Exquisite Excursion                  by: Virginia Kane

 

Part Five: Extension

When we got out of the shower and finished drying off, we found a pair of man’s tennis shorts and a polo shirt on the chair that was back where it usually stood, in a corner of my bedroom. Blocking the door with it didn’t stop mother. We looked at each other and shrugged. A pair of nylon briefs was neatly folded beneath the polo shirt and the toes of a pair of pool sandals poked out from under the chair on the floor. I dressed casually to complement Kent’s provided clothes and we joined Laura and mom in the dinette.

"Good morning," they chanted in unison as if having a man sleep with me in my room wasn’t unusual at all. Mom handed me a vitamin pill and a glass of water. I took it, wondering if it would make me feel warm and fuzzy like those Rita gave to me.

"Isn’t it though. It’s a lovely morning, mom. Did you and Laura both sleep well last night? Kent and I didn’t keep either of you up late, did we?"

"No bother. You two must have had a lot to discuss. You talked half the night away. Not that we tried, but we couldn’t help hearing you. Couldn’t make much of it out, but you were certainly emphatic at times! Turned up the volume on the television, twice."

"You weren’t up when we got back here. We assumed you were asleep already."

"No, we were out late ourselves. Had a marvelous time. We went to a double feature at the drive-in. Hadn’t done that in years. I wore pants, a shirt and a baseball cap. We looked like a slightly older version of all the other couples. We can enjoy crossdressing as much as you do Dani. Or is it ‘Demi’ now? Her voice was sarcastic.

"Have a seat. Clara will bring breakfast. You must be famished after last night."

Kent spoke up. "Just some juice for me, thank you. I have to get to work."

Mom replied to Kent. "There’s no need for you to rush, Kent. Your mother called bright and early to see if you were still here. Seems she gets upset when you stay out all night and don’t call her. Didn’t you tell her not to expect you home last night? Mothers worry about children, you know. Even when their children think they are too old for a mother’s concern, mom’s still care enough to not be able to sleep. Did you give your mother our phone number? I wasn’t expecting her call.

"Anyway, you don’t have to worry about getting to work on time. You were fired. So was your mother. Why she had to share all the gory details with me, I don’t know, but she asked me to relay the news, so you wouldn’t rush to a job you no longer have."

"Damn her! No, I didn’t give her your number. I don’t have it. How could I?"

"But you did have it. You got it when you first agreed to date ‘Demi’. (She snarled my new name) Don’t you remember? You used it to call back to confirm the time. You don’t suppose she got it from the friend of yours who set up your date with ‘Demi’? Do you? Maybe you left it laying about, where your mom could find it."

She snarled my new name each time she used it. She obviously didn’t like the idea of my changing it. She was deliberately toying with us, and Kent didn’t like her tone at all. He stood there, clenching his fists repeatedly, in a rage, unsure of how to respond.

Laura spoke up. "Sit down, sit down you two. You look tired. Don’t worry about losing the job, Kent. If that jackass wants to build any more tall buildings in this town, you’ll soon have it back with a raise and back pay, if you return to work for him. You don’t have to go back. If you’d rather, you can find work with any developer you’d like. I can make doing business tough on those who try to do dirt to my friends’ friends.

I watched Kent. He was aghast. "Tell me what she did now. Why were we fired?"

"She raved on about the manner in which your boss referred to Demi after you left his dinner party. It sounded as if she was sticking up for ‘Demi’. But I can’t be sure. She was obviously very upset. Called the man all sorts of names. Apparently he was envious of you, Kent. Told your mother he’d like to take your place. She said she blew her stack when he told her he hadn’t slept with a pretty boy like ‘Demi’ in ages."

"Damn! He told her! You were right, Demi. Someone must have ‘read’ you, and told Higgins to get on his good side. I should have known. Now I’ll never get to college. Where will I find as good a job in time to scrape up enough tuition together? Excuse me folks, but I’ve got to get my job back. I’m sorry Demi. I have to go. Can I call you?"

I kissed his cheek and started walking with him to the elevator. "Do you want our phone number, Kent? Your mom may not be willing to give it back to you again."

"Where do you think you’re going, young man. I’m not finished with you, yet!"

"What? More? Look, I’m sorry ma’am, but perhaps another time. I have to go."

"Sit down. Please!" Said mom. "There’s no need to hurry. A few calls and Laura resolved the matter quite well. No need for you to run back and cower to that man. Your interest in Demi seems greater than we expected. You two are just getting to know each other. I’d hate to have this matter about your losing that job come between you so early in your budding courtship. Let’s talk. Relax. Pretend you’ve been dating for a while.

"You seem to be a nice, clean cut lad, Kent. We couldn’t help but overhear your ranting about bad experiences from courting women. I heard you declare you now prefer men. We expected that. That’s why you were chosen from the profiles provided by an agency to choose from. You have certain qualifications and an appropriate background."

Kent looked back and forth between mom and Laura. "Well you had me checked out. You must know all about me if you had detectives investigate my background. Do you know all about what happened to me in college, playing football, and my supposed rape charge and the phony paternity suit as well?"

"Of course we know about your injury and those lies. We can’t let Demi (no slur) be exposed to someone who might pose a threat to her. Fortunately, Laura is very resourceful. She has to be. A prominent citizen of the community has to be extremely careful. A scandal could do us more harm than good." Mom put a hand on Kent’s wrist and asked him again. "Please sit down. We have much to discuss and consider so matters don’t get out of hand. We three will have a nice long chat. Laura has to leave."

We sat down. Mom sighed softly. "That’s better. Now, if you really want to work for Mr. Higgins, we could see to it that everyone gets his wish. His, as well as ours. Demi’s date would not be Mr. Higgins’ first affair with a transvestite. Trust us, we know.

"Now, don’t ask any silly questions about how we know about certain things. Let’s assume Laura’s resources are reliable, shall we? We decided to share some of our findings that relate you to show our good faith, Kent. You may not be aware of some.

First, Henry Higgins couldn’t marry your mother back when she got pregnant. He already was married. He was quite a philanderer. Had to marry the daughter of the local police commissioner running for re-election. A pregnant unmarried daughter could cause no end of grief to a political candidate in those days. Of course, the marriage was annulled later. The girl’s father would have crucified Higgins if he refused to marry his daughter. It was marriage or jail, and Higgins knew it. The girl was only sixteen.

Your mom resolved her problem in her own way by marrying George. It’s a shame he’s having such a hard time dealing with your mother’s erratic behavior. Like you, he’s totally innocent. He rescued a desperate woman. These things happen, you know. People find themselves in peculiar circumstances, sometimes.

"In any event, I wouldn’t wish Mr. Higgins on my worst enemy. He’s a bitter man. He uses people in the worst ways. His enjoys making others suffer. I’d steer clear of him if I were you. If Demi meets with him, it will be to experience how evil men can be.

"He was after you, you know. He only gave your mother a job to ensnarl her in a plan to lure you into his realm and then compel you to share his bed, his own child! Incest! Nothing wrong with gay sex, mind you, when two people love one another, but his interest in you has nothing to do with monogamy. No, he has bizarre taste. He’s keen on practicing the kinkiest kinds of sex. People’s lives mean nothing to him, so I’m told.

"He’s bedded many who attended his dinner last night. Did you know that?"

"I wouldn’t put it past him. I’ve only really known him a few months. I suspected he was taking advantage of my mom. Last night Demi confirmed it. Mom admitted it to Demi while trying to warn her about Mr. Higgins. He wants me to accept a luncheon date with Demi and him. He also asked Demi to arrange meeting with your lover, (mom stiffened) excuse me, with your friend, Ms. Overton."

"You were right, we are lovers. Please try to understand. If we flaunt our lesbian relationship publicly, it could put Laura in jeopardy. No one cares, really, how others live, but we can’t publicly express our love. Appearances of propriety must be maintained. If we share this apartment, it’s possible that we don’t share the same bed. Those who are sensitive to alternate lifestyles have the opportunity to give us the benefit of the doubt, the morally indignant included. As long as we don’t try to coerce them or their loved ones into following our sexual preferences, they generally don’t care.

