus as the crowd started to close in around us. Andrea saw us coming and started the bus to make a quick get-away before the crowd got out of hand.

The trip to the arena went problem free. Andrea pulled the bus alongside an entrance reserved for the cast and crew of the show. I ducked inside the arena and headed for my dressing rooms under the stage. Most people never knew that the area under the raised stage was used for costume changes and prop storage as well as housing some of the special effects equipment and power amps for the sound system. The stage sat on risers over twelve feet high. We divided the area under the huge stage into smaller rooms with canvas walls tied to the riser legs. The halls and rooms almost acted like a maze. Thank God that the area was set up exactly the same for every show on the tour. Once you learned your way around you weren't likely to get lost easily.

My two rooms were about ten by twenty feet each, the outside room was sort of a lounge with a couch, a small refrigerator and a microwave. An assortment of sodas and snack food sat on a table at one end and a few chairs were scattered around a couple more small tables. The inner room was my own private space. It was located almost in the center of the stage area above and was protected by plywood wall panels in place of the canvas walls. It was the only area under the stage that could be locked. Another couch, a table and some old ratty stuffed chairs sat along one wall while a screened changing area and a makeup table were placed at the other end of the room. I could have requested newer furnishings but these suited me just fine and I wouldn't cry over them if they got damaged or lost in transit. I put my things down on the couch and began to change into my first costume. As I started doing my makeup, I heard a gentle knock on the door. "Come in?"

A short man with graying hair walked into the room. He was Joe Sampson, the person responsible for mixing the sound for the concerts on this tour.

"Hi, Joe. How are things shaping up out there for the show?"

"You heard what the rehearsal was like, echo all over the place and resonance that will cause no end of problems."

"Do the best you can, Joe. I wanted to talk to you again anyway. I'm still looking for better sound quality. Can you try some experiments again? The sound you've done so far has been ok but I'm looking for something much better. I can't really describe it, Joe. Somehow something seems to be lacking in the mix."

"I don't know what more we can try, Toni. Everything so far wasn't what you were looking for. If you can define it for me, I'll try it. There only so much you can do with rock music sound anyway."

"And just WHAT do you mean by that, Joe?" I turned around to face him after I put the makeup brush back on the table.

"Just what I said. Rock music is all noise anyway, Toni. If you put noise into a sound system you get noise out of it."

"So if you don’t like the music why did you decide to take the job?"

"Because it was a job and I needed the money. I'm just biding my time until the end of the tour then I'm going to retire. My stock plans and my retirement package kick in then and I'll be all set."

"So that's all this is? A rest stop on your road to retirement?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it a rest stop but yeah, this is my final road trip."

"Do you care ANYTHING at all about the music, Joe? Isn't there at least a little bit of your soul that gets stirred by what you do? Doesn't being a part of creating the music mean anything to you?"

He thought for a moment then shook his head. "No, not really. This is just a job to me. As for creating the music I don't create anything, you do that. I just make sure the audience hears it."

The anger built inside me. I very nearly fired him on the spot before I realized that there would be no on else to take over if I did.

"That explains a lot, Joe. I have to tell you right now that you have just these two shows to change the sound of the show. If I don't hear any improvement by the end of the show tonight, you're done here. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, you do, Toni."

He frowned then walked out of the room. I raced to the couch to bury my face in a pillow and scream. I finally calmed down enough to realize that if I did have to fire him Tyler would have a few days before the Syracuse show to find a replacement.

At the one hour to go mark, I made one last appeal to Joe to try his best. I figured he deserved one more chance to get the sound right. I got up on the stage and looked for the sound position in the audience section. They always set up the mixing board where the audience was to hear what the crowd heard for the best mix.

I waved to the two people I saw sitting there. "Joe?"

"I'm here, Toni."

"Can you please try again to get the mix better? It needs to be brighter and not so thin."

"Just what do you mean by brighter and not so thin? I've already tried everything I can think of to make it the way you want it."

