This story is based on and derived from the situations and characters developed by Mike Allegretto and Caitlin B. in their collaborative story, "A Change of Pace", posted 2/16/97 on ASSTG. If this story is published on any newsgroup under this author's account, it is done with the express permission of the original authors. No archiving or redistribution of this work is permitted without this copyright attribution included, intact and complete, in the posting/archiving. Archiving/publication of this author's work on any system that requires payment in any form is prohibited by the author and is in violation of my copyright to Chapters 7 and beyond.

Change of Pace Fixer@servtech.com (Mike Allegretto) 1997/02/16

 

A Change of Direction                   by: Tigger                    © 1997

An Alternative Ending to Mike Allegretto's and CaitlinB's "A Change of Pace"

 

 

Reprise from A Change of Pace

6. Chapter

"That was dirty pool, mother" Jack complained.

She looked up from some picture album she was paging through, and set her coffee down. She looked her new daughter directly in the eye. "Well, you've had all morning to explore your own feminine body rather than some movie star's. Have you learned anything?"

Jack just shook her head. How could she expect her to talk about something like that. Gosh mom, I never thought I'd have the chance to inspect a real hymen - thanks for letting me do it first hand?

"About what I said," Jack broached the subject nervously.

"About needing more time?" she smiled wickedly.

"You can't really count that as consent," Jack objected.

"The statement 'I need more time', especially in hot and heavy breathing, would be interpreted by most people as a request," She countered while flipping to another page of the photo album.

"You said I could change back when I wanted to," Jack tried switching to a different tack.

"Only after you are acclimated," she reminded him. "You have _not_ acclimated."

"That's for sure," Jack commented staring at her nails. "Whatever possessed me to paint my nails?"

"That would have been the Training Wheels," Laurie explained. "I gave you some of Scully's thought patterns and habits. I actually alternated between physical changes and slipping in little mental assists. "

"Like what else?" Jack queried.

"As in last night you knew when your hair was a mess, young lady," Laurie pointed at Jack's new black hair. "That needs brushing before you even think of showing your face anywhere."

Jack shuddered at the thought of showing this new face anywhere. Still it was probably something that was better left unsaid. "I take it that the 'Training Wheels' are gone?"

"Those were Scully things - you have to learn how to be your own woman, Jacqueline. That's how we all manage it," Laurie explained, pausing to look at the photo album again. "Still I _might_ decide that you were only giving provisional consent. Should you ever want to be male again I'm not sure I want to set the precedent that consent can be obtained after you get the girl on the edge of orgasm."

"You _might_ consider it provisional?" Jack jumped at the chance. Still she had to be careful. She knew that when her mother said she _might_ do something it meant that she had further points for Jack to listen to first.

"Even with an eight hour extension you continued to explore only the physical aspects directly related to sex," Jacqueline could recognize that her mother was now in lecture mode. "Do you really believe that life for a woman is about getting laid and having orgasms? I expected you to learn far more."

"Mother, you were throwing the changes at me every fifteen minutes. I couldn't even finish looking at one thing before two others were already changed!" Jack protested.

"I did notice a lot of nail polish remover was gone," Laurie conceded. "Maybe I should have provided the training wheels on How to paint your nails at the same time as the idea that they needed to be painted."

"Well I can't possibly learn anything about what really being a woman at a pace like that. If you want me to find out any of these 'sacred' truths I'll need more time."

Oh shit, Jack thinks to herself. Her mother's grin left no doubts. She savored her victory while gazing longingly at the photo album again.

"So how long before I'm acclimated enough to be turned back," Jacqueline asked, resigning herself to the fact that it was now her name for at least awhile.

"Oh, I don't know. At least a year," her mother replied sipping on her coffee.

"A Year! But what about school?"

"Don't worry, records are easy to take care of," she reassured new daughter.

Jacqueline sighed realizing she had no choice. "Well, I suppose I could stand a year."

Laurie finished her coffee without comment. Jacqueline suddenly realized she didn't recognize the photo album her mother had been looking through all morning.

"Do you want to take a look?" Laurie offered, spinning it "I've kept it safe all these years."

Jacqueline took the album and started looking. They were old family photos. He could recognize his grandmother from when she was about Mom's age. But who was the teenage boy? He didn't remember any uncles.

Oh shit, suddenly he knew who the pictures were of.

"Grandmother gave you an initiation too?" she asked.

Laurie nodded. "But if anyone asks, that's your Uncle Larry. They don't have to know that he doesn't exist anymore."

"How long were you stuck as Larry?" Jacqueline asked.

"Those were taken when I was almost eighteen, about three years before you were born," Laurie explained. "The 'initiation' was a graduation present from my mother. It took me three years for me to learn enough Magic to do a Transformation Spell. Oh, did I forget to mention that you will have to apply the reverse Transformation Spell yourself?"

Jacqueline gulped. If it had taken her mom three years she knew it would take her at least four. She was going to be female through college. She did not like this one bit at all.

"Wait a second," Jacqueline started running over the numbers aloud "If it took you three years to learn how to Transform yourself back, how could you have had me when you were twenty one?"

"Jacqueline, I certainly hope you know how babies are made, especially since it effects you far more directly now."

"No," she replied "How could you be turned into a guy when you were eighteen, take three years to learn how to turn yourself back, then meet dad, get married, get pregnant and give birth to me nine months later?"

"The truth is out there," Laurie answered "There should be enough Scully left in you to come up with a _rational_ explanation."

Oh god, Jacqueline just sat there numbly. "It took you three years to learn _how_ to use the Transformation Spell, but you never did _use_ it, did you?"

"Not until last night, darling daughter of mine," Laurie explained "I'm sure you can figure it out just as quickly. You know what they say - Like Mother, Like Daughter. And we both had a lot of catching up to do."

End Reprise

 

A Change of Direction              by: Tigger                     © 1997 All Rights Reserved.

 

Chapter 7

"I'm not going to be pulled in just because you were!" Jacqueline stared icily. "I want to learn what I have to know as quickly as possible. I don't want to be female a month longer that I have to!"

"That's your choice," Laurie conceded "But you won't like some of the lessons required, especially if you really want to take them immediately."

"Just as long as it can really be over and done with in a year," Jacqueline seethed. "You had better not have been lying about that."

"Now Jacqueline, I never lied to Jack, and I won't lie to you. It can most assuredly be done in a single year," Laurie assured her daughter.

Of course, Laurie added to herself. You'll have to acclimate very quickly, since the most intricate portion of the Transformation Spell can only be learned while in the delivery room, and the final nuances while nursing your newborn.

"I don't believe you," was Jack's cold reply. Laurie's eyes slued to her Transformed son. "That book proves you lied to me. By omission, certainly and by making promises you did not intend to keep. You never intended to return me to normal."

Anger sparked in Laurie's eyes. "I beg to differ, young lady. If you had asked to end the Transformation it would have ended. Now it is beyond my power to reverse it."

The bleak lack of any emotion in her child's response chilled Laurie's soul. "Perhaps, but you have a world of history on your side," Jack lifted the album to her, "to prove that, without beforehand knowledge, the Transformed person is not going to make that decision because the full ramifications have been left. . ," the finely made fingers whirled in the air as if to pull the correct words out of the ether, "intentionally unclear?"

Laurie pursed her lips and refused to answer. "How long, Mother? How long has this. . . this abomination been inflicted on the men of our family? And how could you do it to me? And why should I believe you when you say that it is beyond your power?"

"ABOMINATION?" Laurie's temper was back in full measure. "How dare you call it that? It is a gift! A wonderful gift and you will damn well learn and accept that basic truth if you want any hope of returning to your pitiful male existence. I *love* you and I will not have *you* say or think otherwise. I loved Jack enough to give him these gifts of magic and womanhood because I have had both and wanted to share them with the son I love."

"Forgive me, Mother, if I don't share your enthusiasm for these . . . gifts," The disgusted look on Jack's face left no doubt of what he had wanted to say about those gifts. "And you did not answer my question, Mother, so I will answer it. Too long. This unwilling Transformation stunt has been going on for so long that you fail to see the wrong you have done to me, your son. Well, it ends here and now. I will be the last of our family."

"What??" Laurie's head snapped up. "What did you say?"

"I won't perpetuate this horror myself nor will I permit it to be perpetuated on any child of mine. I will not even bring a child into a world where you consider it *your* unequivocal right to take away that child's life and dreams because *you* think you know better,"

Laurie went very still, the full import of what her child had just said shocked her into speechlessness. This was not going at all well and certainly not as it had gone with her own mother nor as Mum had told her it had gone with all the previous generations of her family. Had she done something wrong in casting her spell? Had she missed some key element of the enchantment that would have made Jacqueline more able to accept and enjoy her new situation? Choosing her words very carefully, she tried a more conciliatory tact. "You would deny me a grandchild to love?"

It did not work. "It ends with me, Mother,"

"But you have already tasted the power of your femininity, and of your new sexuality. Before you can learn enough magic to change yourself back you may well end up pregnant,"

"Even assuming I choose to be actively female, which is a stretch, there are ways of preventing conception. This is the Twentieth Century,"

"Women on birth control have babies every day, Jacqueline. There is no foolproof way of preventing conception short of abstinence," And you won't be able to do that, my daughter, Laurie thought. Another little aspect of this Transformation is that your female needs are extremely well developed and demanding. Soon, your fingers will not be nearly enough for you.

"Again, assuming that something goes very wrong, there are ways of ending an unwanted pregnancy. And it *will* be unwanted, Mother. No child of my blood will come into this world because I cannot trust you."

All remaining color drained from Laurie's face. "You can't terminate, Jack," she whispered, not realizing that she had fallen back to using his male name. Seeing the look on her child's face, she hurried on. "It is not only a moral thing, daughter, it is a rule of magic, as well. Someone who deliberately snuffs out the spark of life from another human can never again wield the power."

"Then my dreams will die with the fetus, Mother, for I cannot, will not permit a child of mine to face what I am facing right now. I won't Transform him or her, but as long as you live, you are a threat because you don't believe there is anything wrong in stealing a dream."

"You keep saying that. What dream? You can become a male again, if you choose," and after you give me my grandchild she added in a whispered thought to herself, "What dreams have I taken from you?"

"College. It took you three years, Mother, so it will probably cost me at least that much. I will not play college sports. I won't go to a prom with my best girl on my arm. I won't learn all the things a man needs to know to live in a man's world as a man. You might as well have killed me, Mother, and have had done with it."

Tears came to Laurie's eyes. "You cannot mean that. You are just upset right now, overwrought. Honestly, Jack, it is not that bad. In fact, *being* a fellow's best girl at the prom really is rather wonderful, if you would just give it a chance. Nothing else needs to change. I am sorry I hurt you for I see now that I have, but I did not mean for it to be like this."

Jack watched his Mother's tears with a detachment born of a soul deep fury. "I will give you one chance, Mother. Reverse the spell, right now. Return me to normal, give me back the life *I* want for me instead of the one *you* want for me and I will not do anything to prevent having children. Otherwise, live with the fact that you have ended our line with your gleeful lack of concern for my wants and dreams."

If anything, the tears flowed harder. Last night, Laurie could have reversed the Transformation. She could have given her son back the life he evidently wanted enough to threaten her this way. Now, that was beyond even her power because the final spell she had cast upon his "request" for "more time" had been very carefully crafted so that only Jacqueline could reverse it. Which she could not do until she had learned the lessons and the magic necessary to effect and control the Transformation Spell on her own. Lessons that included giving birth and nurture to a child she now insisted she would never permit to be born. Goddess, what *had* she done?

"I have to leave," Laurie sobbed and ran from the room leaving a furious former son, now daughter, behind.

Twenty minutes later, a starkly composed Laurie returned to find Jack exactly as she had left her. She was simply sitting there, staring at the picture album. Goddess, but her son made a beautiful woman. Dark hair, dark flashing eyes and an olive complexion gave hints to the family's Gypsy ancestry. In the right period costume, the girl would have looked right at home in their Great Great Great Grandmother's caravan wagon, dancing to the rhythm of a tambourine for the coins men would toss her way and telling fortunes by fire light.

