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NOTE: This is a work of fiction. The persons named in this story are fictional characters and are not meant to represent any actual person either living or deceased.
Natural by: MartiB
"Joe Lossin is not your normal cross dresser."
This simple little thought was conceived in the deepest recesses of Joes subconscience. On the surface, this statement seems innocent enough but to Joes subconscious, it looked like the perfect weapon. You see, Joes subconscious is a lot like yours and mine. It works in strange and mysterious ways often displaying a perverse sense of humor. Joes Id was always looking for some way to startle Joe. There was merit in this little thought!
Joes subconscious launched this simple little thought on a direct path toward that invisible barrier that separates the conscious from the subconscious. The little thought raced along, gaining strength with each synapse leap. It burst through that invisible barrier with all the power and fury of a late summer storm rumbling across the Kansas plains.
Joes conscious being was battered. What started out as a simple little thought now demanded a response. Joes conscious mind responded quickly and with assurance.
"Thats for damn sure!"
No sooner were the words out of Joes mouth than he felt the sharp jab just below the ribs on his left side. Karens swiftly delivered jab snapped Joe back to the real world. As he sheepishly looked up the first thing Joe realized everyone in church was looking at him. Even Pastor Reynolds! Joe also realized that the pastor was now talking to him.
"Perhaps Joe would like to elaborate on his rather forceful agreement with todays reading."
Joe could have responded. He could have made up some story. However, he didnt. His head and eyes dropped to his lap and he barely managed a mumbled "Sorry"
"No Joe. Dont be sorry! I really appreciate your active participation." Said Pastor Reynolds. "Every member of the congregation should learn from Joes example. Church requires participation. I believe that each of you would get more from our time together on Sunday if you actively participated rather than just sitting and observing. I encourage each of you to speak out when you feel moved by the word of God. Now, where was I"
Pastor Reynolds went back to his normal monotone recitation of his sermon. Joes thoughts turned inward again as Pastor Reynolds deadpan delivery lulled everyone back to sleep. Joe didnt hear any of this. He was concentrating on that unexpected message he had just received.
How do you respond to something so obvious? Joe disassembled the message and examined each word individually as if that would shed some light on the inner struggle that was at the root of his current mental state.
"Normal." What an interesting word. What exactly is normal? Was normal the same as average? Joe believed that average was a fallacy foisted on people by statisticians to describe something that was physically impossible. How could anyone try to describe the characteristics of a group of people with a set of characteristics that no member of the group possessed? For example, were told that the average family had 2.3 children. Joe had never met anyone with 2.3 children and, as far as he knew, children always came in whole numbers.
"Come on Joe, quit avoiding the real issue." Came a new message from the subconscious. Joe sighed loud enough to warrant a sharp look but, thankfully, no elbow from Karen. Joe knew that he was not an average cross dresser. At least he didnt think he had the characteristics he imagined were normal for cross dressers. First, was the issue of size. At just under one hundred ninety pounds and just under five foot nine, Joe was a rather large individual. Then there were the issues of attitude and emotions. While Joe didnt fit, the characteristics that he believed were common to cross dressers he shared the same emotional need to dress and to feel feminine. In fact, ever since his first tentative experiments as a pre-teen Joe had become more and more convinced that he should have been born female.
A soft nudge from Karen informed him that the service had ended and it was time to leave. Joe exchanged pleasantries with Pastor Reynolds and several other members of the congregation. Most people who talked to Joe that cold morning thought he was embarrassed because of the outburst in church. Karen noted that his mind was else where, and she was sure she knew what thoughts completely possessed Joe.
After they were safely in the car, which Karen insisted on driving, she asked, "Same problem?"
"Look honey, Im really sorry about church. I just wasnt thinking "
"The problem is Joe, that youre doing too much thinking. Especially about this inner conflict. You and I are going to have to deal with this issue. We really have to do something, soon!"
Joe and Karen continued to discuss various aspects of Joes problem. Joe responded automatically to Karens comments but again his thoughts traveled elsewhere.
