My Life As a Drillteamer

by Tracy

  

Not discussing drill-team was easy, because tryouts were over and summer practices didn't start until after the 4^th of July. The girls had drill-team camp in late June, but only the existing squad, not the new members, got to go. Laurie was gone a week and she sent me a letter or postcard every day, often accompanied by photos: the girls going to practice, the girls putting their hair up before practice, hugging and laughing with other squads, every note ending up with "I wish you were here!" … I had to admit by the end of the week I was wishing I was there, too. I remembered how much I'd enjoyed being on the Pep Squad, hanging out with the girls. I started thinking maybe I'd go out for the practices, after all. There wouldn't be anyone else around – just the girls on the squad. I could always quit before school started.

I hung my Pep Squad outfit in my closet, with my Keds. I kept my beaded headband, my feather and my pompoms stashed in a sack back in the back of my closet. As June went by it seemed like the whole experience had been a dream. After the girls got back from camp we still hung out at Laurie's pool on Saturdays. Often they'd put their hair up in rollers, and usually Laurie did mine as well. I'd gotten used to being seen in curlers and even went out in public in them a couple of times. Occasionally the girls would talk about camp, or about how they dreaded the start of early-morning practice. The fact was I was secretly starting to get excited about it. I missed putting my hair up, and wearing my white Keds, and swinging my pompoms. Mostly I missed feeling like I was one of the girls.

Then, as they say, things got more complicated.

That Fourth of July we went over to the lake for a long weekend, more like a week. It was the last weekend before early-morning practices started, 5 days a week at 6 a.m. Ashley, her boyfriend, Laurie & I stayed at Ashley's parents' lakehouse. Ashley's boyfriend was an all-state basketball player, who'd once been a close friend of mine, but as I'd gotten more involved with the Pep Squad we'd drifted apart. Surprisingly, he didn't seem to look down on me for trying out and dressing femininely; in fact he didn't seem to care one way or another. He was only at the lakehouse for a couple of days, then he had to go travel to an AAU basketball tournament.

I still didn't know Ashley that well; she was hard to pin down. On the surface she seemed the classic snobbish cheerleader: her parents were rich, she was even more beautiful than Laurie, she didn't really talk that much, and she was an Honors student, in a lot of my classes. Most of her friends were either cheerleaders or Cheerokees. On the other hand, she was close to several of the freaks and to some of the black and Hispanic girls in school; she had an eclectic bunch of friends, she hung out with whomever she chose and she obviously didn't care what anyone else thought about her. She and Laurie had known each other since 4^th grade. Sometimes I felt like they had an unequal friendship, like Laurie had a little bit of a crush on her. But I'd seen Ashley stick up for Laurie (and for me for that matter), and be tremendously sweet to her, and I knew they would do anything for each other.

Anyway on the 4^th the three of us went to a music festival in a lakeside park. There were some bluegrass bands, a few folk singers, and the like. Laurie had dressed me for the occasion: I had on white denim short overalls, a pale blue t-shirt, and my blue Dr. Scholl's. Laurie was wearing a navy polo shirt, a blue-and-red plaid skirt, and Keds. We both had our hair back in headbands, mine a baby-blue bandana with a flowered print, hers a woven leather band. Ashley had a yellow-daisy summer frock on and Dr. Scholl's sandals, with her hair loose. I have to say we made quite a trio, and we got lots of looks as we moved through the crowd.

We were there for almost five hours, picnicking on the grass, listening to the music and just laying around. At one point, waiting for a band to come on, Laurie said "Okay, I'm bored. Time to play with Brian's hair." She slipped off my headband, separated my hair into two pigtails, and started braiding the right one. Ashley said "I'll do the other one." So there I was in front of several hundred people having my hair done in braids. When she finished, Laurie said "Look in his purse, Brian always carries ponytail holders." (It was true; I hated being unable to put my hair up when I wanted to.) Sure enough, Ashley dug around in the shoulder bag I'd brought and pulled out a couple of holders. They tied them around my pigtails. When they finished, I said "Let's do Ashley's." Ashley had seldom joined in any of our gender-play, and for some reason I felt like messing with her. I was kind of surprised when she just said "Okay." Luckily I'd had practice braiding Laurie's hair for games, and with Laurie's help I did Ashley in braided pigtails like mine. Her auburn hair was thick and glossy and the scent and feel of it turned me on more than I cared to let Laurie know. By this time everyone else around us was staring away. Then, of course, we had to braid Laurie's hair as well (luckily I had plenty of rubber bands).