And the son to whom she had given birth hated the very thought of that vision. Probably hated her, too, for her part in Transforming him. Still, there was nothing more she could do about it. Laurie had spent the last fifteen minutes pouring over her ancestral texts, looking for a charm or potion or spell that would undo what she had done, but to no avail. She had done her work far too well in that respect and evidently not well enough in the sense of easing her child's acceptance of this change as the wonderful gift Laurie had seen it as. Now, she had no choice. She had to play this debacle out the only way she had left to her and hope, that in the end, she did not lose her child in the process.

With great care, she walked back to her seat across from her daughter and sat down. "I cannot undo the Transformation, Jack. I have gone through all my records, and no one except the Transformed One has ever been able to reverse the change successfully."

"So, others have found the change not to their liking?" The comment was snide and was meant to wound. Laurie did her best to ignore it.

Instead, she steeled herself not to rise to the spite in Jack's voice. There was nothing to be gained at this point by fighting. "According to my family records, there have been fifty male to female Transformations attempted in our family over the past two hundred years. Of that number, five men refused the final Transformation and were restored to their masculine state at the end of the first hour. Of the remaining cases, five members of our family who completed Transformation attempted to reverse the spell. The three who completed the learning succeeded in undoing Transformation and lived out their lives as men. However, the other two who tried to reverse the spell were not successful. One attempted the change before completing all the steps of the learning, and the other forced his mother to attempt a counter-spell. Both died."

Jack sat back, legs akimbo, in a posture of utter male dejection. It made Jacqueline look completely ridiculous and rather lewd, but Laurie bit her lip and said nothing. Trying to enforce the little niceties of ladylike deportment would not help Laurie's weak case with her daughter. Jacqueline looked up, her black eyes bleak and filling with tears. "Then it is over. I know you won't attempt it because you won't kill me, but in truth, I am not sure I wouldn't rather be dead right now."

"That is enough!" Laurie's ringing rebuke stunned Jack. "I will apologize one more time for my stupidity in thinking you might be intelligent enough, open enough, to appreciate what I did for you. However, you are alive. You are a beautiful, intelligent human being who happens to be female and that *can* be temporary. You have the potential to undo what you find so absolutely distasteful if you will only quit whining and get on with what must be done. You don't know anything about the power you could wield, but just so you might begin to understand, consider this. You say I have stolen your dreams - that I am denying you the opportunity to go to college as a male. If you complete the training and if you master the skills I will teach you, there is no reason that you cannot Transform yourself into your male self, at any age you desire. You want to be an eighteen year old again, then make it so when you perform the Transformation Spell on yourself. It will be within your capabilities."

"And all I have to do is learn your little magicks and do your little tests, is that it? Which you have already said I will find distasteful. Let's not forget that."

"No, in your current mind set, I imagine they will be bloody awful for you, but that cannot be helped. It is the only way that I can find in my records to undo what I have done without causing your death. For my part, I give you my most solemn oath that I will teach you everything you need to know as quickly as you can absorb and master the knowledge. In return, I want your promise that you will do nothing to try and accelerate your return to manhood. I won't teach you without that promise because, while I don't want to live with your unhappiness on my conscience, I refuse to be the cause of your death."

Jack considered that. Laurie wanted to squirm under the power of her unblinking stare. Goddess, but would Jacqueline be powerful once she learned to focus her craft. Finally, Jack drew herself up and spoke. "Very well, Mother. I agree and you have my promise on that score. Just one other thing, though. If I ever am given cause to believe that you are not being completely truthful with me again, or that you are playing games with me, I will leave and never come back. I will live the rest of my days as you have made me, but with one small change. I will have myself surgically sterilized so that this ends with me."

She is striking out, trying to hurt me, as she has been hurt, Laurie thought. She shook her head. This was going to be so very hard. Why had it not been hard for her and her mother? What had she done wrong with her own, beloved child? "Well. I guess that tells me what you really think of me. I could say that our family tradition says that I have done nothing to deserve that, but there are exceptions to every rule and you evidently are the one that proves it," She shrugged. No sense in avoiding the worst of it. "Very well. I will agree to your condition subject to one of my own. I cannot tell you everything. The tasks you must undertake have lessons that you must learn yourself. If I tell you what is going to occur in those cases, then you might as well not do them and you will not achieve your goal. You will simply have to trust me on this or we can go no further. You would lose your chance to master the Transformation Spell."

"Trusting you right now is difficult, Mother." Jack watched as her arrow shattered her mother's hard won calm, as she had intended it to do. Oddly, she felt a little ashamed. "All right. I agree to your condition, but my statement stands. Any other little non-truth and it is all over for you, for me and for whatever hope of family continuity you still might harbor."

"I cannot let you do that, Jack. That is your male ego talking and I will not permit you to do something that stupidly harmful to yourself just to lash out at me. If you attempt to leave, and if you follow through with your threat, I will use my magic to stop you. You know I can influence minds and I will make it impossible for you to take such a horrible step."

The hopeless shrug from her daughter nearly broke Laurie's heart. "You must do what you think you have to do, Mother, as must I. You've already taken away the things I thought I wanted, why not my free will, as well. Seems that would be the simplest thing all around. Abra Kadabra, Bibbity Bobbity Boo and Jack is a happy Jill. Or Jacqueline. No more muss or fuss. Must be easy as pie for a wheeler-dealer spell caster like you."

Laurie's answer was all but inaudible. "If I do that, you will never wield magic because once a mind is opened to magical suggestion, it is open forever. You cannot shield it against someone else's influence. Only free minds can focus the power of the Goddess. If I take away that choice, you will be Jacqueline for the rest of your life," She saw the 'so what' look in her daughter's eyes and hardened her heart and her voice. "The only difference between my way and your way, sweetie, is that I *will* have my grandchild. If you force me to take your mind, I will go all the way and turn you into the perfect wife and mother. I swear it! If your children are all I can have of you, then I will have them."

Jack was strangely unresponsive in light of her ultimatum. Laurie waited for her to say something, but she didn't. Finally, Jack stood and looked down at her Mother. "I guess that says it all. You hold all the cards. If I don't do as you say, I end up as I am - a baby farm for future generations of witches. Your kindness and concern for my feelings in all this almost makes me wish we lived in Salem. When do we start, Mother-darling?"

The cruel remark and the sarcasm dripping from what had been her son's favorite endearment cut at her soul like a barely sharp knife, leaving ragged bleeding bits in its wake. She would not cry, not again. Not in front of her. "Tomorrow," she rasped out. "I need some time to prepare and to fix things like those records you mentioned. You need some time to deal with the anger in your soul. Tomorrow is soon enough," Probably too soon, she thought, but the early lessons would be the easiest, and Laurie would be the one who decided when the objectives of those lessons had been achieved.

"Very well, Mother. I will be in the garden," and with that, Jacqueline turned on her heel and strode to the garden.

The absurd picture of it drew forth a watery chuckle from Laurie after the door slammed behind Jack. She had looked so silly trying to walk like a man in that compact, curvy body. Bouncing like that probably hurt like hell. Well, dealing with her first brassiere was a milestone in any girl's life. Only most girls started with training bras fitted over a dreaming young girl's hopeful almost-bumps. Her daughter had to face a garment intended for a grown woman and was going to have to fit it over fully formed B or C cup sized breasts.

How was she going to pull this off, she asked herself again. How was she going to get her child through all the training, all the lessons that she would need to come into the fullness of her powers? Especially when the entire process had to culminate with the ultimate expression of the woman-power, the giving and nurturing of life? Somehow, she had to manipulate her child into accepting . . . no, that was not enough. Her child had to glory in his new found womanliness in order to gain the power. Somehow.

Sighing, she rose from her seat and headed for her library. First things first, she reminded herself, wearily. She needed to make a place in this strange new world for her daughter. There were records to change and memories to adjust before Jacqueline could take Jack's place. After that, she would have to go clothes shopping. Jack could get by on sweats and castoffs for today, but she would need enough real clothes to get started tomorrow, and Laurie's own wardrobe would not do for her daughter. For one thing, her stuff was not appropriate for a teenager, and for another, her things would probably not fit Jack. Laurie's experienced fashion-eye told her that Jacqueline was slimmer in the waist and bigger in the bust than her Mother.

What a waste, she thought, casting such lovely pearls before such a male chauvinist swine. Well, it was her job to help her daughter learn to appreciate her new riches. It was much more than she had let on to Jack. If Laurie was right about her daughter's potential, Jacqueline's power was going to be greatly needed in the dark days to come.

A Change of Direction Chapter 8

"Where the hell am I?" his still sleep fogged mind demanded. Slowly, he fought his way to full wakefulness and tried to take stock of his surroundings. Nothing was familiar. Nothing was as it had been when he had fallen asleep or as it had been for the last four years of his life. Only his window that overlooked Mum's garden was where it belonged, but everything else was. . . . wrong.

His basketball poster, his model planes and cars, his sports memorabilia - every single thing that had been his was gone. In their place were odd, fragile looking little nick-nacks, crystal statues, dolls and a rock singer poster – a male rock singer that Jack could not stand in the least.

And all *his* furniture was gone, too, replaced by a very feminine, ivory colored ensemble. Even the bed he'd fallen asleep in was gone, replaced instead by a frill-laden canopy bed.

Mother. It had to be Mother. His hands came up to cup the soft mounds of flesh that now a part of him. It had not been just a dream, after all. A nightmare, maybe, and from the looks of his room, Mother had used her magic to up the ante while he'd slept.

He started to get out of bed and nearly fell when instinctive movements learned over the course of a lifetime did not take into account his new center of gravity. Overbalanced by his new weight distribution, he only just caught himself on the bed frame. Carefully, and with a great deal of conscious effort, he rose again and moved about to inspect "his" room more closely.

His large dresser had been replaced by an ornate armoire while his desk had become a vanity table covered with a variety of tubes, bottles and pots that held things he really did not want to think about. On entering his walk-in closet, he was greeted by nothing but rows of empty hangers and shelves. Every hint of his male identity had been ripped from the room, as ruthlessly and as completely as his masculinity had been ripped from him.

In stunned disbelief, Jack stood there in the door to his closet and quietly mourned the loss of all the little prizes and treasures of a lifetime. A stray lock of hair fell across his face and resisted his best effort to clear it out of his eyes.

Slowly, he walked over to the vanity and found the very feminine hairbrush he knew would be there. His mother was nothing if not attentive to the fine details. Jack quickly came to rue that he'd never gone through a "long-hair" stage as a male so that he could have known how to deal with the shaggy mane. Brushing that tangled black mass was itself a tortuous experience in self-abuse. He quietly admitted to himself he should have listened to Mum's advice and brushed it out more thoroughly the previous morning.

He brushed it furiously until he could not find any more snarls and then tried to figure out how to keep the damn stuff out of his face. Rubber bands seemed the simplest solution, and soon his mane was gathered behind his head. It was not elegant, but he could see again. A butch cut was looking better and better to him.

What to wear was the next question and there was only one answer immediately evident. A pair of white panties and a folded white cotton terrycloth robe rested on the cushioned stool in front of the vanity table. A pair of pink rubber shower slippers, rested beside the stool on the floor.

Jack stripped off the sweatshirt and man's jogging shorts he had worn since yesterday and donned the garments his mother had left for him. He was disappointed, but not especially surprised, when his discarded clothes had simply disappeared before his eyes.

As ready as he was likely to be, Jack moved out of the relative sanctuary of his room, and went off to face his Mother. He found her seated at the kitchen table, sipping coffee, a plate of toast in front of her. Her chin rested heavily in the palm of her free hand. Dark smudges bagged under her half open eyes and fatigue lines cut starkly into her normally smooth face.

Walking past her to pour a cup for himself, he turned back to her. "Busy night, Mother-darling?" he asked with heavy irony, as he sat down across from her.

She cocked one of her eyes at him, but displayed no other emotion at his jibe. "Obviously, Jacqueline. There was a lot that had to be done if we were going to be able to start your training today," She reached down and pulled up a stack of papers from the chair beside her and slid them across the table. "You will need these. ID's, driver's license, health insurance card and all your other personal effects and accounts, but all now set up in the name of Jacqueline Donovan instead of John."

