(Note: It is recommended you familiarize yourself with the Pokemon TV show before reading this.)

 

The Pokezoo                   by: Roy Del Frink

 

ANNOUNCER: In their continuing quest to become a Pokemon master, Ash and his pals have arrived in Opaque City. Right now they’re visiting the city zoo, a zoo full of Pokemon!

MISTY: It’s a lovely day to visit the zoo, isn’t it, Brock?

BROCK: Boy, I’ll say! I never knew so many different kinds of Pokemon existed.

PIKACHU (excitedly): Pika! Pika!

(Ash, Misty, Pikachu, and Brock continue to wander the zoo, going from cage to cage. Brock notices a female vendor selling hot dogs.)

BROCK: Hey guys, I’m a little hungry. Care for a dog or two?

ASH: Sure, that’d be fine.

MISTY: Me two!

PIKACHU (happy): Pi! Ka! Chu!

BROCK: Then it’s agreed. (walks over towards the vendor) Four hot dogs, please.

VENDOR: (hands four hot dogs to Brock) That’ll be seven dollars, please.

BROCK: Wait a minute, all I’ve got is yen! (turns towards the camera) Those stupid English-language translators forget we’re supposed to be Japanese! Whoever heard of a red-headed Japanese girl, Misty? And they constantly change our culture, favorite foods, and give us these stupid all-American voices! All that cultural bastardization-

MISTY: Brock! You can’t say that! This is a children’s TV show!

BROCK: Sorry. (blushes). Anyway, how much for the hot dogs, in yen?

VENDOR: Seven hundred and fifty, sir.

BROCK: Thanks. (hands her the money and a blank piece of paper)

VENDOR: (picks up the paper) What’s this for?

BROCK: Oh, that’s for your phone number. So I can arrange a date with you? (blushes, with a knowing smile on his face)

VENDOR: No way! (slaps Brock hard; Brock falls down to the ground) Hmmph! (turns her nose up, and pushes her cart offscreen)

ASH: (runs towards Brock with Misty and Pikachu) Are you alright?

BROCK: (dazed) I’m better than alright, I’m in love!

MISTY: (groans) Here we go again!

PIKACHU: (bothered) Pi.Ka.

(Meanwhile, the Team Rocket trio is visiting the zoo, wearing traditional Japanese kimonos as a disguise. Jessie’s is red, James’s is purple, and Meowth’s is tan. They walk among the cages.)

JAMES: I can’t believe it, Jess! Look at all the Pokemon!

JESSIE: The boss is gonna love it when we capture all of these!

MEOWTH: Providing we don’t screw up again, that is.

JAMES: (slaps Meowth) Shut up! That’s all you ever do, bad-mouth us.

MEOWTH: Maybe if I were partnered with some competent villains, I’d start being more respectful.

JESSIE: How dare you talk that way to the most beautiful woman on the planet!

(James and Meowth stare at each other, then roll their eyes back in an "oh, brother" fashion.)

JAMES: I know what you’re thinking, and don’t say it.

JESSIE: Anyway, I’ve just thought of a lovely plan. We take out our empty Pokeballs, and capture them one by one. Why bother with finesse, when you can do the direct approach?

MEOWTH: (bored) Meow, works for me.

(Jessie pulls out a Pokeball and aims it at a nearby cage.)

JESSIE: (opens the Pokeball) Bulbasaur, come here.

BULBASAUR: Bulba. (enters the ball)

JESSIE: One down, about a hundred and fifty to go. Now let’s get ourselves some Diglettes.

(As Jessie and James prepare to visit the next cage, they see Officer Jenny pop up in front of them.)

OFFICER JENNY: Not so fast! Read the sign. (points to a sign labeled, "Do not steal the Pokemon"; Team Rocket is stunned and Jessie drops the Pokeball) I’m gonna release this Bulbasaur and put him back in his place. (picks up the Pokeball Jessie just dropped, then opens it) Bulbasaur, return to your cage!

BULBASAUR: (excitedly) Bulbasaur! (returns to his cage)

OFFICER JENNY: You should be ashamed of yourselves! Stealing from the zoo is punishable by a fine of up to ten thousand yen and a jail sentence of up to six years. Get ready to enter the pokey, woman!

MEOWTH: That’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard.

OFFICER JENNY: And you! You know Pokemon can’t talk! How’d you get the ability?