I remember thinking "This is different…" but I didn't really know what that meant -- until we got home.

We were back at Ashley's parents' lakehouse, at about 6 p.m., having margaritas. Laurie was busy straightening up, and Ashley & I were sitting on the sofa, looking at the school yearbook that had just come out in the spring. We were laughing over the photos, looking at the cheer and drill-team and Pep Squad photos, complaining that our butts looked big, and so on. We still had our hair in braids. Ashley was leaning close with her arm up on the back of the sofa, looking over my shoulder. She was full of sparkle, more friendly, not to mention physically closer, than she'd ever been to me. Laurie stepped into the room and watched us for a moment, with a smile on her face. Then, she said "Y'all can kiss if you want to."

We both looked at her. I was stunned, wondering if she was suddenly jealous. But she was smiling. "Really, it's okay. I know you want to."

Ashley looked back at me. Gently, she took my chin in her hand and turned my face to hers. Then she kissed me. Not a friendly, nice-to-see-you smooch but a full-tongued sexy kiss. After a moment's hesitation I responded in kind.

Ashley snuggled closer to me and put her wet tongue in my ear. I quickly developed a stiff hard-on. I looked up at Laurie, only to see her walking over, shedding her polo shirt. Instead of sitting next to me she sat on the other side of Ashley. She put her hand on Ashley's breast, and ran it down to the hem of her dress and then underneath. Ashley, without releasing me, turned to her and they kissed, lovingly. I realized: "They've done this before."

Flashing through my brain went a thousand little details I'd noticed before but never put together: Laurie stroking Ashley's hair as she rolled it, their hands touching and lingering, Ashley standing behind Laurie, who was seated in a lawn chair, with her hands around Laurie's shoulders, smiling at me. "They've been best pals since 4^th grade," I recalled.

I did the only thing I could think of to do: I placed my hand under Ashley's dress, where it met Laurie's hand, and started kissing her on the neck. Laurie guided my hand to Ashley's clitoris. Then she reached up and stroked my cheek and my right braid. Then she stood and said "Come on," holding out her hands to both of us. Ashley looked at me for a moment, biting her lip. Then she took Laurie's hand. I did the same and, hand in hand, we all went into the master bedroom.

Without saying a word we all 3 undressed each other: Laurie and I removed Ashley's frock and bra and panties, they unbuttoned my overalls and slipped my t-shirt and panties off, we got Laurie onto all fours and slipped her skirt over her ass. I won't go into detail other than to say what followed was the most memorable sexual experience of my life. More than once I found myself spectating, as Ashley and Laurie, obviously quite familiar with each other's bodies, gave each other pleasure. At one point I found myself with one of them, I'm not sure which, going down on me while the other straddled my face and I tongued her lavishly. I knew Laurie's orgasms well, and she came with me inside her and Ashley sucking her breast and fingering her clit. Then we worked on Ashley, and finally it was my turn. I held off as long as I could, and finally came on all fours, with Laurie giving me head and Ashley licking my anus.

We lay tangled up together for a long time. No one wanted to break the spell. It was still light outside, and we could hear the cries of birds and a few speedboats across the lake. Finally I got up and made drinks for all three of us. When I got back Ashley was painting Laurie's toenails. "You're next," she announced. I sat in the chair watching them until it was my turn, then climbed on the bed and let Ashley put cotton balls between my toes and paint my toenails a deep maroon. Laurie, sipping her drink, was the first to speak.

"So I guess you're wondering how long this has been going on," she said matter-of-factly.

"Well, sure," I said. "I mean, it's a little shocking. But you don't have to tell me anything." Ashley looked up at me, the nail-polish brush in her fingers. "I care about both of you," I added, rather lamely.

Laure sipped her drink and said "I – we – want to tell you. We've wanted to for a while."

"Okay." Ashley finished with one foot and then started on the other.

"We used to spend the night together all the time, at Ashley's, when my parents first split up. She'd sleep in the bed and I'd sleep in the trundle bed. At some point I just crawled in bed with her."

"We would talk all night, with our arms around each other," said Ashley, concentrating on my middle toe. "Then we started doing more than talking."

"Sounds pretty innocent," I said.

"It is," insisted Laurie. "Or at least it was. But then it never really stopped."

"So … are you lesbians?"

"That's a silly question, sweetie," Ashley replied. "Does Laurie seem like a lesbian to you?"

"Guess not."