"And my friends? The people who know me?"

"Now remember only Jacqueline, and as for friends, some adjustments had to be made there, too. You have a history of being one of the girls instead of one of the boys. You are the cheerleader instead of the cheered. And before you jump on me, no, you don't have a boy friend. Given your looks, that may raise some issues for you, but I figured you would rather deal with those questions instead having to deal with a man."

Jack's face fell as he took it all in. Finally, he sighed and took a bracing sip of his coffee. "So, my life is wiped as clean as everything that was mine was blotted out of my room. Is nothing mine anymore, Mother?"

She was simply too tired to argue with him. The magic she had expended the night before had taken its toll on all her resources. She was exhausted and needed rest. "Had to be done. Step one of your trip back to your old male self. Every little reminder of your masculinity will set back your progress. Remember, the requirement is that you must fully acclimate to being a woman," She looked up and saw the pain in her daughter's face and immediately understood. "Oh, don't look that way," she said disgustedly. "None of your things are gone forever. The instant your chromosomes are XY again, they will reappear. Just like magic."

Jack could not quite hid the glimmer of a smile at her little joke, but tried anyway. "So, what is the plan for today, teacher? What little punishments are on the docket, today?"

Laurie wanted to scream, but didn't. It wouldn't do any good and she needed to conserve what energy she still had. With a calmness that did not remotely resemble her actual feelings, she answered, "As long as you consider it punishment, Jacqueline, we might as well do nothing. Get this straight, okay? You have to work at this. Moreover, you have to want it. It would be best and perhaps even easiest, if you could want the experience for itself, for the simple pleasure of being a beautiful woman. But if you cannot want it for that, then at least want it because it is the only way you are going to achieve your goal."

With great effort, Laurie used both hands to push herself to her feet. She kicked a shopping bag over to Jack. "You have two tasks today, one fairly simple; the other will apparently not be so simple. In that bag you will find a full set of clothes in your new sizes. Skin out. You need to learn how to dress yourself, and to get used to how women's clothes feel on your body. I suggest you dress and undress yourself several times until you get the hang of it," A sly grin momentarily lit her face. "There are several pairs of hose in there since you will probably run the first couple of pairs. Try to get it right before you ruin the last pair."

"It might be easier if you would try not to have quite so much fun with this at my expense, Mother," Jack said darkly.

Her momentary pleasure instantly evaporated. "I wanted to have fun doing all of this with you, Jacqueline. I'd always believed that when this time came for us, I would relive through you all the lovely and joyful things I discovered with my own mother when she taught me. Can't you let me have what little crumbs of pleasure that fall my way in this?"

Jack was not going to let her make him feel small in this. He wasn't - this was her fault and if it was not as pleasurable as she had wished it would be, well that was a small thing compared to what she had done to him. He ignored her question and instead asked one of his own in a toneless, inflection- less voice. "You said there were two things I had to accomplish today. What was the other task?"

Recognizing the implicit rejection of her request, Laurie responded in equally cold tones of her own. "You need to start thinking of yourself in the feminine. Understand that I can hear your thoughts, feel your emotions, Jacqueline. You are trying to perpetuate the image of yourself as a man stuck in a woman's body."

"Well, that is exactly what I am, thanks to you!" he snarled.

"As long as that is what you think you are, that is all you will be, daughter. And we can go no further in your training until you start accepting the reality of your female state," Laurie turned and walked back to stand before her child. "Believe me, Jacqueline, if I could somehow undo the Transformation, or if I could somehow go back in time and make it so that none of this ever happened, I would do it. No matter what the cost to myself. If my last drop of heart's blood would make you what you long to be, I would cut my wrists here and now. But those are not options. Only you can do what needs be done," She absently brushed an escaped lock of black hair from Jacqueline's eyes. "Only you. I am going up to bed and get some rest. Later today, we will go out and get you some more clothes," She spun on her heel and left the room.

Jack, no, *Jacqueline* sat sipping *her* coffee in the eerie silence. He, dammit, *she* was at a loss about what to do next. This thinking in the female tense was going to be a bitch.

*She* sat there for a little more than an hour, practicing *her* feminine thinking. Toward the end of *her* mental recitation period, *she* only had to correct him, blast, *her*self about every fifth or sixth time. Progress was progress, *she* supposed. Maybe it would even be good enough for a start, anyway. There was one problem, though. Maybe it was a holdover from the way *her* Mother had introduced him, err, *her* to *her* new self, but one thing was very, very clear.

He/She/Whatever _*hated*_ the name "Jacqueline" and He/She/Whatever _*always*_ would!

Well, there was not much to be done about it now. Not with all those records already done. *She* did not know much about how magic really worked, but *she* did know that changing all those records and memories had cost *her* mother dearly, and the strength Mum had expended doing that magic would not likely be replenished any time soon.

Sighing, *she* decided that it was not a battle worth fighting and picked up the bag with his, no, make that *her* new clothes and trudged off to practice dressing.

Five hours later, Laurie, alert and refreshed, came downstairs where she found her daughter sprawled on the sofa watching the 24-hour news channel. Apart from her ungainly and totally unladylike posture, Laurie's discerning eyes (and other, less common senses) could find definite improvements since that morning. The simple knit sweater and skirt set had been selected because they would not pose too many challenges for her daughter who still thought and acted like a son. No buttons on the "wrong" side, no zippers in the back - just a simple, loose pullover sweater blouse that draped casually over the waist of an equally loose, knee length skirt that zipped up the side. The pantyhose weren't rent from ankle to thigh with ladders and runs, and the simple black pumps with only the merest hint of a heel fit perfectly.

Jacqueline had not ventured so far as to try any of the cosmetics her Mother had carefully selected and arrayed on her vanity, but she had made a fairly good attempt at taming that gorgeous hair of hers. She had done a reasonably good job figuring out how to put on the hair band that pulled the curling mass away from her face. Of course, that particular invention was probably the daughter of necessity since seeing clearly through long hair was annoying at best.

"I can see that deportment and posture will be among our first lessons," she said aloud. Her voice obviously startled her child for she jumped and nearly slipped off the couch in her surprise. "Well, Jacqueline, stand up, please and let me get a good look at you."

The eyes that met Laurie's were still cold and distant, but with great deliberation, the body moved to obey her request. Stage one begins, she thought - sullen, malicious compliance to any order, intermixed with enough body language to show just how obnoxious you and obeying you really are. Laurie moved behind her daughter, as much to gain a moment's respite from those eyes as to check out the rest of the outfit. "You need to be more careful with laying out your skirts before you sit, dear. The back of your skirt is frightfully wrinkled and crushed from the way you sat upon it, Jacqueline."

"Jackie."

The response was not at all what she was expecting and Laurie was momentarily at a loss for words. "I beg your pardon?"

"I wish to be called Jackie. I detest the name Jacqueline - it reminds me too much of our confrontation yesterday and last night and therefore is non-productive - like the possessions I *used* to love and own. Since I suspect that you won't have the strength to change the world for me again anytime soon, Jackie is the best compromise I can come up with."

"I see. That may be difficult for me as Jacqueline was the name I had chosen for you since you were born. That is really why you were called Jack. Since I always knew it would be my duty to bring you to your full powers by exposing you to the Transformation Spell, you have always been Jacqueline in my heart."

That had been the wrong thing to say and Laurie knew it the instant she saw her child's face. "I was not born female and I will not respond to Jacqueline, so get used to calling me Jackie or perhaps just "hey, you" will do. What is in your heart is not something I am greatly concerned with at this point in my life, Mother."

Laurie coughed to choke back the sob. "Very well. Jacqu... I mean, Jackie. I will try."

The love Jackie still felt for his Mother twisted inside her own heart and he, dammit again, *she* tried to make it a little easier for both of them. "It will do you good, Mum, to have to stop and consider *your* words before you speak or even think. It will give you an idea of how hard thinking of myself as *she* and *her* has been and continues to be for me. Tell you what, we can spell my new call name with a 'cq', instead of a 'ck'. Jacqui," She spelled the name out aloud. "How's that for a compromise? Best deal you are going to get today."

A little bubble of hope rose in Laurie's breast. "Okay," she whispered and then added. "Sounds fair," She shook off the emotion. They had much yet to do this day. "So, I will ask how the dressing up practice went since I can already sense your effort to think 'girl'. I applaud your progress there, by the way," You only have about 99.99% of the way yet to go, but that is further then I expected to find you given the way you reacted this morning, she thought. "So, are you ready to go shopping for new clothes? You need skirts, blouses, dresses, shoes and of course, some lovely knickers and other undies," she dropped her eyes to Jacqui's legs. "How many of your pantyhose are left intact?"

A rosy blush crept up her daughter's cheeks. "Ummm. Just these," Laurie cocked an eyebrow. "They, uhhh, seemed to run awfully easy."

"Those were the industrial strength, heavy weave nylon, dear, designed specifically *not* to run. I suppose you just tried to pull them on like trousers?" A hesitant nod was her answer. "Yes, well, there are tricks I will teach you before you put on any of the really silky stockings we will buy today. Any other troubles?"

Another, even redder blush was followed by a cough to clear her throat. "The bra. I am not flexible enough to reach behind me and latch it while trying to look in the mirror. I finally had to hook the thing in front and then spin it around behind me."

"Good on you, girl. That works, particularly with everyday things. Some of the frilly stuff might need a little gentler hand, but we can work up to those. Other than that, how do you feel in those clothes?"

"Underdressed. I notice drafts a lot. Very uncomfortable."

Laurie nodded. The answers were honest and were to be expected. At least Jacqui was talking with her with some degree of openness again. "All right, then. You will get used to those feelings. We'll have you turned out to a fair- thee-well after today and you will have ample opportunity to get used to skirts and their little foibles and traps."

"What about trousers, jeans? I would like some jeans, Mother."

That was a problem. Mentally saying goodbye to their momentary peace, Laurie answered. "That is not in your best interest, dear. You already know how to wear pants. You will learn what it is to be a woman much more quickly if you work at being an especially feminine woman. You have so much to learn in a short time. Don't forget, besides your own goals in this, you will start school again in a few weeks. You will need a whole range of behaviors at your command to deal with school as a girl instead of as a boy."

"Just one pair? For knocking about? Won't it seem strange to my girlfriends if I never wear anything but dresses and skirts?" Jacqui pleaded. "How about if I promise to always wear my frilliest bra and knickers when I wear the jeans?"

Pleased that Jacqui had not gotten her back up, Laurie smiled. "All right, but just one pair. They will be very, very tight and you will also agree to wear only high heeled shoes when you wear the jeans, too," That would serve two purposes, Laurie thought. It was nearly impossible to forget you were a girl when wearing jeans that were a couple of sizes too small, and it would get her daughter into real heels more quickly.

"Heels?" Jacqui momentarily bridled, but then deflated. "Okay, I agree."

"Let's go get ready to leave. Your purse is with mine in the foyer and your new ID are already in it," Laurie turned toward the front door.

"Mum?" The name she had not heard without sarcasm in over 48 hours brought her up short. She turned and cocked a brow at Jacqui. "Two things, first. One, I want to see a doctor - a real one, not one of your witch cronies. I want advice on birth control and I don't want you to interfere in any way or to try to stop me."

Laurie understood where that was coming from. Jacqui was starting to understand the full erotic potential and demands of her new body. She was still female because she had been unable to resist the demands of her new sexuality. Conceiving a child was not on her agenda, *yet*, and she was trying to take action to avoid getting caught between some guy and her own burgeoning hormones.

"All right. We can select one of your choice from the phone book, completely at random if that will make you feel more comfortable. However, you should understand that the proper term for the type of doctor you want is a gynecologist," The "so-what" look that revelation elicited made Laurie decide to change the subject. "One other thing, dear. You need to know something about Transformed women. Whether we use contraception or not, we get pregnant when we want the child of the man making love to us."

"I want to see a doctor, Mother, and I want birth control," Jacqui's tone brooked no further discussion on the issue.

