Authors Note: Those of you who have enjoyed the story so far may want to stop now. The final two chapters are very different. Warning – This chapter contains violence!

 

Girlish

(A love story)

by Karen Singer

 

Chapter 11

 

The beginning of a new semester seems exciting, but the reality of it is that it's just more of the same. Some class subjects change, some just continue where you left off. Some teachers change, some don't. Some classmates change, many more remain the same. But otherwise, school just goes on.

I think that one thing that did change that semester, if only slightly, was the fact that I spent a lot more time talking to everyone. The discussions Mark and I had, got much longer and detailed and I was really learning a lot from him. I was also starting to hold my own and offer ideas. It surprised me when I did it. Mark even started to come to me to discuss some of his ideas. I was flattered even though I didn't tell him.

I spent more time talking with Jill and Melissa too. I think that now that I was more of a girl, they were including me more in their fun. We spent hours together talking about clothes, makeup, friends, life in general, and of course boys. It was an odd perspective for me.

I also spent more time with Brenda. Her med classes kept her awfully busy, but whenever we had the chance, we were together. We also started to spend more nights together whenever Jill wasn't there. I loved those nights. Unfortunately they were also some of the most frustrating moments for me. My chastity device simply wouldn't allow me to get any relief. As much as I wanted that relief though, I was happy that Brenda was there with me and that I could make her happy.

Two days after the semester started I went with Brenda to meet Dr. Young. She seemed very nice and asked me lots of questions about myself and how I felt about dressing like a girl. She mentioned that she thought I acted very feminine. She gave me a prescription for three different drugs, two pills and one skin patch. She also spent a lot of time explaining just what I should expect from them. Brenda had told me last semester that they were trying to get hormones for me so I knew what was coming, I hadn't told Mom though, she would have freaked. Since Brenda was a med student, she was told to "monitor" me. I was supposed to go back for a follow-up appointment in three months.

The humdrum of life continued. By the middle of February, I noticed some definite swelling just starting in my breasts. I had also been fighting a bit with my emotions. One other thing I noticed was that I didn't always care that much about my weekly "relief" sessions, and they got very difficult for me. For some reason it didn't bother me though.

 

Otherwise, everything was pretty much the same. Everything was going really well – that is until the last day of February. That was the day when Brenda's world fell apart. That was the day when my cell phone rang…

 

I had just gotten home from class when it rang. I quickly dug it out of my purse and said "Hello."

"Stephanie, get to the police station, now!" It was Sharon and she was hysterical. I could hear Brenda in the background screaming. I think she was yelling "I want to go home," over and over again.

I started to panic. "What's wrong," I practically shouted at her.

"Just get here, fast," she said, then she hung up.

I didn't know what to do, I only knew I had to get there and fast. As I ran out of my room for the stairs, Mark came out of his room alarmed at my actions. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Brenda's in trouble, she's at the police station with Sharon." I said still running for the stairs.

"Let me go with you," he said following right behind me. Mark drove us there. He said I was acting too hysterical. He was probably right.

I had never been in a police station before and didn't know what to expect. It turned out to be very cold and clinical looking. All the hustle and bustle that you see on TV were mostly absent. When we got there, Mark told them who we were and who we were looking for. A policeman led us through a door and down a long hallway to a waiting room. Sharon was in there trying to hold and console Brenda who was sitting on the floor in the corner in a near hysterical state. A police woman was standing over them.

"What's wrong?" I asked as soon as we got through the door.

"Stephie!" Brenda cried for me. I went over and sat on the floor and held her. "What's wrong? What happened?" I asked again.

"I saw them," she cried. "I saw them. They're after me. They're going to get me!" She was crying hard into my shoulder and holding on to me for dear life.

The police woman looked at Mark. "You might want to stand back a bit," she said. "She seems to get worse every time a man comes near her."

"I know," Mark said, "it's an old story."

"Brenda, who's after you?" I asked. I didn't get an answer because the door opened again as Dr. Young was escorted in. I was really glad to see her.

"Brenda, it's me, Dr. Young," she said kneeling down next to us. Brenda peeked out from my shoulder to look at her and started to cry even harder.

"She's been like this since she got here," the police woman said. "Sharon here said something about seeing someone who raped her. Do you have any idea what's going on?"

Dr. Young nodded her head. "Yes, I'll tell you in a minute. Right now, I need to get Brenda calmed down a bit. Brenda," she said turning her attention once again in our direction. "I'm going to give you a little shot to help you feel better, Ok?" Brenda didn't answer as she was once again crying into my shoulder. I nodded my agreement to Dr. Young and watched as she dug a small hypodermic needle out of her bag and filled it carefully from a small jar of medicine. I felt Brenda tense as the needle suddenly went into her arm. "That should start to work in just a minute," Dr. Young said as she stood up again. She turned to the policewoman, "Why don't we go outside to talk while that takes affect," she said. The policewoman just nodded.