Joe remembered his first experience way back in sixth grade. He was getting ready for bed. He opened the hamper lid and was about to toss his cotton briefs in when he saw the item that changed his life. They were pale pink, trimmed with lace and, in Joes opinion the most beautiful thing he ever saw. Joe reached into the hamper and lightly brushed his finger along the silky material. A tremor ran through his body as he was consumed by pleasure. Joe knew that he had to have this treasure. He slowly reached down and closed his fingers around the panties. The carefully lifted them out of the hamper and slipped them on. He reveled in the soft, silky feel of the material as they slid up his legs. He posed for himself. He felt good! He felt happy! He felt normal!
"Joe, what are you doing in there." His moms voice and sharp rapping on the bathroom door snapped him back to reality. He couldnt bear to end the pleasure he was experiencing so he quickly pulled his pajama bottoms up. Checking in the mirror he assured himself that there was no was for anyone to tell. Joe brushed his teeth and opened the door.
"Joe, I didnt know you work your underwear with your pajamas." His mom said.
"I thought Id give it a try mom. Several of the guys said that this is the way guys go to bed." Joe quickly responded. Inside he was shaking in fear that he would be discovered. How could he explain why he had his moms panties on?
"I never heard that." His mom said. "You really shouldnt wear your underwear all day and then to bed."
"OK mom." Joe responded. "I put a different pair on for bed." Joe answered with complete honesty.
Joe had a difficult time getting to sleep that night. He squirmed around for what seemed to hours love the feel of the smooth material. Joe slept that night but woke to a real scare. The beautiful panties were loaded with a sticky mess. Joe didnt have time to think about his first wet dream. All he could think of was the mess hed made in the panties and how he could hide them from his mom.
"Joe, hurry up. Youll be late for school!"
Joe quickly stripped off the panties and stuffed then between his mattress and box spring. He ran into the bathroom and put his pajamas into the hamper, washed his face and combed his hair. He was down to the breakfast table in record time.
"Joe, are you feeling ok?" Asked his mom as she felt his forehead. "It sounded like you were moaning last night. I went in to check on you a couple of times. Your head felt fine so you werent running a fever and you feel normal this morning. So, do you feel ok?"
"Yeah sure mom." Joe responded. "I had a weird dream last night. Thats all. Sorry to trouble you. I really need to get going!
That afternoon, Joe got home to find the house empty. A brief note from his mom indicated that she had to work late. There was money under the magnet on the fridge so he could order pizza.
Joe went up to his room. He tentatively reached in to pull the panties from under the mattress. The pair that came out was a bright pink! He reached in again and his fingers closed around a small folded sheet of paper. It was a note from his mom.
Im flattered that you liked my panties so much. That pair was one of my favorites since they were part of a wonderful present from your dad. I think these panties will suit your needs equally well.
Joes knees buckled and he slumped to the floor. Mom knew! How could he face her ever again? Joe decided he couldnt. He went to the closet under the stairs and pulled one of the suitcases out. He drug the case upstairs, opened it and then fell face fist on the bed sobbing uncontrollably. He started to pack the suitcase three times that afternoon. Each time he stopped trying to decide whether hed rather leave or face his mom. What would dad say? Each time he thought of his dads reaction he became convinced that he had to leave. When he thought of his mom, he knew he had to stay. In the end, he put all his things back and stayed. The incident was never mentioned for several years although, Joe found various items of female underwear placed in his underwear drawer from time to time. One day he opened his drawer to find the most wonderful scent. Digging down through his stuff, he found a small lace bag, tied with a beautiful rose colored ribbon. He had never experienced anything so sensuous in his entire life. He spent the entire afternoon enjoying the feel and scent of his "secret stash".
Joe had to suppress his desires through most of high school. Between gym class and sports practice, he just couldnt risk being caught in panties. Frustration accompanied his abstinence and Joe found he had to find new ways to relieve the tension. As a member of the swim team he found he could justify shaving his body and removing all that nasty hair that kept him from fully enjoying the feeling of dressing late at night in the privacy of his room. His mom saw several nicks on his legs one day when he forgot to change the blade in the razor. A week later he experienced his first waxing. His mom insisted that he wear the small, tight fitting competition suit so that he could get his own version of a bikini wax.