Sighing, Laurie wondered what the girl was thinking. Obviously, she did not believe her regarding the effectiveness of the contraceptives. "Very well. We can set up the appointment right now and go as soon as the doctor can see you. I can go with you or you can go alone, but you have my personal word of honor, that I will do nothing to influence or impede you in any way. And the other thing?" The look of relief on Jacqui's face was painful to Laurie who was only just beginning to really understand how thoroughly she had shattered her only child's faith and trust in her.

"I'd like to get my hair cut. Lots of women have short hair. I don't want to have to deal with this mop for the rest of my time as a woman."

Damn, damn, damn! thought Laurie. "Jacqui, could we hold off on that, please? At least for a little while, until you have had a chance to learn how to care for your hair? You can always get it cut, but it will take months and months to grow it back. I think you should wear it long, just as I think you should stick to skirts and dresses, but if, after a reasonable attempt to live with it, you still want to cut it, then I won't stand in your way."

"I could just hack it off in my room, Mother," the frustration was back in her daughter's voice.

"Yes, you could. If you get to the point where you are that unhappy with it, then tell me and we will go straight off to the beauty parlor. Please, Jacqui, all I am asking is that you give me a chance, luv," Her eyes were wide with entreaty as she looked at Jacqui. "Please," She said again.

The pleading in his, *her* mother's voice touched that hurting core of love inside Jacqui. "All right. I will give it two weeks, halfway until school opens. That should give you time to teach me how to deal with it so that it does not get in my way. If it is still a hassle after that, it goes. Fair enough?"

"Fair enough. Now, can we please go? I want to go **SHOPPING** with my daughter."

"Shopping." There was a world of difference in the way the two women said the word. "You sure you can't just get everything mail order? I'd wait."

"Over my dead body, young lady. I am determined to enjoy this and nothing is going to ruin it for me. Now move that cute butt and let's go."

A Change of Direction Chapter 9

Laurie gently eased her tired body into the steamy, fragrant bubbles and all but whimpered with pleasure. The two weeks since she had fouled up the Transformation of her son Jack into her daughter Jacqui had been difficult, to say the least. All the same, there had been a few noteworthy successes.

She was lying in one of them. Jacqui had fallen hopelessly in love with bubble baths. Quite a departure from the son who thought that more than two minutes in a shower was wasted time. Of course, the innate sensuousness and sensuality that the Transformation imposed on Jacqui had a great deal to do with that. After that first time, when she had needed to frog-walk the girl into the tub after their marathon shopping expedition, Jacqui had practically grown webbed feet. It was a good thing they each had their own full bathroom or it would have been shampoo bottles at ten paces and may the more determined woman get the tub.

After a week of work, she had convinced Jacqui that she could live with hair longer than the skull hugging bob she'd found in a fashion magazine. Not that her daughter would not have looked fantastic in that hairdo. They had ended up compromising, again. The result was a trim that left enough hair to reach down her back to her shoulder blades, but that was easy to brush out in the morning and that tended to stay out of Jacqui's face.

The trip to the gynecologist had been a revelation to both of them. Laurie had been dumbfounded to learn that her daughter was "virgo intacto". That meant that her son had never enjoyed sexual intercourse with a girl or woman. By its very nature, the Transformation Spell Transformed virgins into virgins. Well, that was one experience that Jacqui had to look forward to that Laurie had no personal knowledge of - Larry had not been a virgin when his Mother had Transformed him, so Laurel had not possessed an intact hymen at her "birth". That could pose problems later on. She would need to discuss this with the others.

For Jacqui, the unhappy discovery that "Dr. M. L. Sullivan" was a woman whose name was Michelle Louise had been daunting. It was something of a hoot to try and convince the girl that, given that she was now a girl, undressing and being intimately examined by a female was *supposed* to be less embarrassing for her. Still, it had all gone very well, and if Jacqui had asked questions more suited to a 12 year old just entering puberty than to a fully developed and nearly mature 18 year old, the doctor had done nothing to make her daughter more uncomfortable than she already was. All in all, the doctor had done Jacqui a great deal of good. Laurie would remember to recommend her for the others who had sons due for Transformation.

The brassieres had been a minor problem. Jacqui hadn't understood how to adjust them and had finally been forced to come to her Mother for help because her shoulders and breasts hurt so badly at the end of the day. The misadjusted bras were pulling her bosoms in directions nature had not intended and were not distributing the weight properly. Besides, she had adjusted the back straps much too tightly in an effort to use the bras to hide her nicely rounded breasts. A few adjustments and realignments, along with a little motherly advice had solved those problems. And it wasn't as if the girl was grossly huge, anyway. She had a lovely figure, curvy where she should be, slender where she should be. If only she'd appreciate it, Laurie mourned.

Cosmetics were another non-winner. The memory of Jacqui's furious tantrum at home after Laurie had sprung an unannounced, full up make-over on the girl during that visit to the beauty parlor still made Laurie shudder. That blowup had surprised Laurie almost as much as Jacqui's reaction to the Transformation. She had looked so lovely when the beauty consultant had finished with her, but Jacqui had not uttered a single word from the time the beautician had arrived at Jacqui's chair until they arrived home at the end of the day. She had, however, more than made up for that silence once she had gotten her Mother behind closed doors.

Laurie had finally resorted to a little magical probing to figure out what had provoked so violent a reaction. It would have been funny had it not been so sad. Jacqui's still male mind had been turned on by Jacqui's beautifully made up face, and *he* (and it most definitely was the part of Jacqui that was still *he*) had not been able to handle it. And like most males when faced with something they can't handle, Jacqui had gone livid and had lashed out at the 'cause' of her problem. That had cost them a couple of days of seething tension. Worse, it had ended the shaky truce between them, as well. Jacqui cooperated with Laurie's lessons, but otherwise spent as little time as possible in her Mother's presence. Fortunately, things were settling down once again.

With Jacqui's somewhat grudging cooperation, other important lessons were proceeding apace. Jacqui was trying manfully (again the correct term) to be womanly. If the tone of Laurie's teaching was more appropriate to a Victorian girl still in the schoolroom than to a modern woman of the nineties, well, Laurie thought, that served a purpose, too. The very exaggerated gestures and movements she had drilled into him were too theatrical to be of any use in a modern setting, but what was left over, when Jacqui wasn't "acting out for teacher", was nicely feminine.

In the course of these lessons, Jacqui had walked back and forth across the living room in her new high heels, balancing Jane Austen's _Pride and Prejudice_ on her head. She had learned to sit demurely, with her back straight and her knees together thanks to a few judiciously placed straps for reminders. She'd learned to pour and serve tea with the dexterity and aristocratic snobbery of a Regency Dame. She'd read, under duress, romance novels - after which she was subsequently quizzed on about the heroine's feelings and motivations.

Her forays into public had gotten a bit easier as she'd become more used to her new skin and to the clothing that Laurie insisted she wear. Jacqui looked particularly good in Laura Ashley, but then, most good-looking young women did.

The more intimate lessons had been the hardest ones to get across to her only semi-willing pupil. Teaching her daughter the fundamentals of feminine hygiene had not been a fun experience for either of them. Jacqui had twice stormed off in a humiliated huff during those lessons. Only the fear for her daughter's health had spurred Laurie to finish those lessons. An internal infection might damage Jacqui's reproductive system – an eventuality that would put paid to any chance her daughter might have of undoing the Transformation. Laurie had finally resorted to a minor touch of magic in order to convince Jacqui of the need for these female ablutions. Amazing what a simple urinary tract infection or just a taste of a vaginal yeast infection had done to help her daughter understand the ramifications of not keeping the inner woman clean.

By tacit agreement, they'd left the twin issues of sex and sexuality alone. Although Jacqui would have to face them when she went back to school, there were ways of avoiding the issue for a short while longer. For one thing, it was going to take real effort to get the girl to go out with a boy, period, and for another, her child went to school for two things, learning and sports. She would have only the most innocent of contact with boys for the time being. Laurie was entirely happy to let that particular hurdle stay in the future. Jacqui needed more time to learn better the scope of her new body's needs and demands. At the same time, she needed to learn some control of her physical reactions, as well.

The last thing Laurie wanted was for Jacqui to slip up with some guy and get herself pregnant. It was simply too soon. Getting pregnant now, without the fundamental grounding in magic necessary to finish learning the Transformation Spell, wouldn't do her daughter any good. Jacqui simply had too much to learn before she could begin to wield the power she would need to be male again. Telling her that she had to get pregnant once was a conversation Laurie wished she could avoid. Having to tell her that her first pregnancy wasn't enough did not bear thinking about.

Secondly, and just as importantly, she still took Jacqui's threat of abortion and self-sterilization seriously. Laurie knew the rigidity of her son's will (and his sheer pigheaded stubbornness) and really feared what *he* might do before her *daughter* had finished sorting herself out. She only hoped that Jacqui took her own threat of using mind control magic just as seriously. Otherwise, they were in deep trouble because the threat was hollow. She would not, could not do that to Jacqui, because that would be exactly what Jacqui had accused her of doing - destroying the last of her child's dreams.

Laurie needed to talk to her Sisters. Some decisions had to made quickly and she needed their wise counsel. Maybe tomorrow she'd call Bronwyn.

The chill of the rapidly cooling bath water pulled Laurie back from her reveries. Quickly, she washed off and got out of the tub. Her mind would not let her rest and she found herself going downstairs to get a book. On her return, she heard a muffled sound coming from inside Jacqui's room. She was about to discount it as her imagination, when she heard it again. It was a moan of pain. Tiptoeing over to the door, she peeked in. There on the bed, laying on her side and huddled into a fetal position about her pillow, was her daughter.

Laurie moved into the room and settled on to the bed beside Jacqui. She looked up from her pillow, misery clouding her eyes. "Mum, I'm sick. I think I have that flu bug again, like I caught last winter. I feel so nauseous and my lower belly is in knots," Jacqui was in such discomfort, she forgot she was still cross with Laurie.

Laurie had been expecting this. She had described this experience vividly in the diary she'd taken to keeping after her own Transformation. It was right on time, she mused, and evidently just as rough as her own first time. Gently, she put a soothing hand on her daughter's sweaty forehead and massaged her temples. "It's all right, luv," she whispered. "It's not the flu. It is just the first arrival of your monthly. To be sure, this is one of the less attractive aspects of your new station in life, but it is a miracle, none-the-less. You are a woman, now, Jacqui. You are starting your first menses."

Jacqui pulled her covers over her head. "Oh, god, I had completely forgotten that part of this," Another groan signaled the onset of another round of cramps. "I don't know how I will ever forgive you for this, Mother."

Although the words were sharp, the tone was not. It reminded Laurie of the gentle male/female bantering she used to engage in regularly with her son. It actually warmed her. "I know just how you feel, luv. I said much the same thing to my own Mum about this time after she Transformed me," Reaching down, she pulled the covers off her daughter and admired for a brief instant the lovely nightgown she wore. Jacqui had steadfastly refused to model her nightwear for her Mother, giving Laurie cause to wonder if she was sleeping in the buff. Evidently not, she thought happily. "Come along with me, Miss. Time for your first lesson on the care of the menstruating female. You don't want to get that lovely night shift all messy, now do you?"

The technical aspects of inserting the tampon had been acutely embarrassing for her child. Sitting on the toilet, splaying her legs wide so that her *Mother* could demonstrate the process, had nearly reduced the girl to tears. Laurie had tried to make things easier for them both by injecting some humor into the proceedings, but Jacqui's expression told her that there was *nothing* funny about it. Maybe she'd look back on it, someday, and see the humorous bits in it, Laurie thought hopefully.

Once the immediate problem of leakage was under control, Laurie had put Jacqui back to bed and given her a gentle back massage. Her knowledgeable fingers soon relaxed the tight muscles of Jacqui's abdomen and her daughter fell asleep almost immediately thereafter.

A quick, magic-assisted examination of her daughter proved that all of Jacqui's internal organs were working and fully female. Phase one was complete. Her daughter was a fertile, sexually mature female. She could now begin learning magic. Her body had just taken the critical first step toward reversing the Transformation she hated so very much. The next step would come in ten to sixteen days when she ovulated for the first time.

