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All characters are fictional. If you see yourself, you are a lucky girl! If you are here to read adult stuff, sorry, it is another innocent short story of mine.
Let me say some words before you start to read. I started with this story and my dear friend Pickles wrote it ready. Pickles is like a mentor for me. Please let him know that he is a wonderful author too.
I Must Go Away Sisby: Sandra & Pickles
I waited till everybody in the house was asleep. I slipped into my clothes and walked down the hall. I went into my sisters room. It was a full moon that night and it shone through her window and I saw she was asleep. A beam of moonlight gently caressed my sister. Her honey blonde hair framed her face. The light from the moon gave her a halo that I always knew was there.
As I reluctantly turned from this most beautiful image, when I heard her say, "Robert? Why are you not in your pajamas?"
I sat on her bed and stroked her soft cheeks, "I must go away sis."
"Mom and Dad did not tell me anything."
"They dont know I am leaving the house"
"Is there a party?"
"No Sandy, I am leaving forever. You know Dad beats me all the time, and Mom and Dad yell at each other because of me."
"I dont understand why he hits you all the time and fights with mom. Your the best brother in the world. You do everything for Mom and me."
I pulled her gently to me and said "You are the best little sister in the world.", while I gave her forehead a soft kiss, "You are too young to understand why I must go away."
"What shall I do without you?"
"Live your life full of happiness as a girl, sis."
"I cant be happy without you. I need you. I need my big brother."
"Life will be better for everybody when I am gone. Dad will not be angry anymore. Mom and Dad will stop fighting. It will be better for you and better for Mom."
"He yells at mom a lot lately. Dad some times acts as if he is going to hit Mom. It scares me."
"They fight because of me."
"What have you done?"
"I was honest."
"Honesty is no reason to beat you and fight with Mom."
"I would love to tell you honey but it is better that I leave now."
All of a sudden this little kitten slung her arms around my neck with an iron like grip and hugged me and started to cry. "Please do not leave me."
We both wept. "Oh Sandy. I love you and Mom so much. Thats why I have to leave. Dad may lose control and start to beat you and Mom too. All because of me. Promise me to grow up to be
happy and a lady. Make me proud of you." I gently took her wrists from around my neck folded them on her chest and kissed her on the forehead.
"Please Robert do not go. If Dad does beat me it is not your fault."
Her sad voice cut to my soul. "Sandy, if he beats you I dont know what I would do. Its best for you and Mom that I leave. I have to leave now."
"Then take me with you!"
"No sis. You should live." Right there I cursed myself. I said too much.
"You want to kill your self! Dont you?" She got her arms free and hugged me as hard as she could. "If you really love Mom and me then you will not kill your self. I cannot live without my big brother. Please tell me why dad beats you and fights with mom? Maybe I can do something about it."
I took a deep breath. "Nobody can help me Sandy." I looked deep into her eyes stroked her lovely face. "Nobody can help me. Deep inside I have never been your brother. I have always been your sister. I have always been a girl on the inside. I am a girl born in the wrong body. I told Mom and Dad how I feel. Mom understood Dad flew into a rage and beat me and called me a sissy. Mom pulled him of me. They got into the worst argument I have ever seen and all because of me."
"We can go to Aunt Karen. We can live with her. We can be sisters."
When I heard that name I closed my eyes and thought back to the happiest moment in my life.
Aunt Karen is my fathers sister. When anytime Mom and Dad go out of town, We stay with Aunt Karen. We always had fun with her. One time when we were over her house Sandy ask me to have tea with her and her dolls. Aunt Karen joined us. Sandy put one of the dolls bonnets on my head, because this tea was for ladies only. Aunt Karen said ""e can do better then that." She loaned me a dress to put on and applied some light makeup on me. She stood back and admired her handiwork. Her face lit up. "Robert, I cant believe how good you look." I blushed a deep red. "Well, we certainly cant call you Robert looking like that. Sandy, what she would call her?" Before Sandy could utter a word I said, "Beverly." Sandy and my Aunt looked surprised. "Okay.", my Aunt said with a smile, "Beverly it is."