"The word is bisexual," she went on, capping the nail polish and starting in with a clear top-coat finish. In a few minutes she was done. "Now don't walk around. If you mess up your toes I'll kill you."

"Does Clark know?" Clark was her boyfriend.

"No. And he doesn't need to."

"What about Carol?"

"Probably," said Laurie. "I mean she's almost walked in on us more than once."

I lay there digesting this for a while. Laurie came over – she also had cotton balls between her scarlet toenails – and sat next to me.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. This doesn't change anything between us."

"Sure it does." I felt suddenly slightly annoyed. "I mean, there's three of us in bed now, for God's sake."

I heard Ashley snickering. I smiled and shook my head and laughed. Smiling broadly, Laurie bent down and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Got a problem with that?"

"Well, no. How could I? But … I love you, Laurie. No offense," I added quickly, looking at Ashley.

"Don't worry, Tiger," she said. "I love her too. But I don't want to marry her."

Slowly, I remembered what Mrs. Mahan told me. "Laurie and Ashley are very beautiful and strong-willed girls, and they're used to getting what they want …"

"So, the whole thing with me trying out …"

"Weelll, … that was sort of both of our ideas," Laurie said slowly.

"Laurie knew you liked dressing up," Ashley said simply. "And I just told her, 'Let's see how much he really likes it.'"

"And you wanted another girlfriend …" I started.

"But one with a penis," finished Laurie.

This was all a lot to swallow. But I soon discovered that I wasn't going to have time to think about it much. "Come on," said Ashley, tugging me off the bed. "We've got to get dressed. We're going out dancing."

"Getting dressed," I found out, meant "dressing like girls." Laurie put on a white lacy knee-length summer dress, and strappy sandals. Ashley put on another flowered print dress, and her Dr. Scholl's. And to me, they handed a short denim skirt and a gauzy, loose pullover blouse with a silk spaghetti-strap camisole to go underneath. Laurie pulled out a brand-new pair of white Dr. Scholl's, in my size, saying "We want to show off that pedicure."

"Hold on. You think I'm going out in drag?"

"That's right, sweetie," said Ashley. "You wanted to be one of the girls, didn't you? Don't worry: we'll make you up so no one can tell."

By this time I felt like all my willpower had drained away the moment Ashley first kissed me. I shrugged. We took the braids out of our hair, and by now we all had nice wild waves that we punched up with a bit of mousse. Laurie gave me a close shave, both face and legs, and then Ashley did my makeup while Laurie watched, giving her pointers. I pulled on the denim skirt and slipped into the Dr. Scholl's. My toenails looked bright red against the white leather straps. I pulled on the camisole and the blouse. Luckily I had very little chest hair. Ashley was right: it was hard to tell I wasn't a girl, as long as I kept my mouth shut.

We started drinking at Trader Vic's – where we had a couple of guys come up and order us drinks -- and ended up in a popular gay dance bar on the lakefront. I felt like I was in a dream – for the first time in my life I was actually passing as a girl. I'm not sure if they thought we were lesbians or what, but the three of us ended up on the dance floor together, bumping and grinding to songs like "Flashlight," by Parliament/Funkadelic. At one point we were resting, sipping our drinks at a table near the dance floor, and a guy came up and asked me to dance. It was clear he wasn't gay, and he didn't know he was asking a guy. Looking down, I smiled and shook my head, but Laurie & Ashley wouldn't hear of it: "Sure, she'll dance with you!" they said, and almost pushed me out on the floor.

He was tall, a lot taller than I am, and he liked to dance closely. He had his hand on my ass and was rubbing against me so hard I thought for sure he was going to feel my penis. I was humiliated and turned on at the same time; if I hadn't been drunk I would have walked away. But the thought that I was actually passing as a girl was very arousing. He kept trying to talk to me but luckily the music was so loud I couldn't hear a word he said and I just smiled in reply. Finally another song kicked in and my girlfriends rescued me: Ashley cut in to dance with my partner and Laurie and I started dancing together.

We got home that night at about 3 a.m. and I was just going to fall into bed in my clothes but Laurie had one last surprise for me: she put on a nightie and then, helping me undress, held a similar one up for me. The three of us slept in the same bed, in our nighties, with our makeup still on. To say the least, it was a night I'll never forget.