Quietly pleased, Laurie tiptoed back to her room and went to sleep.

A Change of Direction Chapter 10

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

This is *not*, underline that, please, *not* a diary and I am not going to open it the way I have read that teenage girls do by writing "Dear Diary" on every damned page. This is a journal, a record of my experiences as I work to become my own man again. It is also a place where I can vent in privacy. Actually, the whole thing is Mum's idea and she has promised some big deal oath that she will not use her magic to "eavesdrop" on any thoughts I express in here.

It is a good idea, actually, although I refuse to tell her that. God knows, I need some place to discuss things or I will go crazy. I won't go to Mum and I can't go to anyone else. So this is the place where I will talk with myself.

And with Jack.

I know I promised Mum I would work to think of myself as the female I give every outward appearance of being. And I have. Mostly. But Jack is still a part of me, and he still needs expression. At least, he does if I/he/we are ever going to get through this with my/his/our sanity intact.

Anyway, on with the writing....

18 Days A. T. (*that's *A*fter *T*ransformation. I need a time scale. I would rather count "days to Re-Transformation", but I can't. Mum doesn't even know when that will happen. Or if she does know, she is not telling me. Which would mean that she is lying to me, again, and I really don't think she is - this time. I think I believe her. At least, I believe she does not know *that* bit of information, anyway.)

I have just been assured that my *first* period is now officially over. I hereby apologize to all the girls I snickered at in the eighth grade when they turned green and had to go to the school nurse every month or so. I also understand the true meaning of "being on the rag". It has nothing to do with the various cloth implements intended to collect the discharge and thus keep our womanly parts and clothes from becoming a bloody mess. No, the phrase *must* derive from what the whole damned process feels like, particularly when it first hits. I can only liken it to having somebody reach inside you, grab hold of your guts with both hands and then try to wring them out like a wet dishrag.

This is neither "wonderful" nor "glorious", Mum.

Jack went into deep hiding during the whole four days, the damned coward. Left me alone to face the thing all by myself.

Well, not quite. Mum was there for me. She was actually pretty great about the whole thing. I did not appreciate her attempts at humor. On reflection that was more because of a petty desire to pout and sulk then the lameness of her jokes. Some weren't *too* bad. Her back massages were *blissful* and the food she fixed for me was bland but it stayed down when I did not think anything I ate would.

It's a strange thing and I don't know for sure, nor will I ask her, but I think she did something magical to blunt the worst of it that first night. Don't know why, just a feeling niggling in my head. Her hands felt sort of warm on my back, only it wasn't the hot kind of warm. Can't describe it, really, you just had to be there.

Taking birth control pills every day sure seems strange. Not that I want to be with guys *that* way, but if I have learned nothing else about this new body of mine, I have found out that I am very easily aroused, and once I am turned on, I *need* sexual relief. Since I am not sure that my mental reservations about guys will preclude some male from getting me sexually excited, I really don't want to take the chance. What is that old line about what you call women who rely upon contraceptive methods other than chemical or shields? They call them Mothers. And since I am a virgin that leaves only the chemical method for me. Particularly since I am *not* going to trust a man to protect me.

What am I saying??!? A man? Me? Damn.

Mom gave me some line about only getting pregnant if I want the baby of the man who is inside me. What a crock! Does she *want* me to get pregnant? If I believe her, all I have to do is not want babies and I am home free. Somehow, I don't think so, Mum.

Which leads me to another, scarier line of thought. What the hell is all this learning I am going to find so "bloody awful"??!? I know Mom had me, and I *do* know where babies come from. I don't think I am going to be permitted to avoid becoming "fully female" with a man, but I hope it is not something really sick, like taking a man in my mouth or putting out to two guys at once.

Naw, whatever Mom is, she is not that nasty. More likely, I am going to have to make out with a guy and enjoy it. Yeah, something like that. She is just not going to happy until I get thoroughly screwed and love it.

Well, that is it for today. Not a bad first start, and I *do* feel a little better. Jack feels a bit ashamed at my discussion of his cowardice, but he'll get over it. For now, I have a date with a hot tub full of bubbles. Another thing about this monthly affirmation of my new femininity. It makes you smell just a bit off, particularly up close, and a shower just doesn't get the job done.

Just wish I had something to read other than fashion magazines and romance novels. Don't girls read Sports Illustrated? Oh well. Till next time.

End Journal Entry.

************

"Well?" Laurie asked the slender, ethereally pretty woman seated across the kitchen table from her.

The woman smiled. "If you wanted to know that badly, Laurel, you should not have taken an oath sacred to the Goddess not to peak." she chided gently.

Laurie grimaced. "She needed the outlet so much, Bronwyn. She won't talk to me and she doesn't have anyone else. She would not have started the journal if I had not promised not to look."

"You know that asking me to do your peaking for you is precisely the type of half truth that got you into this trouble to begin with. However, in this case, I must agree with you. She needs to express her feelings and you need know how she is feeling," Bronwyn's faintly blue eyes became unfocused, then once again cleared. She looked at Laurie, surprise arching her brows. "Did you use the healing arts to ease her menses, Laurel?"

Laurie's eyes went wide and then she blushed at having been caught. "Yes, High Priestess. She was in such discomfort and I felt so guilty at that moment. When I massaged her, I took just a bit of her pain into myself - not much," she hastened to add in self justification, "Just enough that she could drop off to sleep.

"Yes, well, as you are aware, we don't normally do that for a new Sister's First Flow, but I can understand your dilemma. I will not gainsay your decision, Laurel. You must do as you think best in this sadly unique Transformation Transition. However, that is not the point. What is important is that your daughter sensed the use of the power. She speculated that you did something magical and even described it quite accurately. I don't think I have ever heard of a novice Sister being quite so sensitive or aware of the Goddess power so soon after Transformation before."

"I am not surprised, Bronwyn. Everything has pointed to her being very special, and very powerful. Stubble it! What did I do incorrectly? Why is she fighting this so hard? How can she possibly want to ... to go back?" Tears welled in Laurie's eyes.

"Laurel," Bronwyn's voice was velvet steel. "You did nothing wrong. The Sisterhood has reviewed the Transformation and everything leading up to it. We have found nothing wrong. Your child is, as you said, unique and very special. Unfortunately, this is sometimes what happens when you deal with unique cases. You cannot anticipate things that are outside your experiences. So, while that makes her very important to us because of the power she possesses, some other facet that makes her unique is likely working against us."

Laurie's tension eased under her friend's soothing approval. "You are sure?" she asked tremulously. At Bronwyn's emphatic nod, she sighed, and relaxed a bit more. "You know? I do think I know at least one of the problems. Initially pretending that the Transformation was a fanciful lark on my part was a mistake. I know that it worked with me when my Mother Transformed me. I just saw the entire thing as a great adventure. However, that ploy failed miserably with my own daughter. At the time, she saw my lighthearted attitude as a cruel, mean-spirited thing. She continues to think of it that way."

"Would you have denied her the re-Transformation back to her male identity had she requested it before you completed the final spell? The spell that now requires her to effect her own change back to Jack?" Bronwyn's tone was one of only mild interest, as if she already knew the answer.

Laurie's eyes went wide in outraged shock. "Of course NOT! Not if she had been that repulsed by the change, or if she had maintained sufficient self control in the face of her new feminine needs and responses to request the re-Transformation. That would have been proof that Jack's masculine self image was simply too strongly ingrained for her to have any success making the adjustments she would need to master the Power herself. That *would* have been cruel because without her own Power, my spell would then have been both permanent and irreversible."

"Then your only error was one that the Sisterhood approved - the treating of the initial Transformation period in a fun and playful manner. We *expected* it to be a fun experience for her because that's how it was for all of us. If you will recall, *that* was why we chose the Scully identity for the first stage of the Transformation - because everything we knew about your son indicated that he would have fun "being" her. Unfortunately, although Jack reacted as we expected when you put the question for "more time" to her, she did not react as we anticipated when she was faced the totality of what she had inadvertently agreed to accept. The real sadness of this is that as we prepare for a probable conflict in which we will desperately need the power she could wield, we will likely not be able to count upon having it. *BUT*, I will say this again, *none* of that is your fault," A teary smile curved Laurie's lips. "I understand, High Priestess. Thank you for telling me that. I have felt very . . . inadequate of late."

"Nonsense. Nothing about you is in any way inadequate," Bronwyn flicked the word away with a careless gesture of her hands. "One other thing, Laurel. Jack is in the journal, too, but in the third person. I find that very positive. She is trying to acclimate. She also berates his ..... desertion of her during her recent trial," A wickedly mirthful grin lit Bronwyn's face showing how beautiful she was. "My, my, my. She does have quite an imagination," Mirth twinkled in Bronwyn's eyes. "She is discussing what her lessons may require of her. Very inventive, and at least partially accurate."

"On another matter," Bronwyn continued quickly, "she did not believe you when you told her about the ineffectiveness of birth control. I even infer that she took it just the other way, that you were telling her she could stop conception."

Laurie's eyes closed on her misery. "Goddess, what a mess. In that case, we are going to have to keep her on a very short leash until she is advanced enough to be taught the Transformation spell. It is almost impossible for one of us *not* to think positively about conception when we are making love with a man we care about. That is why we usually stick to relationships with other Sisters. Otherwise we would be continuously pregnant."

"Sadly true. Although, being with child is a lovely feeling. It is too bad that as members of the Sisterhood, we tend to link making love and making babies very closely in our minds and spirits."

"At least *you* can avoid that by maintaining some separation when you are making love with a man. Some of us can't." Laurie sulked.

"True, which is probably a facet of your healing gifts. Still, keeping that mental shield means that the act of making love is not nearly as fulfilling as it should be," Bronwyn frowned a bit before continuing. "Anything else?"

Laurie hesitated, but decided to press on. "Yes, while we are on the subject of sex. Jacqui's drives are already very strong. She masturbates every night. My own sex drive following Transformation was very demanding and I think hers will be even stronger. Like most new Sisters, I had my Mother to help me cope with the hunger until I was ready to deal with men. She never took, Bronwyn, only gave until I was ready to return the gift. Jacqui, however, has not forgiven me and she won't want that kind of relationship with me. It would be abusive of me even to try right now, but we can't let her fall prey to her body's needs and end up getting pregnant too soon. I don't want to find out the hard way she was serious in her threat. If she wants to be a man again that badly, I have to help her, but you are well aware of what terminating a fetus would mean."

"Yes, I know. You really believe that is a possibility?" At Laurie's shaky nod, Bronwyn frowned thoughtfully. "Hmmm, Yes, I see you do. All right, I agree we need to provide her with an outlet. Someone to whom she can relate and to whom she can confide her little troubles would also be useful. She starts school when? In a fortnight? All right, I will arrange for her to meet someone at school who will provide her with friendship, advice and sexual relief."

"A member of the Sisterhood?" Laurie asked. At Bronwyn's emphatic nod, Laurie sighed resignedly, wishing she could be the one to share that first time and those other things with her daughter. That was just another of her little Mother's dreams that had to be foresworn for the good of her daughter. "Please, Bronwyn, make sure it is someone special for her. Please."

The answering smile was both gently reassuring and wickedly feline. "Why, Laurel," The Power glowed about Bronwyn and her form blurred momentarily. The glow died just as suddenly, and where Bronwyn had been but an instant before, sat a teenaged girl - a shorter, blonder and very well developed teenaged girl. The face and body were pure adolescent male wet dream brought to life, but the smile was still Bronwyn's. "I think your daughter is still viewing other women through your son's libido, darling. I believe this form is sufficiently lacking in subtlety to gain her and *his* attention."

Shocked, Laurie gasped. "You? You are going to go to school and watch over Jacqui??"

"Laurel, darling. I am going to do *much* more than just watch. I am going to wear her out, and then, I will give her a little, less-than-sisterly guidance about the pitfalls and dangers of being a beautiful woman in man's world. Hopefully, I will be in a position to control her first contacts with men and keep her out of too much trouble. It will also give me a chance to figure out how or if we can soften her attitude toward the Transformation. If she is going to be as powerful as we both think she can be, we will need her willing assistance in the coming struggle," Anticipation, then hunger gleamed in her lovely eyes. "Now, since your daughter is enjoying her little soak, how about you and I give the new equipment," she gave her newly expansive bosom a little shimmy that made one of Laurie's mouths dry and the other very wet, "a test drive?" She held out her hand to Laurie who happily took it in hers and then led the way to her bedroom.