I held Brenda like that for a few minutes and finally noticed that she seemed to be calming down. Finally, she looked up at me. "Stephie,"

"Hi," I said to her as calmly as I could.

"Stephie, I saw them," she said quietly.

Dr. Young and the policewoman came back into the room at that point. Brenda looked up at Dr. Young and said, "I saw them, two of them anyway."

"The ones who raped you in high school?" Dr. Young asked her.

Brenda nodded. "They saw me," she said. "They're after me!" she said more hysterically.

"Calm down Brenda," Dr. Young said to her. "They can't get you here. We're here to help you now." Brenda didn't say anything else, but she didn't seem to be calming down much more either.

The policewoman turned to Sharon again. "Do you want to tell me again, exactly what happened?"

"Darned right I'll tell you," Sharon said, "I'll be glad to!"

"Just start at the beginning please," the policewoman said to her.

"We was on our way to the Med Center downtown like always. I stopped at a traffic light while it was red. I was about two cars back from the light and just sitting there when Brenda here started screaming and going all hysterical. She kept trying to get me to get out of there fast, but how could I. The light was red and we had cars in front and behind us. She kept screaming 'Get out of here, get out of here.' She kept looking at these two dudes who were standing in the crosswalk looking at us. Let me tell you, they gave me the creeps and I never even seen them before."

The policewoman looked over at Brenda who was now at least looking at Sharon. "Were they the ones who raped you in high school?"

Brenda nodded and sort of got a "Yes," out of her mouth. The policewoman nodded and turned back to Sharon. "Then what happened?"

"What happened? We had to wait through that entire long light is what happened. Those two guys just stood there the whole time looking at us. Finally when the light changed, we were able to go again and we had to drive right past them dudes. I was afraid they were going to try to get us or something, but they just stood in the middle of the street and watched us drive by. Brenda kept saying she wanted to go home, and not her home here, but home with her mother. I didn't know what to do, so I called Dr. Young. She told me to take her here to the police station instead and that she would be right there. That's about it I think."

The policewoman nodded. "Brenda, are you feeling better now?" Brenda nodded her head. "Do you think you can come look at some pictures for me?" Brenda seemed to just stare at her for a while, then she again nodded her head. I got up off the floor and helped Brenda to her feet.

Dr. Young said, "I'm going to go now. I want you in my office tomorrow morning though, Ok?" Brenda nodded her agreement as I held onto her. Dr. Young looked at me. "You too," that surprised me. What surprised me even more was when she turned to Sharon and said, "And that also includes you!"

"Me?" Sharon said.

"Yes! Be there, all of you!"

It took Brenda about five minutes to find the face of one of her attackers in the book of pictures they gave her. It took only a few seconds more to find a picture of the third guy who had raped her but wasn't on the street. A few minutes later, she found the third picture. The policewoman had hovered over her the whole time she was looking. As soon as she had found the first picture one of the other detectives had come over to look too. Brenda had stiffened at his approach, but tolerated it. I could tell the detective was familiar with one of them. He looked down at Brenda and said with some conviction, "We'll find him, I promise you that!"

Just before we walked out I stopped everybody and walked back to the detective. I was a bit afraid he might spot me as not being a girl, but I really didn't care. "Is there anyway we can get some pictures of those guys?" I asked him. "You know what they look like, but we don't. I think it might be a good idea if everybody in the house knows what they look like too."

The detective looked down at me and nodded. "Very good idea, wait a minute and I'll have some printed for you."

Brenda allowed Mark to drive us all home. When he asked if he could, she had stiffened again, then reached out her hand and grabbed his hand. Then she looked up at him and simply said, "Thanks." It was a great sign. We left Sharon's car there with a promise to get it later.

 

The police didn't find them. They were looking, but they weren't having any luck.

Our visit to Dr. Young had been odd. She had spent most of it talking to us about getting our feelings out and getting past tragedies. She had never mentioned my situation at all. I felt like I was simply another girl in front of her being lectured to about rape. How odd that I should ever be in that kind of situation.

Strangely, I felt like everybody in the house became closer after that. Everybody had pictures of the three guys hung somewhere in their room. We were all looking out for each other. I think especially the guys. I wasn't one of them anymore of course, but I had a feeling that they had made an agreement between themselves to always have one of them around to watch over us. It's nice to be cared for.

 

Spring break was fast approaching. Sharon and Brenda and I were sitting in their room on the floor playing a game we played often. That tape recorder I had gotten for Christmas had never made it inside of a classroom, but we put it to plenty of good use. One of my biggest problems with trying to be a girl was the way I talked. It was getting better, but it still needed a lot of improvement. The three of us spent many fascinating hours talking into that device then playing it back again. We'd all say or read the same thing, passing it around between us, then play it all back and laugh. We had a ball. I learned an awful lot about speaking better from it too.