"It’s acceptable for two unmarried ladies to share an apartment, many do. It’s more acceptable than two people of the opposite sex living together outside of the holy bounds of matrimony in this day and age. That too will change someday.

"Perhaps two men may live together under the same roof without any eyebrows raising. We’ll see a lot of changes. Soon, those who feel they were born with the wrong sex organs will be able to change sex without the least concern for public chagrin. It is happening already. Outward appearances and propriety in public are more important.

"Enough. Now let’s discuss you two and not beat around the bush. Shall we?"

"In what way, ma’am. We only had one date. We barely know one another."

"Some date! Your moans and screams all last night did keep us awake. Don’t be alarmed! We understand what passionate stirrings youth inspires. We’ve been young once, you know. Neither my lover nor I find what you two did last night repulsive.

"As a boy, Dan was never attracted to girls or they to him. Demi must find you extremely attractive Kent. You two gave us quite an evening of entertainment, and we’re both very happy for you. But what now? Will you want to continue to see one another? Shall we welcome Kent into our home regularly, Demi? We will, you know, if it makes you happy. Let’s assume you two will continue seeing one another."

"I do like Demi a lot, ma’am. I’ll be honest. A friend told me she was a trained submissive sex toy who liked her men to be forceful. I was forceful with her, in the elevator, right after we met. I was misled. After spending the entire evening with Demi I find myself wishing she felt a strong affection for me, and only me. It seemed that she could if I encouraged her. When we left Mr. Higgins’ place, I took her someplace to talk, alone. We both wanted to explore further, but for different reasons and under different conditions. Finally, I gave in to her pleas to return here to spend the night.

"Knowing this date was arranged by your lov-, (mom stiffened) by a friend, I was afraid I might be getting set up. I’ve been in a situation once that resulted in—

"Yes, yes, I know. Your injury. What changed your mind about being set up? Why did you bring her back and spend more than an hour arguing, and then take her to bed for what sounded like hours of highly satisfying gay sex?"

"She explained a theory, she must have gotten from you, that all men are evil, deep inside, her former male persona included. She tried to explain that my attitude towards women is similar to your attitude towards men. She thinks we are both wrong for judging all people based on our past experiences. That’s what we argued about. The best way I could prove to her that all men aren’t inherently bad is to resist dominating her and treat her like she deserves to be treated. I wanted her to be sure it is me she wants, first.

"I told her I wouldn’t force her to have sex with me again just to prove some meaningless point about men all being bad. If she wanted to have sex with me, it would have to be because she found me attractive and wanted to build a long-term relationship.

"I want more than quick, hot sex for the one night, Demi. I want to continue dating you until we both can determine whether we could make each other happy over a period of time, even for the rest of our lives rather than continue having one-night romps, with a variety of partners, taking pleasure in easy, frequent, casual sex.

"I admitted that I chose to follow a gay lifestyle because of the way I was treated by women, Mrs. Langley; but I finally conceded to Demi that bad people are bad regardless of their gender. I simply never have bad experiences with men. I still prefer socializing with men, and not only for sex. Demi is my dream come true, someone that looks acceptably female, yet one that understands a man, because she is one.

"A long-term relationship with one person is more rewarding than chasing around. For me it will have to be with a man. Demi can’t agree. She still wants to marry some woman to have children someday. Isn’t that right, Demi?" The vitamin mom gave me was making me feel weird. I was having trouble concentrating on what Kent said.

"Kent! Must you repeat everything? As long as we’re exposing secrets, I may as well explain about my mom. She still resents getting pregnant by being raped. She hates all men. How would you feel? Her stepfather pushed her into becoming a--- What am I saying? My father was as rotten as your Mr. Higgins is. He raped my mom and then had a string of phony male suitors to date her to ruin her reputation. Talk about being set up?

"Trusting him and the others ruined her life. She did the right thing, the way I see it, staying single and raising me. She could have had an abortion or let me get adopted. She got lucky. A woman rescued her and helped her escape from her torrid life. No man would do that." That was odd. Talking about mom’s past usually upset mom and me.

"What men did to her and why she resents all men has no bearing on the two us.

"Sure, I want to have kids someday. It still takes one of each: man and woman. Last night, I got excited. You’re so perfect, well, I set my dream about having children aside and chose to have sex with you. That doesn’t mean kids aren’t important to me anymore. If you really care about me, you’ll want me to fulfill my dreams, that one too.

I turned to my mother. "I like Kent a lot. Satisfied? Could we have a long-term affair and forget my silly dreams about having kids? Don’t you want grandchildren, real genetic ones, and not adopted grandkids? I don’t even know if we could adopt kids!"

"Are you willing to continue seeing Kent if you could have a chance to raise kids of your own? Would you consider going all the way? Have a sex change operation?

What kind of question was that? I must have heard her wrong. "No! Don’t try to confuse me, mom. Once the source of supply is gone, kids of my own won’t be possible. What are we talking about? I must not be hearing right. You’re not making any sense. How could I have kids, my own genetic offspring, if I have a sex change? I want to see a little of myself in my children, and a little of you, too, mom! I barely know Kent.

"These hormones Dr. Samuel has me on must be affecting my brain. How can I have children if they eliminate my ability to produce the little buggers that make it possible? Sex change surgery still wouldn’t enable me to produce eggs to be fertilized by a man. Besides, Kent doesn’t want me to get a sex change. Do you, Kent"

"Not if I can help it. But don’t let me hold you back Demi, if that’s what you want. Who am I to dictate how you should spend the rest of your life? I told you what I thought about render reassignment. You’ll change for the worse if you do it."

Mom asked. "Change for the worse? Tell me, Kent. How will Demi change for the worse? Don’t you want her to feel complete? Her lack of adequate male qualities troubled me ever since she was a small child. She could never be a virile attractive he-man like you. Why should she continue to persecute herself with hopes of fathering children, when she is far happier now, as a woman, than she has ever been as a man?

"If she found a woman who is attracted to her, would it be such a crime for her to live happily as Laura and I do. She must accept the fact that she could never be outwardly manly. Why remain half man, half woman? Tell me Kent, how much would she change?"

"Without producing testosterone, she’d become crafty and wily like all the rest of you women are. She’d be picking away at me like you are now, figuring out a way to get us to agree with whatever it is that you want us to do, regardless of what we want.

"Why can’t women be more like men? We don’t try to change you women, do we? All you want is to have a daughter. You want one? Find some man to give you another child of your own. Why try to change Demi into one? I like the way she is, he is. Whatever! Why should she become a total woman, so she can stay with you and become like you, taking another woman as a spouse? Is that what you expect her to do?"

"So Kent, you’re fond of Demi as she is now. You think she’ll change for the worse if she loses her precious little balls. Consider this She’s already losing them, chemically. The hormones prescribed by her doctor lowered her sperm count down to zilch. Over several months her testicles will atrophy and she will never be able to have any children anyway. You wouldn’t be so impressed with her without the spirolactone. She wouldn’t have her attractive, delicate features if male hormones were in control."

"That isn’t true, mom. Dr. Samuel said she wouldn’t go any further without my signed consent. I won’t sign one, mom. I won’t. She said she wouldn’t change me all the way. Tell me she didn’t lie to me. I don’t want to be a total woman."

"She wasn’t deceiving you, Demi. She was referring to not performing the final surgery to make you a complete woman until you could concede that you were never a typical male. You were a recluse in high school, unable to make friends. You were possessive of me, and uninterested in girls. The other boys recognized it and avoided you.

"Instead of taking a wholesome interest in girls, dating them to determine what would make a suitable companion by discovering their needs and how to fulfill them, you showed distrust and contempt. Your father’s traits were surfacing, prompting you to take advantage of me. You did all you could to demand all my attention, to remain my child. You refused to mature. You were becoming deceitful with me, like all men. Think back.

"Hiding your high school transcript, talking down schools for not having women in positions of importance, lying to me about going to college, interfering with Maria and I, trying to play up to Laura in hopes of causing friction between her and me. Were those the things a loving child should do to a mother? You were becoming devious.