"I don't know how to put it into words, Joe. It's just something I feel. Please try again OK?" I left the stage and headed back for my dressing room.

For the last hour before the show starts, the area under the stage is a regular beehive of activity all arranged to bring the show off without a hitch. There is so much going on in that final hour that I simply had no time to think about the situation with the sound system. The house announcer started to open the show as I got into place on the small elevator that would push me up through a trap door in the stage floor.

I heard our drummer do a four count on his drumsticks then the bass player opened up. The thumping of the bass rolled through the arena like thunder in a summer storm. The deep, rumbling notes sent a shiver up my spine and I got goose bumps all over my arms.

The keyboard player and drummer started a few beats later. The notes from the keyboard glistened in the air like brightly-lighted diamonds on deep black velvet. The effect was incredible. I made a mental note to go out after the performance to tell Joe that he had finally found the right combination.

I had a huge smile on my face as I popped up through the floor to the applause of the crowd. Not only did Joe get the combination right, he must have used all his best tricks on this show. I heard things I had never heard anywhere but in a studio during the live performance. The band was really enjoying it and the dancers were positively glowing as the crowd feed their enthusiasm back to us. You could feel the entire arena crackling with energy.

The last notes of the final song reverberated through the arena to the deafening applause of the audience. For the first time in this series of concerts I felt like the audience had gotten a stellar performance out of us. After taking several additional bows, I headed back to the dressing room to wait for the crowd to leave.

I finally made it out to the sound mixing console a few minutes after they locked the doors to the arena. When I got to the mixing console, Joe was gone. All I saw was a mountain of a man quietly sitting writing a small book. I stood patiently for several seconds unnoticed. I coughed slightly to get the man's attention. He finally turned to face me.

"Hello, Miss Baker. Can I help you with something?"

"Yes, where did Joe go? I have to thank him for finally getting the sound I wanted."

"I'm sorry to tell you, Miss Baker, that Joe walked out ten minutes before the show started. He told me to tell you that he quit. Several other things were also mentioned but I don't use that kind of language normally."

"Please call me Toni. If Joe didn't do the sound then who did?"

"I did, Toni. "

"Well, Mister 'I did', what's your real name?"

"I'm Robert Thompson, the foreman for the stage and sound crew. I was here when Joe left and there wasn't time to find someone else. You liked my mix?"

"I did very much, Mr. Thompson. Since Joe has gone I’d like to invite you backstage for a buffet we always have between performances. Will you come?"

"I really should stay here with the equipment. Thanks for the offer though and please call me Bear, Toni."

"Bear? That’s an odd name."

"I got it back in school. My middle name is Bayer and the kids just started calling me Bear instead of Robert or Bob. It seems to have stuck with me over the years."

"You do look more than a little like an old grizzly bear." I looked at his face for several seconds then the dream from last night came flooding back to me. THIS WAS THE MAN IN MY DREAM! We looked deeply into each other's eyes and I got the feeling I could and would trust this gentle, giant man with my life. "I’d say you were more of a teddy bear at heart. Won’t you please re-consider and come back for something to eat? I’ll even send someone out to watch the equipment. Please, Bear?"

He stood there for a few seconds then decided that I was probably not going to take no for an answer. He nodded and I started walking toward the stage. He caught up with me and I placed my arm around his. We walked arm in arm to the backstage area where the buffet was set up.

I decided that whatever happened, even if the dream was a view of things to come, that I would rather have two years with Bear than a lifetime of being alone without him. If the dream was a glimpse into the future maybe I could change things for the better so we all lead happy lives. I knew one thing for certain, both Bear and I were in for some of the best times in our lives over the next two years.

----- The End … or is it? -----

 

To my readers,

This is indeed the last chapter of Before My time. I'll leave it to your imagination as to what happened to Toni and Bear.

Bob Arnold

 

 

 

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© 2003 by Bob Arnold. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.