Joe also began to let his hair grow longer. As soon as his dad mentioned his hair, hed get it trimmed. Then the process would repeat. He found that the girls at school loved his longer hair. Karen was Joes date for homecoming his sophomore year. They had gone over to her house after the dance. Joe tried all the moves the guys talked about over cigarettes in the boys room on the third floor. His clumsy attempts were aided by Karens skillful positioning of her body and here words of instruction and encouragement. She found Joe to be a good, attentive student and soon had him trained to satisfy her budding sexual needs.
Karen was also smitten with this rugged jock who appeared to have an almost feminine sensitivity. Joe and Karen dated during the next two years.
Joe remembered the one time his dad got on his case for the long hair. It was March of senior year. Joe waited for Karen in the parking lot after school. When she climbed into the white Mustang, he told her that hed have to drop her off early so he could get to the barbershop for a haircut. He explained that his dad wanted him to look good for graduation pictures next week. Karen told Joe that she agreed he should look good for the pictures. She just had a different definition of what good meant. She persuaded Joe to go with her to her salon. Just for a little trim.
Joe agreed, but was sure that hed never get a haircut to satisfy his dad at the salon. Thankfully the decision was delayed because Jennifer was booked and couldnt fit Joe in until the following Tuesday. Karen set up the appointment while Joe waited by the door. She and Jennifer had a good laugh about something just before she and Joe left. On the way home, Joe told Karen that he didnt think his dad would wait until Tuesday. He was sure that hed be getting a haircut over the weekend. Karen offered to call Joes dad if that would help. Joe said thanks but no thanks. The last thing he needed was for his girl to call his dad asking if his son could get his hair "styled" at the beauty salon.
Joe kissed Karen goodbye and headed home to do his homework. As he walked in, he heard his mom on the phone.
"Oh thats a wonderful idea! Dont worry, Ill take care of Frank. Now, youll call and arrange the rest of the surprise. Great! I know. Hell look wonderful. Ok, Tuesday it is. Bye Karen"
"Karen?" Said Joe. "Whats this about Tuesday. Are the two of you plotting something?"
"Joey" His mom replied. "Karen just called to tell me about your hair appointment for Tuesday. I was merely agreeing that it sounded like a great idea and that Id take care of your dad."
Not another word was said until Tuesday afternoon when Karen jumped in the car, kissed Joe on the cheek and said, "You ready for your big day?"
"Its just a haircut" Said Joe.
Joe and Karen drove to the parking lot behind Maple Street. They looked like the perfect couple walking around the corner and up to the door of "ManeTamers". Jennifer was just finishing up with a client as they walked in.
"Hi guys!" She called. "Ill be right with you. Grab a seat."
"Jen, do you want me to shampoo her hair?" Asked the young girl sitting at the desk.
"No Tracey, the appointment is for the cute guy and I want to look at his hair before we start. You know guys dont know how to take care of their hair. Ill probably have to do a spot condition before we can cut."
Joe thought that Tracey looked a little confused at Jennifers comments. He turned as he realized that Karen was asking him something. She had a book out and opened to a picture of a girl with a short hairstyle. She was saying that the style would look great on Joe. Joes mind was flooded with visions of his private fantasies. He was lost in these thoughts as he mindlessly answered
"Do you really think so?"
For Karen this was all the encouragement she needed. Up to then she was having second thoughts about the specifics of Joes session with Jennifer. Yeah, Joes mom agreed and even came up with some interesting possibilities herself but Karen was not sure she could really go through with the plan. That was until Joe didnt protest about her choice of styles for him.
Jennifer booked her clients next appointment and came over to where Joe and Karen sat.
"Are you ready Joe?" She asked. "Come on over to my chair and well take a look at your hair."
As Joe got up Jennifer looked at Karen and the book. "Isnt that a fantastic cut!" She said looking at the picture. "Its perfect for either a girl or a guy. Its so versatile! You can wear it straight or curled. It can even be dressed up for a formal occasion with a couple of fancy pins at the sides. Karen, I know it would look great on Joe, what do you think?"