"I had to do something to change your attitude. You were becoming another immature deceitful male, like your spoiled, immature father. You accused me of being possessive, controlling your life. Who tried to destroy my hopes for happiness with Maria, and then with Laura? I spent countless hours in consultation with psychologists analyzing a course of action to help you become a better person.

"Demi, having you was the only part of my young life that is worth remembering. Men, they were a scourge to me. Maybe Kent understands. He mistrusts women for the same reasons I mistrust men. That’s why I selected him to date you, to introduce you to sex with a man that didn’t express a feminine point of view. Rita has feminine views, like you do. She can’t convey how men will treat you. I didn’t expect Kent to fall head over heels for you on your first date with him that I set up." Was she right? Did Kent love me?

"That’s right, dear. Laura didn’t select Kent to be your date, I did. I am the friend that arranged your date. I asked him to not reveal this to you, until I could convince you to have the final surgery. He’s been a dear, patiently listening to all these things. He must care for you. If he didn’t he would have walked out earlier. The psychologists suggested the only way for you to be able to be happy someday is to accept womanhood. I felt you would do something irreparable if you continued to deceive me. Eventually you would.

"Since you changed your lifestyle, you’ve become very different than you were only a month ago. Since you became more feminine, you listen intently, not trying to take advantage of everyone. You’re considerate, cheerful, and even kind to others. You seem happier, full of zest, full of life. Just look at the way you feel about Kent. Did you ever feel this way towards anyone before? Look at him! Don’t deny it, you care about him!

"So far, he’s been far more honest with me then you ever were as a male. One condition of last night’s date with you was his participation in this morning’s discussion. I first interviewed Kent when he was released from the army, before he went to work for Mr. Higgins. I wished we had an opening he was interested in accepting. He knows what he wants to do with his life. Did you ever have a definite goal? No, you merely wanted to stay with me and continue to depend on me and dominate my time and attention.

"Since you adopted a feminine persona, you’ve become far more considerate of others. Every step has improved your deportment. Do you think you can go back to being the immature boy you were a month ago, now that you met Kent? I doubt it.

"Try to make her understand, won’t you Kent? She’ll be better off as a complete woman. You two can learn to love one another, both knowing she was once a man. Can’t you? However, if she becomes masculine, you’ll despise her, Kent. She still doesn’t understand how all men act. She will, once she sees how you too, will become callous and cast her aside for not being pretty. You said you would yourself, did you not?"

"I’m sorry, Mrs. Langley. I can’t agree. I won’t encourage her to go any further."

"Fine. I’ll make a concession. Dr. Samuel can stop giving the testosterone block. When her figure starts to redefine itself and her beard returns, we’ll see if I’m not right. Is that what you’d like? Should she become manlier? Will that satisfy you? How will you feel when people stare at the two of you in public? Think carefully, young man."

"I don’t know. Am I on trial here? I’m not the one who wants children! She does! You insisted I stay to have breakfast and to talk about Demi’s future as a transvestite, not her changing back or discussing the merits of her delusions about having kids! All I know is my stomach is churning! Why ask me all this? Ask your daughter!"

"You mean my son, don’t you? You want the best of both worlds. She appears to be a pretty girl with something extra and you like her this way. Well, I can’t blame you. If I were you I might want her the same way as you do. Look at her! She’s magnificent! Any man should be proud to take her down the aisle. Will you? Without the final operation, it wouldn’t be a legal marriage in this state or most others. What will you do? Go off to Hawaii? The marriage won’t be recognized here afterwards. What kind of commitment would you be willing to make if you truly believe you could make her happy?

"As her mother, Demi’s future happiness is what is important to me. Eventually she will outgrow her need to use me and leave. Without an education or a determined partner, she’ll drift from one person to the next, from one menial job to the next.

"When I was at my lowest, at least I had Demi. She will always be my child. Once I’m gone whom will she have? Family? Will you be there for her, Kent? As her body gets tired and sags, what then? Will you still stand by her and continue to love her?"

"I don’t know. You make it sound like she doesn’t have any choice. How do I know how I’ll feel in ten years? What will she want in ten years, in twenty? People get married and divorced all the time! Nothing’s permanent anymore! What do you want from me? An ironclad guarantee that I’ll love and care for her no matter what she wants?

"Right now, I think she’s perfect. She can be a partner for me that can solve the problem all gay men face: how to get along without a majority of straight people criticizing us for our preference for a lover of the same gender. I can’t promise you a thing. We just met. Why should I lie about it? At first, I saw her as a way to get my mother off my back about my homosexuality. Now, my mom’s going to have a fit about Demi being a male. She’ll know I tried to fool her. I can’t predict what she’ll do."

"Kent, you answered me honestly and sincerely ever since we first discussed your dating Demi months ago. You didn’t try to bullshit me once. There may be a decent man in the world after all. You are very special Kent. I trust you. You know that. I’m glad I asked you to help. Just keep on being honest, and we’ll get along, even if you are a man."

She picked up the little bell and rang for Clara. Like magic, the cook appeared from her kitchen. She was probably standing behind the door, listening to every word. I’ve gotten used to it, but the look on Kent’s face told me her immediate arrival bothered him. I squeezed the back of his hand as Clara asked what we’d like for a starter.

"Pineapple juice!" We chimed in unison. She shook her head and walked back to her hovel. Moments later, a tall pitcher of it appeared with two tall full glasses.

"Drink all this and you’ll get gas! Don’t you want something solid to go with it?"

"Sure. Eggs, bring us lots of them," said I. "Want anything else, Kent."

"I feel like I could eat a dozen eggs, at least. I’ll take four, over easy, with some toast, please. Do you have any kind of breakfast meat to go with them?"

"You name it, we got it, the fridge is stocked full of meat. "

"How about a small hamburger? Would that be hard to fix?"

"I can cook you up a nice thick rib-eye just as easily. A big fella like you needs something hearty to start off a day. Demi? What would you like, girl?"

It didn’t take her long to pick up my new name. She must have been listening to every word. The entire staff would soon hear about last night, and the revelation mom was making about her setting me up with Kent. He didn’t seem to be bothered by our meeting having been arranged. I didn’t care either, so long as he wanted to see me again.

"Bring him the steak, and make me a hamburger on a bun, Clara. It’s almost time for lunch. Put two eggs for me on the plate too, scrambled, please." I was hungry.

"I won’t be long, so don’t you two drink all that juice at once. Leave some to wash down the eggs. Always gives me heartburn, if I eat eggs without something to wash it down. You want coffee with the food?"

"Do you, Kent? I do."

"Yes, bring us both some, please."

"Be back in a jiffy."

When Clara left, mother stood up. "I’ll leave the two of you enjoy your breakfast. I must make a few calls. I like you, Kent. You’re refreshingly honest. Men rarely are."

After she left, I saw the tenseness leave Kent. "She means well. I told you she hates all men. Do you believe me now?"

"I never doubted it for a minute. Now that we can talk freely, I can tell you that she told me exactly how she feels over a month ago. I’m glad she likes me. I hate to consider what she’d be like if she didn’t. Look. I meant what I said. I’ll make no promises about years to come, but I want to do the best I can to care for you if this works out, but I have to finish college first. Meanwhile, will you wait, and not see other guys?"

"I’d consider it a command, as long as I can see you often. You’re sweet Kent, the nicest person I ever met. I am very fond of you, as you must know by now. I have no experience, but Laura is thorough. You wouldn’t be here if she didn’t think you were right for me. She must have had our meeting planned for some time, knowing that we’d hit it off immediately. That’s how she is. Wait until you know her better."

"I’ll survive in the meantime, if she’s anything like your mom. Whew! She really gave it to me, both barrels. Is she always like that? I wasn’t ready for the third degree."

"Lord no! This is the hardest I’ve seen her act with anyone. They have something up their sleeves, those two. Must have been up planning all night. Did you see the rings under her eyes?" The fuzziness in my head was clearing up.

"My mom looks like that all the time. Spends all night in bed with that slug of a boss. Comes in long after George and I are asleep. I hate to go home and face her. She’s gonna have a fit. That bastard fired the both of us. How are we gonna get by?