MEOWTH: Funny you mention that...

(Flashback music. Show Jessie and James assaulting another foe.)

MEOWTH: Meowth.

JESSIE: Prepare for trouble.

JAMES: Make it double.

MEOWTH: (thinking) Darn it, they’re doing it again. Gotta make them shut up.

JESSIE: To protect the world from -

MEOWTH: ENOUGH ALREADY! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO HEAR THE DARN POEM??!!

(Jessie and James stand there, surprised their Pokemon has learned to speak. This gives the person they almost attacked sufficient time to knock them out. End flashback.)

OFFICER JENNY: Whatever. You’re too smart for your own good! A little visit into the brain-washing center ought to fix that!

JAMES: (thinking) I gotta find a way to stop this arrest fast. (points behind Officer Jenny) Look! Two burly gentlemen stealing candy from a baby!

OFFICER JENNY: (turns around) Where? They’ve got a date with my Billy club! (walks off)

(Jessie, James, and Meowth run off.)

JESSIE: Whew, that was a close one. But we’ll have to find a better way to steal all these Pokemon.

JAMES: If only Officer Jenny wasn’t getting in our way-

JESSIE: That’s it! We’ll turn Officer Jenny from an enemy into an accomplice!

JAMES: (startled) What?! How?

JESSIE: (as she says this, she tousles her hair) It just so happens magic runs in my family. Anyone who gets entangled in the curl at the end of my hair is transformed into whoever’s name I say next.

JAMES: (impressed) Wow! So THAT’S why you have that stupid hairstyle! But why didn’t you tell me before?

JESSIE: (giggles in a sinister manner) You never asked me.

MEOWTH: She’s got you there, James.

JAMES: (slaps Meowth) Quiet, you! So, I get it. We capture some unfortunate slob, turn him into an Officer Jenny...

JESSIE: ... and she’ll lets us take our choice of Pokemon from the zoo!

MEOWTH: Fiendishly clever!

JESSIE: Truly worthy of Team Rocket!

JAMES: Let’s do it!

MEOWTH: Yeah!

(Cut back to Ash’s group. They’re finishing their hot dogs.)

ASH: These hot dogs are great!

PIKACHU: (in agreement) Chu!

MISTY: Too bad you didn’t get any mustard and relish for these hot dogs, Brock.

BROCK: Yeah, that vendor looked awfully cute. (Turns around, and sees Jessie and James in disguise. Both are wearing their kimonos. Jessie’s hair is styled into a traditional Japanese wig, complete with chopsticks to hold it in place. James’s hair is styled similarly, with a comb in place of the chopsticks.) But not nearly as cute as you two. (Falls in love; hearts appear in Brock’s eyes and flutter around his head, as he clasps his wrists and stares at them longingly)

JESSIE: We’re lost. Can you direct us to the Lickatongue’s cage?

JAMES: (disguising his voice as female) We’ve got a rendezvous with some cute boys in ten minutes.

BROCK: (dreamily) Why, sure. This way, ladies. (thinking) I’d do anything for a beautiful young lady. (leads them offscreen)

(Ash, Mindy, and Pikachu have been watching this scene unfold, but do nothing. They now resume eating their hot dogs. Meanwhile, time goes by.)

ASH: (yawns) Boy, that was tasty, but we’d better head towards the theater if we wish to hear the Jiggypuff show at 1:30. (looks around) Where’s Brock?

MISTY: I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since those ladies took him ten minutes ago.

PIKACHU: (confused) Pi - ka?

ASH: C’omn, Misty, Pikachu, help me search the zoo. We’ve got to find Brock!

(Show several shots of Ash, Misty, and Pikachu searching for Brock throughout the zoo, Ash and Misty calling his name, Pikachu periodically yelling, "Pika!" Finally, Misty remembers something.)

MISTY: Wait a minute. Remember what those girls were saying?

(Flashback)

JESSIE: We’re lost. Can you direct us to the Lickatongue’s cage?

JAMES: (female voice) We’ve got a rendezvous with some cute boys in ten minutes.

(End flashback)

ASH: Wait a minute, I know those two! Come on, we’ve got to find the Lickatongue’s cage!

(A couple minutes later:)

MISTY: Here it is, the Lickatongue’s cage, but I don’t see a Lickatongue anywhere.

