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The Change

by Debra Lynn Messer

  

I, like most, began dressing when I was about 12. I would sneak my mother's things and wear them when she was not at home. Since my father lived in another state it was not too hard to do. As time went on I would experiment with her make up. I would use the pictures in her magazines to get ideas of how to apply it. Before long I was doing a pretty good job. The trouble was that my tastes in clothes and my mother's differed especially in panties and bras.

As I got older I got bolder. I began to buy my own clothes. I bought bikini panties and matching bras, short skirts and deep neck tops. I had longer hair and would try to curl it or pull into a ponytail when dressed. The only thing I needed were my own breasts to fill my bra. I really enjoyed winter, the cold weather made it so that even at school I could wear a bra and the heavy clothes hid the straps. Everyday I would race home just so I could spend a few precious hours dressed as Debbie. It was the only thing I looked forward to each day. That was until I got an unexpected visit from Tammy.

Tammy was a close friend. She and I had dated a couple of times, but nothing ever came of it. We had managed to be close and I think our friendship kept our relationship the way it was.

I had dashed home after class as usual. No sooner I was safely in the house I was stripping down to change. I had finished my transformation to Debbie and was just sitting on the couch studying when the bell rang. I couldn't imagine who it would be in the middle of the afternoon and I got up to answer it without considering my appearance. No sooner did I open the door and see the look on Tammy's face did I remember. I quickly darted behind the door and had her come in. There was no sense in trying to hide after that. She had seen me at my finest. We went into my room and she sat on the bed.

"Well", she said, "this is a different look".

I thought for a moment and decided to just come clean. I told her the whole sorted story. I then begged her to keep it to herself. Tammy promised but had a whole list of questions. In the end I admitted to her and finally to myself that I preferred being a girl to being a guy. It was all kind of tough, but I felt relieved having opened up to someone. Tammy thought for a moment and then asked some more questions.

"So, what about your boobs?" She asked, "You need some breasts to complete the look."

I admitted that I did not have any and was wondering what I should do. Tammy made me promise to meet her after school and bring money. As she put it, "boobs cost". The next day we went to a salon in town. The owner was a friend of her moms. We talked and the owner decided to help me out. Now three people knew and I was getting worried. The owner convinced me it would be fine. I bought a set of C-cup forms and went home to see how they looked. She then styled my hair so that I could easily get away with a feminine look but could hide it when I needed to.

When I was all dressed up I was really impressed. Being somewhat smaller than most guys and having a slight built my body was close to being feminine. By the time I was dressed and made up I was pretty girlish. Then when I added my new prized possession I nearly died. I stood looking in the mirror at a very attractive young lady. There was no way anyone could tell I wasn't a girl dressed as I was. Tammy got tired of waiting and came in my room. "Debbie", she cried, "you look absolutely great. Gee I am a little worried that you might get more attention than me." I just smiled and kept looking at my self. She was right. Tammy was by no way an unattractive girl. Standing there next to my friend even I had trouble believing it was a guy and a girl in the mirror.

Everyday I would rush home and change. Tammy often came over to study with me. We would sit and giggle and talk more than study. It was great having a friend I could be who I was with. My attitude couldn't have been better. Tammy even convinced me to go out dressed. We would head to the mall and shop. Girls from school thought I was just a friend from a different town. Guys would follow us around. It was all too good to be true. Unfortunately it came to a sudden end for me.

My mother had gotten a shift on days. Now I had hardly any time to live my private life. It wasn't long before the change had negative effects on me. My attitude went down, and so did my grades. I tried to study but my mind wandered to my desire to be Debbie. I missed the time I had as Debbie and it showed.

My mother not knowing why I was acting different had me see a shrink. A guy named Dr. William Hill. Now I had never told my mother about Debbie and only one other person knew the extent I had gone with it. There was no way I was going to tell some shrink and a man at that. I was drug to his office every week for about four months. Then to my relief my mother told me I did not have to see him again. I was just beginning my junior year when I found out I had to now visit a female shrink named Dr. Carrie Bowden.

It was the same stuff. I managed to avoid the truth week after week. Then one day I slipped. Not much, but Carrie caught it. I tried to joke my out but it was too late. By the time I left I had confessed everything. Carrie started to ask me to attend our sessions dressed as Debbie. I jumped at the chance and did. I took a bunch of tests and told her how I started dressing. Then she had me take the tests again. My entire junior year I would meet each week as Debbie. My attitude changed and so did my grades. Then came the day I feared.

Carrie had asked my mother to attend a session. To spare me Carrie suggested I come in drab. My mother and Carrie began to drone on about tests and what the results were. In all honesty I was tuning out most of the conversation. Then Carrie got to the bottom line.

"Laura", she said, "what I have been able to discover is that Paul has extremely strong feminine tendencies. These tests show him to be more like a girl."

My mother freaked out. "What", she blurted, "are you saying my son is gay or something? How did that happen? What do I do to fix it?"

She ran on for a solid five minutes just babbling. Finally Carrie cut her off.

"No", she said, "the tests show that Paul thinks and processes like a girl. It has nothing to do with home. There is nothing you can do or did to cause it."

She went on and on about how the six different tests were done and redone and scored at different places. The results varied some but not enough to change her opinion. She then made me come clean to my mother. It took a few minutes for my mother to process the information. Then she began again.

"Okay", she said, "these tests are totally independent. Paul likes to dress and act as 'Debbie'. It has nothing to do with anything I can or could control. So what do I do now?"

Carrie thought then answered, "There are a couple of different things you can do. First, you can forbid the action. This will more than likely cause him too regress and become depressed and distant. Second, if you want you could allow Paul to let Debbie be fulltime. Since school is out this week it wouldn't be that big a deal. This way Debbie could be around. Paul could explore the possibilities and both of you could work together. Paul could really see if this is something he feels strongly about."

My mother thought about it for a few moments and then agreed that it would be a good idea. Carrie laid the ground rules for me to follow and said I had two months. It was to start the first day of vacation and I would have to keep a journal and turn it in the first of August.

Summer was great. I was happier than ever. It took my mother a few days to warm to the idea. After she did we really made the most of it. Before long I think she was enjoying it as much as I was. Summer flew by and as promised I gave my journal to Carrie.

At the office we all sat and talked. I was beginning to zone out as my mother and Carrie talked about her opinion. Carrie was going on about what my mother had written in her journal. Her feelings and observation and what ever else they talked about. I was startled back to reality when I heard my name called several times.

"Debbie", Carrie said, "your mother has given me her opinion and I have given her mine. Now I need yours. If you could, would you wish to leave here as Debbie and in two weeks begin school as Debbie?"

I just sat there. Here I was being asked if I wanted to be the girl I wanted to be. I looked at both of them trying to find the answer. Finally my mother broke the ice.

"Debbie" she began, "I have no trouble with it. If it makes you happy and you are the person you are now I support you 100%".

That was all I needed to hear. I nodded and hugged my mother. I couldn't have been happier. Then came the shocker.

Dr. Carrie handed me slips of paper and said, "Your mother and I agree that you can start taking the hormones to begin your transition".

I returned to school as Debbie. The official story was that I was a transfer student. My records were changed to reflect the new me. I really don't know how they did it, all I was sure of was I was going to be graduating as Debbie and only Tammy would know for sure I was Paul.

Now as my senior year comes to a close I have been approved for SRS. I plan to get it done soon and maybe even larger breasts. When I begin college I will be the woman I always dreamed of being.

  

  

  

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2003 by Debra Lynn Messer. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, and compilation design) may be printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without the express written consent of StorySite and the copyright holder.