"If I had known all the problems this arrangement would cause, I would have told your mom to count me out, but then, I’d never have met you, Demi. You make it seem all worth while."

An arrangement? Clara bought our breakfast, and we ate silently. I was hungry, but Kent polished off his food before I barely got started. He sat and watched me eat.

"Do you have any pictures of how you looked as a guy? It’s hard to imagine you in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. I can’t get over how good you look. If I didn’t know, I’d swear you were always a girl." He leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back. For a moment I wished I were born a girl. Our kisses caused a stirring in my loins and breasts."

"Sure, not a lot though. Finish your coffee. I’ll ask mom where she put them. We’ve only been here about a month, ever since I started my transition. I was busy the whole time, changing into a girl. This is all still so new to me. I look in the mirror and can hardly believe it’s really me, but I like what I see. It’s like a long dream that gets better and better. I’m glad you like me this way. It makes it all worthwhile to me too.

"What your mom said about you being happier, is it true?"

"Yeah, I was pretty miserable. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. Nothing interested me, everything was a bore. No one cared anything about me, except my mom. She smothered me. I couldn’t do a thing without checking with her first."

"She thinks you were possessive. You both can’t be right, you know."

"Well, she sees things from a different perspective than I do. Maybe she’s right. I was a nerd as a guy. She was always there for me. She was the only one that didn’t make fun of me. I guess I needed her love. Maybe I needed her love more than I would admit.

"I didn’t mean to interfere with Maria, her last lover. The woman had it in for me. I was in the way. She did things to get mom mad at me. They argued about me constantly. When she realized mom wouldn’t give in, she took off and mom blamed me.

"I did instigate some situations that made them argue. I was jealous. After we moved here to the city, mom changed. She was working harder, and had less time for me. Once Maria moved in, mom barely paid any attention to me. I was glad the bitch split.

"Laura’s a lot nicer. Takes good care of us. The day I found out I needed a back support, she teased me about it, saying I couldn’t wear one for a solid week. We made a bet. She took us out to dinner at the nicest restaurant in town that night. First time I ever had lobster. I got sick afterwards, too much butter and wine. Bad combination.

"The doctor suggested a cheaper alternative, a corset, and the rest is history. I was conned into skirts, but they were lavishing me with attention, all of them, and I loved it.

"My doctor, the nurse, Rita, she’s on vacation. You’ll like her. She’s like me. She was born a guy. They all helped mom smother me with attention. The corset bothered me, at first, but while I was learning how to dress like this, all their attention was welcome.

"Rita introduced me to oral sex. She also took my cherry. I assumed our date was arranged to show me how terrible men can be. I was supposed to have sex with you and be appalled by the way all men treat girls. I’m glad it backfired. It feels good to know I don’t have to worry about all men, only you. You proved mom and Laura wrong.

"I wonder what they’ll plan next. Probably want me to meet with your ex-boss. He sounds like what they expected you to be like. I can do without the likes of him. I only want to make love with you, Kent. What we did last night was beautiful. How soon do you think we can sneak back into my bedroom? My tush is still too sore, but we could cuddle like we did afterwards last night. Would you like me to suck you again?" I wanted to give Kent a reason to stay. I wanted him to tell me more about their ‘arrangement’.

"If you want to, I do. You don’t have to prove anything anymore, Demi. We don’t have to have sex, unless you want to do it. I’d feel better if we can both do it to each other, orally. What will your mom think if we sneak off for a nap?"

"I think she’ll approve. Did you see the look on her face when we came into the breakfast nook together? I think my being happy about your spending the night upset her, at first. She expected me to hate being used. You were supposed to be rough with me and abuse me to prove her point. Still, she didn’t seem to resent you for making me love it.

"Maybe she is interested in my future happiness and nothing else. If it means I won’t have to conform to her attitudes towards all men being evil, all the better. I don’t think you have an evil bone in your body or hair on your head, you hunk."

"Talk like that will get you everywhere with me, sweetie! Let’s forget about your childhood pictures and go right back to bed for a while."

He got up and led me back to my bedroom, with lust in his eyes. I was soon on my back, in a sixty-nine with him on top. I didn’t bother changing into something sexy. We just got undressed and jumped into bed, stark naked. His cock was full of tension, and filled me with his sweet semen in a few minutes. I was slower to respond. His tongue lavished my cock until I spurted a weak load into his eager mouth. I was disappointed. My ejaculation wasn’t anywhere near as powerful as his was.

After washing our cocks with our tongues until they were soft, we lay in each other’s arms and relaxed. My lack of power due to my hormone injections made me sigh. Soon, tears formed in my eyes and I began to sob. I was being chemically castrated and didn’t have the brains to recognize the signs sooner. I’d become a eunuch unless I could convince mom to make Dr. Samuel stop. I wanted Kent to tell me all about how mom got him to take me out and what she offered him in return.

"Why are you crying, Demi?"

"I’m drying up. It won’t be long, and I’ll have to get the operation. I won’t be a man much longer. You noticed, didn’t you? I can’t cum much. Mom’s right, I should have been born a girl. I never could cum like you do, not even half as much."

"Bull, don’t even think like that. If they alter the dose, you’ll get the powerful releases back. Don’t be so cynical. Besides, you don’t need to cum hard to please me.

"They fed that spirolactone stuff to guys in the service so they wouldn’t be horny all the time and be more cooperative. They called it saltpeter. Once they stop the male sex drive all comes back, full strength. We’ll get you some books about it so you learn how to tell if they don’t reduce the male hormone blocks. You don’t have to go back to her doctor. We’ll find you a doctor of your own. I know some transsexuals. I’ll ask around. They’ll steer us to doctors who will help you get your sexual stamina back. With the proper diet and hormone program, you’ll be your old self in no time."

I started bawling. "My old self? I don’t want to be my old self. My beard will grow back and I’ll look ugly. You don’t want that, Kent. You want me to look pretty like I look now, so you can be proud of me and show me off to all your friends. After I dry up and can’t get hard, you’ll get tired of me and then I’ll be sterile. Then what? Will you want a lover who can’t get hard? How will you react if you have to suck a ‘softie’ all the time? I’ll be just like a real girl. I might as well get a pussy like one. They can shape my little cock into a clit."

"It won’t be like that. You can use hormones in cycles, so your skin stays soft and pretty, but your ability to get a hard-on returns. I’ll love you whatever happens, you don’t have to get a hard-on to make me happy. Now that I’ve found you, I’ll never let you go."

"You’re only saying that, so I’ll stop crying. How much did they promise to pay you to have sex with me, Kent? You’re like Rita, a sex therapist, hired to help convince the freak to go all the way and get it cut off. Right? You don’t really care."

Kent sat up and looked at me sternly. "I am not a sex therapist! True, I expected your mom to show appreciation for agreeing to date you, but I’m no pro. I swear I’m not! That was all before I met you. I wouldn’t take any money now. She won’t offer it either. Her plan backfired, remember. Fat chance she’d offer me money, now, and I don’t care!"

"You’ll take it if she offers it, won’t you? I want you to take the money. You need it to pay your tuition. Dating me cost you your job. Make Laura pay! What does money matter to her? She’s got plenty! As long as she’s willing to pay, take it! You earned it!"

"You’re not making sense. Stop shouting. I don’t care about the arrangement we made anymore. Do you want your mother to hear us?"

"I don’t care! They owe it to you. It’s not your fault I fell madly in love with you. Get all you can! If you’re not lying, and you care about me, you can go to your precious college and get the license you want. Then you will be able to afford to keep me and I’ll be out of their hair. I’ll do whatever you want me to do if I can stay with you and be your obedient wife, forever. I’ll do whatever you say, be your slave. I won’t stay here with them any longer than I have to." I was hysterical and didn’t care.

"I don’t want a slave and I couldn’t take money for finding the nicest person in the whole world, in my opinion. How could I face you, knowing I accepted money under false pretenses? What good is having an architect’s license if I get it dishonestly? It would make me feel cheap, a prostitute."