"What about my opinion?" Joe was asking as another voice called out.
"I agree! Its a perfect cut."
"Mom?" Joe cried as his mom came into the salon. "What are you doing here?"
"I have an appointment with Lisa at four." His mom said. "Hi Karen! I didnt know you planned on bring Joe here."
Joe was perceptive enough to see the pained look on Karens face indicating that she knew Joes mom was lying. Joe sat in the chair and Jennifer began combing his hair first in one direction and then in the opposite direction. After several minutes of examining Joes hair Jennifer announced that Joe definitely needed a spot conditioner. Karen immediately disagreed and said that she thought that Joe just needed a little trim. Joes mom said she agreed with Jennifer. Tracey also voted with the majority. In the end, they all left it up to Joe. Joe looked to Karen for any sign or clue. Her concern was evident.
"Well Karen, what do you think? Youre outvoted but Ill go along with whatever you say."
"Come on Karen." Said Joes mom. "I thought we agreed last week that Joe would look great with a good conditioning."
Karens resistance collapsed. "Go ahead Joe. Get the conditioner." She said.
Jennifer and Joes mom were ecstatic. Jennifer hurried to the back to get the "conditioner" ready. She came back pushing a small cart with a stack of aluminum foil strips and a bowl of purple paste. She sectioned off Joes hair and clipped several pieces out of the way. Using the tail of a comb she separated a small section of hair and placed it on top of a foil strip. Next she brushed some of the paste on the hair then folded the foil up. Next, she separated another small section and clipped it to the foil. A third section was placed on a foil and the paste was applied. She continued this process for about an hour until Joes head looked like something our of a science fiction story. Small foil packets glistened between wisps of his medium brown hair. Jennifer went to the back room and returned with a new bowl containing a white paste. She explained to Joe that the first was the intensive conditioner that was only put on the worst sections. This white paste would be painted on the remaining hair for an "all over" conditioning.
Joes mom smiled from the next chair throughout the process. She was also getting the foil treatment from Lisa but they kept talking about something called highlighting. Anyway, Joes mom kept telling everyone how great Joe would look after the conditioning and cut.
Joe and his mom sat next to each other under the dryers. Talk was impossible but Joes mom kept looking over at her son and smiling. After about twenty minutes Jennifer came back and told Joe that it was time to rinse out. Joe loved the feeling as Jennifer massaged the shampoo through his hair. It didnt smell anything like the stuff he shared with his dad. This one reminded him of the inside of a florist shop.
Jennifer wrapped a towel around Joes head and led him back to her chair. Joe looked at the clock as he walked by. Wow, it was almost time for the pictures. They were going to have to hurry!
The phone rang as Joe sat down. Jennifer removed the towel and spun Joe around so he was facing Karen and away from the mirrors and went off to answer the phone. Joe knew something was up just by the smile on Karens face. His mom came back with Lisa and said he looked great. With some prompting Karen agreed.
Tracey walked by on her way to the reception desk. She said. "Joe, you look absolutely fabulous! Youve got guts. Not many guys would ever agree to this dramatic a change."
Joe spun around. Looking back at him in the mirror was a person with long wet blonde hair. Well, it wasnt really blonde. It was a light honey brown with golden highlights scattered throughout. It was a girls color.
Joe grabbed at the neck of the cape trying vainly to unfasten it so he could escape.
"Joe! Sit Down!" Shouted his mother. "I think it looks great! I also want to see you after Jennifer styles it the way we agreed."
Joe sat. He faced the mirror as Jennifer began to style his hair. Tears created a zigzag pattern on Joes cheeks as Jennifer described the functionality of the "Wedge Cut" Several times Joe tried to catch Karens eye but she refused to make eye contact in the mirror.
There was just enough time to get to the photo session when Jennifer removed the cape. Joes mom said. "You kids better hurry. Karen, why dont you come over for dinner tonight after the photos. Now, go. Ill take care of the bill here."