 

The next week drill-team practice – known as "early-mornings" – began. The Cheerokees met at the football field at 6:30 a.m., four days a week, for a two-and-a-half hour practice. On another part of the field were the cheerleaders. Again, I'd decided not to quit just yet. I would go to practice, see how it went, and decide whether to stay with the Cheerokees once school started. I still couldn't see actually putting on the uniform in public and marching with the girls.

Going to practice was a chore because I had to get up so early and I had to have an explanation for my Mom. Even though I suspected she knew more than she let on, I still hadn't gotten the nerve up to tell her I'd tried out for, and made, the drill team. I settled on the lame excuse that I was getting up early to work out. Laurie picked me up at 6:20 and I told my mother she was giving me a ride over to the school track. I wore my gym shorts and a t-shirt along with running shoes, and carried my Cheerokee t-shirt and Keds in a backpack. Laurie kept my pom-poms for me. After she picked me up I put my hair up in a high ponytail, or Laurie did it in braids or pigtails.

Early-mornings were hard work. We had less than two months to learn a half-dozen halftime routines that we would expand and adapt for the games. We also had to learn some basic pep-rally marches. I was surprised to find that none of the other girls said anything about having a guy on the squad; they were too busy learning the routines to worry about me or what I was wearing. When they saw I was serious, and working as hard as they were, they just treated me as another Cheerokee.

After practice we'd go over to one of the girls' houses and drink lemonade and gossip, or maybe go to the mall. I noticed that, when we were shopping together, Laurie would hold girls' clothes up in front of me – skirts or dresses or blouses – and say "You'd look great in that." One time when it was just the two of us we went shopping for lingerie. She picked out a nightgown and asked the salesclerk "Does this come in large?" When the clerk found her a large, Laurie said "Do you mind if we go in the dressing rooms together?" "Of course not," said the saleswoman, smiling at me. I was wearing my practice outfit, Keds and white socks, with my hair in low pigtails. I couldn't tell if she thought I was a girl, or if she knew I was a guy and didn't care. We bought the nightie and then Laurie marched me over to the jewelry stand in the middle of the mall.

"Time to get your ears pierced," she said.

As usual I protested but ended up going along. It only took a minute but it hurt. I got gold posts in both earlobes and was told it would take 2 months for them to heal and I couldn't remove the posts till then. "That's just in time for the first game!" Laurie said. "Perfect!" I didn't have the heart to tell her I wouldn't be on the squad by then.

That Saturday Ashley, Laurie and I got together again. We were going to a party at one of the house of one of the senior cheerleaders. I'd informed Laurie that I was not about to go in drag. She said okay, we'd just go over to Ashley's house before the party. I was pretty curious to see how the three of us would feel, being together again. I wore a pair of jeans and a polo shirt, and Laurie got me to wear my white Dr. Scholl's sandals – an item of clothing that no other guy in the school would be caught dead in. She had on a short skirt and a halter top, and she'd rolled both of our hair in jumbo hot rollers. When we got to Laurie's house she was still in gym shorts, with her hair up in Velcro curlers. "Sorry guys!" she said. "C'mon in."

We followed her up to her room. Her parents were in another part of the house but the place was such a mansion we never even saw them. When we got to Ashley's room she kissed each of us quickly on the lips, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. Laurie smiled and shrugged at me, as if to say, "That's Ashley, what are you going to do?" We sat on the bed chatting while Ashley dressed; even though I'd slept with her I was surprised when she pulled off her gymshorts and shirt to reveal her bra and panties. I was further surprised to find that none of it felt awkward; it was like we'd all been best friends since childhood, and we just happened to now be having a sexual mιnage a trois.

That night was probably when the rumors got started about the three of us. We arrived together, and left together, and in between we pretty much stuck to ourselves. At one point we were out in the backyard sitting on some lawn furniture. I was holding hands with Laurie and Ashley picked up her other hand, stroked it for a minute, then laid it gently back down. It was incredibly sweet and graceful. I couldn't help asking, "Where's Clark?"

"I dunno," said Ashley, shrugging. In fact he was inside; I'd seen him briefly, in passing.

Feeling like an asshole, I pressed her anyway. "Aren't you seeing him anymore?"

"Ask him," Ashley said, and wandered off to get a beer. Laurie looked daggers at me. "They broke up last week," she said. "You don't have to be such a jerk about it."

I suddenly realized that Ashley, despite her apparent aloofness, really was in love with Laurie, and that she had to share her with me – even though they'd been "together" for years. Ashley's kindness to me, her wanting the three of us to be girlfriends, seemed very generous. I was filled with affection and gratitude for her, and I promised myself I'd let her know.