"So, prostitutes are dishonest, are they? You think you’re better than my mom? You don’t have a choice. You have to take the money, just like she did. It was my fault she became a prostitute back then. I wish I were never born. All I bring people is shame and misery. I couldn’t even be born right! I should have been a girl. We all would have been better off." My getting upset and my crying made my head feel fuzzier.

"Not the way I see it, Demi. If you were a girl, I wouldn’t be here. What you are is ‘perfect’, but don’t take my word for it. I’ll show you. Give me half a chance. I’ll get my degree somehow, and my architectural license, too, without any of their help. I’ll find a way to marry you and take care of you, beard or no beard. I don’t give a damn what people think. We’ll go where they accept people like us. Hawaii! Isn’t that what she said? They allow same sex marriages there. If we have each other, we won’t need anyone else."

"You’d want to take care of me without their help?"

"No matter what! I swear it!"

"What about your mother? You’d abandon her? She has no job. You can’t abandon her. I can’t ask you to abandon your plans for college, either. You can’t ignore your own mother’s plight, any more than I could ignore mine’s. They mean well, even if they’re hard to satisfy and expect the impossible from us. Now that your mom knows I’m a guy, she won’t let you marry me, even if we could get married legally.

"My mom’s right, Kent! Sexual reassignment does make a lot of sense. I’ll still be the same person that I am now. You’ll get used to it. We’ll fit into society. You won’t have to worry about my sex being an embarrassment to you." My head was spinning so I held on to Kent, tightly. Having him to hold onto meant all the difference in the world.

"She’ll be so happy. She’ll have the daughter I should have been from the start."

"Not if I can help it. Demi, you can’t try to please everyone. You have to please yourself, first. Everyone else’s dreams have to come second to your own. Your mother shouldn’t want to change you to please her and Laura, either. I’ll have to convince her she’s making a big mistake by wanting you to go all the way.

"Did she accept being a prostitute? No, she pulled herself up by her bootstraps and found a solution as soon as she could. She put the responsibility of motherhood ahead of everything in spite of all the obstacles in her path. She did the right thing because it was right, not because she wanted an easy way out.

"You have to do what is right for you in spite of my wishes or your mother’s. Right now, you can’t think clearly because of the conflicting influences. Maybe your idea about having kids of your own isn’t so crazy, for you. We could have a surrogate mother carry a child for you. Then we could raise it with you as the natural parent, but in the mother’s role. I could accept being the child’s adoptive father. It would satisfy my mother’s wish for my giving her grandchildren someday, too.

"It’s only a suggestion, but it makes some sense, if you give it some thought. You’ll figure out what will be the right thing for you to do, for yourself, not for me, nor your mom, or anyone else. Think about it. In the meantime, I’ll think about it, too."

Mom knocked on my door again. "Demi? Dr. Samuel is on the phone and wants to talk to you, personally. Can you pick up your phone?"

"Now what? I’m not supposed to see her until next Monday." I picked up the phone. "Hello, Dr. Samuel? This is Demi, I mean Dani."

"Can you stop in this afternoon, your mother said you are upset over your medication. I’d like to clarify your intentions, in person. What time can you stop by?"

"Anytime. I have a guest visiting me at the moment, but I can arrange to see you whenever you are free. I don’t want you to upset your schedule on my account."

"That’s very considerate, Demi. How does two-thirty sound? It won’t take more than a few minutes. You can bring your guest along if you’d like. All we will do is talk and perhaps change your prescriptions. Your guest won’t mind waiting for you, will he? I’d like to meet him. Your mother seems to like him. I’m impressed. He must be special."

"Hold on." I covered the mouthpiece. "She wants you to come along. Do you mind?" I told Kent my mother must have called her because of our earlier discussion. He shook his head. "I’ll see you at two-thirty. I’ll bring my friend along." I hung up after exchanging courtesies with her. I didn’t want Kent to get away from me until he tells me everything he knows about mom’s plans.

For some reason, I was beginning to doubt his honesty. I was confident that I was madly in love with him, but couldn’t believe my good fortune at finding such a great hunk that feels the same way about me as I do about him. Mom’s tacit approval of Kent and her nonchalant acceptance of him at the table this morning were too convenient. I wasn’t fully convinced that Kent was telling me as much as he knew about my mother’s plans. Yet, I wasn’t sure of how I could discover the depth of his sincerity.

I giggled and Kent smiled. "Mom didn’t waste any time. Seems like she wants to keep me happy for the time being. She called the doctor to have her change my prescription. If you weren’t here to help, I’m sure she would have tried to talk me out of getting it changed. Oh, Kent! I’m so glad we met! You have a very positive influence on me, and on my mother, too." We kissed and held each other in our arms. My hand reached down under the silk sheets to caress his cock. I smiled, looking into his eyes.

"How did you first meet my mom, Kent? It has to be interesting. I’m sure she didn’t walk up to you in some gay bar and say: ‘Say handsome, would you like to fuck my transvestite son?’ I’m curious to know how she went about asking you to take me out on a date. Did she tell you that I was gay? How long ago was it that you first met her?"

"About two and a half months ago. She interviewed me for a job opening that wasn’t suited to my plans. The company was interested in a remodeling architect."

"Two and a half months! That was long before I started changing. I was still in high school. I wasn’t even eighteen! She’s been planning this since May?"

"I don’t know how long she’s been planning. She said something about consulting with various professional psychologists for more than a year. Who knows?"

"How’d she get you involved?"

"During the job interview, my second one; your eight by eleven picture was on her desk. At my first interview, it was on a bookcase or a credenza off to the side of the room. At the first interview, she had to step out of the office. I got up and went over to the side of the room to get a better look at your picture to pass the time. I like blue-eyed young blonde guys. You looked fantastic in those shorts, and a tee shirt, my kinda guy.

"When she returned she caught me looking at your picture. I apologized for taking liberties and picking it up while she was out of the room. I didn’t think she could see my hard-on. She must have because she called the house a few days later asked me to come in for another interview. I was still looking for a job, short of cash, and she offered to send a cab and pay me for my time. How could I refuse?

"I saw your picture on the corner of her desk, immediately. She said she put it there after she saw me with it the last time I was there. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of it. As long as we were discussing it, I asked how old you were. When she told me, I reached for your picture and asked if she would mind. She told me: "Not at all." I tried not to show too much interest, but she asked me outright if I was gay, and said that it would not bother her. I looked at her, she looked back, and I took a chance and admitted it to her.

"She told me who you were and said she wasn’t sure whether you were also gay. She told me all about you. She loves you dearly, but expressed concern about the way you started treating her the past few years.

"We never got around to talking about another job opening. All we talked about was you. We talked for over an hour. She was very upset because you were wheedling your way out of going to college. I could tell she was very upset about that.

"I found it hard to digest. Here I was, trying my darnedest to get back to school, and you were ducking out of college. To each his own, I suppose. Anyway, she took me to lunch, I met Laura, and the two of them asked a thousand questions. One of which was if I was interested in meeting you. Of course, I told them that I was.

"They told me they would get back to me and let me know. I went back to your mom’s office with her and she gave me several phone numbers to contact her. I still didn’t have a job and needed to keep looking, so she offered me a waiter’s job at the restaurant where you had your first lobster. You paid no attention to me. After all, I was a mere waiter. You were a guest of the president of the company that owns a whole chain of classy restaurants, that one included.

"I figured I had nothing to lose by staying in touch with such high rollers."

"When did you find out they were changing me into a girl?"

"Right away. Your mom was giving you knockout drops once each week, and that doctor of hers gave you spinal injections while you were asleep to gradually induce your back pain. There’s nothing wrong with your back, and you didn’t need corsets. They tricked you into wearing them. How else could she get you to admit you’ll be happier living as a girl. Their only question now is: how much of a girl you would want to be.

"You knew all this? Why didn’t you say something sooner?"

"How? Would you believe me? I’m not my mother. Talking about personal things with strangers isn’t my style. We had just met in an arrangement we made to introduce you to gay sex. How could I tell you? When? Sure, I was being kept informed of your progress. I was dying to see how you’d turn out as a boy-girl. I saw you in your room at the hospital recovering from the implants and liposuction. I also waited on you at the restaurant a couple of times, before that. I was invisible to you, but I was slowly falling for the vision of your beauty. I had to meet you. I was in love with you before we met."