ASH: But I do see Brock! (points to the cage. Inside, Brock is bound and gagged.) It’s got to be a trick! We need to think of a plan! (But before he can do anything else, we see a black gloved hand with a club emerge behind Ash’s back. The club hits Ash in the head, and he falls unconscious.)

(Ash regains consciousness. We look from Ash’s POV; he is lying on the ground, looking up. We see three blurry figures in an underground room.)

ASH: (confused) Huh? Where am I?

(The figures gradually become clearer. They are Jessie, James and Meowth, wearing their more familiar Team Rocket get-ups. James is holding a rose to his nose. Meowth is to their right.)

JESSIE: Prepare for trouble.

JAMES: Make it double.

JESSIE: To protect the world from devastation.

JAMES: To unite all peoples within our nation.

JESSIE: To denounce the evils of truth and love.

JAMES: To extend our reach to the stars above.

JESSIE: Jessie.

JAMES: James.

(A cowboy enters the room.)

COWBOY: I’m Jessie James. Did anyone call me?

JAMES: No! Go away!

COWBOY: My mistake. (he leaves)

JESSIE: (miffed at the interruption) Team Rocket taking off at the speed of light.

JAMES: Surrender now or prepare to fight.

MEOWTH: (rather unenthusiastically) Meowth, that’s right.

ASH: I knew it was you two! What did you do with Brock?

JAMES: He was just bait. You’re what we really want, Ash.

ASH: You don’t want my Pikachu again?

JESSIE: (laughs) No, that would be too easy. Get up, Ash.

ASH: Why should I?

JAMES: Because if you don’t, Misty gets it! (The camera move slightly, so we can see Misty. She is bound and gagged, in a circle with Brock and Pikachu; all three struggle to release their bonds. James dangles a rose over Misty’s face, preparing to rub the thorns into her skin.)

ASH: No! I’ll do it! But where do you get all those roses?

JAMES: My father owns the biggest florist shop on Hokkaido. (sniffs his rose)

ASH: That explains a lot. (gets up) What do you want from me?

JESSIE: Just stand there. (carefully moves her hair, making sure the swirl surrounds Ash’s thigh) Officer Jenny!

ASH: What?! - (Before he can finish this thought, Ash is transformed into a twin of Officer Jenny, which I shall call "Officer Ash-Jenny". She has her exact appearance and outfit.)

JESSIE: Now then, Officer Jenny, I am your master. You will let us have every single Pokemon in the zoo.

OFFICER ASH-JENNY: (monotone, in Officer Jenny’s voice) Yes, master.

JESSIE: (laughs) All the Pokemon are ours!

JAMES: The boss is gonna love this!

MEOWTH: Nothing can stop us now!

(Team Rocket exits the room, with the brain-washed Officer Ash-Jenny leading the way. Pikachu manages to get the gag out of his mouth, then releases himself from the rope surrounding himself, Misty, and Brock.)

PIKACHU: (sparks emerge from his cheeks) Pi-Ka-Chu! (he releases a thunderbolt, which shocks Brock and Misty, but also singes the rope to cinders. Misty releases the gag over her and Brock’s mouth.)

MISTY: Thanks, Pikachu! We owe you one.

BROCK: Now we have to stop that nasty Team Rocket from stealing all the Pokemon!

MISTY: And Ash is now an Officer Jenny clone!

BROCK: We’ve got to find help!

MISTY: Wait! I have an idea. Let’s visit Officer Jenny - the REAL one.

(Cut to Team Rocket. They are using Officer Ash-Jenny’s "authority" to empty all the cages. Behind them is a large sack full of unidentifiable Pokemon.)

JESSIE: Now, Officer Jenny, you will open the Pikachu cage and let us have all of them.

OFFICER ASH-JENNY: (monotone) Yes, master. (opens the door to the Pikachu cage)

(James and Meowth rush in and collect them in a bundle.

MEOWTH: This is more fun than a bowl full of monkeys!

JAMES: And easier, too!

JESSIE: And to think, we used to try stealing these creatures the hard way! Now it’s child play, thanks to my hair. (swirls her fingers in her hair)

(Cut to Officer Jenny’s office. She is seated in her chair. Brock, Misty, and Pikachu are talking to her.)

BROCK: So you see, Team Rocket is stealing all your Pokemon.