Anyway, we were playing our game again when Mark popped his head into the room. "Bruce and Melissa are still at the gym, but they should be back soon. I don't know where Aaron and Jill are. I have to go out for a while. Are you three going to be alright?"

It struck me as an odd question, but it was nice anyway. "Sure," I said. "See you later." He left and we went back to laughing at ourselves. We were having a particularly good time that day being just funny and laughing at the sound of ourselves laughing."

It didn't last though.

"Well, well… looks like a party." It was an evil sounding voice that came from the doorway. When we looked up, Brenda screamed like she was trying to break the windows. Sharon started screaming too.

Three guys came rushing at us and jumped on us. One guy came crashing down on top of me with his knees on my chest. I tried to fight him off but got nowhere. He rolled me over on my stomach and pulled my arms behind my back. I never saw the tape, but suddenly I felt my hands being taped tightly together behind me. I kept struggling but it wasn't doing me any good. By the time he turned me over again and sat on my stomach, there was tape wrapped all the way up to my elbows.

Sharon and Brenda were both in the same situation. One of them was holding a knife at Brenda's throat. "Miss me bitch?" Sharon had never stopped screaming. "You had to go to the police, didn't you!" he yelled at her. "We should have killed you after our fun in the woods. Well, I'm not going to make that mistake again. You're going to die and all your little friends too!" Then he drew the knife slowly and gently across her throat, not cutting her deeply, but enough to draw a little blood.

"Brenda!" I screamed still struggling against the smelly lunk sitting on top of me.

"But first, I think we should we should revisit some old times. What do you think guys?"

"Definitely," both the others said at the same time smiling and agreeing with him.

The one holding Brenda started to take off her jeans. I panicked again. I had to find some way to stop him. No matter how I struggled, I just couldn't do anything. My arms were totally useless taped behind my back and there was no way I could even get up. "No!" I shouted into the air. Then, I'll never know where it came from, but I yelled "Do me first! If you're going to rape us, do me first!" I just had to get him away from Brenda.

"Stephie, no!" Brenda screamed in terror.

"Stephie, is it?" said the one on top of her. "Maybe I'll do your friends first and kill them so you can watch before I do you. I'll bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?" He said to Brenda.

Brenda just kept screaming "No!"

The one on top of me got up and switched places with the one on top of Brenda. He was laughing as he came over to me and held the knife against my throat. "So you want it first? No problem!" And with that he undid my jeans and started pulling them off my legs. I could hear Brenda screaming "Stephie!" over and over again as I tried to kick at the guy. He kicked me back hard in the chest and I doubled up on the floor in pain. My jeans were off and he put the knife into my panties and cut them off me exposing my chastity device. I hadn't even thought about it. "What the fuck is that?" he said.

"It's my chastity device," I said with some glee looking him right in the face.

"How do I get the fucking thing off?" he said as he tried every which way to wrestle it off of me.

"You can't," I said, "I don't have the key." And I tried to kick him again but missed.

"Fuck you!" he said coming down on me and swinging his fist straight into my face. It was like getting hit with a sledge hammer. My whole face felt numb. I could no longer breath out of my nose and it felt like some of my teeth were broken. I tasted blood in my mouth. "Well then," he said with what sounded like glee. "If I can't fuck you one way, I'll do it this way instead!"

All I could do was to watch in horror as he raised his knife and swung it underhand straight through my chastity device and into my groin where he thought my cunt should have been. White hot molten pain exploded through me. I tried to scream, but nothing would come out of my mouth. Unfortunately, the knife got stuck in the chastity device. He backed off me and started to try to wrestle the knife out. All it did was to move the knife blade around inside of me hurting me more. I actually sat up with my mouth wide open trying to scream but delirious with pain. I could still hear Brenda screaming "Stephie!" in the background, but it didn't seem to matter anymore to me.

Something roared and I had the impression of something huge rushing in and crashing into the guy from behind. He crashed into me knocking me back down again. Pain to match the pain in my groin suddenly exploded in the back of my head radiating like lightning bolts across my scull. It was too much for me. Too much pain. Brenda was screaming but I didn't care anymore. Too much pain. I wanted a way out. I wanted no more pain. I wanted nothing. I searched for nothing. And I found it…

 

 

INTERLUDE

 

Nothing…

 

No light, no darkness, no sound, no sensation.

 

No caring, no problems.

 

No time, no awareness.

 

No pain.

 

Nothing,

 

Sweet…

 

Sweet…

 

Nothing…

  

  

  

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