"I was impatient. Your sex therapist made me hold off. Told me she was preparing you for me. A month ago, mom found me a job, and I was preoccupied. Then I told your mom about the party last night that was coming up. They were hesitant. They must have known my genetic father and George and my mom would be there. They were reluctant to thrust you into a dangerous situation. You weren’t ready for me yet.

"I persuaded them to let me take you, ready or not. The moment I saw you last night, I fell deeply in love. I couldn’t wait. I had to have you do me, right in the elevator. You think we just met, but they were dangling you like candy in front of a baby to me for ten long weeks. It was torture. I wanted to meet you all that time."

"Why didn’t you approach me before I changed. You knew where I worked, at the department store. Why did you wait until they transformed me into a girl?"

"Several reasons. You didn’t know you were gay. Your therapist turned you out. Your mom felt a grown man living with two adult lesbians would attract too much attention. My mother’s despair over her only son being gay and her dashed hopes to have grandchildren was enough to encourage me to go along and see how you would turn out.

"You can imagine how elated I was last night when I first saw you emerge from your room. I wanted my mom to see us right away. You have it all, the looks, the grace, everything. You were perfect for me. If mom fell for it, we could get married and make everyone happy. Sooner or later mom would resign herself to us not having kids. I want to settle down. You’d make me a perfect wife. When you begged me to make love to you, I almost thought I’d died and went to heaven. I couldn’t believe my luck."

"Now that you know how I feel about having kids someday, do you still feel the same about me? I know mom wants me to have the surgery and become her daughter, and I love you, Kent; but that’s gonna eliminate my chances of having kids of my own."

"More than I can express, Demi. I’d prefer you to stay as you are, too but if you decide you must change your gender, I’ll have to accept it. I guess it would have its advantages. If you were totally female, my mom wouldn’t have a reason to keep us apart. You’d be making your mom happy, too. You could be a mother to your kids, and I could act as their father. I doubt if I’ll be able to father any children, myself. You might feel more comfortable in a new community if we assumed normal roles like other couples.

"Starting a family requires accepting a lot more responsibility. Do you think you’re ready for kids? I’m not, and I don’t think either of us will be for some time. Too many young couples start a family early and regret it later.

"There are many things I’d like to do before settling down. I can’t even consider starting some of the things that I’d like to accomplish. They all require money, so I’ll need a good job. That requires going back to school. If you’re willing to wait until I get across that hurdle, and agree to choose all the other important long-term goals together, afterwards, once we can stand on our own, there’s nothing I can think of that would prevent me from cementing my commitment to you. Having kids would have to wait.

"You can always change jobs or careers once you get tired of one, or a better one comes along. You can trade in cars, relocate addresses if you don’t like the neighborhood, etc. You can buy houses, live in condos or apartments, even live in hotels. Once you have kids, there’s no going back. It’s a one-way street. You can’t send kids back or trade them in. We have to be sure we’re ready for a family beforehand.

"Then there’s the other people we care about. We have to consider how they feel. We’d be hurting our mothers like our fathers did if we ignore them. I don’t agree with my mother in a lot of things, but I won’t turn my back on her or George.

"He’s been my real father, the only one I knew while growing up, even if he isn’t my natural father. I wish there were something I could do to help him. The doctors say there’s nothing wrong with him physically. They say it’s in his head. He snapped. I don’t know what to do about it. There must be something I can do.

"They all care about us, they love us. We have to listen to them. If we don’t we’re bound to screw up. Between us all, we’ll figure out a plan. Once they understand how committed you are to having a family of your own someday, they’ll help us find way to have kids when the time comes and we’re both ready to settle down.

"I took a Biology course in the last year I was in college. The hottest research is in genetics. I don’t mean glamorous things that you hear about in cloning or gene pool research, either. They can take frozen sperm from prize bulls and ship it all over to improve the genetic quality of herds all over the world. I heard about people who can’t have kids of their own that participate in studies to improve their chances.

"They can take sperm, hire a volunteer surrogate and inseminate her artificially to carry a child for a woman whose womb won’t support a fetus. Nothing would please my mother more than for me to have kids. I’m sure there will be more options available when the time comes. Don’t give up hope. We may have a chance to be parents someday."

"It’s more important to you than you want to share with anyone, isn’t it, Kent? You’re scared of being a failure. You were raised to be a winner and someone took it all away. Just because the game of football lost a new rising star doesn’t mean the world did.

You needed someone to lean on for help and you think you found her. Is that why you agreed to help my mom? Do you want me for myself or are you using me to clinch your connection to someone who will guarantee you’ll succeed?"

"Alright! I needed help. Higgins, my real father, some man! I was overjoyed when my mom got the job for me. I was sure he’d send me to school. Why wouldn’t he? I was his son! Shit, all he wants to do is get in my pants. Sure, I admit I saw your mom as a way to improve my chances to finish school. I figured she’d be willing to help with my tuition if I did what she wanted. Why shouldn’t I. I worked my ass off for sub-standard wages for him and all Higgins was interested in was to plug my ass with his cock!

"That was yesterday, before I met you face to face. Sure, I saw you at the store, at the restaurant and before that, I even saw you in school. You didn’t know I existed. I was another faceless person in a sea of people who you saw every day and didn’t recognize.

"You were my ticket, my ride. I followed you and watched you, the way you walked, the way you talked to people. I was obsessed with you, Demi. I wished I could walk up and introduce myself. I was afraid to, afraid you’d think I was nuts, so I waited. When your mom told me about her plan to feminize you, I became involved. I visited your mom as often as I dared to get updated on your progress and make suggestions. I wanted to get more involved and help with your transformation, but she insisted I wait until you were more comfortable with the changes.

"When you don’t have any money you do crazy things to be sure you won’t fail. Our first date became my quest. I wanted to sweep you off your feet. I tried acting like a strong willed tough guy, my ideal, so you’d fall for me. It would have worked if I didn’t fall head over heals for you myself, instead.

"Remember how casually she greeted us this morning? Did you notice that I was calm? The average guy who is invited to have breakfast after spending the night in bed with someone’s daughter should be in a state of panic. I wondered why you didn’t pick up on it. I met with your mom so many times over the past months we were friends."

"My vitamins help keep my aggression under control, Kent. I don’t get upset over many things like I used to get. They make me feel warm and fuzzy. It feels good to me. If mom forgets to give me the vitamins, I get nasty and forget to act like a lady. I have a hard time keeping up with conversations sometimes, but I don’t give anyone a hard time.

"I took an extra vitamin before getting ready for our date last night. If I don’t take them, you may not like me as well as you think you do. Mom was telling the truth about my temperament. She must have let me have my way too much when I was growing up. I was being spoiled and I liked it. Maybe that’s why the kids in school snubbed me. I’ll be willing to keep on taking the vitamins as long as you like me the way I am.

"Now, mom called Dr. Samuel to change my prescriptions. You may find me harder to please if she changes my vitamins as well as the weekly shots I get. She refers to my condition as ADD. It stands for Attention Deficit Disorder. The pills help. I feel much better when I take them. Mom says they make me possible to live with. I don’t know what to tell Dr. Samuel this afternoon. You may not like me as much with my talons exposed. That’s how she described my condition. Does it bother you? I thought it’s fair to mention it, as long as you came clean about being involved with my transition."

"As long as they’re not harmful to your health and you prefer to use them, it’s okay by me. I do like you the way you are, but I don’t believe in tranquilizers. They have some nasty long-term effects. If you don’t mind, I’d like to meet your doctor and sit in on this afternoon’s interview with you."

"I was hoping you would. She’s like my mom and Laura. She has a very overpowering personality. I don’t argue with people like that. You can’t win. They say I was possessive and headstrong. I like myself better this way, but I don’t know anything about personalities or the medicines they use to fix them, so I leave that up to the doctor.

"If you met mom a lot and took part in planning my transition, why didn’t you meet with Dr. Samuel? She selected my breast implants. Didn’t you have any input in her decision? Do you like them? I know they’re not very big! Here, hold them in your hands, and feel how real they are. The nipples even get stiff when I play with them."