Joe and Karen left the salon together but not holding hands, as they were when they entered. Joe felt betrayed by his best friend. Karen felt betrayal as well. Betrayed by Joes mom who had taken charge and orchestrated this whole disaster. Karen also felt sorry for Joe. His senior pictures, looking like this. A girls hairstyle immortalized forever in the pages of the year book. Joe would live with this today, at graduation when the pictures were displayed, and at every reunion in the future. Everytime any member of the class opened the year book they would see Joe. Like this!
They reached Joes car before Karen spoke. "Joe, I didnt want any of this. Youve got to believe me! I really did think that the wedge haircut would look good on you but Jennifer and I talked about a shorter wedge. It really would have looked like a guys haircut."
"I called you mom because you were so worried about your dad. She said shed help. I had no idea until you were sitting under the dryer that she had arranged all this with Jennifer. Please believe me! I love you and would never, never do anything to hurt you!"
Joe grabbed the steering wheel in the classic ten and two position. His forehead pounded into the wheel at twelve oclock. He slowly pushed back and looked at Karen. As he looked into her face he saw genuine concern and love. He believed her completely and, at that, moment knew that this was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
"Karen, I do believe you." He said quietly. "Im sure there is a reason for all this. I just wish I knew what it was. Wed better get going before were late."
"Joe, do you want to skip the pictures? We could go back to my house. I think with some gel we could get your hair looking a little more like your old style."
"No, lets go get our pictures taken." Joe sighed. "Mom went to a lot of trouble to see that I looked like this. I wouldnt want to spoil he fun now."
Joe was immortalized in the year book looking just the way he did as he left ManeTamers. He insisted on keeping the style for the rest of the year enduring a lot of ridicule and "girly man" comments. Karen never knew why Joe endured this humiliation. She had dinner with Joe and his family after the photo session. Nothing was said although she thought she saw Joes dad look disgustedly at his son several times during the meal.
"Joe Lossin! Are you going to come into the house with me or do you intend to sit out here in the driveway for the rest of the day?"
Joe was jerked back to the present and the mental portal to the past closed. HE went into the house through the front door Karen had left open for him. As he crossed the threshold his mind launched on another journey back in time. He remembered the first time Karen had caught him "dressed".
It was one of those cold rainy early June days when Spring seems determined to never give way to summer. Karen and he had been married for three years. Joe had promised himself that he would control his desires. He didnt want to lose this wonderful woman but the stress was bringing him closer and closer to the breaking point and placing his marriage in jeopardy at the same time. Karen had gone out of town for a couple of days. Joe had called in sick.
He began his big day with a long bubble bath. His legs were silky smooth as he walked from the bathroom to Karens dressing table. He selected a pair of panties from her drawer along with a matching bra. Joes first frustration came as he tried to attach the bra around his chest. There was no way Karens 34B was ever going to encompass his 44C. Joe started to make up his face. He began with foundation. He blotted it on across his chin and up the cheeks. He remembered to do his neck and forehead. Next, Joe added powder.
He turned his attention to his eyes. He applied a little pencil to his brows. It was a good thing that bushy eyebrows were in he thought. He searched for eyeliner. He knew that Karen had several. Oh well, have to make due. He carefully applied mascara to both the upper and lower lashes. The eye shadow wasnt his favorite but it was the only ones he could find. Now blush.
Joe was very careful throughout this process to concentrate only on the specific area. He worked hard to avoid assessing the overall picture until he was finished. Three deep, red shades of lipstick to choose from but which one was right? He looked in the mirror and the spell was broken. Joe slumped on the bench. The face looking back at him would be considered attractive by most observers. But not to Joe. Joe was rudely brought back from his fantasy journey. The smile that brightened his face through the transformation process turned downward. The sparkle fled from his eyes.
Joe sat at the dressing table for twenty minutes looking at nothing. For him, it was the same old story. The joy and excitement of the preparation, the sensuous feel of the nylons and panties on his smooth skin. The erotic joy of the scents and feel of the cosmetic creams, lotions and sticks as they slid across his face. It was all shattered by one careless glance in the mirror. You see, the person staring back at Joe was the person he was and not who he wanted to be.
Several hours later Joe hardly reacted to the sound of a key searching for the tumblers in the lock.