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

Journal Entry: 25 days A. T.

Mum's own monthly visitor arrived today. From the look of her, that arrival was not gentle, either. I wonder that I never noticed how difficult these times are for her before this. Takes one to know one? I guess.

I really wanted to be glad she was feeling so vile. I wanted to enjoy the fact that she was suffering, just like I had suffered because of what she had done to me. I *really* wanted to stand outside her door and yell something like "Payback is hell, isn't it?"

Only, I couldn't. I hated that she did not feel well. Jack is a bit upset with me for going soft on him, but I can't help it. Besides, his opinion doesn't count, the coward. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

And besides, she still is my Mum.

Anyway, I went into her room tonight and did the same things for her that she did for me - herbal tea and a back rub. She has nice skin - really soft and nice to touch. Is my skin like that now? She is so much lighter in skin color than I am.

Anyway, it seemed to help. She went to sleep soon after I started. Hope she feels better tomorrow. I don't feel so good myself just now. I wonder if I am going to be irregular about these things. I feel like I am about to have another period, myself. Yuck.

End Journal Entry.

*************

"Hello?" the calm voice came over the phone line.

"Bronwyn? This is Laurie. You will not believe this," Laurie's voice was a flood of excited babbling.

"Calm down, Laurel. Tell me what's wrong!"

Laurie took a deep breath and forced herself to speak slowly. "Nothing is wrong, Bronnie. It's amazing, but nothing bad. I started my monthly last night and Jacqui helped me."

"Oh? So she is softening toward you?"

"No, no... I mean, well, maybe, but that is not what I mean. She *helped* me, like I did her. She used magic to share my discomfort and reduced the intensity of it so I could fall sleep. I fell asleep before I could stop myself. I think she did that, too."

"Now, Laurel. You know she can't possibly do that without training."

"Bronwyn, you are the High Priestess and the most powerful of us all, but I am the Chief Healer. I know the feel of a healer's touch on me. I did not do it. You know as well as I that the healing art only works on others. Somehow, she learned by feeling me do it to her and she did it for me without realizing what she'd done. I know the signs and this morning, she was suffering from post healing fatigue symptoms. She shared my cramps and did not slept well because of them."

"Incredible. So advanced for one yet untrained. We will have to watch her even more carefully. I've never heard of a novice learning independently like that, but she evidently has."

"Do you know how long I had to work with my own Mother before I could begin to match what she unthinkingly accomplished last night?" Laurie interjected, somewhat indignantly.

"Now there's a scary thought, my dear. If the mere act of using magic on her in some way "teaches" her enough to begin using it herself, then we must be extremely cautious what magic she is exposed to and when she is exposed to it. Goddess, but that takes many options out of our hands. Even the mildest manipulation and influence spells are out of the question for the time being. I don't want an untrained novice poking about people's heads without even realizing she is doing it."

"Bronwyn? What about the Transformation Spell? She was definitely exposed to that magic, too. The Sisterhood could be endangered if the entire Senior Class at her school suddenly all turn into females."

The phone went silent for a moment. "Good point. I will have to be sure I am there with her. It may not be a problem since she was exposed to that spell when she was still a male and therefore incapable of wielding the power, but until we are sure of that, we need to be on guard against it. We can only hope that this trick is a manifestation of her incredible potential now that she is female. Laurel? You had better start her training," the voice paused and then added emphatically. "Now."

"Now??" Laurie was aghast. "But, we agreed to give her a few months to settle in before starting to teach her any real magic."

"That was before she taught herself. Unfortunately, she probably does not know how she is doing it. She may not even realize that she *is* doing it. You know as well as I the dangers an adept faces once a healing linkage is joined. She has to learn how to control the establishment of a link and she has to understand the inherent risks."

"You are right, of course. I will use the remainder of my monthly as the hook. I will start tonight before bedtime. You realize it will be a time before she can safely do anything on her own?"

"Healing is not the focus of my talent, but I know how difficult it can be to master. In any case, I should be able to block her if she does start to do something at school. I have already arranged to be in all of her classes. By the second day, we should be famous chums. Now, if I am going to be spending the next few months reliving my high school years, I have some things that require my attention first. I suspect I will be seeing you soon, Laurel. Bye," The phone clicked off and a dial tone began to buzz in Laurie's ear.

Laurie carefully hung up the phone. What had she done? Obviously, her daughter was unique in the recorded memory of the Sisterhood. Whether that would be a good thing, a neutral thing or a bad thing, only the fullness of time would tell.

******

"So," said the tall, dark haired man seated behind the desk. "She is of the Sisterhood, and her son is now her daughter?" The man seated across from him looked at the spiral notebook in his hands and then looked up to speak. "Yes, High Leader. Our data scans of the Social Security records have shown that, about two weeks ago, the Social Security Number of one John David Donovan was suddenly associated with Jacqueline Daphne Donovan. Subsequent checks of other personal records for John Donovan are nonexistent. To date, only your special, magically sealed records indicate such a person ever existed."

"Excellent. The Dark One is with us. For the first time in the history of the Brotherhood, we have identified a completely untrained Sister. We will play this game carefully. I want a totally invisible, completely discreet surveillance on both of the Donovan," and here the man sneered and spat out the word, "women. We will bide our time and strike when we have what we need to rid this planet of the Sisterhood and their puling Goddess once and for all. Now go and do as I ordered."

The other man made a toadying bow and all but ran from the room. Power, thought the man still seated at his desk, was the only thing worth having in this life. And soon, his would be total. Thanks to the power of computers and the power of magic.

~----------~

A Change of Direction Chapter 11

Jacqui pulled her car into a parking slot set aside for seniors. Driving to school was a treat. Last year, when Jack had gotten his driver's license, Mum had insisted that he continue to take the bus with the rest of the students on his street. That had put a crimp in his plans. Offering girls rides home on rainy days was an easy way to get on their friendly sides.

Jacqui did not plan to offer boys rides home anytime soon. As a one-time boy, Jacqui was well aware of the dangers inherent in that act of thoughtless kindness. Boys always tended to misinterpret such offers from girls. Jack certainly would have. One of them might decide she was coming on to him and try to take advantage of the situation and her. Whatever else might happen to her this year, boys were not on her agenda. Not like that, they weren't.

The dashboard clock told her it was time to move or she'd be late for class. She got out of the car, trying to remember to move the way her Mother had been drilling her to move over the past weeks. One thing about the one inch heeled shoes Mum had laid out for her this morning - they cut down her stride so she walked more like a girl. She still tended to stride out like a boy when she forgot herself. She gathered her books and hurried off as quickly as she could in those damn shoes.

She entered the building with the last of the stragglers and came up short as the enormity of it all hit her once more. She had been coming to this school all her life and now, it was different. It seemed bigger, probably because she was now five feet six inches tall instead of six feet and four inches. Anxiety, fear, and uncertainty all welled up and threatened to overwhelm her. She stopped dead in her tracks to try and regain control.

--THUD--

Something crashed into her from behind and sent her sprawling onto the floor. Books and pencils went everywhere.

"Hey! Why'd you stop in the middle of the floor?" Came a young, edgy female voice from above her. "Are you all right? You're not hurt, are you? I am really sorry, but you stopped right in front of me and I was rushing to not be late and..."

"I am all right," Jacqui forced out, trying to stem the flood of words. She pushed herself to her feet and went over to where her things had ended up on the floor. Her assailant was right beside her. She knelt down to start scooping up pencils as Jacqui bent over to pick up her books.

"Hey!" came the loud stage whisper. "Unless you want to show off those pretty panties to the boys, get down on your knees to do that. That skirt is too short for bending over like that."

A fiery flush rose up Jacqui's face as she quickly dropped down and then spun around so her butt was to the wall. "Thanks. The skirt is my Mom's idea. I haven't worn them much, but she says it is time to learn to be more of lady."

"No problem," A grin lit the gamine face. "Hey, we have to hurry. Who's your home room teacher?"

"Miss Merriweather."

"Hey, me, too. C'mon, I don't want detention the first day. Not by accident anyway," This time the smile was positively devilish, and Jacqui was quite enchanted.

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

31 Days A. T.

Jacqui's First Day at School. I let Mum take pictures for the special album I know she is doing on me. All things being what they are, it was not bad. I managed to make it through the entire day without even *once* trying to walk into the boy's rest room. I consider that a significant victory. I did miss seeing urinals, though, and it did take me a couple of minutes to figure out what that coin-operated dispenser next to the door in the girl's room was for. Well, I may need tampons now, but I am damned if I am going to buy them at school. I put three of them in the bottom of my purse when I got home today.

Academics look okay. I was a little worried that my brains had changed along with my body, but I still like math and science. I am glad, too, because I was really looking forward to those Advanced Placement courses in Calculus and Physics. I probably would have screamed if I had arrived at school to find out I was enrolled in Home Ec or Family Life. Thanks, Mum, I needed that.

Gym was a revelation. We played around for a while with a basketball. God, that was depressing. The ball feels heavier, the hoop looks higher, I am a whole lot slower and my coordination just stinks. My shots fell short and moves that should have been graceful nearly took me off my feet because my boobs did not want to change direction with the rest of me. All that aside, I was still better than any of the other girls in the class. Ms. Williams, the gym teacher who also coaches the Girls' Basketball Team, asked me if I was going to try out for the team this year instead of cheerleading. I don't know what Mum will say about that, but I am considering it. I don't really want to be a cheerleader.

Crowded into a tiny locker room with 25 girls who were changing into or out of their gym clothes, was wild. Jack went nuts. There he was, in the middle of your basic male fantasy, surrounded by wall to wall, naked and near naked T&A, and all that happened was my nipples got hard and my crotch got wet. It will make for very nice memories tonight when the lights go out, though. Wait for it, Jack.

It does make me wonder, a little, how other "real" girls feel about their bodies in that kind of situation. How do they feel about themselves and each other? I mean, guys in a locker room are always checking each other out. Who has the biggest penis, who has hair on their balls, who has "scored" - things like that. I know what *I* was thinking about in that girl's locker room and I don't think those thoughts were shared by very many of the "real" girls in there.

Mostly, I felt really nervous. Would I make some stupidly male remark more appropriate to a boys' locker room? I know I turned away from the group when I buttoned my blouse. Not because I was shy, but because I have not yet gotten the hang of reaching for the buttons on the correct side. I don't know how observant women are about such things, but after Mum's intensive "Girl Basics Course", I am very conscious of such little habits. I saw the other girls do it without any thought at all. I did not want them to see me fumble doing it and wonder why.

Oh, and only four of the girls were wearing skirts. I am going to keep track. I want some pants that do not feel like a straight jacket!

Finally, I ran into this girl, or rather, she ran into me. Bonnie or something is her name. She is new to the area and she is drop dead gorgeous. She had Jack's mental tongue hanging out. She is shorter than me, with blond hair, big blue eyes and even bigger... well, let's just say what she possesses a wonderfully large and shapely mammary development that owes nothing to any woman's foundation garment. Another nice memory from the locker room that I will put to good use later in my bed. She seems to be quite a chatterbox, but she is also pretty nice. Once she found out I was not used to wearing a short skirt, she stuck with me all day and gave me helpful little hints when I needed them. She is in all my classes.

I think I may have made a friend. That makes this whole mess all a little less scary.

You know, I think that is why I am still upset with Mum. This is all so darned scary. Nothing is the way it is supposed to be. I should not be deciding whether to be a basketball player or a cheerleader. I should be playing ball and dating a cheerleader. Look up a couple of paragraphs. I don't even like writing the words "my vagina" or "my pussy" on paper so I wrote "my crotch", instead, but that does not alter the fact that I have one - I really, truly have a vagina and everything else that goes with that.

I am completely out of step with everything that used to be my world.