I opened my eyes and said, "I would love nothing better Sandy. But it would never work. He would find us and then get things really bad. Please promise me. You will say never a word to dad that you knew about your sister, okay?"
"It doesnt matter if Dad yells or beats me. Dont go, please!"
"Sis, please I want to be loved for who I am, not what I pretend to be. If he only beat me, I would stay. I love you and Mom and even Dad. But I cannot live with him hating me for what I really am. It will cause Mom and Dad to fight more and maybe even break our family up. I couldnt live with that and what it could do to you. Thats why I must go." I stroked her soft cheeks, "When you get older you will understand."
Sandy looked at me with her eyes full of tears her lips trembling. "Beverly can I at least hug you one last time and kiss you goodbye." Wordlessly my little kitten reached once again to hug my neck and kiss me goodbye. As I accepted her embrace she whispered In my ear. "I love you Beverly. Please forgive me". Her gentle embrace all at once turned to iron. In the loudest earsplitting voice I have heard, "MOMEEEEEEEEEE, MOMEEEEEEEEEE, Robert is going to kill himself." Over and over again she screamed the same thing.
I tried to extricate myself from her grasp without hurting her. But she was holding onto me like her life depended on it. I heard the heavy footsteps running to my sisters room which heralded my fathers momentary arrival. Her bedroom door flew open and my fathers outline stood in the doorway. He moved toward the bed where my sister held me.
All of a sudden she released me, bounded of the bed and at my father. Her fists flailing at him, yelling, "My daddy is a bad man. How could you hurt my sister like that? Youre a bad, bad man."
My father, who didnt even feel her fists pounding him embraced her and whispered something in her ear. She stopped hitting him and broke down sobbing.
When I saw she was okay and my father wasnt going to hit her. I turned to run out of the room. I ran smack into another iron embrace only much stronger, It was my mother. "Oh honey. Nobody is ever going to beat you again."
Daddy, while embracing my sister moved toward me and said, "I am really sorry son. I was a damn fool. I will never beat you again."
While still being held in the iron but warm embrace of my mother. "Thats the problem I am your daughter not your son!", I yelled.
Mother said, "Calm down honey. Go, wash up in the bathroom while your dad puts Sandy back to sleep."
My father lay Sandy upon her bed, embracing her and kissing and telling her everything was going to be all right.
I took of my jacket and headed toward the bathroom. My mother followed me into the bathroom. I looked at her and before I could say anything, she said, "If you think I am taking my eyes of you for a second, Beverly."
I just smiled. Thats the first time she called me Beverly.
When I was done we went down to the living room. Dad was waiting. Dad said, "Beverly, I cannot say I am sorry enough. Your mother was trying to convince me to take you to a doctor that specializes in gender problems. When we heard your sister scream you were going to kill yourself, I was never so scared in all my life. Your sister told me what you said to her. Beverly while I hit you, which I should not have done. I would never ever hit your mother or your sister. The men in our family do not hit women. "
Mom agreed, "As mad as they ever got Dad would put his fist through a wall before he would hit me or Sandy."
Dad said, "While I am not totally convinced that youre a girl in the body of a boy. This doctor can make that determination. We are making an appointment with the Doctor tomorrow."
That night my mother gave me one of her night gowns. She insisted that I sleep in there bed between her and Dad. I went to bed with both sets of arms around me. It may have been to assure that I didnt run away, but I never felt so secure, so loved.
The next day they called the Doctor. The Doctor said to bring me in right away. I think the Doctor wanted to see me immediately because they told her I tried to run away and commit suicide. Mom and Dad took off work to take me to the appointment. We walked into the Doctors office. The nurse immediately sat us in front of the Doctors desk. Doctor Christian entered the office. She was a tall slender woman. She wore
a lab coat. She had the softest, kindest face I ever saw. Her warm brown eyes let me glimpse the most caring soul I would ever come to know. She explained that a lot of young people kill themselves every year because they are trangendered. She sat very straight in her chair. In a very soft yet authoritative voice she started to talk about intersexed children, gender dysfunction. She discussed facts and widely accepted theories about the transgendered. My Mother and Father sat there transfixed at what she was saying. I listened too. But the only part I really heard was I was not the only one like me. I was not alone.