That night, after the party, we went back to Laurie's house. It was a soft summer night and we sat out on lounge chairs by her parents' pool, sipping our drinks and listening to the artifical waterfall at one end of the pool. I felt embarrassed and shy, but finally I went over and sat by Ashley and hugged her. "I'm sorry," I said. "I hope we can all be friends forever." She had tears in her big brown eyes, and she reached up and stroked my cheek. "Just treat Laurie nicely," she said. And then, mischievously: "Otherwise I'll kill you."

We ended up naked in the hot tub that night, not really screwing but just petting each other and making out. Finally Laurie & I had to go; her mother would be waiting up for her. I felt bad that we couldn't all sleep together again. Ashley kissed both of us good night at the door. This time it was more than a short kiss.

 

The rest of the summer went like that. Up at 6 a.m. every day for early morning, put my hair up, pull on my sneakers and my t-shirt and shorts, and head out the door when Laurie honked. We learned all the basic routines for halftimes and pep rallies – about a dozen in all – plus some fancy pompom lineup moves where we'd be in a line on the field and do just pompom motions in sequence up and down the line. It was hard work but I had to admit I loved it. The girls had gotten used to having a guy on the squad and I was just another of the Cheerokees. I was working a few evenings a week at a local Mexican restaurant so I had to go home and put on slacks and a button-down shirt and re-do my ponytail so it didn't look quite so girlish. I was lucky that the manager was a younger guy and he didn't mind me having long hair. Once Laurie decided to put it up in a bun before work – it was getting below my shoulders – and she used about a thousand bobby pins and it looked very neat and professional so I started wearing it like that to work whenever she had time to do it. I was getting good at doing my own hair but I could never get it up in such a neat bun!

Almost every weekend we'd get together with Ashley, either to hang out at her pool or to go shopping or to a party – and often for a sleepover. We'd become known as inseparable. Whenever we did a sleepover – usually at Ashley's house, but a couple of times at Laurie's – they would totally dress me up like a girl: makeup, curlers, nail polish, and a nightie. I had to sleep in curlers, and wear my hair in curls and my nails polished the next day. Laurie kept telling me I'd better get used to it: I would have to curl my hair for games. She had also bought me a sports bra which I started wearing to early-morning, under my t-shirts.

Before I knew it we'd come to the last week of early-mornings. It was late August, and school started in two weeks. That Monday, after practice, we were sitting at our local burger joint with Ashley and Carol, enjoying the air conditioning and sipping cherry Cokes. There was some slight tension in the air – I couldn't place it but I could feel it. Finally, Carol was the one who spoke up.

"You're not thinking about quitting, are you Brian?"

I was taken aback. The fact was I was still, in the back of my mind, planning on dropping out before school started. But I'd gotten so used to the practices and the other drillteamers that I'd shoved it aside, putting off deciding until the last minute.

"Umm -- ….I'm not sure."

Laurie didn't say anything. She wouldn't look at me. Carol went on.

"You can't quit now. Everyone is depending on you. And you took a spot that some other girl could have had."

I thought about this for a while.

"Why would you quit?" asked Ashley. She had a way of being direct.

"Well, so far it's been, like ….just us, sort of. I mean lots of people know I'm on the squad, but it's not … not really public."

"You mean you don't have to wear a skirt and march in front of the school," said Ashley.

"Right."

We were all quiet. Laurie's eyes were welling with tears and when I reached up to brush them away she pushed my hand away.

"Look Brian," said Ashley. "Nobody's going to make you stay on the squad. It's up to you. But we've all worked really hard with you and supported you and believed in you. We'll be disappointed if you quit. We know you really would like to be Cheerokee. And Laurie … "

She didn't have to anything more.

"Anyway you've got to decide, now. After this week it's too late to quit. It's not fair to everyone else on the squad."

I sat there for a while playing with my straw. I could feel my hair pulled tightly up in a ponytail, and I could see the white Keds on my feet. They were no longer spotless: they had grass stains from marching at practice. It occurred to me in passing that I'd have to get a new pair for games – if I stayed on the squad. My sports bra wrapped my chest tightly, and my genitals felt snug under my gymshorts in the white lacey panties Laurie had bought for me. I thought back to everything I'd been through for the last year: Halloween, and the Pep Squad, and tryouts, and early-mornings. I thought about Laurie and Ashley and I together at the lakehouse. I knew I could stop right then and be a full-time guy again and never have to be humiliated or ridiculed again for being a Cheerokee and wearing a skirt. It would be easy. Then I tried to imagine not being a Cheerokee – not wearing my sneakers, or my circle skirt, and not carrying pompoms and rolling my hair, and never getting to wear the headband and feather to school. Not riding the bus to games. Not going to early-morning practices with my friends. I couldn't imagine it. Laurie was right: it made me happy. Girlish or not, it had become part of who I was. To give it up because I was scared of what people would think would be cowardly. Most importantly, it would hurt Laurie. Once again, I shrugged and said "What the hell. I'm going to do it."