It is like I was a blind man (ok, blind woman) and someone came into my house and moved all my furniture around. I know I am still home, but I keep bumping into things that aren't quite where or what they should be. And I don't even have a cane to wave in front of me as I walk along so I have to bang my shins into everything. I guess I am just afraid.

End Journal Entry

**************

"You did not tell me she was a bloody mathematical and scientific genius, Laurel," Absolute disgust tinged every syllable. "Do you know how hard I am going to have to work to keep from being academically removed from all those courses I so blithely signed up for?"

"Not your favorite things, Bronwyn?" there was a suppressed giggle in Laurie's voice.

"No! I barely made it through geometry when I was in high school and I swore, then and there, that I would never touch a math book again. I see math symbols and I get hot flashes. Don't you dare laugh, blast it!"

A coughing sound punctuated Laurie's attempt not to laugh. Bronwyn glared at her. She had arrived earlier, wearing her own body, for a little chat with Jacqui's Mom. "Well, you did not ask before you offered yourself for the job. Why don't you just eavesdrop on Jacqui's public mind during tests? She always got straight A's. Miss enough of the questions not to get yourselves accused of cheating, but still pass easily."

Bronwyn grimaced. "I will have to, I think. Anyway, my real purpose for coming here as Bronwyn is to discuss a couple of observations. First, I am beginning to question the wisdom of her ultra-feminine wardrobe. She does not deal with it well and I am afraid it may make her withdraw. If she doesn't connect with the other kids in her class because she is so self conscious, she will never develop any real female friendships."

Laurie closed her eyes in frustration. "It was a deviation from what my Mother did with me. She let me find my own way, fashion wise, after she Transformed me. However, I had already finished high school and had time to learn to deal with all the little mannerisms and restrictions of women's clothing. In Jacqui's case, I had my promise to help her change back as quickly as possible to consider. I thought having her dress very femininely, very strikingly would sort of be like shock therapy for her. That it would get her in the proper frame of mind about her new body much more quickly. The alternative was to let her live in sweaters, T-shirts and jeans at school, because she would not know anything about how to live in women's clothing by the time school started."

"Too little time," Bronwyn mused. "She simply did not have any time alone with herself after the Transformation."

"You will recall, Bronwyn, that the issue of timing was discussed, somewhat heatedly. The alternative we considered was to wait until after Jack had finished high school. I was worried that he would not have enough experience in his female identity to feel comfortable at school, but in the end, the general concern about the imminence of the coming conflict won out. We decided to Transform him as soon as possible so that Jacqui would be ready to join us as soon as possible."

Bronwyn frowned, considering. "Well, that is 20-20 hindsight, now. I don't know if waiting would have made things any better. I could wish, however, that she had more time in her Transformed situation before she had to face her new peers. She is *very* self conscious about her looks, and she has to *think* about even the most casual movement. We are going to have to watch this, Laurie, and adjust her wardrobe if things don't turn around for her," Laurie wearily nodded her agreement. "I am not saying your decision was wrong, luv, only that we need to be ready to respond if she continues to be so uncomfortable or if she shows signs of withdrawing further into herself."

Bronwyn took a sip of her drink before continuing. "My other mission may help preclude that, too. After watching her today in gym class, I think you need to get a basketball hoop put up here so that Jacqui can practice. I don't think the cheerleader thing is going to fly. She is not going to acclimate quickly enough to be able to fit in with those young women in that environment. I doubt she will even make the squad, no matter what influence we may try to help her. On the other hand, playing on the basketball team will still give her the opportunity to interact with other girls, but in situations that her still changing instincts can deal with from her previous experiences as an athlete. It would also give her something she can use to relieve stress. A couple of times today she got so wired I gave her a little mental nudge to relax her."

Laurie sighed. "Okay. When the Sisterhood discussed the specifics of her Transformation, we decided that it would be best to give her a clean break with that part of her life. That was the reason we opted for the cheerleading thing, to fill in the empty spot in her life and to give her a social standing with the other girls at the school."

Bronwyn nodded. "I remember, but at the time, we could not have anticipated the situation we are forced to deal with now. She needs something familiar to give her back some mental balance, and to help center her."

Laurie agreed and was about to say more when Jacqui slipped into the room. She was obviously fresh from her bath, and wore her robe wrapped about her nightgown. A towel turban wrapped around her hair threatened to come loose. Laurie stood and came over to adjust it for her daughter. "Mum? I am going to go up to bed, now. Long first day at school. I am bushed."

"All right, darling. Before you go, I would like you to meet Ms. Bronwyn Llewellyn. She is an old college friend of mine who just moved to the area," Jacqui offered her hand to Bronwyn the way her Mother had prescribed when meeting another woman and then smiled a greeting.

"Pleased to meet you, Jacqui. I hope I can be your friend, too."

A strange look fluttered across Jacqui's face and she stared at Bronwyn for a moment longer than politeness dictated before smiling again. "I can always use another friend. Well, I need some sleep," She leaned over and gave Laurie a pecking kiss on the cheek. "Night, Mum. Sleep well."

She was out the door before a stunned Laurie could respond. "Laurel, what is it? What is the matter?"

Tears were streaming down Laurie's eyes. "That was the first time she has kissed me. Since the moment of her Transformation, Jacqui has never kissed me and she did it just now because she had an audience, not because she still loves me or wanted to kiss me."

Bronwyn stood to hold her longtime friend. "I think you are wrong. I think she kissed you because I was here to distract her and she forgot she wants to be angry with you. In that moment, her real feelings came out. She still loves you, Laurel. She has come a long way in the last few weeks."

"Goddess, I hope you are right," So do I, Bronwyn thought as she held Laurie. So do I.

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

32 A. T.

Mom put up a backboard and hoop for me. I got home from school just as the workmen were leaving. They even painted out a regulation half-court onto the pavement around the basket. Mum offered to play me a game of one-on-one, telling me that since she'd been a girl longer than I had, she would eat my lunch because I was still so "ungraceful".

I murdered her, but it was a gentle death.

I wonder why she did it?

End Journal Entry

 

 

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

42 days A. T.

My period started again today.

_DAMMIT_!

End Journal Entry

A Change in Direction Chapter 12

Excerpt from the Journal of Miss Jacqui Donovan

48 days A. T.

First round of school tests are scheduled for next week and Bonnie is really worried about them. Mum said she could stay over at our house this weekend so we can study together and I can help her get ready for them. She says it will be like a mini-slumber party. Slumber party? What do I do at a slumber party?

It may be my imagination, but I think Bonnie has become a little quieter, a little less chattery of late. I like the change.

Anyway, she is going to sleep over from Friday night till Monday morning. She is going to share *my* bed. Jack is going crazy. Here, we are going to be in same bed with this gorgeous, sexy and voluptuous woman and we can't do anything about it.

Well, I guess there are things that we could do. I remember that magazine that made the rounds last year in the locker room. It showed two women getting it on together without guys.

Yeah. I think that could be pretty nice, now that I remember that. So, am I (Jacqui) a lesbian or is Jack still straight? I don't think I want to know. Of course, if I ever slip up and make it with a guy, then the same question gets asked the other way around, doesn't it?

Oops. Jack just went into his hidey-hole, again. Chicken!

She sure is cuddly-looking. Even if nothing else happens, it will be nice to snuggle up against her.

End Journal Entry.

***********

"Mum?" Laurie looked up from her coffee and morning paper to look at her daughter. She fought to keep the hope out of her eyes, and waited for her daughter to respond now that she had her Mother's attention. "What *do* girls do at slumber parties?"

"Well, darling, I can't really say. I never had one. The first time I associated with girls as a girl was after I went to college. The closest I can come is when we used to stay up late in the dorm. Besides, I thought you were going to study. What did you do when you have had friends over here for the night?"

"Talked about girls, Mum," The tone was disgusted and Laurie fought back a grin, knowing that it would damage their slowly improving rapport.

"As I recall, we talked about boys. It was one way I learned some of the things birth-girls already knew about them. I just knew about the boy side of things and how boys felt. It was nice to learn the girl side of things before I had to deal with a boy on my own."

"Well, I don't think that is in the cards for me, Mum," Jacqui thought of the boys who had used to be Jack's friends and how they had treated her since school had started. Then she thought of Bonnie. "I may be a girl now, but I am still attracted to girls."

"I understand, luv. I did not opt to have my personality and mind set changed during my Transformation, either. But the power of sex is great and you may find yourself changing your mind in time. As for being attracted to girls, that is to be expected, and I see nothing wrong with it. Girls are very nice," An altogether predatory and sexy grin lit her Mother's face. "Women are even nicer."

"Mother!" Jacqui squawked. "You??!?" The thought of her Mother having sex was one thing, but...

"Yes, Jacqui. I do enjoy sex and I enjoy it with both men and other women. In fact, during those first months after my Transformation, I had an exclusive, monogamous relationship with another woman. It was wonderful. I hope you find someone just as wonderful," Her voice dropped off as the disappointment of not being that "someone" for her daughter clawed at her, again. Clearing her throat, she continued. "But that is up to you in the fullness of time. To answer your earlier question, there are many things you can do - watch television, eat, talk or sleep. For goodness sake, Jacqui, stop worrying about what "girls" do. Try enjoying yourself. This is not supposed to be punishment. Do what feels like fun when you are with other girls. You might be surprised at the things you learn and the things you like."

A tear glistened a single track down Jacqui's cheek. She batted at it furiously, mentally damning the hormones that made her emotions so close to the surface. "Okay, Mum. I will try, but it is just so hard. School is okay, so long as I stick to the class work. Besides Bonnie, I don't know how to talk to the girls or the guys anymore. "Hey, babe, wanna go out for a burger?" doesn't seem to be right somehow, and the guys talk around me or at me so much I could scream. I don't fit in anywhere except in the classroom. I am becoming very popular as a study partner or lab partner," She grimaced at that.

"Stop trying so hard," Laurie repeated slowly. "You have a friend whom you like and who likes you. You have people who are willing to accept you on at least an academic level and that is something you can build on. And, I seem to see a real improvement in your shooting."

Jacqui's hands moved to her bosom and cupped herself with a smirk. "I am learning how not to fall when these keep going one way when my feet go another, and I have learned my new range. I am not strong enough for a twenty -footer anymore, but I am getting the hang of a ten-to-fifteen-footer again. I guess I am going to be a guard and not a power forward. If I make the team."

"You will. I think you have made a lot of progress, dear. Really. Your healing lessons are going very well, too. You have picked it up much faster than I did. So, just take it easy, okay? Look, if you are worried about tonight, just let, what is her name, Bonnie? Let Bonnie take the lead," Taking a huge chance, Laurie stood and went over to stand behind her daughter. She squeezed the girl's shoulders comfortingly and leaned over to whisper into her ear. "Just have fun."

Jacqui sighed and then leaned her head back into her Mother's neck. Gripping her mother's hands in her own, she smiled wanly. "I will try, Mom. I will try," Speaking of fun reminded Jacqui of something. "Mom? Speaking of fun. . . .girls play chess, don't they?" The tone was wistfully hopeful.

"Last time I checked, dear," Laurie laughed. "Why?"

"Well, one of the things you . . . . put into storage for Jack was my chess set. I could still play on the computer, but I liked moving and handling the chessmen when I played."

Laurie smiled gently. "You were the school district champion last year, weren't you?"

A frown shuttered Jacqui's eyes and her voice lost its vibrancy. "Jack won the district championship, but Jack is no longer with us. I have not had the courage to go and see whose name is engraved on the trophy in the school display case."

Hurting for her child, Laurie embraced Jacqui and felt her daughter lean harder into her. "Your name, luv. Jacqueline Donovan. You still won the championship, Jacqui. I never intended this Transformation to diminish you, sweetheart. Quite the opposite, in fact. Every honor you ever won that I could somehow shift to your new life is still yours. Honest."

Jacqui just stood there, for a long, long time, letting herself bask in her Mother's comforting embrace. She had missed it so much. Finally, she spoke, her voice just a little husky with emotion. "So, uhhh, if I get a new chess set, you won't put it into cold storage, too?" Another little hug.

"No, love. In fact, I will go looking for one while you entertain your guest. My special treat, okay?"