"Joe! Joe, the customer loved my presentation. We got the contract and I get to spend tonight with my love Joe? Is that you? What are you doing?"
Joes face was a pathetic mess as he looked up at Karen in the doorway. Tears has eroded the carefully crafted face into a gross parody of beauty.
"Joe, what do you think your doing? What are you some kind of freak?" Screamed Karen. "No, dont talk. Theres nothing you can say at this point that would make any difference. Im going over to Leslies and I dont know when Ill be back."
Karen picked up her suitcase and was gone. Joe started to follow. He just had to talk to her, to let her know about his feelings. Misery became panic before completing the transformation into fear. Joes biggest fears were coming true. He was losing the woman he loved.
Karen returned the following Monday and after a brief exchange the subject was dropped. Karen didnt set any conditions. Joe said he didnt want to do anything that could ruin his marriage so he promised to quit dressing. Karen merely looked at him with a "I dont believe you" stare. Joe held up his end of the promise for about six months. Then the dreams started.
First it was only at night. Joe would toss and turn all night. He would wake with a start convinced that someone was trying to control his life. Sometimes Karen would be awake asking him what was the matter. Other times Joe woke to the stillness of the house in the early morning hours. Joe began to fear those sleeping hours. He would sit up long after Karen had gone to bed channel surfing. He would usually wake with a start in the middle of the night. He would turn off the TV and head off to bed knowing that the dreams would continue.
At least he could escape from the nightly torment at work. Then the dreams started invading his days. First, it was a random thought during quiet times. Only a minute lost here and there. The lost minutes grew as the voice inside got increasingly insistent.
Joe tried several strategies to get relief. He let his hair grow out. He started going to a salon where his hairstyle slowly evolved into a unisex cut that was distinctly feminine. He tried to ignore Karens stares and brushed off her comments with "Im going to get it cut this week." He started to get manicures each week adding clear polish. He had his chest and back waxed "to get ready for the summer" because it was the "in" style.
Karen observed all off this with concern. She quietly began to conduct her own research on the web. She was amazed with the amount and quality of information she found. Her biggest fear was that Joe would want to be a "full time girl" and that she would lose the person she loved. With research came knowledge and with knowledge came confidence that, whatever fate had in store for Joe and her, they would survive and grow stronger. She became convinced that it was time for her to take charge.
Karen and Joe talked. To Joes surprise, Karen was supportive. She suggested several alternatives that ranged from private experiments to seeking professional help. She even suggested that he try dressing with her help. Joe was reluctant at first but with loving encouragement from Karen, he eventually agreed.
It was a warm Friday evening in May. Joe arrived home early full of anticipation. The message light flashed its call for attention. As soon as Joe pushed the button Karens voice filled the Kitchen.
"Hi Joe. Im on my way home for our special night. I want everything to be perfect so, while you wait for me why dont you get yourself in the mood with a nice warm bath. I selected a bath oil that never fails to make me feel extremely sensuous and feminine. Just draw your bath and relax until I arrive."
Joe raced up the stairs leaving a trail of garments in his wake. He started the water running and added a large splash of bath oil. Immediately the room filled with a heavenly scent.
Karen arrived home to find the clothing trail. She reached the top of the stairs with a smile on her face and her arms full of garments. She dropped Joe clothes in the corner of the bedroom. She went to the closet and quickly located the special packages she had quietly purchased over the previous weeks. Karen laid out Joes outfit for the night, and possibly for the weekend if things went as planned.
She undressed but, unlike Joe, took the time to hang her clothes up in the closet. With a final look around to make sure that everything was ready Karen headed for the bathroom. Joe smiled at his beautiful bride as she entered the bath. He invited her to join him in the tub but she refused saying that it was his night. Joe reluctantly allowed Karen to help him out of the bath. She tenderly dried his body and massaged a flowery scented lotion into his skin. She retrieved two matching robes from the hook on the back of the door and helped Joe don his. Then, dressed as sisters, they walked arm in arm to the bedroom.
Note: Due to the length of this story I decided to split it into sections.
The above work is copyrighted material. Anyone wishing to copy, archive, or re-post this story must contact the author for permission.