MISTY: And they have an "evil twin" assisting them.

PIKACHU: (with a sense of urgency) Pi! Pi!

OFFICER JENNY: I knew those two were up to no good. Thank you, now we’ll help capture those two meanies. (gets out of her desk) Misty, what’s your plan?

MISTY: First, we find Team Rocket. Then -

(Cut to Team Rocket. They’ve captured nearly every Pokemon in the Pokezoo.)

JESSIE: Just think how the boss is gonna reward us!

JAMES: Maybe he’ll even make us the new boss!

MEOWTH: (with tears of joy in his eyes) That’ll be the day.

JESSIE: All we have left is the Vulpix cage. Officer Jenny, open the cage.

OFFICER ASH-JENNY: (monotone) Yes, master. (opens the cage)

(James and Meowth rush in again, only to find the Vulpix inside are actually cardboard cutouts.)

JAMES: What the - ?

(The cutouts are raised upwards by wire. Behind them, we see the real Officer Jenny, along with Misty, Brock, and Pikachu.)

OFFICER JENNY: I don’t think so!

MISTY: Prepare the wrath of Pikachu!

PIKACHU: Pika! (unleashes his thunderbolt attack, stunning James and Meowth)

JESSIE: (angry) Those idiots! I’ve got to do this one myself. (Picks up a Pokeball, and throws it) Arbok, bite them with your poison!

(Arbok attacks, but Pikachu’s thunderbolt sends him reeling.)

JAMES: That tears it. Wheezing, use your smokescreen!

(Wheezing unleashes his cloud of gas. James and Meowth exit the cage before the mist clears. But Misty, Brock, Pikachu, and Officer Jenny leave the cage, too.)

BROCK: (finds the sack of stolen Pokemon) Don’t worry, I’ll help you get back to your cages. (opens the bag; Officer Jenny helps them return to their cages)

JAMES: NOOOOO!

JESSIE: Well, here’s one Pokemon you won’t be able to rescue. (she picks up Pikachu, not noticing her hair swirling around Officer Ash-Jenny’s thigh) At last! The prize Pokemon of Ash!

(Suddenly, Officer Ash-Jenny transforms back into Ash, complete with his usual clothes.)

ASH: Hey! What happened? (looks at Jessie) Give me back my Pikachu! (grabs Pikachu)

JESSIE: No fair!

MEOWTH: Let’s get out of here!

OFFICER JENNY: Not so fast! You’re under arrest for theft! (runs after James and Jessie)

JESSIE, JAMES, AND MEOWTH: (run away from Officer Jenny, out of the zoo and off into the distance): Looks like Team Rocket is hitting the road again!

ASH: Boy, that Team Rocket sure knows how to make an exit.

ANNOUNCER: And so, our trio have thwarted the evil Team Rocket once again, and learned a valuable lesson. I’ve forgotten what it was, but I’ll be sure to remember by next time.

(Cut to nighttime. Team Rocket have apparently escaped the clutches of Officer Jenny.)

JAMES: Well, that was a close call.

MEOWTH: Meowth, you said it.

JESSIE: (not realizing her hair has swirled around James’s thigh.) Chalk up another one for Jessie.

(James turns into Jessie’s identical twin in appearance and outfit.)

JAMES-JESSIE: Oh dear, you’re doing it again.

JESSIE: (untangling her hair, but not realizing the swirl’s around her own thigh now) Watch it, James! (She turns into the exact twin of James’s old form, complete with wardrobe.)

JAMES-JESSIE: Now what?

JESSIE-JAMES: I know. Swirl your hair around my thigh, and say my name.

JAMES-JESSIE: Sure thing. (positions the hairdo just right.) Jessie. (nothing happens)

JESSIE-JAMES: Oh, no. What went wrong?

MEOWTH: I got it. Since James isn’t a member of Jessie’s family, his hair doesn’t have the same magical powers as Jessie’s.

JAMES-JESSIE: Now what?

JESSIE-JAMES: We visit my relatives in Cyan City, that’s what! (using her newfound masculine strength, Jessie-James drags James-Jessie along by the ear)

JAMES-JESSIE: Ouch! Hey! That hurts!

MEOWTH: (follows them distantly) Oh brother!

(A "To Be Continued ->" graphic appears on the screen.)

THE END

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