Kent held them in his hands and then rolled the nipples between his thumbs and forefingers. "They look great to me! If they were bigger they’d attract more attention. Would you like that?" He continued to play with my breasts.

"Sometimes. Watching men’s heads follow me when I walk through the mall gets me all excited. I feel as if they are undressing me with their eyes. I’m still new at it. It feels good to feel confident that I look genuine. Sometimes my little pecker gets hard and stains my panties. Rita showed me how to put some bounce in my step so my butt cheeks and boobs jiggle when I walk. That really locks their stares on my breasts until I go past. Then, their eyes are glued on my swinging hips. It’s fun to look nice and tease them."

"Do you ever feel like you want to have men touch you and make other advances on you when you see them glaring at your body?"

"I haven’t been out much, but it’s happened a few times. As a guy, nobody ever paid any attention to me. Like this, everyone does, and I don’t have a great body. How would you feel if I did? Would you like me to look like a fashion model or movie star?"

"If you look sexier, more guys will want to approach you. The way you are now is perfect. Would you like to attract more attention? You said you don’t want lots of guys, only me. What if you get ‘read’? Guys think all transvestites are easy lays. You’ll get hit on if you’re not careful. What would you do if some guy threatened to expose you if you didn’t let him have his way with you?"

"Rita says guys aren’t that brave. As long as I don’t panic and show that I’m as scared as they are, they’ll back off. Men all fear being put down in public. If I were sexier, the real girls I knew in high school would be really jealous of me. It would be great to watch them turn green with envy. Ooh, that would turn me on.

"I could beat those stuck-up bitches at their own game. That would really be fun! It would be nice to run into some of them who ignored me or made fun of me. I’d show them. I’d steal their beaus and watch them squirm if I had a great body."

"It’s fine the way it is! I don’t want you to stray! I don’t think I like the idea of you running around proving your point while I’m away at school. Lots of straight guys are rotten. They use girls, get them in trouble and split. You want to have that happen?"

"Not a chance, silly! You’re forgetting, I’m not capable of getting knocked up. No guy can get in my pants that way, now. Even if I had the surgery, I couldn’t conceive. If I have to suck a guy off to steal him away from one of those bitches, what difference would it make? It would only be like sex between two guys. What’s wrong with that? It’s like masturbating. Ooh, keep rolling my nipples like that, I’m getting hot."

"How often are you supposed to take your vitamins?"

"It varies. Every four-to-eight hours, usually, unless I want to feel really warm and fuzzy, like last night. Mom gave me three before we went out. I have to concentrate harder if I take that many. They aren’t very strong. Dr. Samuel says it’s safe to take up to four or five at a time. I’m like a zombie when I do, and it takes a whole day to wear off.

"I don’t have a lot of will power when I’m like that. I’ll do anything I’m told to do. I don’t take them unless I’m with someone I trust. I had five when I went to the hospital for my implants. Felt as if I was walking on cotton candy the whole time. I don’t mind. There aren’t any side effects and I feel completely relaxed the next day. I can sleep the whole day through. Suck my tits for me honey. Make me tingle."

"I think you need one now. You sounded mean and ornery when talking about offering some guy blowjobs to steal him away from a girl you knew in school. Is that the way you should talk after telling me you love me and want to be loyal to me?"

"I was only fantasizing. I’d never do it. Hey, I’m a guy deep inside. Giving head won’t violate my loyalty. It’s like kissing. It’s only a sign of willingness to have fun, nothing more. It’s not like giving a man access to my love tunnel. You expected me to do it to you yesterday long before we made any commitment to one another. Why get bent out of shape about it now? Our loyalties aren’t physical. It pertains to how we feel and how we plan to live, not what we do to have fun. I expect our relationship to be open "

"What if you took five and somebody told you to surrender your ass to a man? What would you do then? Would that be considered a violation of your fidelity to me? Those vitamins could make you do anything anybody wanted you to do. "

"That’s a tough question. If my medication inhibits my will power, I’m not really in control. I might not be able to resist, but since I wouldn’t be willfully betraying my faithfulness, how could you blame me? It wouldn’t be denying how I feel about you. I’d still love you and want to be your boy-girl for you.

"What if you decide you want me to have sex with you and a third person? Would that be a violation? I don’t think so. We’re guys. The commitment between us isn’t like normal marital vows. We wouldn’t get married until we want to start a family. Then, our fidelities would have an important difference. We should be totally faithful to one another to provide a good example for the kids until they grow up, like Laura and my mom did. Even then, we should feel free to express ourselves as long as we don’t cheat on each other behind our backs, Kent.

"We’re not like people from the last millennium. Sexuality isn’t spoken in whispers anymore. We can see rampant sex on television all day long. It’s a new world we live in. I think you’re jealous! I like it! You want me all to yourself! That’s sweet."

"Well, I have a lot different definition of fidelity than you do, that’s for sure. What if I find some cool dude while I’m away at school? Do you think my giving him a hot blowjob would be alright? How about him taking your place giving me head"

"Hey, you’d whack off, wouldn’t you? If I wasn’t there to give you satisfaction, what’s the difference if someone else helps you to get your rocks off? You’d still love me. Wouldn’t you? I can’t expect you to be celibate like some priest. Not in this day and age, it wouldn’t be fair to expect celibacy. What would be the harm of some casual sex?"

"So you think it’s okay to fool around with a lot of other guys as long as we continue to be devoted to each other. I don’t agree."

"I don’t mean ‘lot’s of other guys’. That’s ignoring our bond. I mean, if you have the occasional biological urge to surge and I’m not there to tweak it, I won’t feel you are betraying me if you have a little fun. Sleeping around all the time is a betrayal of our mutual love. I’d expect you to want to come home to me hot and horny to satisfy those needs, but it won’t always be possible.

"Knowing I have biological needs of my own, you should be eager to see that they are taken care of and come home as often as you can. I’ll be here waiting. If you can’t come home, what should I do? Beat off? I never had sex until a month ago. I wasn’t a good prospect to anyone, nor was I in the market to be. Now that I am desirable, I’ll have a hard time resisting temptation, Kent. Please don’t expect the impossible."

"I think you need one of your vitamins."

"I don’t feel like getting up yet. Let’s take this issue one step further. You know my mom wants me to experience how nasty some men can be. She’s going to make sure I find out just how nasty. What am I supposed to do? Fight with her? Dr. Samuel will slip me something in my hormones, and that will be that. I expect to find myself in bed with Mr. Higgins or someone like him. She hinted at it. He’s the kind of lecher she has in mind to prove her point. I won’t like it, but she may insist, to prove her point.

"What should I do when Rita gets back? You were cool about her being my sex therapist. You had to know about her. Mom must have told you. Was it okay for her to train me so I could give you what you wanted last night? Now that you have my love, she’s not supposed to continue with my sexual indoctrination? If it is okay, what if she has plans for me to go to bed with him, or any other rotten bastard? Will it be okay then?"

"Hey, I’m the one who doesn’t want you to have to do all that! Why are you giving me the third degree?" Kent got out of bed angrily. "We have too many differences. We have to reconsider how we feel! This isn’t going to work out! We spend more arguing than we do making love. You’d think we were a married couple."

"Now who’s being immature? Sure, we have a lot to discuss, and it isn’t going to be easy, but we can’t expect it to be easy. Life never is. Look who’s being possessive now! You want to have your way, even if it isn’t likely to happen."

The banging on the door interrupted us. "Hey are you two fighting again? Didn’t you get enough of that last night? It’s way past noon. You’d better start getting ready to go to see Dr. Samuel. You don’t want to be late, do you?"

"Okay, mom. Give us a half an hour. We’ll be out before then."

"Kent, Your mom is on her way here. She’s bringing you a fresh change of street clothes. She and I will have a chat while you two go to see Dr. Samuel."

"Shit! She’s going to blow her stack when she gets here. Better get ready."