"Thanks, Mom," Her voice cracked that time. Embarrassed by the emotions she could not seem to control, Jacqui gave her Mother a little kiss on the cheek, and then all but ran from the room.

*************

Bonnie rode home from school that night in Jacqui's car. A picture of Jack bringing such a hot looking girl home to Mom brought a bit of a smile to Jacqui's face. Dinner was a jovial occasion, with Bonnie keeping the conversation lively and humorous. Her presence did a lot to ease the remaining tension between mother and Transformed daughter. The three of them made quick work of the after dinner clean up, but when Jacqui suggested they start studying, Bonnie rebelled.

"Do we have to start tonight? Can't we watch some TV, or go for a walk, or *something*? Isn't tomorrow soon enough for you to crack the whip over my poor head?"

Jacqui pretended to consider. "I don't know," she said speculatively. "Do you really think there is enough time this weekend if we don't get on it right away?"

Bonnie's eyes went wide. Playfully, she picked up the decorative pillow from the couch she was seated on and pitched it at Jacqui's head. "BITCH!!" she spluttered, before falling into a peel of giggles. "No, I don't think we need to work twenty four hours a day. Besides, all work and no play makes Jacqui a very dull girl and will make Bonnie crazy."

Settling the pillow down beside her and taking a very dignified pose, Jacqui sniffed. "Very well. What *do* you want to do, then?"

"I know, you can show me around the house and then we can go up to your room and play dress-up. I want to play with your hair and makeup. You never wear any and I have been itching to see some on you."

Laurie, seated beside Bonnie on the couch, tried to look only mildly interested as Jacqui dealt with Bonnie's idea. Actually, this was a key aspect of the agenda that she and Bronwyn had worked up for this weekend. Thus far, Jacqui had studiously ignored the array of cosmetics that Laurie had left for her the night after the Transformation. This lesson was one that Jacqui needed, but they had agreed that they would not press it if she resisted strenuously. But Laurie could not help hoping.

Stunned by the idea, Jacqui had to resist refusing out of hand. Bonnie was her friend, and so far, her only friend. She did not want to offend her by declining to do something she wanted to do, but still - to wear makeup? Like a girl? But you are a girl, a niggling thought taunted. Swallowing, she looked nervously at Bonnie. "You. . . ummm . think I really need to wear makeup, Bonnie?"

Bronwyn/Bonnie almost cheered, but instead let a very feminine smile light up her face. "Darling, nobody *needs* makeup. You *need* food. You *need* air and water. Cosmetics are among the little extras that make life special. They make you look good and that makes you feel good," Bonnie decided to sink the hook by letting disappointment and a touch of hurt creep into her voice. "But, if you don't want to. . ."

Jacqui fell on the bait and took it down in one gulp. "No, no. It sounds like. . ," She swallowed again and licked her dry lips, "umm, fun," Shock sent icy chills down her body as she realized what she had just agreed to do with Bonnie. Bonnie and her Mother just sat there looking at her, waiting for her to do. . . what? Finally to fill in the gap in conversation, Jacqui forced a smile and asked. "So, Bonnie. What do you want to see first? I know. I will show you my library. Yes, that is perfect."

Surprised by that statement, Laurie forgot her decision to remain silent and asked "Your library, Jacqui? What is so perfect about starting in your library?"

The smile on her daughter's face became blinding as she stood up and hauled her friend to her feet. "So Bonnie will know the place of my retribution tomorrow if she gets too carried away with this make-over plan of hers. Come along, Bonnie, let's go see my whips and chains. See you, Mum."

Bronwyn managed to shoot a look of triumph at Laurie before she had to stagger after Jacqui to keep from falling as she was dragged from the room bodily. Laurie smiled softly at the little victory. She hoped it would work and that Jacqui would start experimenting a little with her looks on her own. Hopefully, she would start taking a little feminine pride in her appearance. Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow, she'd see her daughter in make up for the first time since that abortive trip to the beautician.

A couple of hours later, Jacqui was sitting in front of her vanity mirror, staring at herself and trying to sort out all the feelings that were assailing her. Confusion was a large part of it, but there were also sizable pieces of pride and even arousal in the mix, too. Just to make sure she was not dreaming, she closed her eyes and pinched herself hard. Nothing changed when she reopened her eyes.

The woman looking back from her mirror was someone Jacqui did not know. The hair she had taken to wearing in a ponytail (because it was easy), had been teased into lion-mane fullness. It also seemed to change the shape of her head completely. Her face was different, too. The colors that Bonnie had chosen from that dizzying array of bottles and pots were very subtle, yet very effective. Her eyes seemed larger and more doe-like; her cheeks seemed higher and more shapely; her lips seemed fuller and more pouty.

That was not all. She was wearing a very silky, shorty nightgown that Bonnie had found in a bag of clothes from that marathon-shopping trip. Jacqui had hidden that bag in the bottom of her bottom armoire drawer so she would not have to look at it, but Bonnie had found it mere moments after they had entered Jacqui's room. Once she'd seen it, nothing else in Jacqui's entire wardrobe had been satisfactory. Lord, Jacqui thought, I can see my nipples puckering through this thing.

Her fingernails were again adorned with polish. This time the color was one more suited to Jacqui's dark gypsy coloring than the one she had worn initially as Scully's twin. Her toenails had been painted to match and on her feet were the two and a half inch tall high heeled mules she had tried to talk her Mother out of buying when they'd gone to the shoe store.

"Well?!?" Bonnie's tone was impatient, with just a touch of anxiety thrown in for effect. "What do you think?" Bronwyn let her voice become wheedling.

Jacqui opened her mouth to answer, but could find no words. Her head swiveled to look at Bonnie then back to the mirror before finally setting on her friend. "I don't know what to think. I did not know I could look this way. I'm...," she struggled to force out the word. "Goodness, Bonnie, I am pretty."

Bonnie snorted. "Pretty, hell, girl. You are beautiful," "Sexy as hell" was Jack's uninvited input. Jacqui ordered him back into his cave. She had enough trouble on her hands. "Heck, a little work and you would have the boys lining up to take you out."

That remark got just the negative response the Bronwyn had expected. "Boys are not a big thing in my life, Bonnie. I have things to work out before I consider going that way."

Bonnie shrugged. "Whatever. Boys do have their uses, especially if you train them well. Still, you ought to make the most of your looks because the other girls will notice. I don't understand how you can have all this wonderful stuff and not use it. And that bloody ponytail. Let me tell you, Jacqui, if I see that thing again I am going to do something violent to your hair."

Jacqui's voice became a whisper. "One reason I don't use it is because I don't know how. Mom bought this stuff, not me. This, " and she swept a hand over the top of the cosmetics, "is not something I would purchase. I just don't see myself that way."

"Well, you ought to, girl. And how can you not know how to use makeup? Your Mom seemed to wear hers well enough. Really subtle work - only another woman would even see what she had done. If she bought this, why didn't she teach you how to do it?"

Jacqui looked away. "Ummm, well, my Mom and I are not getting along just now."

"Huh!" was Bonnie's disbelieving response. "The woman I saw tonight thinks you put the stars in the sky. I like your Mom."

Suddenly, Jacqui needed to talk to someone, needed to air her feelings, at least a little. Wasn't that what friends were for? Carefully, she chose her words and asked, "What if I told you she took something from me, maybe forever? Something I never thought I could lose because it was everything I thought I wanted out of life. She simply took it from me, without warning, and then thought I should be grateful."

Bronwyn listened to the emotion as much as the words. She heard the hurt, the lingering sense of betrayal. She paused as if to consider Jacqui's words. "Sounds like a man," she said, deliberately misunderstanding, "Is that why you aren't into boys, because you have a man you are in love with?"

"No. Nothing like that. More like a dream. What I wanted to do with my life. Where I would go to school. Something like that, anyway." She sighed.

Bonnie pursed her lips. "Well, I don't know, girlfriend. Off hand, and without knowing the whole story, I would say your Mom probably thought she was doing the best she could for you. I don't know much about her, but if that was not love and pride I saw in her eyes at dinner, I completely misread her. Don't you love her?" The infinitely costly question was out in the open. Bronwyn crossed her mental fingers for her dear friend.

"So much it is killing me to think she could do this to me, change me into a wo... I mean, change my entire life without so much as a "by your leave" or honest warning."

"Do you think she loves you?" Another big question floated down on to the table.

"Now. I think she does now. I thought she did before, but then she did this. And all I can wonder is what wasn't good enough about me before?"

"Jacqui, you are working very hard not to tell me explicitly what your Mom did. What I do think is that she loves you and you love her, and you are both hurting. I think you should try to believe that she did whatever "it" was, because she honestly believed that it was the best thing she could do for you. If you try that, and you find you cannot believe it, then maybe you have to leave. You are almost eighteen. You can leave after you graduate from school."

"If I do that, I can never regain what I lost."

"Can your Mother undo what she has done?"

"She says she can't. After seeing how miserable we have both been, I think I even believe her, but she says she has the means to help me undo it. Eventually."

"It sounds to me as if she made a mistake, Jacqui, one based in love, but a mistake none-the-less. Do you think she is unwilling to help you achieve this goal of yours now?"

"No," Jacqui sighed. "She is not unwilling. Disappointed, but she will help me."

"Then if I were you, I would try to forgive her and get on with your life and what you must do. Love is a very precious commodity in this life, luv. I would not throw any of it away if I were you."

Tears cascaded down Jacqui's face, cutting mascara-black rivers through the rest of her makeup. Sobbing, she let Bonnie take her in her arms and lead her to the bed, where she cried herself to sleep in the comfort of her friend's arms.

A Change of Direction Chapter 13

It was a quieter, more introspective Jacqui who ruthlessly drilled her friend on calculus differentials and derivatives the next day. Bronwyn had not carried through on her threats of the previous night when the familiar ponytail had reappeared after Jacqui's morning shower. When the pair took a break to walk to the store for some things Laurie needed for dinner, Bronwyn let her friend brood in peace. Bronwyn was tired of hearing Bonnie's chatter, too, and even more tired of having to think of things to chatter about.

When they returned, Jacqui surprised her Mother by giving her a pecking kiss on the cheek along with the groceries. Then she hustled a resigned Bonnie back off to the library for more calculus work.

Around four p.m., Jacqui called a halt for the day, much to Bronwyn's undisguised relief. The two went up to the bedroom and cleaned up for dinner. Bronwyn nearly cheered when Jacqui took down her hair and tried for a facsimile of what Bonnie had done for her the night before. Jacqui did not ask for help, and so Bronwyn elected not to offer any. Then she added just a touch of lipstick, applying it with such care and intensity that Bronwyn had to go into the bathroom to keep from laughing and ruining everything she'd worked for.

Dinner was a quieter affair than the previous evening's had been. Laurie and Bronwyn let Jacqui set the tone, and she was too distracted to contribute much in the way of conversation. If, from time to time, the other two women glimpsed the Transformed Woman staring intently at her Mother, they did not remark upon it. Bronwyn had set the stage for the internal battle that Jacqui was fighting, but the battle had to be fought alone. They could hope that she would come to accept what had happened to her and forgive her Mother for her part in it, but only Jacqui could make that decision. They had, rightly or wrongly, made the first decision to Transform Jack into Jacqui, and now, Jacqui was the one who had to live with the direct consequences of that decision. Laurie, Bronwyn and the entire Sisterhood would now have to live with the consequences, both direct and indirect, of the decisions that Jacqui would have to make for herself.

Bonnie sent Jacqui upstairs to bathe after the dinner dishes were done, giving her first crack at the tub. Once she was out of hearing range, Bronwyn turned to Laurie. "I couldn't get her out of the room last night once I had her dolled up. She confided in me sooner than I thought she would and then she broke down under the emotion."

Laurie started to say something, then looked away. She did not want to see the pity in Bronwyn's eyes. "Does....does she hate me?"

The answering hug was fierce. "She is hurt, luv, but she loves you very much. That is why she wants to hate you, because the love made the hurt worse," Bronwyn wanted to ease her friend's pain at Laurie still saw as "her failure". "At least we really only lose a few years, Laurel. If Jacqui does effect the re-Transforma