The table erupted in cheers. All 3 of the girls reached over and hugged me. Laurie was still crying, and laughing at the same time. To celebrate, we went and got manicures. I had my nails done a soft coral pink. I got a lot of grief at work that night, but I didn't care.

There was one more thing to do, which I'd really been dreading. I had to tell my mother I was a Cheerokee.

The next day Laurie and I went over to my house after practice. My mother was working a part-time schedule for the summer – she was an administrator for the public library – and I knew she'd be there. She was out on the patio sipping iced tea and reading a magazine – I remember perfectly, it was the new issue of Elle, which happened to be Laurie and I's favorite fashion mag – when we arrived. We still had our practice clothes on: Cheerokee t-shirts, gymshorts, white socks with Keds, high ponytails. We walked out on the patio and my mother looked up, shading her eyes with her hands.

"Well, don't you two look cute."

I'd been working up to this moment for so long I just blurted it out: "Mom I've got something to tell you."

She smiled, and said, "Well sit down first. And have some of this tea. It's delicious."

When we were settled, with our icy glasses of tea, there was a silence. Laurie, I knew, wasn't going to help me out this time. My mother waited patiently.

"Mom, I --… you know I've been getting up early most mornings?" It was a lame beginning. Laurie rolled her eyes.

"Yes, dear, I've noticed."

"Well I haven't been going to work out. Well, sort of. I've been going to drill-team practice."

"Oh?" Mom waited, still smiling. I was almost trembling. I put the glass of tea on the table.

"I tried out last spring, kind of as a joke. Then I made the squad. I'm one of the Cheerokees."

"He's really been working hard, Mrs. Stephens," Laurie spoke up finally. "He's really good. All the girls like having him on the squad."

My mother started laughing – not harshly, but a soft chuckle. "Y'all must really think I'm stupid."

We looked at her, then at each other, eyes wide.

"I've known you were on the squad since last school year. Betsy Bracy's mom told me you were trying out. I called Sue Mahan to see if you'd made it. She told me the whole story, the new rules for boys, how well you'd been doing. I knew you were getting up for early-mornings. I was just wondering if you were ever going to tell me your big secret."

I felt like someone had punched me in the solar plexus. For a minute I couldn't speak.

"So you're going to march with the girls? And wear the outfits and everything?"

"You don't mind?" I finally squeaked out. This was not how this conversation had played out in my mind.

"I wouldn't say that. It'll be a bit embarrassing, at first. But I'm sure I'll get used to it. I'm more worried about you – how will you face your friends at school?"

"He's got lots of support," Laurie said in a rush. "The girls are all behind him. And he looks, like, so – …"

"Cute?" Mom said.

"Awesome," said Laurie, laughing. "He's got such pretty legs."

My mother looked at me, waiting for me to respond. She had a way of eyeing me that never failed to force the truth out of me.

"I've been practicing all summer," I said, choosing my words carefully. My heart had stopped racing. "So I've gotten used to being on the squad. I'm sure I'll be embarrassed at school at first, but – the girls are counting on me. Maybe I won't be able to go through with it, but I'm going to try."

My mother sat thinking for a moment. "Well, the fact is I'd rather have you marching in a skirt than doing drugs with some of those dead-head friends of yours. At least it's something constructive for the school. And it's obviously something you want to do."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"So," she said, folding her hands in her lap as if everything had been decided. "What do you need me to do?"

From there it was mostly Laurie and Mom talking – about the outfits, keeping them ironed and clean, the circle skirts we wore on gamedays to school, the pompoms and so on. They talked about my hair – "Well, I've got my hot rollers, and my old hood hairdryer," my mother said, "so I could do his hair here, before games" – and makeup and the other things I would need. I sat there sipping my tea, unable to believe how easily this had gone. I realized that a large part of my reluctance to be on the squad came from my fear of what my mother would say. I felt like I had the most awesome Mom in the world.

  

  

  

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