We dressed quickly after a short shower. Kent’s mother was there when we came out of my room. Kent changed again and we barely had enough time to make the appointment. I tried to ignore his mother’s glare as we left together. She wasn’t pleased to see her darling son with me. We didn’t have time to think up what to say to her.

Dr. Samuel listened to my pleas to stop using anything that would diminish my ability to produce sperm. Kent waited outside while I talked with her. When we were done talking in private, he asked her for the name of the drug in my vitamins. She sensed he didn’t approve. She not only gave him the name, but also provided him with a heavy pamphlet that fully described the purpose, effects and dosages to be used in various situations. She must have been advised to expect his questioning the drug’s use.

He leafed through the pamphlet quickly and promised her he’d read it thoroughly. She suggested I read it too, explaining that everyone should know as much as possible about the medications they take. She was well prepared. She gave me three thick books that she said covered the process of sexual reassignment, thoroughly.

One was psychological, one medical and the third covered the history of common practices and procedures as they evolved to provide assistance to those who feel they were born with the wrong sexual plumbing or had ambiguous genitals. She told me to read that one first; to find out what I was all about and compare the diagnoses described with my own background and history. It would clarify why my mother believed my modifications were essential for my well being.

When we got home, our mothers were waiting for us. They were both very composed. We weren’t prepared to see them casually sitting in the breakfast nook talking calmly. My mom directed us to join them. She was cordial, but it was clear that they were not going to accept a decline to their invitation.

Kent’s mother spoke first. "As long as you both want to sleep around with men instead of women; Kent, at least you have enough sense to find someone that looks enough like a woman not to publicly shame us. Where are your brains? She can’t become your wife. Marrying her will only be an illegal sham."

"We won’t get married. We plan to live together in an open relationship, mom."

"What is this world coming to? Your mother claims you may plan to apply for sexual reassignment, Demi. Well, the sooner the better. I live with enough complications as it is. I don’t need more. I approve. At least you will have the proper plumbing to be his wife. (She hissed when she said it.) The fewer people that know of your true sex, the happier I will be, which will not be very much. I expect your true gender be kept secret."

I didn’t say a word. Neither did Kent. She turned to my mother.

"I feel sorry for you. It’s not your fault that your son was born with ambiguous male parts. I guess she’ll make an appropriate partner for Kent. He’s deformed as well, but it was an unfortunate result of a man’s revenge for his earlier improper behavior. He was born intact. I don’t approve of this, but I suppose you feel the same as I do. I’ll do my part to see that they try live a life as close to normal as possible.

Her implication was insidious, and my mother noted it. She was trying to say her bloodline was superior to my mother’s. She was only interested in protecting her own lousy reputation. I could see why Kent despised women. His mother was so self centered she didn’t realize how she projected her egotism and discredited him.

"At least you have the means to provide them a good start. Unfortunately, I am temporarily not in a position to be of much help at the present time. My husband is ill and his problems consume much of our meager means. I’ve just encountered another serious setback. My job was discontinued. I’ll do what I can as soon as I return to work. I expect to find suitable employment very soon, but our financial recovery will take time."

She blamed everyone but herself. Her brave façade was transparent and her lies were obvious. She must have surmised that Kent would advise us of the circumstances of her employment termination, but boldly lied to save face. She must tell lies all the time out of habit or to stay in practice. None of us were interested in hearing the cause of her problems. We were sympathetic but would be more inclined to like her if she was honest about it. She had to know we knew why she lost her job, and all about Kent’s past.

"It was very kind of you to advance Kent part of Demi’s college fund to pay for his college tuition. He will graduate in two years and then, repay you as soon as he is granted a license and is employed. Good architects do very well. He is a forthright individual and as honest as a man can be. I raised him that way."

What gall! She took credit for his honesty and accepted mom’s offer without even consulting with Kent. No wonder Kent hated women. If they were all like his mom, I’d have to agree with his assessment.

"I give you my word I will manage the college funds wisely. He should attend the best college available. His grades are phenomenal. He is brilliant, a born leader. He’ll make great strides in the field of construction. You should see his designs. He has several magnificent concepts that will revolutionize the look of buildings to come. The firm he chooses to represent will become famous."

"Thanks, mom. I better finish school before I set the industry on fire. I don’t think the world is ready for total revolution in construction techniques at my hands and I doubt if Mrs. Langley could care about all that.

"Mrs. Langley, I truly appreciate the offer, but you should have asked me first. I can’t accept your offer. I’d feel like I was buying your daughter’s love. I have to solve my problems on my own. Otherwise, I’ll feel as if I acquired my education with tainted money. It simply couldn’t accept that. Earlier, I told Demi all about our previous meetings and how I discussed her blossoming into the beautiful girl she is with you many times over the past few months. I couldn’t keep all of that bottled up inside. She’d hate me if I wasn’t honest with her and I didn’t tell her about it and she found out later."

"I expected you to tell her. I’m glad you felt it was necessary. Now, about your education, I don’t consider a loan as bribery, although I’d be willing to pay for your help in Demi’s ‘blossoming’. That’s a nice way to put it. I am not above bribery, but I didn’t feel you would accept my offer were it a gift. I expect repayment. It is merely a loan.

"You know I work in human resource. I am compelled to provide my employer with the best talent I can find. Sometimes people are well suited to particularly distasteful positions that are difficult to fill. We are in need of a determined collection officer. Your mother has apparent talents required for such a position. I intend to cash in on her talent by hiring her immediately. The position comes with extensive medical benefits that can provide for her husband, as well. She has explained his condition, and I’m sure adequate professional care will remedy it.

"Of course, she will have to apply herself, and promise not to interfere in areas that don’t concern her. Your education, to give you a ‘for instance’. Only you will manage the funds provided, not her. I will require a full accounting of your expenditures. Once you select a school, I will address your counselor to ensure you apply yourself.

"If you fail to comply, I will withdraw future support.

"As for your mother, I am confident she can be fully trained to handle the most difficult men; men who can consistently evade paying long overdue invoices. She’s persistent. I can recognize a woman with a strong backbone when I see one. That’s what enables me to do my job well. I was trained to detect unique qualifications. The firm will benefit more than the salary she will receive.

"Everyone stands to benefit from these arrangements. Don’t let your petty macho pride blind you from seeing the merit of this opportunity. You will insult me if you do. You know how I feel about male prejudice. If you can’t accept help from a woman, you will only be showing me that you have too little common sense and too much male influence in your genetic composition. It certainly wasn’t due to your upbringing."

"All I have to do is convince Demi to go all the way, right?"

"You judge me unfairly, Kent. True, I would like her to achieve a higher level of femininity. But she’s made her position clear. Her decision is hers and hers alone. We will discuss that between ourselves when the time is appropriate. I only expect you to support her in her choice. I expect the same from your family. Your mother will have to learn to control her prejudice against those who choose an alternate lifestyle to hers.

"I don’t believe Demi will want to go back to living as a man again, but if she does, I will not interfere. My exposing Demi to this alternative was trying for her, but it had to be done. There is no known effective way to explain how it feels to be a woman inside without experiencing womanhood. I think she now realizes that she is and always was too much of a girl to live as a man. Nature can be cruel, but we must accept the cards dealt to us in life. I will stand beside Demi and help her as much as I can. I won’t be here for her forever. I think you can take my place to guide her to make the right decisions.

"The two of you think alike in many ways. I saw it in you the moment we met, Kent. She now has a reason to remain in her present identity, one for which she is well equipped. You are that reason. She could not make such a decision for my benefit. I could see that she would resist, eventually, for the right reasons. Now that the two of you have met, I think your love and devotion for one another will grow.

"In time, your needs and desires will change. With each other as confidants and us as your guides, you will find the few differences in your goals will disappear. However, when you come to an impasse, you can always turn to your loving mothers. We may not always be right, but our motives are pure. We will try our best to help you."

"Now, I’ve said my piece. Go back to Demi’s room and argue it out between yourselves. I love to hear the sounds two people in love make when they disagree. It is one thing you have that I envy most of all. I never had the benefit of learning what true love was like when I was your age. Leave the two of us alone to plan how your mother will adapt to her new position."

 

 (continued)

 

 

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