Doctor Christian said she would need blood samples and she would set up a number of interviews with psychiatrists and other experts in the field. She would interview me today. First she asked me to leave the room, she wanted to talk to my parents. About twenty minutes later my parents came out, my Father was visibly shaken. Later my mother would tell me that Dr. Christian really lit into Dad for beating me. This kind soft spoken woman put the fear of God into my father.
When I went into her office she had me take a written test. Then the best thing that ever happened to me in my young life happened. She talked to me about how I felt, why I thought the way I did. Then she closed her mouth and listened to me. Nobody had ever listened to me before. The damn broke, I talked and talked even cried some times. When we were done about two hours later, I felt great.
She gave my folks a prescription for a sedative, only if I needed it. They made a series of appointments for me. We went home. We did stop for ice cream (Daddies guilt).
When Sandy came home from school, I was waiting at the door. I gave her a hug and a kiss. She hugged back. I said, "Sandy you are my hero." My little kitten gave me a puzzled look. "Sandy, you saved my life, you stopped me from doing a very dumb thing. If you hadnt screamed last night I would probably be dead. Instead, because of you, I have never been happier. You are my hero."
She looked down at the floor and blushed. "Since you are my sister now would you like to play with my dolls?"
I glowed at the very thought. it was something I always wanted to do. When we got in her room she told me all of her dollies names. She asked me a whole bunch of questions. Like when would I become a real girl. I told her that they still had to test me to be sure that it was right for me.
Well, two months went by. I had a number of appointments most of them with mental health professionals. Dr. Christian said I should start dressing the way I feel. I came home from school one day and found dresses, skirts, and blouses in my closet. My draws filled with panties and training bras. I was in heaven.
My father had taking to referring to me as his daughter. However he was still going to wait till all the tests and interviews were done. He really did not know how to treat me, like his daughter or his son. On rare occasions he would hug me and kiss me like he did Sandy. But not always.
One day the phone rang, since I was the nearest I picked it up. "Hello.", I said, The other voice said, "Hello Beverly.", it was Dr. Christian, "How are you feeling today? Sweetheart, let me speak to your parents please." Mom picked up the phone after a minute she hung it up.
Mom said, "She wants to see you, Dad and me tomorrow."
The next day we were in the waiting room. The nurse said the doctor wanted to see my parents first. I smiled nervously and sat back in the chair. I knew this was it the day that would decide the rest of my life. What seemed like hours passed by. Fifteen minutes later Dr. Christian buzzed the receptionist. She said, "You can go in now Beverly."
I walked through that door not knowing what to expect. I saw both my parent seated with tears in there eyes but a smile on their faces. Dr. Christian was also smiling. The Doctor was about to speak when Dad said, "Doc if you dont mind let me." She smiled and said, "Of course."
My father stood up, I looked up at him, he came over and embraced me. "Beverly, there is no doubt all those tests all those interviews confirm that you are and have always been a girl." My mother came over embraced me my father encircled both of us with his embrace. He said, "I should have never hit you, boy or girl. But the fact that I beat my little girl, I am so ashamed."
I said, "Daddy I love you and forgive you."
Well thats all it took the three of us turned into a sobbing mass of humanity. I looked over and saw Dr. Christian sobbing too. I went over to her embraced her she embraced back. I said, "Dr. Christian, how can I ever thank you."
Dr. Christian said to me what I said to my sister on her bed two months ago,"Live a happy life as a girl, and grow up to be a lady and make me proud."
Well, she gave me my first hormone shots right there, set up a series of appointments, I was on my way to womanhood.
The end and the start
On the way home we stopped at the ice cream store and got a strawberry ice cream cake. On it read, "To Sandra, my HERO."
© 2000 by Sandra & Pickles
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